This is the question that has been bothering me since last couple of days – “Is it the end…??!!”

Is it the end of our relationship..??!! Is it the end of that sweet bond “friendship”..?

It’s me who took this step and not him, but still he didn’t stop me once. He didn’t bother to ask me “why?!”

Is it this what he actually wanted..??!! Was he really pissed off by me..??!!

There are so many questions running in my mind.

But the fact is I’m not much bothered and depressed about this end (if it is) probably because nowadays I’m overpacked with my daily schedules. Over last couple of days I have really not missed him but now when I sit all alone it’s these questions which trouble me. I’m upset (but surely not shattered)..!!

I’m all the same.. happy.. smiling and enjoying my life but still at times all these questions dawn me and take away the smile from my lips.

I want to tell you, if you are reading this.. U r being missed but at the same time I’m happy that no more would I eat your head and no more would I irritate you. Atleast you won’t be pissed off by me anymore.

I know you still might have the question in your mind as to why I did this ? I’ll surely answer you, but not right now.. for I’m in no mood to speak it out right now and moreover I’ve some other pending chores to complete.

But surely you’ll have the answer to that question in my next post here.. Till then Adios ( I knw u wont ever come here to read all this… but this is just the way I can still talk to you and share what I actually feel.)

How very much I miss you
When I hear to those songs
It seems it’s been ages
Since we have last talked..

I miss you with every breath that I take in
I miss you so much more with every passing second
Seems it’s really been ages
Since I have heard your words..

We both are in two separate places
So far away and occupied with our daily chores
It seems that time is running into eternity
And it really makes me feel blue..

How restless I get at times
When I really miss you
It seems as if my heart lost a beat
And am still here waiting for you..

I really do miss you so very much.. No matter how hard I try..
I stay awake all through the night just to find you online in odd hours.. but to my bad luck…………. I just keep waiting for you till the morning.. now knowing well enough that you might be busy with your work.
I wish I could really tell.. how much you are missed when you are not here..

Please Come Back Soon

For Someone Is Waiting For You..

Missing You…!!

It was one of those very common nights, yet it seemed so different. I was so elated for reasons unknown. I felt a tingling run through me. Just “he” was running on my mind. From the day we met, till today – every moment flashed through my mind and a smile ran through my lips instantly.

My eyes were open wide; I was awake, yet lost is some other world – a world of fantasy – where just the two of us existed. It felt so beautiful. I was lost in “future dreams”. I still think – ‘Will this dream come true?’

I dreamt him by my side. His smile was everything- I felt so warm and embraced. It was our marriage day ! I could see the happiness in his eyes. The words were not at all required for both of us to describe our happiness. All was said by the eyes.

He held my hand, and my heart skipped a beat. This was the day I had been waiting for from years. He first time said those magical words to me. Finally my life seemed so complete. I had finally heard it from him.

The ceremony was over (I didn’t get much dreams about the ceremony. Probably that was least important for me, because for me all that mattered was his presence besides me). We then entered our room. I felt a bit scared but still it was worth it. The room looked so elegant with beautiful red roses and its fragrance all around.

He then again held my hand and our eyes met for the very first time. “His eyes” revealed all that immense love that he always had for me in his heart. He then kissed me softly on my forehead and gently patted me off to sleep.

After this suddenly my mom gave me a call (in reality) and I was out of my dreams. I laughed at myself and wondered – Would such a dream ever come true? And this is all what I still wonder..!!

Till We Meet is a poem which I wrote long back.. approximately 4-5 years back. Today, i m dedicating this poem of mine to my Rasna Boy and I hope one day we’ll meet soon

With this… I even want to say… I m missing u sooooo very much

Till We Meet…

Till we meet,

Time will just crawl,

The days will be spent in day-dreaming,

The nights in fantasy-land!

My heart beats at a slower pace,

Except when I hear your voice;

At first I was a little frightened

to share myself with you,

But you soon laid all my fears to rest.

Till we meet,

I know that I’ll miss you every moment of the day,

Minutes seem to be hours,

Hours run into months

Each month seems to stretch into eternity...

Sacrifices and compromises are the order of the day,

But hopefully one day, they too shall be gone.

I look up at the stars in the sky,

But I guess they’ll only sparkle brightly when I’m with you.

Till we meet,

Through the fog that envelops me,

I stare, sightless at the horizon knowing that you are right there,

The food I eat, tasteless,

Till you are there by my side to share it with;

I am tempted to drink myself into oblivion,

Hoping that will send me spinning into orbit

And maybe land in a place close to you...

Where your waiting arms gather me close, never to let go...

Till we meet,

I will not feel whole, my world seems incomplete,

Am waiting for that glorious day

When our eyes first make contact,

And recognize each other instantly,

Wide smiles on our faces, almost breaking into a run

To cover the remaining distance and turn it into closeness.

Our hearts and souls collide in blissful memories

Of words oft-spoken virtually, but now translated into reality,

”I love you”....the words will take on another dimension,

Au revoir till we meet again in the real world..!!  

It’s not been long enough since when I have known “him”.. merely just 3 months.. out of which from last 2 months both of us have been pretty close to each other..

I am here just to introduce you to my “Rasna Boy”.. who and what actually he is.. I don’t know how far do I “really know” him.. but whatever I know about him is all here..!!

“The Rasna Boy”… more of a “mumma’s boy”.. as generally boys are..!! He’s working in Merchant Navy (presently as a 2nd mate officer)..

