It was a Saturday in September when i met my love. Me and some friends went to the movies and like there’s an arcade inside we were bored so went there, I saw this very interesting handsome guy that i was really interested to talk to. I told my friend Kim that i wanted to go talk to him and she was like well go so then i went after a while i was so shy and i could notice he was too. After a while of talking he gave me his number after that i had to go to the movies. Later that night he texted me in the most unexpected time I was watching a movie with my brother in the living room and he got so jealous that i was watching a cool movie. My crush for him began the next day when we talked by phone for about 5 hours none stop just talking about our life’s. Al tough he didn’t tell me something that i found out a week later…. he had a girlfriend and he was in love. I thought to myself it was too late and thought about backing off but still being friends. And so we started to talk in a friendly way for a month until he broke up with his girlfriend. Yes he was still waiting for her because her dad didn’t want her to have a boyfriend but i stole his heart from her. I gave him my heart few days later but he was still waiting for her. We flirted a lot until we stopped texting for a while. Time passed, he texted me telling me that he was over his ex but he was really sad because he found out that she got a boyfriend the day after they broke up I just stood by his side all the time. three days later, we stop texting because we both got busy he had a busy schedule with homework and sports i had a busy schedule with theater and homework. It was another Saturday he texted me I asked him about his ex and he was like oh well im over her why you ask? and i was like oh no nothing… then he was like sure heheh that was cute ^^ anyways going back to subject…. okay so we walked together all the time in the mall until my friends came and started to flirt with him I backed him off like a lion protecting its property and we went to walk again. We were at Dillard’s when I tried kissing him he was too shy so just asked me to the movies, of course I had to say yes I mean I liked this guy for the LONGEST time ever. After a while I asked if I could grab his hand and he let me then we went back to my friends and they were like Awww you two make such a cute couple you should go out and I was like pf-ft not yet gosh then they started giggling and like he didn’t have money we had to borrow from some of his friends. It was embarrassing but cute. It was finally time for the movie it was movie theater nine where the movie took place. When we sat I felt so impulsive I couldn’t resist kissing him after such a long time that I had waited for our first kiss. I loved his lips they were so soft I just had to taste them he got so shy and I got so shy but we kissed trough out all the movie. Later that night he texted me I got so happy I was blushing so bad. That same week we were fighting about who liked each other more in one of those messages he told me he LOVE me. Oh my gosh that almost made me cry of happiness. That Saturday he asked me out and well whoa of course I said yes!!! I was more than excited about it he literally took my heart away in the yes everything of me belonged to him in that same moment and I couldn’t help my self but kiss him. It was Christmas vacations we spent every single day together at movies, park, mall or for my birth day zoo. That was the best birthday of my life he first took me to watch a romantic movie then a restaurant then Sunday my birthday he took me to zoo and his house . Woah this boy became my life. Al tough there happened a problem his mom not liking me yet we kept on fighting for our love and we still are in till this day. He’s the boy that owns my heart he’s my magnet, my everything, my life. I love texting, talking, walking, anything while it’s with him. Yes probably we’re in different schools and probably we’ll go through soooo many problems together but I know that we’ll make it through everything I love him and nothing will change that. So that’s the Lili and Brandon story anyways there is ALOT more to go still.

(Screen) Name: liligoesrawr

I’d read about love and asked my mom what it was like, and the truth was I never thought I’d know what it was. She told me it couldn’t be explained, only known. I didn’t know what that meant and asked her to elaborate. She couldn’t. When I asked her how I would know if I was in love for certain, she just told me I would know. I think very logically; to me there is only black or white. Something is either there, or it isn’t. Therefore I couldn’t understand the fact that something can’t be defined.

Five years later, it turns out, my mom was right.

