Thought of writing whatever is in my memory until now from d very first day i.e., 20th Feb ‘09.
It was Friday that day. i remember i was checking my orkut account from my cell (which i rarely operate) n saw for the very first time a friend request from a guy of London (got excited ,a firangi has sent me request as i m always curious about foreign ,don’t know y)
anyways it was better to ask him some stuff rather than ignoring d request(which i always do with strangers).
D name of his account was ‘esoteric’ and d first thing i asked him was is he Indian as it sounded he was, from his profile n some of his pics.
after few hrs got a reply yes he was Indian:) don’t know y it was a very strange feeling with him always as if we r born to meet
got more excited after seeing his reply n added some more of my ever ending questions which he bravely faced.
all this conversation was going over phone nw. i asked my friend to operate my account from her computer as my gprs was slow(first crazy side of me for him)
HELLO it’s been just a day i know him n what i m doing !!! I begged many a time to my friend to help me in this.
Strange in his first conversation he gave me his no. but y???? i found it very strange n obviously doubted on his character as well 4 sometime.
D conversation ended as he told me that he is free in weekends so that we can chat more.
i dint had net at home n was not aware about mobile messenger that time so decided to go to my aunt’s place which was at walking distance from my home (next day was Saturday as well,HOLIDAY TIME)
got ready in afternoon n went to aunt’s house(one thing more that time i was a home sick person n rarely moved out alone but was going crazy to talk to him n went outsid!)
Anyways i got in d house. Had a little chat with aunt n other ppl n went directly to chat with him online 🙂 ok! There is lot of stuff to ask a stranger (didn’t feel like stranger though). He was online n that day we chatted for almost 4-5 hours continuously both were sticked to d computers like glue
he told me his name is ‘ARNAV GUPTA’, software engineer.24 years old n work in London but was once from my city only.
Ok good enough!
He asked me to add him in his orkut account to which i showed some hesitance as had some of my pics in my account. I deleted them all just to add him. Now he is my friend as per my orkut list’. it was night now almost 10:30 n i was still chatting. my aunt’s family ws raising their eyebrow as i didn’t move an inch since 5 hrs. n was not moving even for dinner.
In end he said good bye (might b he got tired) n so i headed towards home.
Recalled everything b4 going to sleep n a sweet smile took me to sleep :).
D next day too i went to aunt’s place n chatted for 4-5 hrs. things were going gr8.
I bombarded with every silly question of mine n he too in between was asking me like “do u know how to cook” ha ha ha i m not sitting here 4 a marriage proposal silly..
in d end of my conversation I told him that MY BOARD(12TH) EXAMS will b starting from 3rd march’11 n I won’t b online till d end of march
he showed intense grief to this n quoted “what will happen to me in this 1 month without u”
umm.. Hello its just 2 days we have known each other but somewhere i too was feeling same attachment .i said i will try to get online then
but i can’t go everyday like this to aunt’s place.. Need to think something girl!!!
Had computer at home which was more of a trash n hanged after every minute
but d excitement to know this guy was far more so i decided to gv it a try..
With all sort of ‘jugad’ i managed a net connection which too was slow like d computer i just need to b patient while working with this DIBBA. n so i did
we chatted for hrs for a week until i got complaints from him that i m too slow nt my fault dear this dibba is like this
again i used my unused brain n loaded a messenger in dad’s cell.
Hope it works n yes it worked!! i was so happy as if i have got a noble prize indeed
i gave him surprise by getting online through messenger n he was happy as usual but he gave all d credit to himself that it was his idea (ha ha ha ).
We chatted like this daily even during my exams as well. But d time difference was a big problem for me.
he got free at d time when in India its 1:30 AM n we chat till 5-6 AM 🙁 BAD!!! But i need to adjust n manage yaar..
so decided to study in daytime n midnight it was d lovely talking only next morning d first work which i need to do was to read all d last n8 conversation again n just imagine with a smile.
Hey while writing my exams i m thinking about him.y????? i have gone crazy man!!!
then one day in between my exams he told me that he has lost his job due to recession n is soon heading to India again
it was so disheartening to me as i myself has lost mine. i supported him emotionally in every possible manner.
Any how i finished my exams (slept just for 2-3 hrs b4 every exam) n came home on 23rd march’09.
in morning of d same day he proposed me indirectly to which i dint respond clearly (he played some sort of question ans just to know hw i feel about him)
i was happy that exams got over n now i can chat without any hindrance GUESS WHAT!!! We had a fight that day for d first time over some silly issue.
he need to leave from there on 28th march’09 n we cleared it all on 27th (we chatted that day till 7 AM n he was emotional this time it looked)
he asked me about d ans to his proposal to which i said NO n he was disheartened n called me heartless so i said i need some time to think upon.
