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Welcome to the Love Story Blog of Love-Sessions.

Do you have a special love story? Actually every love story is great. How does it begin, what did it take, who was involved and how did it end if it ended.

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Love story

Posted on : 15-09-2018 | By : admin | In : First Love

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A true Story of Love & Betrayal

Posted on : 15-09-2018 | By : admin | In : Romance Love Story

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Once a pakistani boy named Ali living in Kuwait fell in love with a pakistani girl named Sehar who lived in canada through facebook. Though he was not the guy who believed in love and more importantly long distance relation and all was not his piece of cake as he was the party guy, spoiled and was into alcohol, drugs and stuff at a very young age of 18 or 19. Also he had the choices of girls who were even closer to him and in the same city, much beautiful, educated still he choose the girl who was very far. Whom he never met. All this started from one random message from a stranger girl from canada. The guy replied and soon they became friends and started chatting daily. After few days the guy realized that only she is the one whom he was looking for and proposed her. Luckily, the girl accepted the proposal and they fell in love. Everything was going fine till one day when the boys father passed away and the boy got shattered as he was very much attached to his father. After this tragedy Ali went into depression and nothing remained in his control. He was not able to even remember anything his family, friends, also Sehar whom he recently started loving all because of this tragedy which left him shattered. On the other side Sehar was trying to contact and speak with Ali. but he just dint gave her a chance and walked away and actually he went into darkness. He completely stopped talking with his friends, left work, turned off his phone forever and all he wanted was to stay alone in a dark room. This went on for almost 2 years. His mother was worried because of Ali’s behavior but he was not even speaking with her. She tried every single thing and prayed day and night for her son and after 2 years Ali started recovering after he himself started praying. He started feeling lighter and then he realized that he is the eldest son and his mother and younger brothers and sisters are his responsibility and he has to get up on his feet. He spoke with his mother and he realized that she has struggled alot because of him. So, the first thing he did was to get a job which luckily he got in his first interview. After he got the job he started meeting his old friends also who were aware about his condition and everything became normal for him except Sehar. As he was lacking the guts to talk with her and apologize for whatever happened. However, one day one of his friend motivated him to atleast talk once and apologize. He did the same. He called up the girl and upon hearing his voice the girl started crying and she told her how much she missed her and stuff and they both started again. 

Now everything became normal for Ali. His family was happy, his friends were happy, he got his love back. He started focusing on his career and soon got promotions and they both started planning to get married. They both used to be on phone for hours. And also because of Sehar he was on the right path and had left all his bad habbits of alcohol, drugs, late night parties and stuff. In short, he was happy and matured by that time. He also started saving money and investing to get profit so he can fulfill all her wishes of buying a house in canada and even he planned to move there and start his own business as he wanted to keep her in the same country where her parents live. He planned and started working for it without her knowledge. In between they fought alot for small reasons but they couldn’t afford to spend 1 single day without talking with each other and sharing pictures and videos of each other. Also one reason for the fight was that in that 2 years when Ali was in depression while Sehar claimed she missed him and prayed day and night to get in touch with Ali. She was actually in a relationship with a guy named Shoaib and more surprisingly he was also pakistani and living in the same country where Ali lived. And also shoaib claimed he loved her and also that he knows her from more than 2 years. However, Sehar convinced Ali that he was only her friend and he used to like her but she loves Ali only and cannot live without him. As Ali was blindly in love with her so he ignored and there relation was normal again. This went on for another 2 to 3 years things were all good. They both were happy and Ali was madly in love with her and was planning to visit her country to meet her for the first time as they they knew each other for almost 6 years and they haven’t met. and now Ali had to go back to his country to settle few things. While he planned to go back to his home country he got into a big mess. He was caught by immigration officials in another country where he was for transit due to mistaken identity and also he lost his passport. They put him in jail and for almost 2 months and he was not in contact with anyone not even his family. After 2 months pakistani embassy helped him get out of jail after it was proved that he is not the guy they were looking for and they deported him to his home country. The first thing the guy did after getting out of jail was to call his mother and Sehar. His mother cried and he told her that he is on his way and will be with her very soon. But things were not good at Sehar’s end.. at first she disconnected the call after hearing Ali’s voice. Ali was shocked and tried again but he was not getting any response from her. However, the next morning he got a call from her and again she started crying. And said that he left again without her knowledge and now no one in her family will accept Ali. And they are planning for her marriage with someone else. Ali was shocked! Sehar was crying and what she said to Ali was shocking. She asked him to leave and never talk with her again. 

What Ali thought was that he was away and she is angry so he started apologizing and promised that he will come to meet her very soon and that the same year they will get married also. They started talking again daily and somehow Ali convinced her and things were good again till Ali came to know that while he was in jail for 2 months she was in contact with some guy Irfan who already went to canada to meet her also and surprisingly he was also from Ali’s neighborhood and more surprisingly his childhood friend to whom he actually stopped meeting long back. But still Sehar’s convincing power was so good and Ali was madly in love with her. So, she explained Ali that they are just friends and she also knows her family from pakistan which was actually true. And because Ali dint liked she stopped any ties with him. And again they got back to normal. And Ali started planning to visit her and her family to discuss about there Marriage. He actually planned to give her a surprise on his own birthday. However, some things were not same like before. And Ali became suspicious. And somehow he found out that Sehar lied to him about her relation with Irfan. And they were actually still in contact. He asked Sehar about it and she started fighting and swearing that whatever Ali thinks is wrong and she is not in contact with Irfan. To prove the same she called Ali on Skype(video call) and held The Holy Quran in her hand and she swear upon The Holy Quran that she has no relation with Irfan and she will never contact him in future. After all this Ali had no choice except to trust her again. And the rest part his love for her played and he trusted her again.