I’m not sure if it was love at first sight, because really, what is love? All I know is that I saw him and immediately thought, “Wow.” This was followed by, “That’s the cutest guy I’ve ever seen in my life.” As the day wore on, I only paid attention to him. Lucky for me, I got to hear him sing, as he was a musician. The entire time, I was thinking about how amazing he was, how I’d never seen anything like him, and other thoughts mainly composed of admiration. When I returned home, I spent the next week looking at pictures of him and learning everything I could about him. I paid attention to everything he did and said. I framed a photo of him, paid attention to his friends, hung on to his every word. Being a musician myself, I wrote songs about him. At the time I thought it was just infatuation. A year and a half later, after seeing him kissing another girl right in front of me, I knew that I must have been in love with him. Why else did my heart feel like it was snapping into a million pieces? Looking to confirm this, I tried to write down how I felt about him.

It was impossible. The only thing I knew was that I needed to see him, because I couldn’t stand to be without him. (I will call him “Nick” to avoid confusion).

Soon, my luck changed. He talked to me, and eventually we became very close. It was the start of a friendship, so I couldn’t ruin it by telling him how I felt.

One day, he introduced me to his friends. I was eager to please them, and happy that he wasn’t hanging out with goths or other assorted weird people. Unfortunately, I spotted a guy near the back of the crowd and pulled away. This guy was dressed in all black, with shaggy black hair and tatooes on his arms. He was also wearing a leather jacket and what looked like black eyeliner.

I resisted the tempation to laugh at the makeup and instead introduced myself. We talked briefly about music (he was into punk rock). Then I sheepishly told “Nick” that I probably wouldn’t get along with one of his friends. He said I was talking about “Jerry” and to not worry, because he didn’t think I’d like him anyway. “Jerry” was also a musician, so to be nice, I listened to some of his songs. They were awesome, but not really my genre.

The days went by. Like most people, I ran into many challenges. “Nick” was not well liked by the majority of people (to this day I still don’t know why), so my love for him got me into some awkward moments. Ironically, “Jerry” seemed to be more favored, but that didn’t deter me. After a while, the stress became too much. “Nick” could tell I was upset, and frequently asked what was wrong. I told him that I just needed some time alone, and that I loved him.

Against my better judgement, I listened to “Jerry’s” songs again. They perfectly captured what I was going through. I arranged to hang out with him to find out if he actually went through the things he wrote about.

Amazingly, he had, and really helped me through a tough time. He made sense of why things happen, and I figured I was wrong to judge him by all the black clothes he wore. We talked many more times, as something about his morals and beliefs appealed to me. I knew I loved “Nick” and that there was no way to “turn off” love, so I figured I was just being social.

After many months, “Jerry” played a song he had written for me. I asked him if he really felt that way.

He said he loved me.

My reaction can best be defined as: shocked speechless. Instantly, my mind began racing at a thousand miles per hour.

How could you let this happen? What will “Nick” think? Does he know? How can you explain it? Is it cheating? Is it wrong? Why can’t you think straight? Why do you love the fact that he wrote this for you?

My thought process screeched to a halt.

Do you love him?

I didn’t know the answer. I told “Jerry” that the song was beautiful, and that I hoped I would see him again.

At home, I laid awake pondering my dilemma. How complex this matter was! I could even bring human nature into the discussion, because “Nick” and “Jerry” were like light and dark. One is what I want to be, one is what I once was. But which one was real? Which one was I now?

I spent days trying to decide whom was right for me. Which would bring me less pain? Which would benefit me in the long run? Whom does my heart belong to? Was I just maturing?

No matter who I chose, the other will always be in the back of my mind. I can’t have both, because I can only have one serious relationship at a time. And not choosing wasn’t an option, because it would only make the situation worse.

I took as many “Are You In Love?” quizzes I could, comparing “Nick’s” and “Jerry’s” results. Not one quiz gave me a decisive answer. I turned to characters who faced similar problems on TV and in books, but TV and books were not reality. I asked mystical sources like tarot cards without progress. If I mentioned my problem to my parents, I knew why would tell me to choose “Nick” because “Jerry” wasn’t someone they approved of. The problem was, they couldn’t understand my problem completely, and if I told them, they would say to choose whomever I thought was right. But that’s the problem: I didn’t know who was right!

