News for the ‘Other’ Category

hmmmmm

IM 19, AND I BEEN WITH MY GIRL FOR 2YRS
AND NOW WE GOING TO COLLEGE AND WE NOT SEEING EACH OTHER THAT MUCH. NOTHING BUT PROBLEMS ARE COMING. UP SHE DELETED ME OFF FB AND I BEEN WATCHING HA FB.. MY CONFESSION IS I BEEN TALKIN TO OTHER GIRLS BECAUSE I FEEL IF SHE GONNA DO IT Y SHUDNT I

(Screen) Name: bossman

Edited: December 4th, 2011

I miss you, dearly.

I remember when we first met, when I thought you were really hot. I had a boyfriend at the moment, but I didn’t think anything of it. I went straight up to you and sat next to you. You looked at me like I was some crazy psycho or something. I giggled and ran off to my friends and said you had the most bluest eyes that i have ever laid my eyes upon. When I got home i couldn’t get my mind off of you and thought of you as i fell asleep. Waking up the next morning, i caught myself trying to look good to impress you. I got to school and sat by you again at lunch. This time you actually took the time to say something to me. You had a very harmonious laugh i have ever heard. I worked up my courage and asked for your number before i left. You gave it to me and i remembered it. I didn’t text you yet, thinking you would think i was being obsessive or something. Friday came and i caught myself staring at you in the morning. You looked at me and smiled, i couldn’t help but giggle. I didn’t attempt to sit by you this time. I did ask you at your locker though if you wanted to come over. You agreed and i felt incredible. I got home and called my boyfriend, and talked to him about it. I told him I didn’t like him, but I wasn’t lying though. I was not for sure if I really did like him yet, or just his appearance. I was trying to look my cutest and re-did my make-up. I called my friend to see if she wanted to come over while me and him hung out. She seemed glad too. When he got there we went straight to my room. I sat on the floor and he sat on my chair. I was complimenting his shirt, but i also realized he has been wearing the same clothes for the past three days! I asked him about it and said for me to come over sometime and take a look at his closet for he doesn’t have shit for clothes. When Shea got there we went over to my friend’s abandoned house because he had a trampoline he left. We bounced and bounced and eventually sat down. He made this one joke about getting a tattoo on his ass. I asked him what he would put and he said ‘your name’ . I was so confused asking why the fuck would you get my name, you just met me?! My friend is just laughing her ass off and i finally caught on being my blonde self. I learned so much about him. I learned that when he was little someone was holding onto his feet and was spinning him in circles and he accidentally hit a piece of furniture. He now has a scar on the left side of his face by his eye, its tiny though, hardly noticed it until he pointed it out. Also, he does weed and is a dealer as well. I was not affected by that what-so-ever, for I did weed as well. Him and I had a whole long conversation about it like us weed people do. I didn’t really exactly try and hit on him, I was just myself because I had a boyfriend anyways. I noticed there was a hammock and i ran over to it. In a minute or so, him and my friend chased after me and my friend jumped on with me. He stood there rocking it back and forth, and i just laid there laughing, staring at him. Soon enough, it was time for him to leave. He gave me a hug that made me lose all my concentration; i didn’t remember anything about anything anymore like i was being put under hypnosis, until he pulled away. Then my other friend came over and I told her about my crush. I called my current boyfriend and told him it wasn’t working anymore. He didn’t believe me and thought it was because of the boy I just hung out with. I lied and said it wasn’t, but I still cried after we broke up. I called my crush back and told him about it and he made me feel better instantaneously. It’s amazing how one second I could be crying my eyes out and then the next I’m giggling to the sound of his voice. We talked that night for 8 hours straight even with my friends being there, i couldn’t care less. All I wanted to do was talk to him and only him. I learned so much about him and we ended up planning to hang out the next day, Saturday. Saturday came along and i was at my friends house and ended up walking to his house. I got there and we went straight to his room and talked like normal people. Though, we both knew there was something between us that was different. I, myself never felt this way towards a guy before, i wasn’t sure if he had before or not in one of his past relationships. We eventually kept getting closer towards each other, both of us on his freaking WATER BED. He leaned in to kiss me and i couldn’t help but kiss him back. We lay side by side holding each other close. Eventually i couldn’t help but giggle. He asked me if he was bad and i said he was just perfect and kissed him on his nose. We decided to go out and meet up with my friends. We ended up all four of us going to a park. Him and I held hands the whole time. He was the best boyfriend I had ever had, I was madly in love with him. He kept my smile on my face when i laid my eyes on him. His blue eyes twinkle when he smiles. His smile is so adorable I never want it to drop from his face. I felt as if reality was finally better then my dreams. It was almost as if we were invisible towards everyone, we didn’t give a damn about what anyone said. I was his girlfriend and his best friend. As he was with me. I felt as though I could trust him with my whole heart without tearing it into pieces. I told him everything there was about me and he understood. I told him all my faults and he still liked me. I could actually be myself around him without feeling like a complete idiot. He just never really made fun of me even when i was obviously nailing the job as a clown. He was the reason I woke up every morning and tried to not get in trouble