 

They became normal again but Ali was still not convinced from inside and for the same he was guilty that why he is not convinced till now as she had swear upon the Quran and nothing is bigger after this being a Muslim. But in reality that swear was playing a big role and within 1 week Ali came to know every single thing about Sehar that she was actually cheating on him from years. 

Now there is a Twist. She was actually in love with Irfan. And Irfan knew that she was earlier in a relation with Ali but they had ended long back. And irfan was also madly in love with her and they both were planning marriage too. And they were in contact for more than 7 years and in relation was more than 2 years which proves she was cheating on both of them.

 

When Ali came to know the truth he immediately contacted Irfan. And after hearing from Ali even he was shocked. When they both asked her together so she had no option left but to choose 1 or leave.  And then she choose Irfan and apologized and left Ali and also abused him for speaking with Irfan. Ali was in shock that why she did this to him. Tried to speak with her but she never responded back. Days passed and Ali was back into his addiction of drugs and alcohol and this time because of his love. He spoiled himself again. He was completely shattered. 

After few days he recieved his passport from the Embassy with his canadian visa which he had submitted for a surprise visit for his love. Upon receiving the passport from embassy he planned revenge. He gathered all the information about sehar’s, her address, her workplace and all. And he went to canada to meet her for the first time without her knowledge. He planned to speak with her on face to know why she did all this with him and insult her. After reaching canada he was able to locate her the same day. He went in front of her with anger and questions but when he observed she got frightened. He just told Sehar to relax and dont worry as he is not there to harm her and just kept his promise that he will come to meet her. And he turned back with tears in his eyes. He dint even took 10 steps back and sehar came running and held his forearm from the back and told Ali to stop. Before she could say something Ali started asking her why she did all this and she could have told him to leave and stuff.. he burst out everything he had in less than 5 minutes.. he also told her that he never imagined there first meeting will be like this. now both were in tears and she was literally crying. He asked her to stop crying as they were standing in the middle of a busy street. She turned back and ran inside the place she was working in.

 

After meeting her for the first time and watching her crying Ali lost his senses as she was his true love, his weakness. And it was not easy for him to see her cry. He again started thinking that things can workout and he will forgive her and start a new life. He called up Sehar and asked her to meet him. After few No’s and why’s she agreed. They met and spoke with each other about what they want in life. To his surprise now she was not agreeing. And throwing at Ali that once the trust is broken it can never be the same again. So, This time Ali convinced her that he will make everything alright and they will forget whatever happened for a fresh start. Finally she agreed. And also promised him that nothing will happen again in future. They started meeting daily as Ali stayed in a hotel for few days and every morning Sehar visited him and both love birds spent the days together. She was spending time with Ali But he was not able to bring back that feeling of loving her back again. in between he planned to ruin her life by sleping with her and leave her as his revenge but they even slept together almost naked but he was not able to get the feeling of making love or something. He also started doubting himself as it came in his mind if he is able to make love or no. while actually he was feeling disgusted as the girl he loved has cheated on him and already slept with someone else. His mind was constantly thinking that now what will be her next move. Also because he was aware that she is still in contact with Irfan. Though he never told her but he was aware.

After spending few days when Ali was leaving they both met and hugged each other and promised to meet back again soon. Mr. Romeo(Ali) was actually confused about her and also made her confuse about there relation. He was actually fighting a war between his brain and heart. Finally after reaching back to his home they fought back due to same issues and blocked each other from there phones. What Ali actually did was to leave her with Irfan and walked away. He fought with himself for almost a year.. and was unable to trust anyone or we can say afraid to trust. But after sometime he decided to forget everything and move on with the help of his few friends and family.. 

While discussing his story with us. Ali recalled everything and what he told us was shocking. He said whatever she did she did good for herself. And she choose what makes her happy. And if she is happy with someone else i am ok with it. And when we asked him if he regrets it. He replied, everything in life happens for a reason. and when she was exposed at first at the same time he should have left her and move on. he trusted her again and it was his own mistake his own choice.

 

“You can never make a mistake twice. because the second time its not a mistake, it’s a choice!

 

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Endless Love

Posted on : 15-09-2018 | By : admin | In : Romance Love Story

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Its goes back to 10 years ago.About to leave for Montreal,Canada for masters in Computers Science.I was above average with highly passion in Computers 23 years old.Going first time out of India, Delhi Airport my parents look at me I look at them happy and following up last minute instruction from my father.Got text wishes from my 4 years relationship girlfriend from my college.In my mind new world new life adventure starts.

Saw Gurvinder at terminal with his 25 people family from a small village came to drop him at airport.Everybody was crying including him (Met him 2 weeks ago going to same college), I looked at them then I looked at my parents chill and I was happy.Thought time to run away from drama.Flight to Montreal freedom had drinks in flight.

 

Reached Montreal, my friend backed out, no one came to pick me at airport.I was always strong to cab to address.and found him at house.Small Condo with 3 people living.Life started, university paperwork , time to say goodbye to ex (mistake broke her heart).Parties started, clubbing and all fun.First semester finals, KARMA hit me back and failed in project.Kind of dreams shattered but felt to be strong.I was really open minded all time all religions but one thing I always believed KARMA.Went to club again and in the lights of club and drinks up found my crush Maria (Latino older than me.). I don’t  speak french and she don’t speak English fun part. Still our eyes met and really found a connection and she did too.

