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It is only 10:30 a.m. on this Saturday morning. I have been up for an hour and already the pain is piercing my heart. I think it was brought on when I looked at my calendar and saw his birthday marked on it and then I heard the song by Carrie Underwood, “I Told You So” and as much as I LOVE that song and her version of it, it goes straight to my broken heart and gets wedged in all the cracks and then it takes days for the cracks to start closing up. The good thing about it starting so early is, I know to be prepared for it so it can’t sneak up on me during the day and get me. I”m already got. I do so wish he would call me and profess his love and want me back. And I do so wish that I would STOP wishing that! Speaking of wishing, wish me luck today. I hope your day is full of worthwhile wishes and not wasted on fairy tale endings…..
Love,
Lucy
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If your apart, why? If you want him back, you may just need to know how to make the magic happen. You can find out with “The Magic of Making Up”. Find the link at http://www.SASVET77. Hope it helps you. Steve
When I hear that song by Carrie Underwood-It brings up emotions that I have fought to bury. Last year, I broke up with a guy, who by standards of my family, friends and myself was Mr. Perfect. The reason I left was because I was ready to settle down and he saw his mother, sister and brothers in very unhappy relationships, and he believed that if him and I got married we would be just like his family in their marriages. We were together for 3 and half years and I finally walked away. It really hurt and Im still not over him-we were so perfect together. We also both came from alcoholic families, luckily, my all of my family members are now sober and are doing wonderful-as for his family(father, and both brothers) battle continues everyday. This year, I finally entered into a new relationship-but I cant stop thinking about m ex-recently I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer-and Im scared and I find myself missing my ex more and more everyday. I see and hear things about him and how he has falling in line with his brothers and father in drinking almost every night. We both hurt each other SO much….do you think we could ever love each other again, the way it use to be? My feelings for him are sung in Carrie Underwood “I told you so” Any advice would be SOO SO helpful. Thanks
Dear Spencer,
My heart breaks for you. That song also makes me think of the man I had to walk away from and I sing it as loud and strong as I can like I am trying to make him hear it. I wish I knew how to ease your pain. I have been reluctant to get involved with any other men because it wouldn’t be fair to them for me to be thinking of my ex and wishing I was with him instead of the man I was with. But then, I reminded myself that he forced me to make the decision I made because of the choices he had made. In my situation, my competition was other women and a man that was abused so terribly when he was growing up that he is convinced he does not deserve love or happiness. I wanted to fix all of that for him and I thought I could love him “enough”, but so far, it appears that I cannot. I would still try to love him enough if he would call me and give me another chance. But, in the mean time, I have to continue to live. To help myself, I found a church that I love to attend and have turned to God to comfort me and give me strength. Perhaps you have something/someone spiritual that you can turn to and talk to to help you deal with these feelings. And to be diagnosed with cancer on top of everything else, I just cannot imagine the toll all of this is taking on you. I think if it were me, I would contact that true love and let him know that you are ill. Who knows, it may sober him up, but you also run the risk of nothing changing and then, you will have to start the healing process all over again to mend your heart. I just hope you do what is best for you. You need to keep your stress levels as low as possible while your body is fighting the cancer and you have to think of yourself FIRST. Perhaps you can find a way to indirectly let him know (through a mutual friend maybe) and then leave it in his hands and God’s hands to see how he responds and if he comes to you to comfort you. But, you have to also think, do you want a man who only cares about you when you are ill? How will you know how sincere his intentions are? You have so much to consider. I know that when we lose a love, no matter how we lose them, we go through a grieving process and you have to go through all of the stages before you can heal. You have passed at least two of those already and I hate for you to feel that heart piercing pain that almost drives you insane should you be in contact with hiim and he let you down once again. I can’t tell you what to do. But I do want you to consider each possibility and the outcomes and do what is best for you. Please keep in touch. I care about your heart and your health and will offer whatever support to you I can offer. Being able to write this blog and put my feelings on paper has helped me alot too. If you can somehow keep those thoughts private you may want to try that. I will put you in my prayers and keep you close at heart. Also, since your heart is still so raw, try to turn off those songs that hurt you and the things that invoke those hurtful feelings. You can go back to them later when they don’t have such an effect on you.
Your friend,
Lucy