I definately didn’t feel the same about “Nick”. That much was obvious. But I could easily describe how I felt about “Jerry”. That must mean that I didn’t love him, either. No matter what, someone was going to be hurt badly.

In an act of immaturity, I pushed the decision off to the side. I hung out with both of them like nothing was wrong. “Nick” and I talked about the same things as always and enjoyed each other’s company, but when “Jerry” and I talked, it was always fun. We could be openly honest, even if it was awkward. This, of course, only made me try to strengthen my relationship with “Nick”.

Eventually, my mom noticed “Nick” while we were out and about. I asked her where he was, but there was nothing genuine in my voice. It felt like something I rehearsed.

When we got home, I immediately evaluated my situation. The more I thought about, the more something had to be said. I called “Nick” and he answered.

“Nick…um, there’s- okay, please don’t be mad, but- wait, I know you’re going to-”

“What’s wrong?”

“You’re going to be really mad at me, but I swear I didn’t intend for this to happen! Really, I didn’t!”

“Why? What is it?”

“I promise I didn’t do anything! I didn’t even think I…jeez, I thought nothing would come of it, I swear!”

“What happened?!”

“I, um…you’re not going to like this, and it’ll probably hurt you a lot, but I have to say it and please don’t be mad! I didn’t force it!”

“Baby, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?!”

“It’s about Jerry.”

He didn’t say anything for a while. “Are you…”

“No I’m not cheating! At least not intentionally!”

“Then what happened? Tell me the truth.”

“Okay, I’ve been hanging out with Jerry because life has gotten really complicated and I knew I loved you so I didn’t think anything would come of it and I didn’t think I liked him anyway but a few days ago he played this amazing song and said he loved me and didn’t know what to say and I think I still love you but I don’t know and PLEASE don’t be mad at me!”

There was silence for a long time. I thought I heard him muttering under his breath.

“Please don’t be mad,” I said timidly.

Still no answer.

“I wouldn’t do this on purpose!”

Nothing.

“I still love you, I promise.”

“Really?” he asked, not sounding convinced.

I thought about it, going over what had happened. Did I want him to be hurt? Of course not! Would saying I loved him prevent that? Yes it would. Did I mean it? …I wasn’t saying yes.

“I can’t believe you’d do this to me,” he said, sounding tortured. The next thing I heard was a dial tone.

Did I still love him? I had doubts.

Did I love “Jerry”?

I couldn’t love him! It wasn’t possible! What did that say about me? But the more I whined, the more I knew that I had feelings for him and not “Nick”. It was that simple.

I called “Jerry” and told him about the conversation. The more I talked to him, the more I knew he was the right choice. I had been pretending with “Nick”, and that could only lead to more suffering.

I’ve only been dating “Jerry” for a short time. I frequently think back to “Nick”, but in the long run, I think I’ll be happier this way. I just had to move on and let go of a relationship that I didn’t feel the same about.

There is not a happily ever after yet. This story has merely begun. Wherever it leads me, I’ll remember to do what I think is right. Pain is a part of life, but it doesn’t have to prevent love.

(Screen) Name: Oceiana

The Entity

The Entity sensed life contact for the first time since leaving its barren galaxy several millennia earlier.

Its crystalline, kaleidoscopic, cloudlike ever-changing body glided through space effortlessly at amazing sub-light speeds. It was a tiny nebula in the glorious vastness of outer space.

It had been exploring universes across an immensity of time in search for new life when its sun had cooled, its super massive core weakened and the colossal star had collapsed, exploded and died.

The resulting supernova had destroyed its home planet and laid waste to entire galaxies for billions of miles, leaving it alone and desolated.
The last of its kind.

The Entity was a collective being, a life force of pure energy and intelligence which lived eternally when it lived in the company of other lives.
It didn’t absorb them, but nurtured them and nourished through them. Life on its planet was treasured and honored, variety was embraced and cherished.

It needed other lives to subsist, and the long, solitary journey was challenging to its very existence, weakening it, but most importantly, saddening it.