Always was a geek, used google translate all time from English to french back and forth.Met her next day and next day and again at weekend.Moving forward and moved to her place.There was love but it was different.With university pressure of my results, got kicked out of university.I was really sad and discussed Maria,we talked a lot and she gave me option to marry her and stay in Canada.Had a love, but still was big decision , got out of options and just did it.Started again new life (By the way didn’t told my parents, typical Indian but still way cool than other ones).Found delivery job, good cash money and filed my residence.Things were going all smooth.Living like happy couple.Just big wait for residence now.

 

We started  hating Montreal, I mean beautiful city but low incomes and opportunities.I need to rise and think big.Friends moved to Calgary and we felt that is our destination.Just waiting for residence patiently and when time came we moved.

New city and again new life.But things started to feel good and bad both same time.Got excellent job made 3 times what I was making in Montreal, BUT Maria health got bad, she got arthritis, changed in behavior life was going better economically but relationship was falling day by day.And one she said tell your parents and solve everything.It was time I guess, told them and my father stopped talking to me.Maria started going to Columbia her hometown for her treatment 3 months a year.I took responsibility for all financial situation.But the relationship was pretty much done needed just a spark for fire.

I quit my job and looked for change, already was top salesman in my company and reached the limit.Good or bad decision , I just took it needed a change.Started working in furniture store.Maria and I were just on edge of relation, that moment and she was about to leave for Columbia for her treatment.I was happy , really needed peace in life for a while and she felt the same. And just then the miracle  happened in life.

 

All right friends need support if you like my half  story please comment and rest will write after that.

Just some keywords for coming part. Soulmate, Respect, Suicide attempt,Blood Love letter,Insomnia, depression, Emergency protection services, Tattoo , CHANGE of RELIGION , Wait for 7 years and counting,learning arabic, kids,guitar.

 

 

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Few Words left unsaid !

Posted on : 15-09-2018 | By : admin | In : Lost and Love

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So today, after having some beer, it reminded me of my lost love who came into my life to teach the biggest lesson of my life but that love never became mine. I have opened up my laptop so that i could share this feeling which i have since a lot of time and is troubling me lot to have a normal happy life.

 

I went to Australia for my master after completing my graduation from India. I belong from a commerce background and so as guided by consultant, I took Masters in accounting and International finance in a prestigious University of Melbourne. Australia, a country i always wanted to live in. But when I landed on my land of my dream country and at one of the most liveable city of world, Melbourne, i was so happy.

But I had to go through i a lot of hurdles and i believe luck wasn’t on my favour so I had to come back to India after 5 months of hustle and struggles.  Meanwhile when i was breaking down from inside in that beautiful city, I met a girl. A girl who was from my own country, India and had come in the same batch, same Uni but in different course.

I lived in a 8 room house for students , out of which we 3 were Indians and rest were from different countries. I became friends with the other 2 Indians that lived in my house. We became good friends in the beginning but had issues later on. Its a different story.

Let me come back to how i met that girl. We 3 friends went out to one of our friends birthday party who had invited us at his place. He lived two streets back from where we lived with 6-7 more students and they all were from India. So that’s how I met that girl. We got to know each other on that day. After that we friends started going to that house because we 3 found more Indian friends over there and that’s how it goes in Australia.

 

And there she comes into my life. We became friends as we started meeting more because our visit to that house had become more regularly as there were 3 more girls in that house. But I dont know, out of all other girls she was the best. When I got to know about her personality( about what a person she is), i started feeling for her. But i neglected that feeling because my main purpose was to concentrate on settling down in that country. We all had a busy life over there.

We became good friends and the more i got to know her, the more respect and love came into me for her. I have some of the best moments of my life with her as a friend. When I was breaking down in that city, she gave happiness and positiveness whenever she was around. It was always a good feeling to be with her. But then i got to know that she had someone else in her life. He was my batchmate, one of our friends. He was not from the guys who lived in that house, neither in ours. Not much people knew about that boy, even majority of our batchmates did not knew him as he wasn’t a regular guy in the Uni. But he was the boy whom she loved.

I didn’t have any problem with that because i never realised that i was falling for her. We were friends and i was completely fine with that. I was busy solving problems that were coming in between me and my dream I had of settling down in Melbourne.

But unfortunately, I had to come back to India. In my last few days, I had done cut-off with all of my friends because i did not wanted to share with everyone that i was going back to India. Only 2 persons knew that i was going back. The one was my friend who saw me going through a lot and that going back is the only option left for me and the other one was her. I told her on my own that i was going back because somewhere deep inside i wanted her to be in touch with me after this. We came close.

 

Before coming back. We both went out for dinner. It was definitely the best night of my life. I cannot forget that night.

We were in touch for few months after i came back to India. I was really sad and talking to her was the only happiness i found. I used to call her but knew that she would be busy in her life. Every student is, in Australia as they have to study and work together. Whenever she would find time, she didn’t miss to call me. Meanwhile, I realised that feeling had increased a lot. I couldn’t resist to tell her. So, finally I told her everything. I told her that i don’t want to loose a friend like you but yeah i feel for you. I didn’t expected her to leave that boy for me. I was fine if we remain friends and I can live with one-sided love.