One of those guys who are pretty headstrong (that’s what he believes)..!! So much of jovial kind who speaks utter rubbish through out the day.. You would rarely find him talking sensible enough. Wherever he is, he spreads laughter all around.

People think he is pretty notorious.. always pulling legs.. but he has that innocence of a kid along with his naughty attitude.

He is indeed quite helpful.. quite caring and believes in leading a disciplined life (but only when on job). When he is back home in the vacations, he is pretty indisciplined than anyone else in this world.

He’s my “honey bunch”, “sugarplum”, “pumpy-umpy-umpkin”, “sweet-pie”, “cuppy cake”, “gumdrop”, “snoogums-boogums”, “apple of my eye”, “sweetheart”, “idiot”, “rasna boy”, “shrupz”, “female bhaloooo” and sooooooo many moreee niks.

He’s the reason of my smile. Whenever I find him online or whenever my phone rings (with his number on the display), my heart starts beating at a higher pace and I start feeling so nervous. I haven’t still been able to configure out “why”…??!!

I always dreamt of a “boy” in my life who would possess the following characteristics –

• Career-Oriented
• One with a superb english accent
• Quite focused in everything he does
• Decisive (unlike me)

I have found all these qualities in him.

I never gave much priority to looks ever.. but then by God’s grace, this “beast of mine” is pretty good-looking as well (I havn’t ever told him that my heart skips a beat whenever I see his snap).

In a nutshell,

He’s a rare cut diamond with a billion sides to his personality…!!

While walking the walk of life.. the way that we meet new people.. so
did I meet him .. but in a virtual net world..!! For long we did not have
much talks.. It was all about Hi and Hellos..!! But then there was the first
time.. that our ‘real’ conversation started.. n it was merely 5 days that I
got so addicted to him.. n i guess even he got… may be..!!

Once I just asked him for a favor of mailing me some ‘good music.. and it
all started with the music business.. he kept on mailing me loads of songs
and that made us keep in touch..!! While the songs were being transferred…
we used to talk.. and talk for hours and hours.. through the nights..!! He
used to be awake late nights.. though never had been in that habit.. n all
that happened in the nights was the transferring of songs and our
gossips..!! The best part of it was that our gossips never had a topic.. all
was meaningless.. just pulling each others legs.. laughing and acting
weird..!! All this continued for just five days.. and the next day he was to
leave for his job..!! I knew that he’ll be gone for a year now.. and that
there would be no more song transfers and no more night gossips.. but all
this didn’t bother me much.. I never realized how close we had gotten in
these five days. But it was that night.. the last night.. when he just said
“I’ll miss you” .. It was then when my heart skipped a beat.. It was then when my eyes got wet. It was then that I realized that he’d be gone.. It was then that I realized that one year would be too long.. It was then that I realized that five days of conversation was all I had to live by waiting
for 365 days to pass by.. He’d be on ship.. No place to call, no way to chat
and mail.. no way to keep in touch while he’ll be sailing.. It was that
night that I weeped for hours and I felt so helpless..!!

Then that night for the first time we exchanged our phone numbers, just to
have an sms chat.. I kept on deleting his sms after reading.. but those
words.. in each and every sms of his.. are still in my heart and mind..
those words where in he first gave me an ‘abnormal hug’.. where in he first gave me ‘the mummie kisses’.. where in he said ‘you are the one who takes out the best and the worst in me’.. where in he whispered ‘How much I wished I could come to your place right now and meet you’.. all the words still ring in my heart.. they still make me smile..

The next morning.. the morning when he was to leave.. that was the morning
when I first heard his voice.. I was sooo nervous but tried my best to make him feel comfortable enough while having a first talk with me. It was a very
short call.. just a call in which I could which him a ‘Happy Journey’.. but
that first call is everything for me.. for it was the first time I heard his
so subtle and soothing voice..!

He then landed to another city.. and again gave me a call from the airport..
and we talked for 45 minutes before his next boarding call. We did tell that
we are missing each other.. but I wish i could tell him somehow.. how badly
I had been missing him..!

And then he landed in a different country.. and there at the airport he had the internet facility.. but interested people had to stand in a queue to
access the net for just 10 minutes.. He stood in the queue for five hours.. every time waiting for just 10 minutes to talk to me.. after the end of every ten minutes he again stood in the queue..! They had no facility to sit even while accessing the net.. and ‘my honey bunch’ kept on standing for five hours though being so tired after a day’s journey..! And then he got his next boarding call and he left finally..! He reached the ship..!!

I am so very much thankful to the Almighty for somehow making ways possible for our conversation..!! He is now on ship.. but we are still in contact..! We just chat for a few minutes, but then that means a lot to me.. because I knew that for next one year I wouldn’t have been able to hear a single word from him..!!

We are still friends and will forever be.. but still there is this extra
special feeling in my heart for him.. I want to speak it out.. I want him to
know certain things he doesn’t.. I want to explore my life with him.. but I
just can’t let it out.. for there are certain reasons that keep me holding
back..!!

I hope one day he understands that there is someone who ‘really loves’ him.. and that how hard ’she’ may try.. ’she’ just can’t speak it out… The intensity of the love that ’she’ holds in ‘her’ heart for ‘him’ is not that easy to be put into words..

If you read this.. then do understand.. there is someone waiting for you to
get back..!! There is someone who wishes to say so much.. and there is
someone who needs you forever..!! That “someone” is none other than ‘Me’