Grief and loneliness were its enemies, and its agonizingly long search had dulled it, diminishing its powers and ability to regenerate and continue its task.

Now, sensing the presence of other beings somewhere out in the enormity of darkest space, it gathered the desire and the yearning to persevere and to find them, whatever and wherever they were, and its longing for company was strong.

The Entity traveled slowly in contrast with the unending greatness of space, but, being an energy being, it wasn’t subjected to the rules of time and space.
It could jump from point to point, from time to time.

Unfortunately the contact was still too tenuous for it to jump, it needed a stronger point of reference, and it needed to know where to jump. It still didn’t. It would have to be patient and wait to get much closer, but time wasn’t important to The Entity, only life was, all life.

The tendrils of consciousness were becoming stronger titillating The Entity’s senses.
The newfound collective consciousness, it analyzed, was alert and awake, reasoning beings inhabited the approaching planet.

The knowledge alone gave it the energy to jump through space to arrive sooner to the planet which The Entity hoped, would be its new home. The planet’s name was Earth and its beings, humans.

Feelings of love and elation at its discovery threatened to overwhelm it, but it remained patient and approached Earth cautiously. It knew that not all planets and its creatures would recognize it as friendly and could simply fear it.

The Entity listened for high concentrations of humanity and hungrily hastened towards it.
Soon it was close enough to Earth to see it, and it was a splendid blue marble of a planet with magnificently ornate and tightly populated cities. The Entity chose the one city from which the surge of human emotions, ardor and passions was greatest.
New York City.

Entering the Earth’s atmosphere, The Entity felt the flow of human zeal rush through its inner self. It basked happily in the abundance of humanity, glowing almost to sheer phosphorescence in its euphoria.

Thousands of years in excruciating solitude had finally ended and it let itself get carried away by the outpouring of emotions emanating from below.
It glided up, down, spiraling in midair like a beautiful butterfly.

It crisscrossed the air above the extraordinary city at staggering speeds taking in all the information its senses could absorb, fascinated by the beauty, greatness and variety of the living creatures, lustfully recharging its depleted essence in desperate need of companionship.

From the multitude of human emotion, in the miraculous city, The Entity sensed a painfully distraught soul desperately crying for help.

A tormented conscience searching hopelessly for peace but finding only agony. The distressed being was dying, deliberately, by its own hand.
The Entity didn’t know self destruction. Suicide was not an option for beings like it, and it could not comprehend such an ignominious waste of life.

Its glistening form sliced through the air at vertiginous speed searching franticly for the source of the painful wail.
The Entity saw the plummeting body of a human male, plunging from a tall bridge, dropping rapidly towards the concrete surface of a road, and to its doom, fifty yards below.

Without a second to spare The Entity reached the falling man and its bright light engulfed him completely, holding it with all its strength, desiring to stop the fall before it was too late.
It succeeded.

The body stopped its fall and simply floated in midair a mere yard from the cement surface, and The Entity felt the man’s desperation and wept with him, disconsolately, for it could easily sense the unbearable pain of the dying man.

Jack Russo was thirty-seven years old, six foot-one tall and two hundred pounds, he had an athletic body, pale green eyes, crew-cut jet-black hair, a strong square jaw and high cheek bones, epitome of his Italian descent.

He’d lived a life of selfless honesty, honor and strong principles. He respected others and exuded an air of power and self confidence envied by many men and desired by many women.
He’d been extremely popular through high school and college, as a student and an athlete.

He’d been in the US Army and the US Marines, leaving both military branches as a highly decorated officer.
His life had been, maybe not perfect, but without question, outstanding.
Until the Gulf War.

Something had happened to him there that changed his outlook on life itself, and his world had turned grim after that ghastly war.

He left the Marines to join the NYPD (New York City Police Department), where he became a homicide detective, and although he was respected as a police officer, after five years on the force, his private life deteriorated rapidly.