After tht he mailed me that he has reached safely (thank god! he mailed i was dying each second to know about him) n first question he asked me was what’s my ans about his proposal.
i had no ans yet as how can i say yes to a stranger n most important how can i fall in a relationship with a internet guy
he asked like crazy every time i saw him online n i felt guilty every time of saying NO to him although i don’t want to say no we had all sorts of discussions, both good n bad! i told him about my reason to say NO but he was not ready to listen anything but a word i.e., YES!
i listened to my heart as always n said “YES i love u too” he was on top of d world now i was also happy. It was 4th April ‘09.
We decided that we will talk over phone 4 d first time on 15 apr’09 (my birthday day).
D day came n i was damn nervous. N then d night. He called me. OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD it’s his call.
First word he said ‘hello’ umm. D voice was not that impressive (may b i expected a lot) but i talked.
He continuously wanted to listen his name n those 3 magical words from me 🙂 i said none!! ha ha ha.n again end up in fight he disconnected d phone in anger n i was DAMN hurt n cried even. But stopped myself from that n slept after missing mostly all wishing calls.
D whole day i felt low n again had some fight over some silly issue but still though i was falling in love deeply each day!
We decided to meet each other on 26th April ‘09. It was really a hard decision 4 me to take and a risk too..
i m actually taking a very BIG step to meet him without letting anybody know. By now my heart was pounding heavily n was counting seconds to meet my love of life!
we decided to meet at big bazar (safe place to meet)i saw him at last..Wait he is different from his pic. Not going to comment on appearance plz (doesn’t matter much) i was like dead yaar..Words nt falling from within. i was shy which i never was. N now i m sitting with him I CANT BELIEVE THIS!!!
We parted after 45 mints n i headed forward to my friends place which was nearby. Hey i had tears in my eyes!! i m missing him!!
after some time i went to home n slept. nice meeting u my love
n d days passed like this with love n fights
one day on 22 may he told me something he never lost his job, was there on assignment n is 26 yr old!!! OH MY GOD it was heart breaking!! Tears didn’t stop at all..
N whatever i thought was wrong that a relationship can work at once so smoothly but its nt.. He tried to convince me but now d image was different. It was hard for me to believe him now but once again i listened to my heart 🙂 n continued!!!
It took me sometime to cm to d track again but i managed. i still loved him a lot!
Then one day he asked me about petition. What petition??
Well it was a marriage petition..
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!!! it’s just two months i m in contact of him n have met him once. How can i marry him man!!! its not that i m cheating him by denying 4 that.. nt at all!! We again had strong fight over this n we decided to meet on 27th June ‘09 at Taj Mahal n Agra fort.
Had bad fight there too n he said “it’s better to forget each other if u can’t sign petition or can’t talk in ur family”
heyyyyyyy! What is this now. r u crazy i m just 19, have just completed my 12th n is youngest in my family..It will b silly to talk about a guy whom i want to marry..Is it nt???i was sure enough it will nt take me to anywhere but on his assurance i went ahead n told my mom d very next day n got some resistance as expected
so decided to end it at once n nt to take it far it was a HARD decision for me seriously !! conveyed this to arnav too n he was too emotional with this idea. so i decided to hold it 4 some time as parting is nt possible now..
Time passed n i got to know when he want marriage n all. Was a bit uncomfortable with d idea although as he wanted to settle down asap bcoz of his age n parent’s low health.
In October we came on d verge of break up again just bcoz it was hard for me to go 4 petition but i love him to d end !!
NOW my strength was my weakness !! Not talking to him a day was like nt taking oxygen.
Awesome guy he was. A Lovely person n very lovable. Anybody can fall 4 such a guy..BELIEVE ME!! Had wonderful memories with him 🙂 n the time spent with him was OUTSTANDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He was now more imp to me than anything else..
Come back, come back…
we were breaking up HW can this b possible man?????? It was diwali day i remember..n tears n pain was there in me..HARD TIME!!!
But he backed off from his decision after 2 days but on some condition of course..
i need to talk to my family members in nov’09. No option man so i need to agree..
from that day to November my every night passed in tears after saying him gud night 🙁 as i was aware d time i will speaking this in my family wroblems will start for us. I even risked my career but no way i wanted to loose him plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!! i will prefer to die than to live without him..
After all d silent cries n tears November came. i spoke it in my family n got what was expected it was disheartened to listen all that from ppl u love n about someone whom u love too!!
Days passed in grief n tears i was getting every shit from everyone among family n relatives n was handling that all alone as d one 4 whom i was doing all this was too angry from me as according to him i was not giving 100% effort..
He believe i have never given any effort anytime.. it was more painful if ur strength is making u weak but believe me i did everything i cud have done decently n to b in limits!
i was not even able to concentrate on my exams n other things bcoz of d quarrels going every day..
What nt ppl put me through n there was no support from any where
i was broken completely n was dead from within. Thought of ending it several times too..
Days passed like this n then came my b.com exams.. Cried in examination hall too n ppl thought i got nervous bcoz of paper (ha ha ha funny).
Anyways i listened to everything bad he said from ‘fuck off’ to ‘bitch’ when he used to loose his temper
The person whom u have given everything is abusing u like this!!!!!! Listened to that too with no complaints..
I was abused in every possible way by every1… life seemed like nothing..