so I could be with him every second of the day. We hung out every single day at his house, the longest we went without hanging out was only 3 days. And that was because i was at my mom’s house for the weekend. Every time we hung out i cherished and play those moments on and off in my head. The littlest thing you did that you may have thought meant nothing meant absolutely everything to me. I loved all the late night calls and the passing notes we did at school. How I would be the one you came to when you needed someone to take care of something for you, or just someone to talk too. We texted day and night and never had nothing to say. We would always talk about the most random bullshit that people wouldn’t even bother thinking about . I mean hell, just the thought of going to your house excited me. I would make sure I looked my best every single time. Just the sound of hearing your name coming out of someone’s mouth made me blush. You would grab my hand and walk with me down the street and give me your jacket if i was chilly. You would ride your bike around me and we would scare little kids. You made me feel like the only girl in the world you ever thought about. You told me you would never hurt me purposely, the last thing you wanted to do was be the reason for my tears. You told me you loved me and that we would last a long time. This wouldn’t be a short get some relationship, that you felt I was something different. You told me and I believed you. I was under the illusion that you really meant everything you said to me. Then, it all came crashing down on me like 9-11 all over again. My heart was ripped into two pieces then stomped one constantly every time i saw you smile. You didn’t smile because of me, you smiled because we were over. I cried my whole birthday and my family hates you with a passion. You’re the reason of all the sad songs on my iPod. You’re the reason that my eyes were bloodshot for a week straight from my non-stop crying, the reason people actually saw the depressed, terrified heart wrenching me. You changed who I was in a good and bad way. I got to experience what the emotion of love really was. I couldn’t help but beg for you back, i felt so worthless. The more I thought about it, the more i loved you. Instead of texting you day and night, i thought of texting you day and night. I wasn’t afraid to text you, that part would be easy. It’s the thought that me messaging annoyed you, that you could care less about me and ignore what I would ever say towards you. The fear of rejection slapped my face every time I wanted to talk to you or even smile. I cried and cried and you could have given a damn less and went smooching on my BEST FRIENDS. I felt as if I had no one to turn too. Therefore, I sat at my house for long dreadful days listening to sad songs and writing about you and drawing pictures of us. I put them all in a jar and on a rainy day I went outside in the freezing cold and dumped them all out. I sat there in a puddle of mud and was watching the ink fade away, just like your emotions towards me. I laid down and screamed, i screamed until i couldn’t talk anymore. My black neighbors came out and looked around and i looked back down at the pictures. They were nothing but useless crappy puddles. I went inside and took a long dreadful hot bath. I was under the impression that I couldn’t be myself again without you by my side holding my hand. I didn’t know what I could do anymore to get you back into my arms like the way it was before any of this happened. Our relationship was like a fairytale. You were the sweetest most sincere man I have ever laid my eyes upon. You turned my days worth living for. You came into my life at the worst moment when everything just got bad and you turned it all around. You were there for me when I needed you. Why could you not have been there when I needed you the most though? You abandoned me for the piece of trash I was before. I thought I couldn’t go on, I even suggested hurting myself. I missed you so much… I wanted to tell you everything you put me through, all the nights you left me crying, all the hours I’ve wasted thinking of you, all the time you took away from me. You would only think good of yourself that you have another girl you can go to when you want some knowing she would obviously say yes without thinking of how everything ended before. You would have thought of me as desperate and obsessive. I was not desperate, nor obsessive. I had at least 7 boys trying to get with me, but I said no because I love you. Love is different compared to obsessive, very different. I let you live your life when I could have easily ruined it. I smiled when you had a girlfriend and said I was happy for you, even when that someone was my best friend. We eventually got closer and closer friend wise. I think he got the feeling that I was finally over him. He was wrong, obviously. I like it better though when he thinks I don’t like him though. That’s when he actually started talking to me again. Maybe it is better this way, for him that is. I want him to be happy, even if I’m not the main reason why. I would drool over the fact though if I really were the reason to be the smile upon his face. What is it that I did wrong? I ask me this question everyday all the time. I didn’t change when I was dating him except the fact I did more with him. He always said I was getting better actually. Was he just bored of me? Am I last week’s news? What happened? As far as I know, not shit happened. You thought I cheated on you, but I made it clearly that I didn’t. I waste hours looking in the mirror trying to fix myself up to your liking. I don’t know what else there is I can do except wait. Wait for the day that you will ask me to be your girl again. The day that you take my hand and hold me tight against you where everything else around us doesn’t matter anymore. It’s just you and me against the world. When will that day come? I sit here waiting in the harshest weather waiting, waiting for that day. I love you

