Stuck in between the two

Ok, Im stuck in between the two with these guys, both names starting with j’s. We’ll call the first one johnny and the other one jake. I was first talking to johnny for a long period, since middle and high school. We stop communicating for a while. Soon we started up again my junior year in high school. We never told each other that we liked each other but there was always a sexual connection between us. My senior year I moved out of town and we started to talk even more, every night, we even had phone sex many times, and our desires grew more and more. Then one night I spilled the beans and told johnny I had strong feelings for him, and he confessed the same thing. We freely showed our feelings in public and everyone knew about it even jake, the other guy and best friend of johnny. Things were great and nothing changed until I stopped receiving phone calls, and text messages from him, and he was always upset and angry towards me like I did something to him. We ended it and he told me to drop my feelings and I told him I did and that was it. We would see each other and nothing would be said so I dropped it and that was it. Some months after his friend, my friend also started to talk, text, talk on facebook, the communication got stronger and so did the feelings. It was this one saturday I was excited to see him and then possibly tell him there was some feelings there, but he left where I was, and he did not say where he was going. I took the initiative to facebook him( yeah I facebooked him) lol. I told him everything, how my feelings towards him, and in response he told me that same night he started his own relationship with another girl that goes to his same church..I felt many feelings.. sad, hatred… angry.. everything in the book, you name it, I had it. He also said that he always had a thing for me, but he knew I was talking to his best friend so he could not have done that to him. (This is where all the drama starts guys) Jake started to call me more often and started to wonder what if we had gotten together, this was the time my mother had to have surgery and she went in the hospital for a week. We made arrangements to come to my house to chill because he never been to my home. I was so shocked knowing he was in a relationship. He came over after school and it was at night. We started to talk and played some games in the living room. Then he asked me to show him around the house, so I did and we ended downstairs in the guest room on the bed MAKING OUT WITH EACH OTHER!!! We made out with each other till our lips came dry. We both stopped it and said he had a girlfriend and he should be loyal to her. I sent him home and that was the end if it. A couple of weeks passed and the choir jake and I are in had to perform in miami, going there was just fine, coming back was the problem, many things happen in that van, Im not going to go into detail. Then it was on a day to day thing, he would come over and we would let things happen. Johnny came back to me several time asking for forgiveness and told me he still liked me, but at the time I was into jake, so I told him no, im seeing someone in hopes of one day jake and I would become an item. Jake girlfriend, we’ll call her flower, had to move down south, as a result they broke up because of the long distance relationship that couldn’t happen by jake. He also told me that we couldn’t get together either knowing that fact I was about to leave for school. We made a conclusion that we were going to wait for each other till school ended. Johnny came back many times during this whole fling with me and jake and I still refused but I secretly wanted him, and Jake asked me many times am I over him? and I said yes. when I moved away things were ok, I missed jake a lot and we talked almost everyday, then it started to decrease and decrease, until he was just to busy for me. Johnny appeared many times asking me for another chance, but I still declined, because I still stuck on Jake.
After this, Johnny and I got into many arguments about how he hurt me, but I guess that was my way of telling him I missed him still. We got into a huge argument and we said that was it, the communication is over between the two of us. I was really sadden and hoped he was just playing around, but after that we haven’t said a word to each other. Jake and I talked about our relationship and he said that he was not in the position so be in a relationship nor try to make one happen, and he told me lets work on a friendship.. I sadly agreed, a little angry also, because I felt like I wasted my time. The next couple of weeks I was back at home for winter break and happen to see the updated relationship status from johnny, and that he was in a relationship. My heart sunk to the floor because I knew that I still had feelings for him, he was almost my first and there was a lot of history behind us. i didn’t get a chance to see him because he went to New York for vacation. Now Im back home for school, and I keep thinking about him, and I want to tell him how I feel, but I don’t want him to know I was messing with his best friend, and hurt their relationship. My friends tell me to let it go, I guess I have to do that. What do you guys think? Now Im stuck in between the two, and I don’t want to hurt anyone… but am I hurting myself??

Thats my story
Lea.

(Screen) Name: ladylea