Her response was in such a manner that showed me that she cares for me and wanted to see me happy. We both continued talking but now we both had opened up with each other.We both cared for each other feelings and now it was more natural. We both did not want to hurt each other. She told me that she loves that boy and i was fine. But what kills me is, I know they both don’t have future and she will get hurt. As far as i have heard about her family from herself only, her father is a strict man. And he would never accept a Pakistani muslim boy. Very few cases of Indian and Pakistani marriages are there.

 

Now its been 7 months since she has stopped talking to me. She said that it would be better if we both stop talking to each other. Good for our future because she can’t be mine. Whenever anything bad happens to her, she believes that it’s happening to her because she is doing wrong to me. And there she goes, blocking me from everywhere. I tried reaching out to her but she never responded. I still don’t have any idea, what made her took this step. Was it my fault or what ?

I just wanted her to be there. Did not expected her to love me back, just wanted her to be my friend when i have been so broken.

 

But in these 7 months, I have realised that the fault was in me.I was never of her kind. I was an alcoholic.I have started using drugs after I came back to India because I have been through a lot. I miss her and will always miss her because she has given me the best lesson of my life. I can’t explain what kind of person i was before I met her but now i feel that she came for some reason. To give me biggest lesson my life. And also i don’t have any idea how this bad guilt feeling would go out of me. There are a lot a questions in my minds, a lot of words, I wanted to tell her when she was going out of my life, but remained inside me. I CAN SURVIVE WITH IT AND WITHOUT HER.

 

 

 

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That One Love. The first ever.

Posted on : 15-09-2018 | By : admin | In : First Love

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Hi guys. Today I want to write about this guy who i fell in love with almost five years back.

Unlike other couples, we met very tragically- you could say it was all destiny. Back then in 2008, we use to have this option called “Mobile Dating” in our phones, which was a service offered by BSNL. You just have to create a profile on your mobile and then you would be given few names and you can select any and send them messages. The phone number didn’t get revealed, it was just the id which was shown and the message path was some weird “555000..” type of number.

Anyway, so once, I got a text a from an id named “eudi”.

Eudi- hi how are you

kweenangel(my id)- hi i m fine. where are u from?

Eudi- i am from dhubri and u?

(Dhubri is a place in Assam and gladly, I was from assam too. Just not the same town)

kweenangel- i m from guwahati

So, this way we started talking and exchanged our numbers. And everyday, he used to call me. We didn’t talk much but we used to call each and I got the signs that he likes me. So one night, we were just messaging each other discussing about  our likes and some other things when for something I told him, “I think you are going mad.” To which, he replied, “Yes I am going mad in your love.” I said, “What? How?” He said, “The way you talk! Uff, main tere pyaar mein deewana ho gaya hu.” I started laughing but I don’t know why, I couldn’t refuse him. The date was 16th august, 2008.

And this way we started dating. I used study in a boarding school where we were not allowed to keep phones with us and we could just call home on weekends for 15 minutes. So on 23rd august i was leaving early in the morning. And the amount I cried on 22nd august, I can’t describe it in words. I sat in the washroom and cried for hours. I just didn’t want to leave him and go. He asked me to mail my picture to him. I thought he wouldn’t like the way I look and he will leave me for it so I searched for a very pretty girl’s image on Google and sent it to him. And after seeing the photo, he fell even deeper for me.. He mailed to some senti songs and then I put them into my i-pod and next day I left for school. We promised to write letters and e-mails to each other, which we did regularly. That was the first love letter I ever received in my life. All my friends read it even before i could get to read it. i read it over and over again for more than 10-20 times and that night I slept with the letter. (haha. stupid, i know)

Then one day, he again asked for my pictures and since it was already 6 months to our relationship, I sent him my real photo. He didn’t react to it. He just told me “You look so different.” He didn’t say even a single thing. Then when I called him on the weekend, he found out I had lied to him but we didn’t discuss much on it as he looked for love, not looks. For me, it was the same. Then came april, 2009 when we met for the first time. I had gone on an excursion trip to Shillong and he came to meet me in shillong and stayed in the same hotel where we were staying. I was pretty scared of getting caught by my teacher so I didnt stay with him for a long time. At night before leaving for his room, i just softly called him and kissed his cheek. Our love was the purest form of love I’ve ever experienced.

Then soon in may, he told me that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship as he feels relationships don’t last. I didn’t want to force him so I let him go. But I always waited for him because I knew it was his first time as well as mine and the bonding between us was different. Then after almost half an year, around in September, he came back. He sent me a message on Orkut, asking me to call him. I called him on the weekend and he apologized for leaving me that way. And I remember, 12th November, 2009, was the day he first said those four magical words to me, “Will you marry me?” I can’t even describe my feelings. For a moment, I was just silent and then I said “Of course I will.”

And that way, we stayed together for four years. He had this calling me “jaan” every single time that he had to tell me I love you. Though, he said it pretty lesser than often but yes, each time he did, his confession of love use to music to my ears each time I heard them. I could feel it right there in my heart that what he is saying is true and my reply was a reflex of my emotions. The deeper the love, the lengthier were our arguments. We faced a lot in our relationships. We fought almost daily. Broke up many times but patched up again. Sometimes I made mistakes, sometimes he did. He is the first guy who has ever cried for me. I think distance was the reason which held us so strong. Maybe. All I knew was for me, Lohit was life. Nothing else mattered. I didn’t need anybody but just him.

But finally, our fights increased to such an extent that we started abusing each other. Our heated arguments paved a way for our destruction and soon our relationship turned into a piece of trash. My entire world, that fairy tale world that I had built around me wherein it was Lohit and I and our to be family came crashing down. It had become too much for me to bear as I had never been in love. I didn’t want it to end because I knew we were a forever kind of a thing but things had to stop somewhere because we were losing ourselves in our relationship.