Sometime later, while he was at a local bar drowning his sorrow deep inside a bottle, Rachel had entered his life, seemingly out of nowhere. A Jewish girl, tall and slim, with bright white skin, long, silky coal black hair and eyes so blue, they made the sky covetous, making it all right again and worth living.

And live they did, for six ecstatically love filled years.
They bought a small house in Brooklyn, he stayed with the PD, and Rachel became a college professor teaching social sciences in Bridgeport, Connecticut.
One sunny afternoon, on her way back home from college, along the ocean on I-95, Rachel’s car was sideswiped by an enormous tractor trailer and crushed beyond recognition.

She died on that highway, that afternoon, under a brilliant sunny sky, physically, and Jack Russo died that day too, although his body stayed alive for nearly two more years.
One night, after two full bottles of Cuervo, inebriated beyond human capacity and with a broken heart that wouldn’t heal, he’d walked to the Williamsburg Bridge, climbed over its massive steel structure, and screaming Rachel’s name, he’d jumped into oblivion, seeking the peace and solace of death.

Jack’s heavily intoxicated mind couldn’t accurately understand what had happened after the jump. He’d heard of one’s life flashing in front of their eyes just before death, but he’d never heard of a shinny cloud acting like that before.

He was too drunk and far too distraught to think analytically, and right there, floating in mid-air, surrounded by a glistening, bright, color changing cloud, he passed out.

The Entity couldn’t read minds, but its senses allowed it to turn feelings and emotions into vivid pictures it could clearly understand.
In seconds, Jack’s life blazed through its sensory channels and it knew the reason for his grief.
Most importantly, The Entity knew where Jack lived, and in the middle of the quiet night and the unbelieving stares of the few people still around, who had never seen a floating body surrounded by a glistening cloud before, it took him home.

The Entity learned fast about human habits, and upon entering Jack’s home, it looked for the bedroom, floated the unconscious Jack Russo to the bed and softly deposited him on it.

It remained in contact with the slumbering man in order to learn as much as it could about him and humans in general. The first encounter with a human had been devastatingly sad, and The Entity had lost much of its power having had to deal with grief of such uncontrolled and torrential magnitude.

Jack Russo’s highly intoxicated mind began to dream, expectedly, about Rachel.
Although it was aware of dreams, The Entity didn’t distinctively understand the depth or power of human dreams, and its senses became slightly overloaded by them, and by the distortion of a drunken mind’s delusional realm.
Jack’s dream about Rachel was entirely sexual.
The distorted dreams of an inebriated mind were vast misrepresentations of the realities of life, and The Entity became fully discombobulated. Its colorful kaleidoscopic protoplasmic cloud-like body started to transform into some semblance of human form, and Jack’s distorted vision of Rachel began to take form out of the soft glistening cloud.

The atmospheric density of planet Earth had given it the ability to transform into a solid, humanlike being.
The Entity felt the overwhelming love engulf it, and also strengthen it. It was learning human love making for the first time.

Jack walked into the shower shortly after Rachel and found her all soaped up immersed in steam. The stall was small and they pressed their bodies together and lathered each other while steaming hot water pelted their faces.

They kissed and caressed each other letting excitement and lust conquer them. Jack played and kissed Rachel’s hard nipples while she held his brutal erection in her hands and rubbed her own vagina with his majestic rod.

The Entity’s cloud-like body started to solidify as it felt the erotic emotions emanating from Jack’s love and alcohol intoxicated dream. It could’ve stopped and break contact, but the intensity of the lovemaking dream made it inquisitive for more.

Jack and Rachel played with each other in that steamy shower for sometime, then they rinsed and without drying, they walked to the bed holding each other.
Rachel softly pushed Jack onto the bed on his back and straddled him.

Slowly and deliberately she lowered herself onto his massive erection and let his penis penetrate her hot, wet vagina with total abandonment. His penis reached deep inside her and she craved it. She moved her hips in slow intentional circles that drove them both feral with pleasure and enticing delight.

They changed positions after a while and Jack went on top.
Rachel opened herself entirely to him, allowing him to enter her as deep and hard as he wanted.
He went in as far as his large, rock hard tool permitted him, and both joined in frenzied, hard pounding choreographed sex.

