I had a wonderful visit this weekend with a long time friend out of town. She invited me for a “ladies tea” which included food, tea and fellowship. When I arrived at her house, I felt as fragile as the porcelain teacups she served my tea in and wasn’t really sure I was emotionally ready to “visit”. But, when I arrived, God had already spoken to my friend and knew exactly what I needed to hear and she was the vessel to deliver my needed message. It started our visit out perfectly and I was able to feel peace the rest of my time there. Between her house and mine (which is 188 miles), is the small town that Tommy lives in. So, in my great desire to see him, I sent him a text message letting him know I was going to be near his town on Sunday and would like to see him. I heard nothing. I sent the message on Friday morning. I woke up around 2:30 on Sunday morning and resent the message. You know, just in case something happened that he didn’t get the first one. Still, nothing. My last ditch effort was a phone call (of course he didn’t answer) so I left a voicemail telling him I was an hour and half away from him so if he wanted to see this good looking woman, he better let me know and if he didn’t , well it was his loss. As I drove toward his town, no word. Never a word. Still, not a word. I wanted to ride by his house, but, I did not. On the rest of my drive home, I was thinking about everything and trying to make sense of any of it and wondering why in the world I keep allowing myself to get hurt over and over by men. I realized, I have a very deep “pain pocket” and I am so stubborn that until that pocket completely fills up and is ready to overflow, I just keep trying and trying to force things to work. His ignoring my phone call and message hurt IMMENSLY and poured alot of pain into that pocket. So when I got home, I was still thinking about all of it and I sent him an e-mail and I feel it was an excellent e-mail and I said the important things I needed to say and asked that he call me so we could discuss a possible conclusion to all of this confusion. I did tell him it wasn’t fair for me to continually be punished because of how I feel about him and it wasn’t fair to him for me to keep forcing him to hurt me by asking him to do things (like see me on Sunday) that he obviously did not want to do. So… I am hoping that one day I will hear from him and that he will realize he loves me, or he will hurt me deeply enough to make me finally turn away from him and begin to heal. Until then, please be aware of the depth of your own pain pocket and try to protect your heart.

Loveless? Lucy