I have been in a long, on again- off again relationship with my partner for over ten years now. We have a child together no less. However, my partner has mistreated me several times over the years, sometimes stepping into the realms of abuse. I have always loved him but I have been feeling every time we have broken up and gotten back together that my heart has been becoming more and more guarded with him. Like I can never completely love him like I did. I feel guilty for this but at the same time I feel it neccesary because I really don’t feel like I can handle being hurt by him much more. Still, we are engaged and I am trying to be as loving with him as my heart will allow.
My problem is I have always felt a connection with a good friend of mine. We have been friends for 3 years. About a month ago, when I was feeling particularly sad and having a moment where I was considering suicide, I confessed my feelings to this friend. In the 3 years I have known him he has always been there for me and the sound of his voice alone warms my spirits. The friend was shocked but confessed he has always felt something toward me as well. Since then our feelings for each other have only deepened.
Another complication to add to this story is the friend is married himself for over 10 years and has children. Neither of us know what to do about our feelings. We want to be there for each other but are afraid of destroying the lives we have. I don’t want to break my fiance’s heart and he doesn’t want to break up his family. We haven’t acted physically on these feelings yet though we both feel we would like to.
I can’t imagine my life without either of them in it. I never knew life could be so complicated.