So after our fourth anniversary, I broke up. He did try to call me back and try to sort things but I just behaved in the same rude manner that he used to behave in and soon, he got over me. I asked him to return all my letters, gifts, etc. And he did. For once, I behaved like one strong individual woman who does not need a man for her happiness but little did I realize that Lohit was happiness. Once I received my letters back, I re-read each one of them and I happened to realize that what fools were we to break something that was so precious and valuable. We were truly and madly in love with each other. I know people say it’s easy and shit but losing someone who brought love into your life just breaks you somewhere within. i always knew that somewhere within he still loved me but our relationship became a waste.

There were days when I wouldn’t want to leave my bed because I didn’t want to start another day of my life without my Lohit in it. I have gone through it all, sleepless nights, tears soaked pillows, loud howls in the shower and above all that, missing my lost mother somewhere within him. I think that’s life, we all move on in the end. He did and I did too. I met this another man in my life post that and then another and then another but somethings just don’t leave your heart. Lohit is now a far off dream, a beautiful memory etched within my heart. I would say, he’s my confidant. I can confide into him for anything at all and I know he’d never judge me. That one precious relationship of my heart that I would always reminisce and cherish.

But today why is this heart at ache? Why is suddenly all so lonely? It’s been more than four years now that we broke up then why all of a sudden this empty sort of a feeling? Dreams can really move us, I must say! Last night, I dreamed of being with him. I dreamed of my family, his family and Lohit and I chatting in the dark. That was a serene feeling. A two or three hour dream where I was at my happy place. All these days in the recent past, I had been too confused with my life. With all other portions of my life being complete, this heart was always empty. Though my sisters always teased me that I could never love anyone else apart from Lohit, I shrugged off their comments like a joke. But all of a sudden this feelings is just so weird. I am happy and broken at the same time. I spoke to him today and asked him to visit me just once. This is this urge inside me, this fire inside my belly, to see this man in my life just one more time. The moment he said he might come, this urge just grew and since then I just cannot stop thinking about him. Life has changed, I have changed but what is this changed feeling inside me? I’m yet to find out.

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Smile

Posted on : 15-09-2018 | By : admin | In : Secret Love

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Amazing once in a lifetime lust/love

Posted on : 15-09-2018 | By : admin | In : Secret Love

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I don’t know how many people experience that one partner in their lives that stays forever in their memory . To me it seems realistic to say that it’s rare chance happening that two people meet and without any words at all you both know that you  physically want to connect, hence why the lingering effect of those encounters remains haunting your thoughts for at least a moment of everyday . Whilst the relationship was never destined to last for sensible reasons, one thing that made the union fast and furious was the undeniable intense sexual compatibility/chemistry that kept us practically aching for more at that time . Eventually reality inevitably applied its harsh breaks and forced the relationship to an abrupt end however for that short blissful time it was enough to carve , to burn ,the memory in our thoughts forever . This person and I accepted that we weren’t meant for each other in the long run but we were sure meant for each other in bed . Replaying in my mind our bodies grasping at each other’s flesh , running nails down skin , kissing like we wanted to eat each other , having sex 3 or 4 times in just a few hours , every touch like a blast of delicious electricity . It all seems exhausting but at the time it was all we needed and the memories of it is nothing less than incredibly powerful. We burnt each other out only to come back for more as it was the sweetest most addictive drug . People told us that we weren’t good for each other as they could see the relationship for what it was, in their minds , just lust and deep down we knew it too to some extent but the forces of nature kept us physically close to each other, as close as we could possibly get . In my opinion the experience is rare . The memories are  so intense and sublime yet painful at the realisation that it had to end and probably will never be experienced again but I have to accept that fact for logical personal progressive reasons . Every now and then I’ll hear a song , smell that delicious certain scent that she used to wear , see some one who resembles her , and for a second or two my body burns with excitement but then it’s gone . That feeling is something money simply cannot buy , our union was priceless . I don’t like to say it was just lust  . It was being in love with the way we touched each other and tasted to each other but it was being in love for a limited explosive period in time . It was a rare type of love that very few experience but I was lucky (or un lucky in the sense that I can never forget ) enough to have enjoyed those sexually charged moments but endure the remaining memories of something that’s gone forever . If I ever ran in to this person again I couldn’t confidently say that I could just walk away which is why as much as yearn to connect again I sensibly hope I never do as our union would not only be catastrophic for the surrounding furniture but for those we love not to mention our mental health  . Love isn’t just sex but sometimes that sex is so amazing it scars you for life and nothing else will never be quite as amazing . Your soul mate is a portion of everything which is why you love them and would die without them. It’s what makes for a long successful relationship  ;However , to have a full dose of that amazing sexual chemistry must remain as private thoughts that we both know we still have  . The vibrations of that powerful attraction will remain , and if they ever start to fade , which they haven’t in nearly 20 years yet , I’ll know that they have faded for her. Until then and IF that ever happens she’ll be my one secret that keeps bound and turned on in fantasy . Please let me know if you’ve had a similar experience ; does it feel like mine ? 

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Nobody told me it feels so good

Posted on : 15-09-2018 | By : admin | In : Soul Mates

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This is for you my love.

Rani it has been eight months since we knew each other and if I say I loved you even before we met I will not be lying.
There is something in you which made me love you even before I knew you. How come baby you entered my mind my heart and
my soul? Before We met Love for me was an alien thing. I never believed that two persons can be so close that the two become one.
But with you I have felt this magic.

