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Here I sit, a month since I’ve seen Tommy, only heard from him one time since then and that is only because I bugged him until he returned my call. I have sent e-mails, IM’s, text messages and made phone calls. All ignored. So, here I sit, broken hearted again, fighting back the tears, filled with regrets. Regretting all the time I have allowed him to steal from my life as I sit and wait on a phone call. Regretting two very nice men I brushed off while waiting on him and now, they have moved on. Regretting the love I gave, the gifts I have given, the cards I have sent…. all with nothing returned. Only his selfishness has he given. A call when he needed a good sex fix.
I want to see him one more time to try to get answers to the list of questions I have written down to try to understand it all and feel better about myself and not so ugly, fat and rejected. But, will that really do me any good? Is that just more time wasted?? I am planning on an impromptu trip to his house tomorrow which is one and a half hours away to finally bring this thing to an end so that I too can move on and hopefully not let any more truly good men get away who might be interested in loving me.
I will let you know how that goes. Meanwhile, I hope you are stronger and wiser than I have been and therefore spare your heart the ache that mine is feeling.
Today I remain Lucy Loveless…
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Lucy,
I think you need some tough love and I’m going to give it to you. First of all, you’re too olf for this nonesense over a “man” who clearly has no respect for you. How can he respect you when you don’t respect yourself or set the bar. We teach people how to treat us and you’re letting Tommy know that it’s ok for him to mistreat you because he can get you back any time he wants. You need to implement what Joel said in his books and most of all, implement what the Bible says. God’s word is the truth and it will set you free.
As far as Tommy getting a sex fix from you, that should not have been on the table any longer because premarital sex goes against the good that God wants from us. I’m sorry,but the negativity you feel toward yourself reminds me of what adolescence go through and guys always see through that. They usually take advantage. Going over to Tommy’s home univited will definitely label you as a psycho. Most times we don’t get closure from the guy who hurts us, therefore we have to get closure on our own. Whatever he would tell you won’t change anything. This guy is just not that into you so move on with your life and get some help
Hi GG, Not sure why you feel it is your place to issue tough love to me but… love has no age limits and sometimes it makes us giddy like teenagers and it is exciting and it hurts, just like any deep true love does. So, it takes time to see things clearly and gain composure again. I am working on it but it is no easy task. And unless you are without sin, don’t throw stones at me for premarital sex. Sin is sin, that is no greater than any you may have committed yourself. None of us can be perfect, we are all sinners saved by grace and I try hard to live a good life and one that God would be proud of but yes, I have my weaknesses and needing the love and affirmation of a man is one of them left over from a childhood in which my father never would discipline me because he hated me so much he said he wouldn’t stop until he killed me. So… be gentle with your words. We may grow up but there is always a child within. You never know what has happened in someone’s life until you walk in their shoes.
Thanks for reading my blogs. You might want to start one of your own if you don’t already have one. You could say something that might be very helpful to someone.
Sincerely,
Lucy.
Lucy,
I was not throwing stones. I write according to things you’ve said about yourself and what the BIble says will always be true. I am sorry if you feel judged because that is not my intent. It’s just that I’ve seen to many women who have kind hearts suffer needlessy because they allow some loser to take a hold of their heart and it’s just sad. I don’t see myself as perfect and without sin. However, my mistakes has allowed me to build a really good relationship with God. That doesn’t mean I’m not tempted because I’m human. Temptation is a good thing because it helps us strengthen our spirit when we resist as Jesus resisted in the desert. When we choose to follow God’s ways, it is a daily practice and sometimes we need other believers to help us along the way because we are all here for each other. My heart goes out to you and I will pray for God to heal you of the pain from your past with your father. You have to believe that God loves you and He wants the best for you. I leave you with Deuteronomy 33:12,1 Peter 2:9, and 2 Timothy 2:15. I will be praying for you that something wonderful will come of your pain. It will help you to help others because God wants the best for His people. Have a great and safe holiday weekend. Know that your Heavenly Father loves you unconditionally and that’s what matters most.
Kind regards,
GG