Are we really only FWB’s

I am a divorced single mom of 2. Several years ago I met a man that I’d seen a few times and thought to be very goodlooking. We hit it off, and fell in love. He told myself and other’s that I was the one for him. Life was great. We talked about living together, and eventually getting married. Unfortunately my kids didn’t like him, and he had mommy issues (she lived with him). Then I got pregnant. But thankfully had a miscarriage. The relationship fell apart shortly after.
We remained friends (as I’m his one and only friend) About 3 years later, we ended up dating again, this time for about 7 months. We just don’t work as a couple. We then decided we’d be FWB’s (Friends with Benefits) It works great. Now the problem is I love him, yet I know we’d never work as couple yet we do all the same things as b4 when we were dating. We’ve both tried dating other people, but always end up back with each other. I just spent the last 2 weeks with him on holidays, and it was awesome. Yet neither of us wants to commmit. I’ve been given 4-9 years to live as my kidneys are bad. Hence the reason I don’t want to commit, and I guess that’s his reasoning to. We don’t talk about my situation alot as I want to live while I can. Right now I’m confused as to what we’re really doing. I’ve had other offers to date other men, which I’ve turned down, cuz I don’t want to lose what I have with him. Am I being silly and wasting my last years with him or do I just enjoy what works. Any advice?

(Screen) Name: Confused and dying.

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