Feeling twisted

I have a friend and co-worker, who is now one of my best friends and she is the most amazing woman I have ever met. Her smile lights up my world and I am sad when she isn’t around. I dream of someday kissing her and telling her how much I love her, but I have several problems. One is how different our lives are, not only is she much older than me, she has children and a sort of boyfriend. I am in college and the biggest problem of all is, IM MARRIED! I do love my wife, but I have to confess I love my friend more than I love my wife! I may be a terrible person, but this is how I feel and it is tearing me appart. That is a summary of my confession.

I suck at love

So the last year in school I met this really shy and childish guy who sat next to me. He was 2 years in the same classes with and I didn’t even pay attention to him till last year when we shared seats.

I got to know him well, he was really nice, sensitive, shy, he wasn’t like the rest of the guys that act like jerks just to pretend be cool, at those times I used to have a really low self esteem, I used to skip class all the time, I cut my hair, I stop wearing makeup and worrying about my appearance, I was very run down.

When we got closer we started flirting, and tickle each other during class and listen to cute music, he used to tell me about his stuff, his life wasn’t that easy, he was really frustrated because he couldn’t get a girlfriend, there was a girl in my class that gave him false hope and got hurt,  he was really impulsive and told me that talking to me it made him calm and also that I wasn’t like the rest of girls and that made me important to him, no one ever have told me or made me feel that before

I loved to listen to him and talk to him, he used to cry about my dumb jokes and stuff, and so I started liking him and so was him, but I never realized.

I never told him about my feelings but he noticed it, I started to wear make up and look good to draw his attention even more, but suddenly he got mad at me, he went to sit somewhere else. I used to call him to sit with me, he used to ignored me, after two weeks, he talked to me again, so did I, I asked him why he got mad he never wanted to answer me, so I acted like nothing happened between us.(I hate drama)

He told me he was going to live to another city, I first thought he was lying, or just saying, I never thought it was going to be true till the last day of class, I asked him when he was moving and he was going that same day. т.т

I got so so sad but I didn’t show it, I acted like it wasn’t affecting me but it really did. when the class ended he was going without saying goodbye, I ran out of the classroom and went to look for him he was going, and I screamed his name and hugged him I told him I was going to miss him a lot and to not forget about me, when he left I started crying so so hard, I could’t believe it, he was perfect to me, I felt like I lost a diamond, ugh it was awful

after a week he gone he messaged me and told me that he liked me, and he wanted to date me but he didn’t want to hurt me because he does not have a stable place to live in, his dad is a miliyary, that’s why he travels a lot. I lost my phone and so I lost his number so he messaged my friend, and he alwyas asked about me.

I have his necklace, he thought he lost it but he got really happy because I had it, and also sad because he didn’t have anything about me, just some pens I led him in class lol not romantic at all

I missed him a lot tho he was a nice guy, I have never felt this before, since I’ve only had 2 boyfriends who were dickheads haha.

BUT

Now, this year in july, I went travel to a countryside for a weekend, I didn’t go to school from friday till sunday, so monday I went to school, and I got the suprise of my life, he came back to my class, he transferred school. when I saw him I got butterflies in my stomach it was crazy, I gave him a bear hug, I didn’t want to let him go lol, I was HAPPY AF, we sat together again, and played like the old times, till my whole class strated annoying us, and notice it we like each other. he was happy to see me again, so was I but it kinda bothered him how the class annoy us, because I get red af, and he acts like he doesn’t listen to them.

Now he haven’t talked to me, he is indifferent to me and that makes me so sad, in class, he sits tree seats heind me, he laughs stronger that way he tries to draw my attention, because it’s obvious, he startes at me when he thinks I don’t even notice but I really do, or tries to walk near me and talk louder, ugh I honestly don’t know what to do.

I asked my best friend to talk to him for me, and he told her that he is afraid to talk to me, she asked her why he doesn’t date me, and he said he need to think that with his heart, and like he travels a lot, he doesn’t want to hurt me.