After some time of hard lovemaking, they both reached their exploding ecstatic orgasms simultaneously and still in each other’s arms, fell asleep.

The Entity had never experienced raw lust, love and passion of such an immense scale, and reflexively, had fully transformed into Rachel, and it now understood some of those feelings, having a body for the very first time.
It released Jack and softly and slowly moved around the quiet bedroom trying to adjust to its new shape and consistency.

The Entity knew it could change back to its own form, but being in human form, it now understood Jack’s pain with more clarity.
It calculated that it could stay in Rachel’s form and somehow, save Jack from suicide, and that was its strongest drive.
It also knew that if it stayed in human form it would be immortal no more.

The Entity moved around the tiny house running its new human fingers on everything, feeling and touching for the first time.

Every object it experienced had a different texture and the variety felt immensely alluring to it.
Jack’s intoxicated sleep was light, a lesson learned by years of training and discipline as a soldier and a police officer.

He heard soft sounds inside his house and automatically jumped out of the bed and drew his gun from under it.
Slowly and carefully, he walked out of the bedroom, into the dark living room and towards the muffled sounds coming from the kitchen.

Once there, his heart stopped beating for what it seemed like hours but were mere seconds as he found himself face to face with Rachel, the way she’d looked when they’d just met eight years before.

He stood there in the dark, pointing his gun at her and turned on the light for a better look.
The Entity hadn’t figured out human speech yet, but understood the implications of the surprise encounter, and put up one hand, palm towards Jack as if telling him to stop.

Utterly stunned, Jack Russo dropped the gun, took three tentative steps towards Rachel and without preamble held her tight enough to crack a few ribs. The Entity/Rachel reciprocated and held Jack with similar enthusiasm, while trying rapidly to learn to speak.

“Hi Jack.” It said in a voice that was clearly the wrong one. It had sounded low and gravelly. Jack backed off slightly and looked at her.

It tried again, an octave higher, and the second time it sounded like a musical string instrument being tuned. The voice modulated up and down until it reached the desired tone. Then it said it again, adding a smile that time, which didn‘t work very good either.

“Hi Jack, please don’t be scared.”
“I remember.” Jack said with a voice not unlike The Entity’s first try.
He cleared his still intoxicated throat.
“You saved my life last night, and I’m not scared. You wouldn’t have saved me to kill me later. Who are you, what are you?”
Without giving it enough time to answer he said, “I remember a bright cloud engulfing me, you brought me home…” He let the statement unfinished.

The Entity asked Jack to sit at the small coffee table surrounded by four chairs in the small kitchen, it sat down facing him across the table and tried to explain the best it could.

Long minutes passed while it explained to Jack what it was, where it came from and what had happened to its home.
Jack held his face in his hands and listened with a mixture of awe, fascination and disbelief.

“As you obviously have noticed, I’m not quite fully human, yet.”
The last word gave Jack a sudden chill.
“Yet,” he repeated back.
“Yes, I can adapt and become human just like you, although I didn’t know that until now, but there’s a price to pay, for both of us.”

Rachel’s voice had become soft and clear and Jack’s mind, still partly inebriated, struggled to accept and to understand what was happening before him.
He wasn’t a religious man or a believer, but he’d heard someplace that if you wanted a miracle to disappear, all you had to do was question it.

He desperately wanted Rachel back, and was ready to do just about anything to keep this beautiful apparition there, with him, forever.

With his memory still very much aware of his unsuccessful suicide attempt just hours before, he said in a heavy voice,
“If you give me Rachel back, I’ll do anything you ask.”
The Entity/Rachel smiled, right this time, and it felt good.

“You misunderstand Jack Russo, I don’t ask anything of you, except that if I stay with you, as a human, and become mortal, like you, that you will stay with me and not try to die. I will need your life force to stay alive. If you die, I die. That’s the price.”

