Made A Mistake In Love & now suffering

I was in 18 , 12th class,  Smart , studious , Cricket Team captain , well behaved , Joyfull guy . I had no. of female friends , I got attracted to a girl named Geetima , she was Beautifull , studious , her smile always mesmerised me , I use to look at her turning back in the class , she was in a group of 5 girls , they use to stay together all the time , during class sessions , in break . Most of the time what use to happen was , I use to see Geetima and some other girl in her group use to watch me and start smiling and use to think like I am looking at her and not Geetima . Geetima had a friend named Shiksha , they were besties  they both use to stay together . And whenever I use to see Geetima , it seemed to evryone like I am staring at shiksha , but I liked Geetima , I was just meamerised by her , I liked her voice , her Eyes were like an addictive drug and the time when she use to give me a smile , I use to feel like today is going to be a best day . She somewhere knew that I like her ,even if a doubt though , but she use to catch me most of the time whenever I  use to secretly look at her .

On ther hand evryone in the class started thinking that I stare At shiksha and that I like her , but I didn’t , she was a Preety girl , sweet too but I never thght anything about her in that sense .

What happend is evryone starting pulling my leg that we know you like her(shiksha) , but I didn’t like her in that way , I use to like Geetima and loved to see her smile . Evryone kept on teasing me and shiksha by each other’s name , shiksha liked me I knew that , but I couldn’t tell anyone of them that I liked Geetima , now today I feel how dumb I was to shy to tell that I like Geetima and not Shiksha . anyhow , back to the story in the end what happend was I started blvng like yes I think I like shiksha . But the truth was I just liked the thought that I am going to have a girl frnd and shiksha is ready to be my gf , I have to just purpose her and I ll be boy with a gf .

I purposed her and she accepted , evrything was good till frst 3 months or so & then we started fighting with each other on each and evry thing , she use to scream at me and I use to avoid her calls then , she started keeping thi kha from me , our arguements started turning into fights , at last I took the innitiative to take the blame and break up with her , she cried a lot , a lot , she loved me , but I was a pretty sure that I am not going to drop this decision of break up , she tried a lot-a lot to stop me but I didn’t .

She cried a lot , I use to feel  terrible when lookin. At her crying for me , begging me not to go , but I was a dumb asshole , I didn’t agree , and I was so disturbed by that relationship that although I knew how it felt like when someone breaks up with you , that time itself I started feeling the guilt that I am making her suffer a lot but still I didn’t even say once that “okk I ll not go. , we ll not break up” after few months of breakup she started recovering , I use to appologise her her all the time for the pain that I have her , but at the same time I didn’t wanted to live with her , I cared about her , but I didn’t wanted to be her BF . I kept on appologising to her for 4 years , sorry shiksha for the pain I gave to you & she use to say all the time it’s okk I have forgiven you ,still I didn’t felt satisfied by Myslef , after 4 years she started bitching about me , that’s when I realised that yes she has atlast moved on .

Today it has been 5 years since we broke out with each other , & still today the worst mistake that I made in my life was giving Shiksha That Pain.!! I still feel I shouldn’t have played with her feelings when I was not sure of mine .

Consequences of the mistake I made Are.. 1.) Shiksha had to ho though such intense pain , 2.) Although I still dnt love her but I am still in regret of giving her the pain that I might have not given her if I would have realised that if shiksha likes me I should not jump onto the opportunity without even considering the future aspect . 3.) I could never go back to Geetima to tell her that Geetima I like you , give me a chance and I ll prove to you that I am not a cheater . Geetima is still frnds to shiksha , and from the day I broke out with Shiksha , I have never been able to look into the eyes of Geetima , those pretty eyes which Used to mesmerise me evry time I looked at her .

I met Geetima afyer 4 years today in Chandigarh . And all I could do was look onto her eyes and when she turned her face towards me I started  acting like I am talking to someone else .

I wish I could just tell her that I am not the guy that she thinks I am , I made a mistake , I mistakingly hurted Shiksha , I didn’t cheat on her , I didn’t two time , I am myself feeling the regret , I am Myslef appologising to your friend Ahiksha from the past 5 years atleast ask her if you dnt believe me . If I  can’t be her(Geetima)partner , then atleast try to understand that I am not the devil kind of a guy ,as u think Geeti..a .

Anyways , I hope who ever reads my story , will atleast learn something from my MISTAKE.!!

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