I am not asking him to be my boyfriend, I just want him to talk to me, xc he is shy, I’d really love to date him though, but I’m like the most impulsive person I get frustrated when he ignores me, I hate his indifference towards me, this november I am going to france with mom and I don’t want to end up with him like this, like if we never met, I love him I really really do, I’ve never felt this before, I have a very strong desire to cry inside like a lump in the throat.

I need an advice, I really suck at love please hep me what should I do?? should I talk to him? tell him what I feel?? ugh I will explode

By the way, thank you for reading this and take your time for it.

I love someone I shouldn’t

I’m in love with a first cousin. We met for the first time a few months ago. I knew I was in trouble the second she spoke. She radiates warmth, passion, confidence. Things I deeply lack in myself. I didn’t want this to happen. She opened her heart to me and cracked mine wide open too. I had never felt closer to or more cared for by anyone. When we talk she gives me undivided, earnest attention that makes me feel like I’m the center of the universe…that I’m worth her time. And she has a lot going on in her own life. I fought my feelings for her, but pretending to be platonic is so painful. I feel like I violated my own moral code and in a way manipulated her trust in me because I didn’t tell her the truth. The truth is I have never felt like this about anyone. She makes me so happy. When I’m around her I feel so safe, I feel like I can be vulnerable, show my darkest side, and she would still love me the way she does. I feel like I can’t hold back anymore. It’s killing me carrying this secret in my heart every single day. Trying to act normal around her pushing back tears wanting to be with her knowing the truth will drive her away. She knows something is wrong because I’m distancing myself and avoiding contact. I’m hoping indifference will keep me from falling even harder. It hurts seeing her, it hurts not seeing her. She wants to talk to me and help me, and I’m dying to tell her, but I fear the consequences. Losing her, exposing me, breaking hearts all over again. It’s ironic that the only person I know who has overcome heartbreak and could guide me towards letting go and healing is her.  I have never fallen so hard for someone, never thought of all people, it would be someone I’m not supposed to love. I might have idealized her, and think sometimes  maybe it’s the idea of someone like her that I’m in love with. Maybe it’s not really her that I love. But either way, it comes back to her. I feel sick. I don’t know what is right. If I continue acting platonic, we still have each other. But our relationship is not completely honest because I’m hiding my secret from her. I also risk doing something stupid, shocking her, shocking everyone. Hurting her ;( Not to mention facing stigma, rejection, humiliation. If I confess, I destroy everything we had together. But it would be a release for me. I don’t like either option because both involve a world of hurt and pain. Why does it have to be her? Why can’t I just unlove her? What should I do?

Love?

I think I’m falling for him. Not sure what to do. We met through facebook about two months ago. I never accept friend requests from guys I don’t know, but for some reason I accepted his. I was worried at first, you know? You never know who’s being real over the internet. But he turned out to be a great guy, who thinks I’m beautiful, though I don’t believe it myself. We talk everyday, but have only hung out three times so far. This is mostly because of travel distance. There is a catch, and it’s kind of a big one. He’s 31 and I’m only 18. Never in a million years would I ever consider dating someone that much older, but we get along so well. Incredibly well. We have so many similar interests and share the same ideas. I doubt many people would approve of us dating, specifically because of the age thing. In our minds, age is just a number. I want to make it work. I really want to get to know him better, but distance makes it hard. The feelings I have now are strong, and I find myself genuinely caring about his happiness and dreams. I feel a strong connection. I guess its up to God if this will work. I believe everything happens for a reason, so if this is meant to work, I’m sure we will find a way to make it so. I cry when I read his texts, out of happiness of the possibility of finding someone so great. Is that ridiculous? I don’t know. I just feel a connection. I could be wrong, but my gut tells me I’m right. I haven’t told him any of this, and none of our friends know we talk yet because we don’t know how they would react to the age difference. What should I do??

(Screen) Name: superconfused

Forbiden

I am 31 years, married twice and 4 boys. I have never been in real love. 5 years ago I fall for my brother in law that I never met before and end up having sex with him. But, he has a best friend that I met before I move with my brother in law. I have feeling for the friend and it look like it is growing everyday. I am still living with my brother in law and we have a son toghether. I know it sound crazy but I am not in love with him althought he said that he loves me.
My concern now is that, I am so confused and I don’t know what to do.
please help!

(Screen) Name: Princess