(Screen) Name: cittydog411

Edited: December 4th, 2011

An Affair to Remember…

I have been involved with a man, who is tall, handsome, sexy, and really knows how to satisfy a woman! He has the charm, the cute smile, the intelligence, and the security he gives when you are in his arms. This man, is so good at what he does, it’s insane. I feel he has me under a spell. This affair started 8 months ago…we started spending so much time together, morning hello’s, great afternoon conversations, late night sexting. Most of all, he makes me laugh, and we have things in common from humor to wants. He spoils me, makes me feel loved, secure and gives me the great feeling of comfort. He is there when I need someone to cheer me up, a shoulder to cry on and someone to share great news to. He listens gives me advice and shares his personal experiences. He has watched me grow into a mature adult(which, I am still in progress) he has pushed me to do my best at things, inspires me, motivates me. This man has become my best friend. The passion is amazing between the two of us. He fulfills me sexual desires, and leave me with the anticipation of wanting him more. He has become like a drug. I know I don’t need him but I want him. I have fallen in love with this man. I have spent many years looking for someone just like him. He is a hard working man, the type of man you are proud of and you want to bring him home to your family. He is strong, passionate, kind, patient, giving, and humble. He is everything a woman would want. So, here is the deepest secret of all….He is my boss, a married man. Now, he did seem too good to be true, right? He has been there for me in ways no other man has. Of course, I know where this ends, it always ends with just an affair to remember. No future, No family, just emptiness and heartbroken. But, it becomes a memory that will be kept secretly ingrained in your heart. I will forever, remember him and carry him in my heart. I have come to realize, that this type of man doesn’t exist, we just believe what we want and see what we want and that is always what is in our best interest. Unfortunately, he is my manager where I work at, and I see him everyday, we don’t even have our own office, we sit right next to each other, and spend the day laughing, touching, talking and of course working…it seems so great! But, the sad part is that, it is not fair to his wife, not fair to me. And I go home alone at the end of each day and he goes home to his wife he can’t stand. I am a good person with a good heart. I am also giving, kind, loving and I have a lot to give. I am funny,I make mistakes, I laugh at my own jokes, I am clumsy and I love “Love”. Why is it so hard to meet someone that is not so complicated? Life is not fair but, it sure is fun while we are in the moments of hot passionate sex and with good company. Oh, how I wish life was a lot more simple sometimes.

