I don’t know if this correct for me to write here I’ve never have done this but I didn’t know what or how to cope this. I not sure if I’m making myself a fool out of myself writing on the page. It’s hard to explain when someone decide to make a quite after almost seven years. Yes we had our issues but he has an awful angry that I’m don’t know why or to understand it. We had been off again relationship once again that has been unstable since the beginning, which was almost years ago. Even though I only had my heart and eyes for him, I am truly faithful to us and respect our relationship all this long years I know him. He has never moved on and had any other special person in his life. I accepted his life style and his job of being very stressful all I wanted to help him out but he wouldn’t let me. I know his job takes a lot of his time, but I tell him also need to appreciated to people that love him and that he has around him because at the end that all we have, to take every moment of life because as a blink of eyes you can lose it. He walked out on me so many times! We exchange words about why our relationship didn’t work out. But I always need to reach to him since you won’t ever communicated or exchanges much and leave things hanging, undone or finish. But his actions caused me to blow up at times. But what’s heartbreaking about is that he promised me this last time around that you would never walk out on me again and that you would stick by my side and we would get through anything because you wanted to spend the a better happy life with me and you wasn’t willing to lose me again. He let me down and gave up on us. Why feel the need to walk out on me again and not want to fix this. Isn’t fed up? If so, why does keep coming in and out of my life and back for more? Obviously he’s unhappy. Why does he feel you can come and go as you please? I am trying to take an advice to forgive him. I am trying to tell myself that he gave his best and now it’s time to move on. But I can’t seem to do that because I don’t feel like he gave it all his best. I love him dearly … But all of those years together may mean different things to me, than to him probably. The more personal, the more intimate things are, the deeper the pain, the deeper the argument. Relationships with more feeling mean arguments which hurt more. If you understand me, and are in my shoes, you would be in extraordinary pain, but you would also understand that there is hope. Hope is what you make of it, hope is not individual. I do not believe a lot of good from what I describe, but I do believe you should not give up hope. You place your hope in one person, and that one of them should be us. As I look more into it I’ve keep having faith he would change to a better man for me… Having less angry I don’t know why always talk to me on the worst and still I had some faith he will do well, that what my love I had for him. I only did was to love him more and want to share everything with him and I never had enough of us. I thought love is suppose be that way. I admired him and spoke well highly to family and friends and can say proud to say I was involved in a relationship with him. They ask why love this guy? He just a family guy who doesn’t have a lazy bones when it come to hard working. He just makes my heart sing, that I’m happy. We have struggles but we still standing strong.” But this all worthless to him now… His eyes and ear didn’t let him see that. He says it’s not the end of the world when we split but to me gosh it almost feels like my little world is split. When I frighten this far, cried, restless days, loved, talk endless calls with him to keep us and have an image of what kind of future we could have if we both put our two senses and love I just smile. Opened my eyes and saw us there, what a great feeling. I got many unknowns questions?? Why did he let me love him this far and now decide you’re done not just with the relationship but with me? Was my love I had for him was it so wrong? How do you know when the love you first shared is no longer burning deep within for him? I mean do you just figure it out, does it just hit you one day or does it take some sort of event to slap you in the face before you realize it? And if you do know, how do you just walk away? Can you tell me please? I want a relationship, I know what I want. I think he the opposite, since not nearly mature enough mentally to deal with because only cause him angry, negative attitude and walks way without dealing with it not bothering to know what you have cause or will cause to others. He has a person who thinks the world of him and decides to reject all they have for him. “They say he doesn’t love me enough, people don’t take many breaks from an individual relationship specially a one that only have a few quality times be with each other and let go like that.” Not sure why did he let me believe that he did love me all this time as often I ask him. He’s being a coward towards me off not facing me. Nothing makes sense I feel more like he just can’t commit and have responsibility as a relationship partner in my opinions. Or he just doesn’t love and these ways say no more I looking for another new person. How can all this memory, years we know each other close that book like nothing was written on it. Wish I didn’t have feeling not feel the hurting part and to be simply and erase. Is this a something I should say I need to let go or keeping fighting? Or isn’t his angry doesn’t let him think clear, how do I know it’s fair for my heart to wait or hope he change is mind. I’m very lost and emotionally hurt. Neither I’m not ready to end it but, I know were both hurting and neither knows how to stop the pain or fix a disagreement from blowing out of control. I feel hurtful while we are in bad terms but I’m cant suffer anymore it feels my heart is constantly ripped out too. We were such a on and off couple I know we look like the biggest failures and I don’t want it to end like that. He made this decision on his own. He acting like he doesnt care and the less he knows about me the better he is. Feels like I failed again! I gave it all I did my part to tell that he’s is the love of life and I stood by on the good and worst time and he just gave up on us. I did want I could do get give us a chance… but when the other doesn’t want no more what can I do. It is going to be very gray days for me… Loneliness will fall on me at time but I got to figure out to save myself out of that.
Thank you all for taking time to read my story and any suggestions are welcome.
(Screen) Name: Faith
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