Was it Love?

Me and my boyfriend broke up about 5 months ago. He left me for some other girl. I am over him but my biggest concern is whether i truly even loved him because i was with him for 3 1/2 yrs. So heres my story:

The first day i met him i saw him and i thought wow hes cute but i guess i kinda liked him but not seriously. We got to know each other and when we hanged out 3 days later we kinda got set upped and it was just him and me. he was so shy and cute and he told me he liked me. i was so red and i thought yay but i am usually weird like that when anyone tells me they like me but he was cute so it was extra weird. The same day i tell him i like him too caz he made me feel happy and i went out with him. I was really happy he was so shy cute and innocent. He waited for me hugged me and i thought he was different. Warning sign number 1: our first fight was because i was super embarassed of what i did*nothing to serious* and i ran away. My friend went to sit next to me seein how embarassed i was and when my ex came he was tryin to be near me but i was so embarassed infront of him i was shooin him away but not seriously…then he grabbed his hat out of my head i was wearin and almost made me fall caz i was on top of something. Then hes like Fine im leaving then….i was really sad caz it was only because i was embarassed…then i was about to leave really sad then he grabs me and tries to apologize after seein me so upset and i just said i want to leave then he wouldnt let me go and i tried gettin out and he didnt until i agreed to talk to him…..mind u this came from something sooooo little. Anyways after that our relationship was still good for a couple of months but then we started fighting a lot because i had a lot of family issues and he said that i took it out on him. he was so sensitive and insecure around me and i wasnt with him. I feel like that had a major role in our fights because he didnt like me hanging around so many guys….anyways fast forward 1 1/2 yrs he steals 600 dollars from me i find out caz i checked his bank account which i trusted him to keep my money stupid yes i know but i had no other choice family reasons…then he tries to blame it on me because i had to take his debit card in order to find out he stole from me……i forgive him…fast forward he keeps bothering me that im embarassed of him with his friends because he hasnt seen them in a while..Reasoning: On prom he made fun of how i danced acted like his year was better ignored me and dance with some other girl when i left him to see my other friends in school and he didnt want to come with me..he made me cry really bad infront of the people i cared about…thus lost most of my friends because i spent time with him and i was afraid that my friends would tell me to break up with him…i took care of him when he was sick i cooked for him came to visit him when he was takin care of his sister played xbox ps3 i did everything he asked of me. i did his hw for 8 classes and more got into his colleges and got him his job….he complained how i failed at doing his hw but i always got higher then a B+ and he would curse at me call me useless trash and verbally abuse me when i got into a fight with him. i always wanted to know what i did wrong or how i could fix it so yes i admit in callin him and textin him way too much..but all i got back was verbal abuse and whenever i cried he mocked me and played songs that cursed at me…then we broke up and he used me and said o i was goin by my feelings but now i dont feel anything for u….so yea..Hoolidays were the worst.
1st Thanksgiving: we got into a fight and then i had to apolgize
the first christmas wasnt so bad but the next one he was away and the other he didnt really do much
valentines day it was good but we did get into a fight we i had to apologize for, 2nd one i was a lil upset caz we got stickers and i wanted him to it on his laptop or somewhere but hes like i dont want to waste it…and i just got a lil sad and quiet but then hes like great ur gonna ruin everything because of his then i said no im sorry and then he ignored me shoved me away caz i was crying and people looked at me and he was keep tryin to shove me…3rd valentines day we celebrated it early and it was actually the best.the day of valentines day he was upset ccaz i didnt buy protection and he was “indicating” he wanted it but then i said y dont u get it ill give u the money but then he refused…and he just sat there…and im like really its 5 mins away…and i told him to go away because he was there almost an hour saying nothing….and then he left me alone to go home..i was like u go home but u cant go to the store which is 5 mins away and i always had to buy it caz he was literally broke 24/7 for me but for his games he wasnt broke…
my birthday: we were supposed to celebrate it he never showed up caz he was 4 hours late and he was like i was with my friends im leavin now and i said i thought u said we were meeting at this time i hav been waitin..and hes like im tired of u bitchin then he cursed at me and then arrived at my real birthday tryin to break up with me
2nd birthday he wasnt there he went away
3rd birthday he showed up 5 hours late…and me cryin my eyes out
and the first gift i had to pay for half of it…and he barely took me out.

his birthday: i got him his favorite game went to the arcade got him breakfast took him out for lunch and spent the whole entire day with him and bought him a cake got him an xbox his toys and whatever he wanted and took him Nobu……
and he would always make me wait 1 hour 2 hours the most was 5 hours and he never showed up….
..i have had my fair share too of wrongs too i get it..i was needy i wanted to talk to him at least once a day…caz i thought i missed him..we had our fair share of good times that why i thought this is worth it..i thought he knows me so well and he helped me to push me to be a better person with me family but that was when we were first going out after a while he basically did nothing for me….but i used to cut myself because he verbally abused me and i felt like i was losin my sanity…i went on his aim caz he blocked me for no reason and wouldnt talk to me so i would unblock myself but he justified it by going on my fb dleting my friends changing my profile pic and my statuses basicaly everything…i would get mad because i felt like he didnt appreciate me and since he stole money from me he would buy 100 things for himself and i would be like…what about the money u stole…then he said u always talk about money money….when we first broke up it was because of me because i didnt want to be with him he was so sensitive and i had so much to deal with already….i made him cry a lot when we first went out for maybe 8 months in and out because i was always doing something wrong but i cant even remember what i did….but i always felt so guilty so i tried my best…and he has a mask and he told me i helped him get out of his mask..but to be honest i think he was more vengeful towards me then any other person..i wanted to help him because his biggest fear was being alone and i felt like i could help him and i would love him…but i dont know anymore..i feel like he was a mistake and that i never loved him..there good times where i felt like im gonna marry him he knows me so well because hes so cute and he knows everything about me…but i didnt even know me anymomre i was wat he wanted me to be..and even with everything he knew that happened to me he took advantaged of him and used me until the very end and then got a gf a week after we broke up saying he doesnt want a relationship hes confused hes tired of me he wouldnt do anything with anyone else until he gets married….only to find out hes fucking that girl the moment they go out….im not mad about that its just how can i possibly say i loved this person.he told me he wanted to see a future with me that he could wake up to me and that he loved me…i even asked him before we broke up do u honestly love me and he said yes and i didnt even want him to answer right away…the week he broke up with me we got into a fight because i was doing his hw and i was late so he didnt get full credit and i was just so effin tired of him treating me like a failure so i lashed out and called him a lazy person who treats me like a slave instead of a gf..then we make up..but then we fight because he didnt get some stupid tails and ears thing from a game and i said to him look we just had a wonderful day i cooked for u we spent time together theres no reason to be sad i love u and if it was my fault im sorry and he said ur sayin the right things but in the wrong way then i apologize only from him to bother me late at night when i work the next day and i was sleepin so then he keeps complaining how i wasnt being supportive and i said look ur being demanding now then he said i couldnt handle him and im like really………..and then i told him how i felt that he was taking advantage of him and he didnt appreciate me but i still wanted to work it out just for him to say im tired of u…lets break up…and i was with him for 3 1/2 yrs how can i ever know what love is when all the guys i dated were pigs and ive been used most of my life…im a stronger person now and i learned but seriously how the heck am i ever gonna know what love is………..sorry for such a long story but yea thank you if you did read this.

(Screen) Name: kloil1

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