Always In Between

My feelings are unstable.Last june 2011, I’ve met #1 and #2 (in different situations). #1 was the first one unto which i felt LOVE. He was good, funny, handsome , I love him and I can feel his love for me too. Then, there came a time that my family’s status went down, and so I met #2. At first, he was just plainly “my friend with benefits”. Then, it came to the point that he was so good to me and kind and loving and caring and i did learn to love him. Even though i have this feeling, i didn’t dare to confess it to him because, at first, I barely knew that he was married and I still have love for #1. As time goes by, my relationship with #1 was doing great and so as my friendship with #2. There came to the point that #1 impregnated me. I wasn’t ready for the situation so i decided to have abortion. I know it was the biggest sin I’ve committed and up to now, I’am kneeling down to our most loving Father for forgiveness. #1 and I didn’t know how to pay our hospital bills since we kept everything secret to our family. So I asked #2 to help me in a way that others wouldn’t know in order to settle with everything, and so he did. He gave me the cash and left. On my 4th night at the hospital, I did not expect #2 came rushing at the door. I’ve seen tears on the sides of his eyes. The sight of his eyes scared me out of my wits. He looked for my bag and took the money with him. And that night, #2 confessed to #1 everything about us. On that night, my affair with #1 was over. It was very painful. I didn’t know what to do,what to say and what to feel. Everything began to swim before my eyes. #1 leave me in the lurch. Even though we’ve came to that worst situation, #2 was still willing to help me, accept me and forgive me. And because of that, I felt his love and care. Nowadays, we are enjoying one’s company and in every sunrise and dawn that we are together my love for him grew stronger and deeper.Even though he makes me feel that he loves me, I still have this feeling of doubts. I don’t know if I should believe on whatever he says, since he and his wife are still okay. And he frankly told me yesternight that we should always keep our relationship secret to the public. I felt anxious. So much for my likeness to do what is right, I can’t leave him since my emotional attachment with him is so intense. I don’t know what to do with my feelings. I’am so confused in everything he does.HELP ME PLEASE !

(Screen) Name: The Mistress



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