I miss you, dearly.

I remember when we first met, when I thought you were really hot. I had a boyfriend at the moment, but I didn’t think anything of it. I went straight up to you and sat next to you. You looked at me like I was some crazy psycho or something. I giggled and ran off to my friends and said you had the most bluest eyes that i have ever laid my eyes upon. When I got home i couldn’t get my mind off of you and thought of you as i fell asleep. Waking up the next morning, i caught myself trying to look good to impress you. I got to school and sat by you again at lunch. This time you actually took the time to say something to me. You had a very harmonious laugh i have ever heard. I worked up my courage and asked for your number before i left. You gave it to me and i remembered it. I didn’t text you yet, thinking you would think i was being obsessive or something. Friday came and i caught myself staring at you in the morning. You looked at me and smiled, i couldn’t help but giggle. I didn’t attempt to sit by you this time. I did ask you at your locker though if you wanted to come over. You agreed and i felt incredible. I got home and called my boyfriend, and talked to him about it. I told him I didn’t like him, but I wasn’t lying though. I was not for sure if I really did like him yet, or just his appearance. I was trying to look my cutest and re-did my make-up. I called my friend to see if she wanted to come over while me and him hung out. She seemed glad too. When he got there we went straight to my room. I sat on the floor and he sat on my chair. I was complimenting his shirt, but i also realized he has been wearing the same clothes for the past three days! I asked him about it and said for me to come over sometime and take a look at his closet for he doesn’t have shit for clothes. When Shea got there we went over to my friend’s abandoned house because he had a trampoline he left. We bounced and bounced and eventually sat down. He made this one joke about getting a tattoo on his ass. I asked him what he would put and he said ‘your name’ . I was so confused asking why the fuck would you get my name, you just met me?! My friend is just laughing her ass off and i finally caught on being my blonde self. I learned so much about him. I learned that when he was little someone was holding onto his feet and was spinning him in circles and he accidentally hit a piece of furniture. He now has a scar on the left side of his face by his eye, its tiny though, hardly noticed it until he pointed it out. Also, he does weed and is a dealer as well. I was not affected by that what-so-ever, for I did weed as well. Him and I had a whole long conversation about it like us weed people do. I didn’t really exactly try and hit on him, I was just myself because I had a boyfriend anyways. I noticed there was a hammock and i ran over to it. In a minute or so, him and my friend chased after me and my friend jumped on with me. He stood there rocking it back and forth, and i just laid there laughing, staring at him. Soon enough, it was time for him to leave. He gave me a hug that made me lose all my concentration; i didn’t remember anything about anything anymore like i was being put under hypnosis, until he pulled away. Then my other friend came over and I told her about my crush. I called my current boyfriend and told him it wasn’t working anymore. He didn’t believe me and thought it was because of the boy I just hung out with. I lied and said it wasn’t, but I still cried after we broke up. I called my crush back and told him about it and he made me feel better instantaneously. It’s amazing how one second I could be crying my eyes out and then the next I’m giggling to the sound of his voice. We talked that night for 8 hours straight even with my friends being there, i couldn’t care less. All I wanted to do was talk to him and only him. I learned so much about him and we ended up planning to hang out the next day, Saturday. Saturday came along and i was at my friends house and ended up walking to his house. I got there and we went straight to his room and talked like normal people. Though, we both knew there was something between us that was different. I, myself never felt this way towards a guy before, i wasn’t sure if he had before or not in one of his past relationships. We eventually kept getting closer towards each other, both of us on his freaking WATER BED. He leaned in to kiss me and i couldn’t help but kiss him back. We lay side by side holding each other close. Eventually i couldn’t help but giggle. He asked me if he was bad and i said he was just perfect and kissed him on his nose. We decided to go out and meet up with my friends. We ended up all four of us going to a park. Him and I held hands the whole time. He was the best boyfriend I had ever had, I was madly in love with him. He kept my smile on my face when i laid my eyes on him. His blue eyes twinkle when he smiles. His smile is so adorable I never want it to drop from his face. I felt as if reality was finally better then my dreams. It was almost as if we were invisible towards everyone, we didn’t give a damn about what anyone said. I was his girlfriend and his best friend. As he was with me. I felt as though I could trust him with my whole heart without tearing it into pieces. I told him everything there was about me and he understood. I told him all my faults and he still liked me. I could actually be myself around him without feeling like a complete idiot. He just never really made fun of me even when i was obviously nailing the job as a clown. He was the reason I woke up every morning and tried to not get in trouble so I could be with him every second of the day. We hung out every single day at his house, the longest we went without hanging out was only 3 days. And that was because i was at my mom’s house for the weekend. Every time we hung