(Screen) Name: Miss Lovely

Edited: October 23rd, 2011

I am…….

I am a pathological liar. I tell lies upon lies upon lies, and I am tired of it. I am also addicted to porn and I am only 19. I don’t have sex with no one ( but myself) I feel lonely and I hate my life. I am overweight and hate my self. I tried losing weight but I always give up. I blame no one but my self for this. I have one friend and I envy her. I want her life the only thing that I don’t envy is that she is over weight like me. I carry myself as a go lucky person but I wish death every day of my life.

(Screen) Name: Bury Me Deep Inside Your Heart

Edited: October 17th, 2011

What to do!?

Well, I’m not sure this qualifies as a secret. But, maybe a confession.
My girlfriend is in a very stressful time right now, Between work and her grandfather being ill. I do all I can to help out and sometimes may cause a little more stress on her not knowing.
I did happen to catch myself in looking too far into the future of our relationship, seeing her more as a wife than a Girlfriend, I didn’t mean to do this. So intern, I was gettin onto her about things I didn’t need to be, adding more stress. she started shuting down a little, still I really didn’t know what was going on. I’d still come out to her and stay my days off work with her and help her with her work, she’s a kindergarten teacher. I work Security.
We are currently on a break, where I told her she needs to work on her physical communication with me. Call me more, have conversation with me, tell me how her grandfather is doing. Things to help her with everything. I love her so much and I know she loves me. My big concern right now is she won’t tell me she loves me, she says to protect me incase things don’t work out. It kills me to end a phone conversation and her say bye and no I love you.
What do I do!? I want her to tell me how she feels, I want things to be better. I can’t stand not talking to her. I am guessing the best thing to do is let everything be and let her do what she will.
Any assistance will help, I’m goin crazy. My appitite sucks right now, at first I couldn’t sleep then I slept ove ten hours. It’s been three full days and it seems to get better, but I can only tthink about her and wonder if she thinks about me. No rules were really set, Please help.

(Screen) Name: Lawman527

Edited: October 17th, 2011

Broken but smiling

I am a twenty year old college student who has been through four relationships, the last one I cannot seem to get over. Calling my ex significant other “Az”, I met Az online and befriended them almost immediately, wanting to know more about them and even exchanging Skype names and phone numbers. It turns out Az rarely gives online friends their phone number, so I felt really special. I decided I wanted to meet Az, and over the next couple of months, we grew to like each other beyond friendship and even plan to go on a date when I visit. But, throughout that…Az kept trying to push me away, calling me blind and saying that they didn’t love me or anything like that…I didn’t know what was going on, I didn’t love Az but they kept believing I did. Once so sweet and gentle hearted to me, they’ve become teasing and almost mean spirited, though not in a bad way. A few times, Az would revert back to that kind and gentle person that made me feel genuinely special. Over time, even the other side of Az made me smile and chuckle.

Az asked me out on Easter morning, saying that they couldn’t wait any longer and wanted to be with me. I said yes, and we were a couple. Three weeks later, I began my trip to where Az lived…I was delayed for four days, the one day being the reason that I wanted to care for a sick girl on the bus I was riding…I didn’t want to leave her alone. It hurt so bad, having to IM Az and hear her (I’m admitting it, Az is a woman) dead and tired voice on the phone…I found out later that she would not sleep or even leave her house…for four days, because I wasn’t there. She kept telling me: “I’m not getting my way…all I want to do right now is see you.”

It hurt so bad, I almost had multiple emotional breakdowns on the bus, a friend that I made on there holding me as I kept repeating how sorry I was to my laptop. I finally got there, and she came to pick me up wit her friends. As soon as I saw her, my heart leaped in my chest and I smiled…I was truly happy, I felt everything would be alright.

