I suck at love

So the last year in school I met this really shy and childish guy who sat next to me. He was 2 years in the same classes with and I didn’t even pay attention to him till last year when we shared seats.

I got to know him well, he was really nice, sensitive, shy, he wasn’t like the rest of the guys that act like jerks just to pretend be cool, at those times I used to have a really low self esteem, I used to skip class all the time, I cut my hair, I stop wearing makeup and worrying about my appearance, I was very run down.

When we got closer we started flirting, and tickle each other during class and listen to cute music, he used to tell me about his stuff, his life wasn’t that easy, he was really frustrated because he couldn’t get a girlfriend, there was a girl in my class that gave him false hope and got hurt,  he was really impulsive and told me that talking to me it made him calm and also that I wasn’t like the rest of girls and that made me important to him, no one ever have told me or made me feel that before

I loved to listen to him and talk to him, he used to cry about my dumb jokes and stuff, and so I started liking him and so was him, but I never realized.

I never told him about my feelings but he noticed it, I started to wear make up and look good to draw his attention even more, but suddenly he got mad at me, he went to sit somewhere else. I used to call him to sit with me, he used to ignored me, after two weeks, he talked to me again, so did I, I asked him why he got mad he never wanted to answer me, so I acted like nothing happened between us.(I hate drama)

He told me he was going to live to another city, I first thought he was lying, or just saying, I never thought it was going to be true till the last day of class, I asked him when he was moving and he was going that same day. т.т

I got so so sad but I didn’t show it, I acted like it wasn’t affecting me but it really did. when the class ended he was going without saying goodbye, I ran out of the classroom and went to look for him he was going, and I screamed his name and hugged him I told him I was going to miss him a lot and to not forget about me, when he left I started crying so so hard, I could’t believe it, he was perfect to me, I felt like I lost a diamond, ugh it was awful

after a week he gone he messaged me and told me that he liked me, and he wanted to date me but he didn’t want to hurt me because he does not have a stable place to live in, his dad is a miliyary, that’s why he travels a lot. I lost my phone and so I lost his number so he messaged my friend, and he alwyas asked about me.

I have his necklace, he thought he lost it but he got really happy because I had it, and also sad because he didn’t have anything about me, just some pens I led him in class lol not romantic at all

I missed him a lot tho he was a nice guy, I have never felt this before, since I’ve only had 2 boyfriends who were dickheads haha.


Now, this year in july, I went travel to a countryside for a weekend, I didn’t go to school from friday till sunday, so monday I went to school, and I got the suprise of my life, he came back to my class, he transferred school. when I saw him I got butterflies in my stomach it was crazy, I gave him a bear hug, I didn’t want to let him go lol, I was HAPPY AF, we sat together again, and played like the old times, till my whole class strated annoying us, and notice it we like each other. he was happy to see me again, so was I but it kinda bothered him how the class annoy us, because I get red af, and he acts like he doesn’t listen to them.

Now he haven’t talked to me, he is indifferent to me and that makes me so sad, in class, he sits tree seats heind me, he laughs stronger that way he tries to draw my attention, because it’s obvious, he startes at me when he thinks I don’t even notice but I really do, or tries to walk near me and talk louder, ugh I honestly don’t know what to do.

I asked my best friend to talk to him for me, and he told her that he is afraid to talk to me, she asked her why he doesn’t date me, and he said he need to think that with his heart, and like he travels a lot, he doesn’t want to hurt me.

I am not asking him to be my boyfriend, I just want him to talk to me, xc he is shy, I’d really love to date him though, but I’m like the most impulsive person I get frustrated when he ignores me, I hate his indifference towards me, this november I am going to france with mom and I don’t want to end up with him like this, like if we never met, I love him I really really do, I’ve never felt this before, I have a very strong desire to cry inside like a lump in the throat.

I need an advice, I really suck at love please hep me what should I do?? should I talk to him? tell him what I feel?? ugh I will explode

By the way, thank you for reading this and take your time for it.