out i cherished and play those moments on and off in my head. The littlest thing you did that you may have thought meant nothing meant absolutely everything to me. I loved all the late night calls and the passing notes we did at school. How I would be the one you came to when you needed someone to take care of something for you, or just someone to talk too. We texted day and night and never had nothing to say. We would always talk about the most random bullshit that people wouldn’t even bother thinking about . I mean hell, just the thought of going to your house excited me. I would make sure I looked my best every single time. Just the sound of hearing your name coming out of someone’s mouth made me blush. You would grab my hand and walk with me down the street and give me your jacket if i was chilly. You would ride your bike around me and we would scare little kids. You made me feel like the only girl in the world you ever thought about. You told me you would never hurt me purposely, the last thing you wanted to do was be the reason for my tears. You told me you loved me and that we would last a long time. This wouldn’t be a short get some relationship, that you felt I was something different. You told me and I believed you. I was under the illusion that you really meant everything you said to me. Then, it all came crashing down on me like 9-11 all over again. My heart was ripped into two pieces then stomped one constantly every time i saw you smile. You didn’t smile because of me, you smiled because we were over. I cried my whole birthday and my family hates you with a passion. You’re the reason of all the sad songs on my iPod. You’re the reason that my eyes were bloodshot for a week straight from my non-stop crying, the reason people actually saw the depressed, terrified heart wrenching me. You changed who I was in a good and bad way. I got to experience what the emotion of love really was. I couldn’t help but beg for you back, i felt so worthless. The more I thought about it, the more i loved you. Instead of texting you day and night, i thought of texting you day and night. I wasn’t afraid to text you, that part would be easy. It’s the thought that me messaging annoyed you, that you could care less about me and ignore what I would ever say towards you. The fear of rejection slapped my face every time I wanted to talk to you or even smile. I cried and cried and you could have given a damn less and went smooching on my BEST FRIENDS. I felt as if I had no one to turn too. Therefore, I sat at my house for long dreadful days listening to sad songs and writing about you and drawing pictures of us. I put them all in a jar and on a rainy day I went outside in the freezing cold and dumped them all out. I sat there in a puddle of mud and was watching the ink fade away, just like your emotions towards me. I laid down and screamed, i screamed until i couldn’t talk anymore. My black neighbors came out and looked around and i looked back down at the pictures. They were nothing but useless crappy puddles. I went inside and took a long dreadful hot bath. I was under the impression that I couldn’t be myself again without you by my side holding my hand. I didn’t know what I could do anymore to get you back into my arms like the way it was before any of this happened. Our relationship was like a fairytale. You were the sweetest most sincere man I have ever laid my eyes upon. You turned my days worth living for. You came into my life at the worst moment when everything just got bad and you turned it all around. You were there for me when I needed you. Why could you not have been there when I needed you the most though? You abandoned me for the piece of trash I was before. I thought I couldn’t go on, I even suggested hurting myself. I missed you so much… I wanted to tell you everything you put me through, all the nights you left me crying, all the hours I’ve wasted thinking of you, all the time you took away from me. You would only think good of yourself that you have another girl you can go to when you want some knowing she would obviously say yes without thinking of how everything ended before. You would have thought of me as desperate and obsessive. I was not desperate, nor obsessive. I had at least 7 boys trying to get with me, but I said no because I love you. Love is different compared to obsessive, very different. I let you live your life when I could have easily ruined it. I smiled when you had a girlfriend and said I was happy for you, even when that someone was my best friend. We eventually got closer and closer friend wise. I think he got the feeling that I was finally over him. He was wrong, obviously. I like it better though when he thinks I don’t like him though. That’s when he actually started talking to me again. Maybe it is better this way, for him that is. I want him to be happy, even if I’m not the main reason why. I would drool over the fact though if I really were the reason to be the smile upon his face. What is it that I did wrong? I ask me this question everyday all the time. I didn’t change when I was dating him except the fact I did more with him. He always said I was getting better actually. Was he just bored of me? Am I last week’s news? What happened? As far as I know, not shit happened. You thought I cheated on you, but I made it clearly that I didn’t. I waste hours looking in the mirror trying to fix myself up to your liking. I don’t know what else there is I can do except wait. Wait for the day that you will ask me to be your girl again. The day that you take my hand and hold me tight against you where everything else around us doesn’t matter anymore. It’s just you and me against the world. When will that day come? I sit here waiting in the harshest weather waiting, waiting for that day. I love you

(Screen) Name: cittydog411



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