By the second day I was there, everything began going downhill….she would snap at her best friend whenever she would try to talk to me, glare at her two friends when I would pay attention to them….and finally, when we were alone in her house…Az broke up with me…telling me “I was like a sister to her”. I never felt so heart broken in my life, I went through all of that hell, that horrid nightmare on trying to see her…and she broke up with me. And that’s not the worst of it…I knew she was lying to me. A while back, she had told me her heart was broken once and she gained committment issues, also she admitted to me that she used people in relationships for lust, then broke it off when she felt nothing. But…unlike her other ex’s…she didn’t touch me. We never kissed on the lips, had any intimate contact…nothing. She wouldn’t touch me. At times she teasingly carressed me, in the way that seemed to be saying: “You’re mine.” and even after the break up, she still did that at times. I spent the next couple of days there, her ignoring me and trying to get me on a bus home. I wasn’t able to so I stayed at the now ex best friend (who found out what happened)’s house. Az found this out, and when we drove to her house to pick up something the ex best friend wanted, Az stomped up to the car and began demanding me what was going on, why I wasn’t on the bus. I refused to look at her and answered her questions, I looked up once and she was glaring at the ex best friend with this hatred I have never seen before. Before I knew it, Az was holding my hand, clutching and stroking it, repeating: “If you called me I would have helped you…” in that voice as if to say: “Why did you call HER instead of ME?”

She ignored me for awhile after that, even after I went home…telling me about these other friends who she “married” online, flirting with others…it hurt me more and more, but I continued to talk to her. I even still gave her the ring (which is a family heirloom) that I was to give her as a promise ring…I told her just to keep it as a friendship ring. She replied that “she didn’t feel comfortable wearing it” and that was the end of that…I thought so anyway. Within a month, she flat out told me on the phone that she was wearing it. She now wears it on the ring finger she wears her mother’s ring, below that ring. She does continue to call me on the phone (I being really the only one she does this to), I see her good and her bad side…I went through a stage of obsession at one point, but recently got over it. I do get jealous still, but then again she is no exception. From what I have noticed, whenever someone speaks intimately with me or playfully flirts with me, she immediately comes in and is either hissy toward me, rants a little (making no sense) or vice versa to the other person. My best friend doesn’t think she likes me like that anymore, but I honestly can’t believe her…as she has switched time and again on her opinion of this. Other people ask me if there’s something going on between us, I reply no…despite the fact that she has claimed me as her online wife. Sometimes it hurts to talk to her, she says things to me like: “Yeah, well, caring never gets you too far does it?” while before that, whenever I’m upset, she would tell me that everything will be fine and try her hardest to cheer me up…even call me on the phone and talk to me for hours. I…I honestly do believe I have fallen in love with her, which I have never done before…and even though it hurts to think about it, if it’s not meant to be…then I just want her happy. Her friends call me desperate, pathetic, creepy and weird…she says she likes the creepiness about me and called her own friends “pathetic”. She has admitted that she is in love with someone, will NOT say anything to me or anyone…she even told her friend: “Not even *my name* knows…” which confuses me, considering she rarely talks to me about anything personal..and she knows how I feel about her, I bluntly wrote her a love poem and she knows it. Az is even planning to come visit me…she wants to try visiting me as early as possible, as soon as she gets enough money. But I don’t know when that’ll be….she never takes off the ring or the necklace I made for her though.

I just don’t know WHAT her feelings are at this point, why she won’t let me help her when she’s having a bad day and turns to others, why she won’t tell me who she likes if she knows I am in love with her, why she wore the ring even when she said she wouldn’t…her jealousy and possessive over me…I’m so confused, people tell me I should talk to her…but to be honest, though communication is important…with her, I don’t think that’ll be a good turn of action.

I’m sorry if this made no sense, I want someone to help me so badly…I just need someone to talk to, someone to hear me rant and not judge me on this…if she keeps calling me a “sister”, why does she also call me her wife, wear the ring I was to give her as a promise ring and then have jealousy issues over me which she’ll never admit?

But…all in all, I forgave her for what she did to me. People think I’m crazy for doing so…and I know what she did ripped my heart out….but I forgave her. In closing, I will tell you two things that I keep thinking about to this day.