In the quiet, warm summer night, Jack felt the hair in the back of his neck stand on end. He walked around the small table and hesitantly took Rachel’s hand in his, still somewhat unsure and apprehensive, knowing that this was an alien being, but having been ready to die just hours before, he really didn’t care all that much.
This being in front of him was Rachel and he wanted her to stay. Whatever the price.
Loyalty for love didn’t seem like a bad trade.

Rachel allowed Jack to touch and feel, freely, and even helped him. Remembering Jack’s erotic and euphoric dream, she stood up, approached him, slowly, and kissed him softly on his lips, remaining there a few seconds.
Jack embraced her and kissed her back just as softly. Looked into her beautiful blue eyes and told her, “I missed you babe, welcome home.”

Jack and Rachel moved away from New York City to a log cabin in a mountain range somewhere in Idaho where they lived and loved each other intensely for forty-seven years.

One sunny summer afternoon, under an impossibly bright blue sky, Jack died, at the age of eighty-four.
Rachel took him to a small cavern in the mountain, where they’d agreed he would be interred, and holding his hand, The Entity died too, crossing that final threshold into the unknown with him.

Jack Russo woke up feeling the bitter bite of intense cold. It was comforting and welcome. He opened his eyes, only they weren’t eyes but senses.

He saw that he was a glistening cloud-like entity floating in the vastnesses of outer space. Earth was a splendid blue marble of a planet, with magnificently ornate and tightly populated cities shinning far in the distance and rapidly growing smaller.

But he wasn’t alone there. Gliding smoothly next to him there was another colorful little shape-changing cloud like himself and he could sense the warmth and love flowing freely, rich and profuse between them.

Their crystalline, kaleidoscopic, cloudlike ever-changing bodies glided through space effortlessly at amazing sub-light speeds. They were two tiny nebulas in the glorious vastness of outer space.
No longer the last of their kind.

(Screen) Name: thunder43549

The time was fall of 2005. I am walking with someone who is very dear to me. Someone I adore deeply. She is a woman my age. Where we are walking is a heavily forested area that is all her land. It is remote and far away from everything. There is only one road through here. The forest on her land is broken by two hay fields, two horse pastures, half a dozen natural clearings, and a house and barn. There are 15 horses here, a couple tractors, assorted haying machinery, horse trailers, and the like. She looks after it all.

This is hardly a good day for a walk however. In the early morning the sky did not become light until well after it should have due to a very solid, dark and heavy overcast. It’s not raining, but there’s a heavy mist coming down. The mist collects in the pine trees and falls to the ground in big drops. We are walking on a tractor trail that connects the house and barn with the fields and some of the clearings. Often there is evidence of the activities of bears and wolves in the open areas. The horses are kept close to the house, and that is where the main pastures are as well. The wild animals stay away from that area other than an occasional sighting when they approach for a look out of curiosity. When ever she comes back this far on her land though, she carries a rifle. But today I am carrying it, slung over my shoulder.

This walk in less than ideal conditions is a necessary one. She talks about what this land means to her. She loves it. She knows every tree here. The fences that frame this huge tract of land, she put up by herself. She does the haying, training and feeding the horses, and works on the machinery or anything that needs fixing. There is always a lot to do here. Yet this woman next to me is just five feet tall, and has never weighed more than 120 pounds in her life. But she is a tough little stick of dynamite. She knows what work is, and often starts her day at 5:00 a.m. no matter what the weather brings.

She has auburn colored hair – fairly long. I often thought that a woman so outdoor active would prefer shorter hair. But she keeps it long and I’m glad, because it’s very pretty. I adore her smile. When she smiles, her eyes smile. Her feminine figure is evident in her blue jeans, tapered shirt, and a waist length denim jacket to help ward off the mist. She is beautiful. I have studied her figure every chance I get for two years now. I find her intriguing. And still, after two years when we create our private and intimate time to come together and she stands before me, I still tremble.

She wears leather work gloves now, since she had been feeding the horses earlier. Her jeans are worn and faded from long hours of mending fences, and cleaning stalls. Her denim jacket is worn as well, and the cuffs are becoming frayed. Our boots are soaked from walking in the wet tall grass.