Do you know how I feel when I am talking to you? When you are around I am not in my senses. I do rubbish things, I say
foolish words. When I see you smile my heartbeats skip beating. There is no such view like the one when you smile.
Remember the day when We first met. We had been texting each other for sometime by then, but that was the day when my
eyes were going to see the most beautiful lady. I was so anxious, but why? I had so many thoughts running in my mind.
I did know that you would be pretty, and I had thoughts of how to make impression on you. But when I saw you I was out of
my mind. Was I dreaming, was it real what I just saw? I had to pinch myself to make sure it was all real. That moment I
was simply taken away by the most beautiful eyes on this earth. Rani, who would have thought that two strangers meeting
for the first time will come so close that only we know. I love you not only because you are the prettiest and most
beautiful lady my eyes ever saw but because you are a beautiful person with a beautiful heart.

Rani, I am so much in love with you and I am all drenched in the ittusaa love you have showered on me all these days.
Together we have gone through some tough times. There have been many issues but our love has grown in strength with each
passing moment. I hope by now you understand how madly I am in love with you. I know you had gone through difficult times
in your life and you managed it all alone. But not anymore. Now your hand is in my hand. Whatever situations arise we will
together face it. I will not make you dependent my love but I will be your strength, I will hold you when you find it
tough and I will lift you when you are weak. We will always be together. Destiny has brought us together and I promise you
baby together we will make a life of dreams. With you I have been living in heaven all these days. I promise you the love
we share will never fade away. I will be sometimes annoying, irritating and sometimes dumb too but the bond we share will
go on strengthening.

I love you Rani. I want a life with you. I will give my all to see you smile, I will be doing everything to make sure we
get married because I can’t think of a life in which you are not there and I want you to be my side in my last days on
this earth with my head on your lap surrounded by our children and grand children.

Yours and Only Yours
Sunil

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One Flesh

Posted on : 15-09-2018 | By : admin | In : Secret Love

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One Flesh

This is my sad love story. It is raw, very honest and blunt. Many will be repelled by it and think I am a monster, a crazy man, but it is my true journey, a journey to become “one flesh” with one woman.

Life presents many obstacles in search of the true meaning to existence. As a philosopher, I have done nothing, intellectually, but wrestle with my search for truth and the truth of my own existence. This has underscored everything I have done in my life. The same is with my search for real love. And, likewise, as I wrestle with seeking truth to my existence, I have also relentlessly wrestled with love. What is it? How do I know when it is for real? What does it really feel like? Is it resistant to all sins? Does it truly forgive wrongdoing? Are there different aspects of it? Is it just emotion? Or, is it the actual meaning of life? I don’t know, but I want to know. One thing I do know, and this is the moral to this story: avoid lying as much as possible when trying to figure out your own heart. Lying can become very destructive and the loss from it unbearable. Mistakes are truly our greatest teachers. Lying creates false perception even though the journey’s intent is genuine.

This short story is about my most honest and genuine attempt to answer the former questions about love. I have yet to answer them, but the last heart I connected too has been the closest I have come, I truly believe this to be so. I cannot engage in conversation with anyone because it always seems to work against me. The truth of my thinking would push many away, especially a woman. I have yet to spill the truth of my heart out with anyone because the words never seem to come out right. When I do speak from my heart, whom ever is listening, wants to hear something else. So I have found it best to simply talk to myself, or write to myself. What I have to say must be said and heard, even if by strangers. I must reveal my deepest sentiments.

Love, for me, over the years, has generally been something I thought I had to comply with. Love was something that I must obey or do, or try to make work for the sake of something else. It has only been recently, through emotional trauma, that I am realizing what real love might be. First, love may be something I will not be able to control. Second, love may be something I must surrender to and not try to resist for reasons outside of my own heart. Third, love is something I must be totally honest with. And here it is:

Early on, I signed the paperwork that showed the world I was in a committed and correct union with a woman. In this course of life, the right thing to do was make this work and raise the child that she bore me. I never intended to have a child. Love and marriage for me at this time was something I HAD TO DO because it was the right thing to do. The world and all its eyes found favor in this union. But my heart did not. I felt it was only right before an unknown god to marry the woman I got pregnant. And so the years went by and I went through all the motions, yet my heart was still empty. Why? This was what God said is right, right? I began trying to fill that void by what the world deemed as despicable. I started sleeping around with other women because sex had been emotionless. It was only physical in nature, a pleasure. I knew it should be something else, but I never felt that. Why not? If my marriage was righteous before an eternal God, why did sex feel so empty? I deeply wanted to feel love when I had sex, and I hadn’t yet, otherwise I would never look for it. My greatest desire then was to find a woman I could make love too and at the same time look into her eyes, kiss her lips and feel whole. I wanted to feel at peace in my heart and not just pleasure. This became a part of the meaning of life for me. I wanted sex to be fulfilling and spiritual. I wanted to be inside of her, whoever she was, and the act to become deeply meaningful, as though we had become, “one flesh.” I wanted to connect my soul to another woman by feeling ultimate pleasure of the body and at the same time feeling ultimate happiness in my being, by simply looking into her eyes during love making and feel complete from it.

