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I have an appointment tomorrow to see the doctor about getting prescribed nerve pills. Saturday, I spent most of the day with a new man I met on line. He traveled for 2 hours and trailered his motorcycle to come and see me so we could ride. I was so disappointed when I saw him, I didn’t care about spending any time with him. He came to my house, fell asleep in the recliner and the rest of day pretty much stayed that much fun. I was relieved when he finally left and I enjoyed the rest of my day alone.
But Sunday, was another story. I awoke with a terrible sinus headache from all the pollen the day before no doubt. I tried to get ready for church, but ended up going back to bed where I stayed all day. The pain in my face got worse, I got sick to my stomach and then before I knew it, a panic attack was on it’s way. I tried to stop it, but it got the best of me. I had to go to a friend’s house and have her pray with me and luckily she had a nerve pill and I took it and finally got myself back together. This I believe was brought on by my depression and sadness at not hearing from Tommy and from my thoughts of him with the other two women I saw on his IM page. Somehow I let my guard down and it got to my very soul yesterday. So, I guess, no matter how hard I try to pretend that I am working on getting over him, I am far from it. Today a male friend of mine asked me if I was still in love and I had to be honest and say yes but that I was trying to get over but it was just going to take time. I mean really, it hasn’t been that long. I am grieving the loss and evidently I will be for a while longer. And if he called and wanted to see me, I probably would even though I know that is taking any progress I have made and throwing it down the toilet. I keep telling myself to be the “victor” not the “victim” like Joel Osteen says, but I guess that way of thinking takes a while to get embedded in your head.
I’m glad yesterday is far behind me. Today, love didn’t get to me. And I am so thankful for that. I wish all of you love and happiness in your lives and Iwish you victory over those things that seek to defeat you.
Love,
Lucy
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Lucy,
I know it’s hard because I had to ask God for strength for me o cease contact with a guy I considered the love of my life. I gave this guy a lot and I decied no more because he’s been neglecting me for some time now and he’s given far less than what’s he’s capable of giving. I did not reply to his last email and that was since February 13th and tomorrow will be a month since I last saw him. I won’t be last on anyone’s list and I don’t like being taken for granted so I ended it without making it official with him. In my past, letting a guy know how I feel about his mal-treatment has not worked out wel because they would say well, therefore I didn’t want to make the same mistake with this one. This weekend God gave me the strength not to give into a friend of a friend who clearly flattered me so he could get sex. I have standards and settling for someone who has nothing I need is not worth it and I hope you can think the same of yourself because if we don’t set the bar high enough, only losers will come along. You have to make a conscious effort to get over Tommy and ask God to help you because I know He will. You have to rely on God because no one else can get you through this.