I have been doing pretty good until last night. I was checking out my MySpace page and Tommy’s daughter is one of my friends on there and she had pictures of a new home. I don’t know if it was for her and her partner or if it was for her and her dad. She has been living with her dad and he talked about getting a new house so I wondered if it was his new house, or if it was hers and he would be inviting women to his old house and I hyper-ventilated very badly to the point I almost blacked out. It was just so painful, like someone punched me in the stomach and knocked the wind out of me. I know it was only my imagination going wild and I knew that I couldn’t let things like that keep happening, so I deleted my MySpace account so that I won’t know what is happening in any of their lives. It is for my own good until I get stronger and can handle the pain without having such high anxiety. Wednesday will be 3 weeks since I had ANY contact with him. I am so proud. But, I have to give God the glory because I have prayed for Him to ease the pain and the desire and He has and I am so thankful to Him for loving me enough to do that for me. It is a big relief. Last night instead of reaching for a nerve pill to help me through that tough time, I prayed and God gave me the peace I sought and I was able to go to sleep without taking anything. I am so blessed.

And, I am meeting new people and going out with friends. Friends who love me and think I am worth something, I need that support and love right now.

I am talking to a couple of guys that I am quite interested in but have not met. I am taking it sloooooow and trying to get to know them before meeting face to face. It’s a hard road and some days are worse than others but I am glad my eyes are slowly opening and I am glad to be going forward instead of backwards. Thanks to all who have supported me through this blog, I appreciate your care more than you know.

I hope you all are without deep, lingering pain.

Love to you,

Lucy