In my mind, as a philosopher, to truly find intellectual truth, I had to study many ways of thinking. I had to read all kinds of books. As it relates to religion, I had to study many faiths. I engaged in all this study to seek out the truth for my own mind. My body was no different. Likewise, how can I find true love if sex was only part of it. For me, to find real love meant I had to have sex with different women until that special connection happened. The world sees this as immoral and sick. But it was not. I was determined to find that woman. I had to. I must. My body easily found pleasure, but my heart found nothing. I was on a mission to find the woman to not only pleasure my body, but to secure my heart at the same time. What was it like to experience becoming “one flesh” as the Bible said? How will I know it if that happens? All my life, that one statement in the Bible haunted me. You shall become “one flesh.” I want to become one flesh with a woman, and I knew it was not just physical sex, it was deeper. I could never tell anyone about my efforts. I was married and I loved my wife very much, I was just not “in love” with her. I also had a public life to sustain and children to feed. To make such an effort known would label me as a sex addict, a pervert, or a freak. But I was not addicted to sex; I was addicted to finding a woman who fulfilled the sex act.

So I slept around with different women, seeking my truth. After a short time, however, my interest in a particular woman would pass and we would both move on. No truth yet. No “one flesh.” But then, I met a young woman, Nikki. Nikki became the earthquake in my soul and I had to find a way to control it, but I did not know how. I wanted her to have my baby, literally. In all of my life, this was the first woman, ever, whom I actually wanted to create life with. I didn’t trust these emotions yet, however, because I had never experienced them. I never made this known to Nikki because I needed to know for sure if what I felt was real. Plus my marriage was in its 15th year. I was a public figure and the surface life dominated my intention and work ethic. I also needed proof that what I felt was genuine, real, forever. Maybe I was feeling something wrong or it was just temporary. So I simply pretended otherwise. I went though the motions again, as with the previous women, hoping for a revelation.

How would I know if this woman was the one? So, like before, we began a romantic relationship. Nikki was almost half my age, so the relationship attached some natural fears. These fears I made known through humor. What if I leave everything behind and Nikki falls in love with a young, handsome man? Is her interest in me for the sake of emotional security? Am I a rebound from her being hurt previously? How would I ever know if her love was real? Her words were not good enough. There had to be proof, a proof that was undeniable.

Our relationship prospered. I began feeling things I’d never felt before. I would always keep these feelings to myself because I feared that they might scare her away. We had wonderful times, going out, traveling, talking, etc. Even though we hid our romance, it felt so right. I loved holding and kissing her. It just felt right, comfortable. Nikki always wanted to be open about us, but my public life would condemn it. This was a huge struggle for us. But I still was insecure. I didn’t think the relationship was as good as I thought it was. I mean I was mentally prepared for it to end at any time, like the others. But it kept going.

Then it began going south. This was because I could not yet let go of my surface life. Yes I was in love with Nikki, and she was in love with me, but I would always play ignorant about our future because I feared the loss of all that I had achieved in my life. I needed much more. This being because I had finally found the woman I truly connected too while making love. I cannot erase this from my mind, ever. But the other fears created for me were anchors. The other fear was, is she connected also? Or is her love verbal? Yeah she said she was, that she loved me more than any thing. But as a philosopher, to me, they were words. I’ve always understood love to be like a fire. It purifies and burns at the same time. If Nikki truly loved me, as she said, would her love endure every obstacle? The term “better or for worse” comes to mind. Would her love overcome the worst? I had to know. Yes my emotions and love for her was very real, but at the same time I knew something was missing. I could feel it, deep in my heart. There needed to be great trauma or something that would put Nikki’s love to the test. I didn’t know what it was; I just needed to know before I gave up everything.

Now I had left my home once before, just to feel it out a bit. But there was something that kept holding me back from being with Nikki completely, what was it? Everything about her was perfect. Nikki had amazing eyes. She had an absolutely sexy body. She was intelligent, educated and compassionate. When I would put my mouth on her, time stopped. There was no greater pleasure. I loved to lay between her thighs and as I came inside of her, I’d look into her eyes and I was complete. Nothing was more amazing to me. I had found a sexual partner whom I truly loved. How did I know? Because I could look her into her eyes while making love and feel whole, safe and honest. She was the first, ever. I was dumbfounded. But I still had no conviction if her love for me was the same. And this haunted me, it scared me. How could I know for sure? Faith was not an option for me. I began trying to break away from her. Mostly because of the insecurities I had. I was not good enough for her. She would eventually leave me. I was of another generation and this may come to light for her at any time, motivating her to move on. She was half my age.

During our relationship I had lied to her about some things. I had told her that I was not having sex with my wife. And, I wasn’t regularly. My wife and I were like roommates, and it was actually a rare occasion. And when it happened, it was, again, just pleasure. Plus I used sex with my wife to affirm my love for Nikki. Sounds twisted? I know, but for me, I needed to know. In addition, I would also seek a connection like I did with Nikki, but to no avail. Also, I told Nikki I stayed upstairs in the spare room. And I did quite often, just not always. These were the two primary aspects of my surface life that I kept from her. And truth be told, I told many more lies to my wife and friends than I did to Nikki. With Nikki, it was primarily two simple lies. I did this to keep her in my life. Making love to her was so amazing, I needed to know deeper, that if she really loved me. So during this latter part of our romance, I spent most of my thinking trying to figure out what to do with my life. Should I be open with her to see if she loved me enough to forgive me? If she didn’t, then I would move on. Should I keep being selfish and keep lying until she finally had enough of the hiding? I didn’t know, I was trapped and it weighed heavy on my heart. I had let it get too complicated.

