Relationship Confessions & Love Secrets

I have been in a long, on again- off again relationship with my partner for over ten years now. We have a child together no less. However, my partner has mistreated me several times over the years, sometimes stepping into the realms of abuse. I have always loved him but I have been feeling every time we have broken up and gotten back together that my heart has been becoming more and more guarded with him. Like I can never completely love him like I did. I feel guilty for this but at the same time I feel it neccesary because I really don’t feel like I can handle being hurt by him much more. Still, we are engaged and I am trying to be as loving with him as my heart will allow.

My problem is I have always felt a connection with a good friend of mine. We have been friends for 3 years. About a month ago, when I was feeling particularly sad and having a moment where I was considering suicide, I confessed my feelings to this friend. In the 3 years I have known him he has always been there for me and the sound of his voice alone warms my spirits. The friend was shocked but confessed he has always felt something toward me as well. Since then our feelings for each other have only deepened.

Another complication to add to this story is the friend is married himself for over 10 years and has children. Neither of us know what to do about our feelings. We want to be there for each other but are afraid of destroying the lives we have. I don’t want to break my fiance’s heart and he doesn’t want to break up his family. We haven’t acted physically on these feelings yet though we both feel we would like to.

I can’t imagine my life without either of them in it. I never knew life could be so complicated.

1. Kay says:

   February 11, 2010 at 6:16 am

   I just noticed the date of this post – August 2009. I really hope that you and your married friend haven’t proceeded with anything that you shouldn’t have. You seemed concerned about figuring “what to do” where your married friend was concerned. The answer, which as a thinking, intelligent person, you should know, is NOTHING. There is nothing at all that you both should be ‘DOING.’ What YOU need to do is STOP involving yourself in an emotional relationship with this married friend. When a “friend” of the opposite sex is married or in a deeply committed relationship, there are certain lines that should not be crossed and they don’t all involve sexual intimacy. Emotional relationships with other than your mate, are just as dangerous and can lead to sexual ones. Since you KNOW this friend is married and obviously, this friend KNOWS he’s married, then you both really need to removed this dynamic of impending/future deceit and betrayal from your so-called friendship. Leave this man to his marriage and STOP sharing your relationship woes with him. You should be confiding in a good friend where feelings are platonic or a special girl friend – really, you should be trying to figure out what you are going to do about your own relationship. If your current significant other is verbally and physically abusing you, you’re going to have to make the decision to leave, unless you both go into counseling and your mate takes some sort of anger management course. Whatever the case, you really should not meddle in a marriage. I don’t think you would appreciate if someone – another woman – played the role of homewrecker in your relationship. Also, if this man has children, you are being terribly reckless in possibly ruining his family unit by entering into an affair with him. If this married friend of yours seems to want to enter into an extra marital affair with you, you should rightfully guide him right back to his wife and family. Don’t use that “it just happened” bull as an excuse. The fact that you KNOW that this man is married is the reason that you should NEVER let anything extra marital “just happen.”
   Hopefully I don’t have to say anymore and you understand that it’s simply wrong to continue to engage in an emotional relationship with your married friend – obviously, it has created “feelings” that it shouldn’t have.
   remove yourself from any romantic