After she has talked and made clear her need for this place and what she does here, I take control of the conversation. I too love the place where I live, my little town. I am part of it, and all in the community share a devotion for one another. And my work is my life. I could never do anything else. Before I go to work, I feel good. I feel good while I am at work doing what I do. And when I get home, I feel good about what I have done. The problem that faces us is that our lives are 90 miles apart. I have been seeing her for two years. When ever any time at all permits, I drive out to be with her. Sometimes I can stay two or three days. Sometimes it’s only for 12 hours. But I am neglecting my own home, and the obligations that come with it.

I have had experience with horses and I appreciate anything mechanical. I help her with all the tasks around this place. But most of all, I cherish the time I have in her presence. But it is apparent that the physical gap, in miles, that separates us can never be closed. She has to stay where she is, and I have to stay where I am. The impracticality of our deep affection for each other is surfacing with time, after having been ignored for so long. This conclusion wasn’t arrived at today. It is something we have been discussing for a couple months. The fixes for the problem simply won’t work. And this reality is boldly before us.

After we each take our turns speaking, there is silence as we walk. I take her gloved hand in my hand to silently confirm with her she is still in my heart. We pass patches of wild strawberries and blueberries. I know she is thinking she must get back out here and pick them for canning before the bears take them all. It’s part of her ritual. I understand it’s part of the fulfillment she cherishes by living here.

We are getting closer to the barn now, and beyond that is where my truck is parked. The best route from the barn to my truck is to follow a fence line through the trees. We walk into the barn and I dry off the rifle with a dirty towel on a work bench. I put the rifle where it belongs – concealed behind a wooden plank. Just above us in the rafters, is an owl. He has long since become accustomed to the daytime activities in the barn, and is fast asleep. The dreary day has made the light in the barn very dim. Usually, on a sunny day, the barn is a very bright and welcoming. But not today. The mist has given way to a steady rain now. The shoulders and sleeves of her jacket are already quite wet from the long walk in the mist. And my clothes are wet too. We talk some more in the barn. We are old enough and smart enough to realize that if either one of us sacrificed a part of his or her world to be with the other all the time, it wouldn’t work out. Sacrifice would turn into regret, and regret is an anchor on a vessel that must keep moving forward. So it is now that we fully understand we must let go.

We leave the barn through the opposite door we came in, towards my truck. We walk along the fence line to the opposite side of the trees. We stop here. My truck is just one hundred yards away. We turn towards each other and I place my hands on her waist. She takes off her leather gloves and lets them drop to the ground as she puts her hands on my waist as well. We confirm that we will miss each other very much. I am looking intently at her pretty face.

We only talk a little bit out here because we are getting rain soaked. I could never leave here. She tells me. I could never live in a town. And I know you could never give up being an Engineer and leave the rails and the trains.

You are really good with the horses she continues, and good with the machines too. You know what needs to be done, and when to do it. Both with this land. she steps in a little closer to me, and with a smile and a quiet voice says, and with me too. She is looking up at me. As the rain falls on her face, her eyes don’t even flinch. This woman has stood outside in much worse weather than this. I leaned down and kissed her mouth. I knew that would be our last kiss, and I expected her to let go of me at that moment, but she didn’t. Instead she shook me slightly, as if she didn’t already have my complete attention. You know what I wish? What I really, really wish? I wish you and I had connected 20 years ago, instead of just two. 20 years ago we didn’t have such deep set roots in our lives, we were more flexible, and together we could have grown in to who we are now.. because you and I make one hell of a good team.

With that, she let go of me, and I her. She bent over to pick up her gloves off the ground and began walking the fence line back through the trees. I studied her figure for the last time as she left. I lost focus for a moment as I realized that I had a lot of thoughts and painful emotions to analyze over the coming days. When I looked for her again, she was gone. Out of necessity, we had given up something very precious. And now I was a man who had lost true love, just standing in the rain.

(Screen) Name: Derail