I knew that I loved Nikki, more than any other adult, and I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. And I knew that I desired to create life with her, but I would never dare say so. I always spoke the opposite, to keep her off that trail, so to speak. But I also knew she said she loved me because of what she believed about me, which was that I did not sleep with my wife, nor did I have sex with my wife. This was my ultimate fear, that she would learn the truth and leave me. Could her love be strong enough to look past the deception? Could her love for me be strong enough to forgive me? I needed to know. If she understood that I lied to her to keep her in my life so that I could truly know if she loved me or not, would she accept that and hold me? Odds are probably not. So I held on as long as I could, while trying slowly to break away because I knew the blow would be to great for me to lose her.

During the last part of our relationship, Nikki and I had some rough spots. We became like typical human beings who could not handle their own business. We actually got to a point where we took charges out on each other. How did that happen? Is that love?

My wife knew about my interest and relationship with Nikki, just not the details. She had no idea how much I really wanted and loved Nikki. Well, one day my wife called Nikki on the phone. And all the truth came out to both women. Each explained everything to the other. Tragic to say the least. This was not in my plans and was the furthest thing I wanted to happen. But the ultimate truth was out. What should I do? Well, my deepest fears were correct. Nikki left me. She even said she didn’t love me anymore and that she actually hated me. My heart was crushed. I couldn’t blame her. It would do no good to try to explain to her what my whole ambition was. My mistake along the way was continuing the lie. Now I will always wonder if she would have stayed if I revealed to her the truth early on. I will never know.

This whole ordeal has torn my heart out. I truly thought I found my soul mate. I truly thought I had found the woman who would love me past my mistakes, past my circumstances, and she did for a long while, which I am grateful for. I should have been more honest up front. I should have tried harder at everything, but I kept my love for Nikki inside. I went about it all the wrong way. From this journey, I lost everything. I mean everything. How will I ever recover when I lost what I was looking for all my life? I don’t think I can start over anymore truthfully. I must accept my fate as who I am and continue to go through the motions as I have for so many years.

In the end, I lost my job, I lost some friends, I suffered embarrassment, we both got arrested, I attended several months of counseling, and we were both emotionally stressed. But it got to be too much when I ended up homeless, living on the floor of my office and eating out of cans. My income was limited because I had to keep paying my house bills, even though I was not living there. I had moved out months before to try and make it work with Nikki. But being without secure income from my primary job, I just could not make it work. I ended up homeless for almost three months, all because I could not bare to lose Nikki. But it all got the best of me in the end. I could no longer handle the emotional stress. I could not afford to move forward. So I moved back into my house and Nikki no longer communicates with me. Now, it’s only a matter of time, if not already, her heart will belong to another. I must now learn to settle with my lot.

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As for Nikki, I love her dearly, I always will, till I’m gone. I miss her terribly. I think of her every day and I still dream about her. I wonder what she is doing, who she is with, does she think of me, does she miss me, does she regret me? I even see her face in others. Making love to her and looking into her eyes haunts me. Even now, after Nikki and I have been through soo much, I would still run into her arms and surrender this day. I don’t think I will ever meet another woman where I would actually want to create life with her, ever. In fact, I know I wont. I truly believe that Nikki was the only one. I actually thought about getting her pregnant so often. I would never speak of this to her, but if I could, I would actually marry her by choice and freewill, not because I thought it was the right thing to do, but because I had become “one flesh” with her.

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You & Me Together Making IT all Seem Right

Posted on : 15-09-2018 | By : admin | In : Soul Mates

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This is for you my love.

Rani it has been eight months since we knew each other and if I say I loved you even before we met I will not be lying.There is something in you which made me love you even before I knew you. How come baby you entered my mind my heart and my soul? Before We met Love for me was just another word in English dictionary. I never believed that two persons can be so close that the two become one. But with you I have felt this magic.

Do you know how I feel when I am talking to you? When you are around I am not in my senses. I do rubbish things, I say foolish words. When I see you smile my heartbeats skip beating. There is no such view like the one when you smile.Remember the day when We first met. We had been texting each other for sometime by then, but that was the day when my eyes were going to see the most beautiful lady. I was so nervous, but why? I had so many thoughts running in my mind.I did know that you would be pretty, and I had thoughts of how to make impression on you. But when I saw you I was out of my mind. Was I dreaming, was it real what I just saw? I had to pinch myself to make sure it was all real. That moment I was simply taken away by the most beautiful eyes on this earth. Rani, who would have thought that two strangers meeting for the first time will come so close that only we know. I love you not only because you are the prettiest and most beautiful lady my eyes ever saw but because you are a beautiful person with a beautiful heart.

Rani, I am so much in love with you and I am all drenched in the ittusaa love you have showered on me all these days. Together we have gone through some tough times. There have been many issues but our love has grown in strength with each passing moment. I hope by now you understand how madly I am in love with you. I know you had gone through difficult times in your life and you managed it all alone. But not anymore. Now your hand is in my hand. Whatever situations arise we will together face it. I will not make you dependent my love but I will be your strength, I will hold you when you find it tough and I will lift you when you are week. We will always be together. Destiny has brought us together and I promise you baby together we will make a life of dreams. With you I have been living in heaven all these days. I promise you the love we share will never fade away. I will be sometimes annoying, irritating and sometimes dumb too but the bond we share will go on strengthening.

I love you Rani. I want a life with you. I will give my all to see you smile, I will be doing everything to make sure we get married because I can’t think of a life in which you are not there and I want you to be my side in my last days on this earth with my head on your lap surrounded by our children and grand children.

Yours and Only Yours
Sunil

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