We were asked to write an essay back in high school, with the topic, “Who will you choose? The one you love or the one who loves you?” After we wrote it, the class had a debate about who will they choose. Many answered they will choose the one they love. The teacher asked, “what if that person doesn’t love you?” We were floored, as most of us were at a lost for words.

Years later, until now, I still don’t know the answer to it. Will I choose the one I love or the one who loves me? I found myself asking this question because I’m torn between two guys: my long-time best friend, whom I really love, and a guy who loves me. The guy who loves me treats me well and cares for me, but the guy I love is only learning how to open up his heart to me. He is stubborn and self-centered. He is also my best friend.

The guy I love, I’ve been with him since we were little, and we’re like buddies. Then I found myself falling for him. I tried to send signals to him, but he never noticed it. Then this other guy came, and we started dating. My best friend started to drift apart from me. One day, I confronted him about it. He said he can’t bear to see me with another guy. He said he likes me more than a friend. I got mad at him, saying that when I was the one liking him, I was sending signals to him, but he never really noticed it, and tried to push me away. I told him I was tired of this game, and walked away from him.

Now I’m really confused. I don’t know what to do. I’m still dating the other guy, but I’m not talking anymore with the other guy. I miss my best friend so much. I realized he still weighs more in my heart than the other guy. I wish he’ll come up to me one day. Only then will I truly realize what my heart wants to tell me, then I will follow my heart.