Yesterday I awoke in our little loft converted bedroom, still with friction burns and still feeling worried about my embarassing predicament. After a shower I went downstairs to find my love watching “Myth Busters”. I don’t know if you have ever watched it but it is a fascinating show in which, au naturelle, they bust myths. They do this usually with the help of a dead pig which will then be blown to pieces, as though having a stun gun shoved up its arse to frazzle it’s insides wasn’t humiliating enough.

We decided to go out. As usual an hour and a half later we were leaving the house. The problem was that I had noticed a mild bubbling in my tummy that was flirting with the idea of gushing out of me. After five minutes of walking I shook my head, pleaded defeat and said I would have to go home. Alex tutted and said “It’s just like going out with my Nan.” Wow, the old bowel and bladder took a beating on their pride right about there. With the innards feeling bruised I left her but kept turning round to see her still standing there watching me and smiling. She loves how I walk. I don’t know why.

I got to Sainsbury’s and shopped for lasagne and lager shandy’s to surprise Alex with when she got back from sorting her phone out. It has been broken forever. Well, by forever, I mean a week. I then rushed home, relieved myself, and then realised I had forgotten the mince. Cue journey two to Sainsbury’s.

I love cooking. I went to University having never tried brocolli or mushrooms, with a complete inability to cook anything other than processed foods. It was with the patience of my friends that I gradually improved and gained confidence which is good because girls love a good cook! Along with good looks and vast wealth… but two out of three aint bad as Meatloaf sang.

After our lasagne we went to our sort of new local for a long island iced tea. There was an annoying scruff bag boy behind the bar who, with his Jonny Borell hair and cardigan on top of a twee checkered shirt, clearly thought he could:

A) Sing

and B) crack hilarious jokes VERY LOUDLY.

When he passed us Alex gave him an almost teenaged look of disgust which made me laugh. She’s so cute. We decided to have a little serious discussion about the house and whether we want to stay there. Alex said “I like the house. I love our room. I love our street. But don’t like the area.” I said more or less the same. Plus the house mates are a far cry from what I am used to. I used to live with my student best friends. Now I live with rich professionals which leaves me feeling like some infantile peasant that should be shining their shoes. Alex said she wants to take me somewhere hot this November but I don’t want her paying for me. I am flat broke due to my lack of full time work and my constant confusion as to whether or not I should do a Masters.

We then spontaneously went ice skating, holding hands most of the time. Neither of us fell over, but a girl doing the moonwalk who shockingly didn’t have eyes in the back of her head nearly smashed into me. Talented idiot. We had been told bad things about the ice rink but don’t believe the hype. The few rude gyal’s there wouldn’t even let go of the wall and at one point Alex held hands with one to help her along. Two hours later we went home feeling refreshed to have cuddles and watch “The Life of David Gale”. I’d recommend it.

That’s about it for now.

Alex and Joey.