Her best friend told me she planned a surprise for me, which she did tell me about and would never tell me what it was. It turns out she was planning to take me to a lake at night, my favorite setting which I had told her about, have a picnic set up for me that she cooked herself and even serenade me with a song I told her once that I would love to hear her sing. She was going to take me on a nature walk around the park where the lake was, we would go stargazing…and finally, she was going to give me her own promise ring. I keep thinking about it, and it hurts…it hurts so bad, yet it makes me smile. She planned that for me, she never planned something special for anyone…but she planned that for me. (I’m sorry, I’m actually crying as I type this out, but I’m still smiling)

Then…her other best friend told me something that Az had told her recently about the break up: “I hate myself…I hate myself for what I did to her, how I broke up with her…I didn’t want to do it that way. I broke her, made her cry, ignored her…I can never forgive myself for what I put that girl through. But, she forgave me..she forgave me.” Her best friend had told me that Az said this a few months or so after the break up, while she was crying (and apparently she never cries) over her friends turning against her about this incident…but she never blamed me, never spoke an ill word about me…she spoke about her ex friend in almost a jealous manner, an angry manner…but apparently said everything about me in the highest respect. “It wasn’t her fault, don’t blame her please…it wasn’t her fault. I need to help her, I need to help her get home..she needs to be safe, she needs to be safe.”

I remember once that in a blog post, Az asked people to describe themselves as what they are to her. I jokingly told her to describe me instead. I got the answer: “You’re just indescribable”…and I honestly don’t know what she means.

Thank you for hearing me out. If anyone wishes to contact me, please do tell me. And also give me your opinions. Have a great day.

~Misguided Angel (a name my friend described me as when I told her about this)

(Screen) Name: Misguided Angel

Edited: October 1st, 2011

I Can’t Believe I’m Saying This!

Ok I totally must be stupid but I have to confess: I think I love my best friend Calen! We tried going out one time when we were little but because of other people we broke up the same day we got together. I thought I was over him but after seeing him for the first time in so long, all I can think of is him. When we saw each other again he looked so different because i mean we kept in touch but now he looked amazing. When we hung out yesterday we were wrestling, watching movies, and being silly just how we used to be. I don’t know what to do! I think the feelings from the past are coming back and i just can’t stop it.

(Screen) Name: Cupid in love

Edited: August 7th, 2011

“Online Affairs”

..I’m a very optimistic type of woman, friendly, bubbly, has a fighting spirit, but I’m not very direct when it comes to my feelings. I’d say that I’ve been into such relationships which ends up badly or such a way that i think of it. Years ago, when I was a freshmen student I met this guy, he’s way too older than me and I don’t care nor love him. It just felt like that time i need some attention and thinks that it would save me from the current complicated situation I’m in. Specially I was suffering a family problem. We’ve been together for 5 days and he wants something to happen with us sexually. I really don’t like and I don’t ever like when he touch me. Eventually we did try but i quit and just refuse. He started fooling around and i don’t care I just wanna go back to my old life without him. He’s a total waste of time!! But before that I had this wonderful chat with a guy online. He’s way too far from me..though he’s a bit older than me, i feel the connection between us. I did love him. We almost chatter for a year, spent good times online, fun times, fight sometimes,etc..etc..but things didn’t went well. He said he had found someone there and she really likes him but i bet he is married. Oh well lesson learned but i did cried a river for him! and we even didn’t met in person. So i go on with my studies, really want to finish while having dose of family problems. And because i felt like wanting some attention i decided to meet this older guy i chatted few times online. He’s divorced and has a kid. I don’t really have plans to go steady with him. I just feel like that time it’s good to have someone around, talk but i know he only wants sex. Well nothing happened, but he did tried seducing me but thanks God i didn’t give in because all that time I’m still thinking of my old flame with that guy i chatted online for a year.
And then again year later, another man i met online, he’s a lonely person, needs some attention, lack confidence but very generous. I feel guilty since I’m only using him for my own benefits but I did help him to make feel good about himself. He’s older than me…way too older. We met in person. We did try oral sex but not the actual intercourse, for me I’m sure of myself that I wouldn’t give in to him but I just like to try some sexual activities with him and besides I know he deserve it anyways. But then he realized I don’t really love him and so I did try to save our relationship but I know it’s going nowhere. So we both separate ways and I just wish him happiness and I don’t really feel sad.
And so finally i met this guy again online!! I feel that he’s just the one for me. We’re very compatible and i fall in love with him and i believe the feeling is mutual. We met and spent good time with each other. Officially he’s my first. And i don’t regret it, i like it and I’m happy he is that guy. I love him so much and we’re still working our relationship. I just realized we need to be more trusting with each other and loyal. I wish he’d be my forever though i don’t really tell him things like this. I just really tell him that I love him and do my best to show it to him. And what’s important we’re happy!!!
I just really feel I’m attracted to guys who’s older than me because i feel they could take care of me and love me better. And i feel secure! but still it depends on the person. Past is past, whatever happens in the past,we should not blame ourselves. Instead we should learn from it and try to be the best person we can be. And i so fucking love this guy I have a relationship with now and I’ll do my best to be with him always.:-)

