Desperation + Pain=Shame
Posted on : 25-02-2009 | By : Lucy Loveless | In : Lucy Loveless, Relationships
Tags: desperation, dignity, shame, temptations
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It has been a shameful day for me. All day I have thought of Tommy. My body has ached to feel him against me once more. I have texted him so many times asking to see him. Trying to keep it “light” but still, begging. And now, after hearing nothing from him again today, I am ashamed that I surrendered my dignity in my painful state. Hopefully, I will be blessed with another day tomorrow and I will try harder to resist these stupid temptations and hold my head up high and realize, his ignoring me is also a loss to him, not just to me. I deserve so much better.
Lucy
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I agree, you deserve so much more. Hope you will be ‘done’ with the waiting game real soon and start living your life! All the best!
Hello Lucy loveless,
I like all your posts coz I can really relate, I felt someone is writing what I am feeling and thinking. I Hope u get over this stage of grieving, just take everything one day at a time. Good luck!
hi lucy.. love is really painful.. but as the saying goes, it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all… God bless…
My heart breaks for you. My daughter who has always been dependable, determined, strong, smart had a breakup recently. Your words could be hers. This has broken her spirit. She has searched for anything that can relieve her pain (not drugs or alcohol), but studies of different philosophies, tarot cards, stones, etc. She has spent days and nights depressed and not caring about anything. She was out of work so much, she almost lost a very good job. I believe in God and prayer. She has asked me to pray that he will come back. He has been very unkind to her, and it would be my wish that she could get over this and get on with her life. I will pray that he comes back, hoping that she will have a chance to really see that her worth is more than to have “someone who didn’t want her.” We all need a relationship in our life, if we are normal. I hope you and my daughter will realize what special people you are, set your standards high and reach a goal of a good life, with someone who will be good to you.
Dear Joyce,
I am so sorry to hear that your daughter is also experiencing this pain. I am feeling better and I’ll share with you what I have done to help me survive this. First, I asked my doctor to increase my anti-depressant/anxiety medicine. That has helped greatly. Second, I prayed to God to relieve the pain, and He has, thirdly, I realized that I am a stong, loving woman and so I sat down and wrote down affirmations about my self so I could see what others see and therefore, realize that I deserve better than Tommy is willing to give. I hope that your daughter will give up the tarot cards and stones. I don’t feel they have any power to help her. You might also check to see if there is a 12 step program in your area called Co-Dependents Anonymous. It is EXCELLENT and I dare say helped save my life years ago during a divorce. There is also a book, Called “How to Survive the Loss of a Love”. She really should read it. It offers great strength and comfort. I don’t recall the author, but I have it somewhere, it is still sold in book stores and I will try to find out the author. I know she feels paralyzed by the pain. I did too. that is why I went to my medical doctor for help. I am very blessed that she understood the state of mind and emotional state I was in and upped my medicine. Perhaps your daughter could benefit from that as well. And of course, Tylenol PM’s were my best friend because the more I could sleep, the less I would l feel. I hope I have offered some type of help to your daughter. I am in the anger period of my grief so I am feeling better. I appreciate so much your reading this column and commenting. It means so much to me. I will keep in touch and please keep me posted on your daughter.
Your friend,
Lucy
darling lucy,
u seem to be such a good, wonderful and caring woman n wonder why u r undergoing this. at times i wonder y we even fall in love in the first place coz at the end of it all, it’s not worth it. do men have a heart? were they born by the same mother or rather from the same womb? i feel u deeply coz i also had a man whom i dearly loved but later on deserted me after our baby turned nine months old. she’s now three and have another man in my life but the pain doesn’t seem to lessen abit though the love has faded. take heart and move on dear n God will give u your mr.right as He did with me.
Your reader,
faith.
Dearest Lucy,
My mother is going through the exact same thing that you are right now. I know how deeply you are hurting, and wanting that man to be back into your life, but if he can’t give you all of himself, then why are you giving your all to him??? I know that my mother is drained constantly because even though they are through, she is still giving her all to this man who isn’t giving anything back. I heard this saying once, and I am a firm believer in this saying now because I too have lived through heartache and a divorce where I was this person…”Never make someone your priority when you are just an option….” When we do this, we start to lose so much of ourselves because we are still giving all that we can hoping that they will see what they are missing out on, and trying to make them beleive that they can’t live without us. The sad truth is is that they can live without us and they do but we want them to realize that they don’t WANT to, and sometimes in order for them to realize that is to just let them be and to hold those dearest to us close and hold on for the ride of our lives, because even though this roller coaster has it’s many highs and lows, there is a place to get on and off of it, you just have to wait until your ride is over, and God is the operator of this ride, so just know that he will hold you down and keep you from falling out.
As a daughter watching my mom go through this, it is very difficult. I think that watching someone who you think is the best person in the entire world and can’t understand why this man can’t see that is almost as hard as enduring such pain yourself. I mean my heart aches for her. But if this man can’t realize what he is missing out on, and what love she can give, then he doesn’t deserve her and God is just getting her ready for something great and beautiful. Why else would he be letting her go through this???? Wait I think that there is more now that I am writing He is trying to tell her something that he has wanted to say for years, and maybe she just hasn’t listened closely enough….He is the only man that needs to be in her life right now. Maybe she has lost touch with him over the years and now He is talking a little louder trying to get her to listen to Him??????? I am definitely no expert on these things, but I read your story and thought that I would comment but it seems I have started a tale of my own. You have served as an outlet for me …thanks Lucy…and you are so not loveless……