Living a Lie

I am a young girl. I’m almost 16, and have always had a heart after God. No matter what I’ve done I will NOT have sex before marriage, but I’ve already ruined so many of the things that are supposed to wait until marriage. That make it so much more special. I’ve ruined it terribly. I’m saved and therefor any little wrong doing rips me from the inside out… Well. I recently just got introduced to hormones with my new boyfriend. We love being in eachother’s arms,however our relationship started with sexual things. I regret that so very much. When I’m with him I just want to be loved, but then he will get me all hot and bothered forcefully and then I’m begging for a touch. I say no no no. But eventually I give in. He touches, fingers, ect. I go home and talk to my VERY Christian grandmother about who knows what. I’ve had to lie to her about what I’ve done. I repent but then somehow manage to do it again. I want a boyfriend that doesn’t find a way to make sure I’m horny and will just be sweet instead. I want a CHRISTIAN man by my side most definitley. My parents and everyone I’ve talked to have said that it’s possible that I could wind up with whoever I’m dating for the rest of my life. So I need to choose well. I talk of God all the time to my boyfriend. He claims he’s saved, but I know in my heart he isn’t and he does too. God says with an anology in the Bible to get rid of whatever causes you to sin and brings you farther from Him… I do love my boyfriend. Not ‘STARY CROSSED IN LOVE’, but I do need him in some way. And if I leave him he will go into a deep depression and I’ll hurt him so bad. Anddd I won’t be able to have him in my life period. Further more his parents LOVE me and l love them. They want me with their son permanently… I don’t what to do. I’m tired of sinning and lying. I keep failing when I go and see him. What should I do?

(Screen) Name: Confused little one



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