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Tips for controlling and overcoming anger

For Advice on Anger please ask our experts at Love-Sessions

Anger is one emotional experience that could be very dangerous.

Whether your anger is a fleeting one or long lasting, you have to first understand that is a normal human emotion. Sometimes anger could be a healthy one also. However, when it becomes uncontrolled and starts being destructive, then only you face problems. Hence, it would be better if we understand anger and methods of controlling it.

A famous psychologist, Charles Spielberger, defines anger as an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage. When you get angry, both biological and psychological changes occur in us. Our heartbeat rate and blood pressure rise. Adrenaline and other hormones start working overtime. Normally, a feeling of annoyance about something that we do not like slowly turns into anger. Anger is an aggressive response even though sometimes we need to have a measure of anger for our survival. Still, common sense would have it that we simply could not hit out in anger.anger management

There are three basic methods to deal with anger. They are expression, suppression and calm. When you get angry, you could go ahead and express it but it had to be in assertive manner, not an aggressive one. Showing assertive anger is a healthy technique but you need lot of control and practice to do that. Expressing your anger should make others understand why you are angry, without hurting them. Assertive anger definitely means that you respect yourself and others. Hence, they should be made to realize that.

The second way of controlling anger is to suppress it at that particular moment and later convert it or redirect it. This could be done by holding your anger in control for the time and focus on other positive matters. This method is a very constructive one. However, there is one element of risk here. When you stop outward expression of anger, it could turn inward. That might lead to depression or hypertension. Further, you might tend to take revenge on others indirectly, without revealing them your anger. Such people are usually cynical or hostile in their approach. That would result in unsuccessful relationships.

The third method is to calm yourself when you have a bout of anger. This had to be done by controlling both the outward manifestation as well as internal reactions. This requires lot of practice but is the healthiest approach to anger. Slow breathing, analyzing the reasons for a particular behavior of a person who had caused the anger and concentrating on positive aspects of that person are some of the ways you could calm yourself. Dr. Spielberger says, when none of these three techniques work, that's when someone or something is going to get hurt.

Psychologists hold that people who get angry in short time have low tolerance levels. Such people normally hail from families that do not have proper communication. They could approach psychoanalysts and undergo therapy to have a change in their behavior.

Here are a few tips for controlling anger.

  • Relaxation technique
  • Problem solving approach
  • Cognitive restructuring method
  • Improving communication
  • Turning to humor
  • Changing present environment

Relaxation techniques include deep breathing and autosuggestion methods like repeating phrases like relax, take it easy, etc. Visualizing a past relaxed experience and simple yoga exercises could also help in relaxing yourself.

Analyzing the present situation and focusing on a proper solution is perhaps the best method to control anger. Try honestly to understand why a particular person behaved in a particular manner that made you angry. Definitely, that person would have a strong reason for his action. Once you reason out this aspect, you would find that your anger diminishes or vanishes altogether.

If you realize that expressing your anger would not always achieve what you really intend, then controlling anger becomes easier. Avoid negative thoughts and emotions as much as possible. Develop positive attitudes. By showing your anger, you only end up alienating people.

If a person has angered you, have a frank discussion. Direct communication blunts the force of anger. Give the other person a patient hearing and try to correct the mistake. The mistake might be on your part or on the part of the other person but talking about it openly normally solves the problem.

Practicing humor and walking out from the current environment are some other effective methods of dealing with anger. If you make a sincere effort, controlling anger is quite simple.

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