(Screen) Name: Damngurl62

Edited: August 7th, 2011

What is Love?

I’m 17, and don’t know what love is.
I don’t trust that boys want to be with me, every guy I’ve been with has always felt like they were after one thing.
However, there’s one guy I always go back to. He was my best friend at one point, but now we’ve kind of drifted apart. He’s extremely funny, but I never fully felt I could trust him, the last time I dated him, he was really sweet, called me loads and kept telling me he loved me, but then he broke up with me by MSN saying something about another girl – who less than a week later was his girlfriend. After he dumped me he then wrote ‘p.s. I do love you, you know’. Well, obviously not, and it just reinforces my belief that teens cannot know what love is, and makes me feel kinda worthless.
Does love really exist?

(Screen) Name: lonely hearts club

Edited: May 8th, 2011

work romance

I am in love with two women at the same time. I never intended for any of this to happen but it has and I do not know what to do.

I have been married for 16 years to the first woman I ever loved. We met at work and dated for 2 years then were married. Things were great. Kids, house, the whole 9 yards. 6 years ago a woman appears in my life who I did not know before. There was instant connection. Phone calls that were professional but had a playful undertone. Always seeked each other out at company meetings (she lives in another state) for companionship. Just a hug or two and that was it. The other woman is an incredibly strong and independant woman, much like my wife. They are very similar except one is an indoor girl, the other is an outdoor girl. They could be really good friends.

Last year we both admitted we were interested in each other. We were off and swimming deep end of the Facebook chat. Within 2 days I knew I was in over my head. My love for her grew stronger by the minute and I could not get her out of my mind. My wife offered herself to me and I declined because I wasnt interested.

My wife saw a message and I was in panic mode. I never wanted to hurt my wife but I did, to the core. I told her I would stop and said all the right things at the time. We made up about a week later and “we” were ok.

A phone call or two is all it took and now i am contemplating ending one of the most beautiful things in my life. My wife is also my best friend which makes this even worse.
How can I hurt my first love and my best friend like this. She doesnt know how hard I fell for the other woman. I am not worthy of either of their love because I know this can only end in pain, its just a matter of how many people get hurt on each side.

I am not a religious person but do look for signs. Yesterday after talking to friends I decided i would try to put the genie back in the bottle for the good of my family. The reason for this is on my mp3 player the song “there youll be” by faith hill came on. Right after that, “stay together for the kids” by blink 182 came on.

Today I was looking on FB and what god says to me is “You can tell yourself that you have already decided, that nothing now can stop you, but if that step backwards is so much safer than step forwards, what will hold you true to your path when the going gets tough? Sometimes, the right thing to do is to take that first irreversible step, the one after which you cannot go back. And now, for you, is one of those times.” I know its silly to look at a message and make life altering decisions but it seems like a sign that goes along with my dream last night where I left everything here and moved to her.

I have no idea what I am going to do now. There is so much hurt i am feeling that it seems the simple way out would be to just drive into a pole.

(Screen) Name: misfit

Edited: April 12th, 2011