M i living 4 this???????
I never gave weight age to money, status, looks, or anything else but just love n this i m getting..
But main thing is y i can’t say anything in return to him?? bcoz I love him (that means he don’t love me??) or i m too weak to say anything?????
I DONT KNOW n don’t want to know coz that will make me more crazy
then May came n he came home as what it was decided n in end it was agreed by both parties that i should b making my career first n then go for any relationship..Happily decided by both sides.. Thought it’s all sorted but d game is not yet over.. How can it b so easily..
He always thought my family is fooling him don’t know y..i think he knows my family better than me or may b i have myself created such image abt my family?????
Whatever but through all this period i have been going through HELL.. really he almost ignored me when i needed him d most, abused me like anything
n what i got in return just tears but i m cried more bcoz of d good times we shared n spent together
hw can some1 who love u can ignore u let it b any reason..(he believed making distance frm me wl make me strong for carrying on dis fight wid my family for him)
I know its difficult for him too but for me it’s too not easy but i make sure I act calmly especially with him..
I even left home at that time (though he convinced me to return back) when my dad can’t even got up from bed (met wid serious accident), without thinking about his condition, fought with ppl at that crucial time when he needed me d most but I still went with my love.
Didn’t care about anything n what I got????????
ABUSE , IGNORANCE AND ANGER!!
Its sad when u message yourself “i love u n there for u always” on ur no.with d name of the person u love just for the support.
i have no written records with me now but nobody can erase it from memory..
n i have truly loved him with no conditions still he doubt. Don’t knw y??????????
Where i m wrong that i m getting such reaction!!!
Y i m to b blamed for everything..
Well complaints will lead me nowhere as no one is listening either..
It feels good when u write as there is no one to listen to u not even d one whom u need d most!!!!!
One thing i always did n do is I wish him every 20th (d date we first met) but every time, i get negative response or sometimes, no response
i was broken within all these months till January n fought shamelessly with my family for him. Cried, shouted, went on hunger strike n what not but it seemed my family didn’t had heart.
after going through long trauma n fights for 5 months finally my family decided to call his family home in jan’11 to talk about us(a ray of hope finally ) I was not allowed there n d matter was handled by elder ppl of both families along with Arnav.
As usual my family gave another shock to them n me.. OUR HOROSCOPES DONT MATCH AS PER D ASTROLOGER. Though d score was 30/36 but it’s not about score only.My family told them that being both manglik i shud marry after turning 24 n that is a right age too to get settled. Listening to this arnav boiled with anger as he was expecting this kind of story only from them. His family was in no mood to wait for another 3 years as arnav himself was 28 by now. So they made excuse that they will decide n let my family know soon. Main reason for my family’s denial- my cousin is unmarried yet n it wud b difficult for her if i got married b4 her.(which arnav failed to understand).one thing more my family is a firm believer of all these horoscopes. It is almost impossible to make them agree on dis front.
When they all went home my family turned hostile to them bcoz of d heating conversations both parties had during the meeting. They were nt at all happy dont know y but i think my family is more allergic to ‘love marriages’ than anything else.
i didn’t had d courage to message arnav even as i was afraid of his reaction n feedback. Got a message after 4-5 hrs from him, complaining that y i didn’t message him for so long though he added that its better that we don’t communicate from now as dis relationship can’t go anywhere (i almost collapsed listening dis) he ended d call n dropped a msg saying FINAL GOODBYE i tried to hold him back all that week through talks but I guess he was tired n determined by now n his family too.
i felt soooooooo empty each day n helpless too. Life was dead n aimless.
Months passed by n i used to wish him every 20th through mails to which he never responded.
One morning of May i received a long n prolix mail by him when he was in USA (went for work)it was heart melting n touchy but was rude n full of anger too. He was complaining that i have made his life hell n made him suffer so much by not taking any action for this relationship. He said he still loves me n goes crazy without me. His life is full of misery n sorrows n ppl no longer can bear him bcoz of his frustration on them.
I felt so guilty after reading d mail n cried a lot(a usual habit now) i mailed him back comforting him a lot n told him about d same condition n life i m facing without him. But now his love changed more to anger n frustration. He was continuously nagging n complaining n blaming me for d worsening of d matter.
From May to October we exchanged rude n bitter words to each other hoping the other side will change things n we can b together once again but something was holding both of us to take extreme action.
i can’t talk in my family b4 my sis gets married n he can’t wait anymore as his family is pressurizing him to get settled asap.
HARD SITUATION FOR BOTH!
Then came my exam (October end) which was in Delhi n near to his native place (noida).so i planned to meet him. He refused at once first of all n abused me a lot but later came to meet me..Seeing him after1.5 years was a feeling which no one can explain. We roam in mall n sat at barista. After staring at each other he collapsed in tears..I tried to stop him but don’t know how as was stunned to see that gesture. People around us were gazing at us as they found a new story to talk about..
‘Dude !! Handle ur life don’t buzz in our matter’ i was thinking.
we got up after sometime n spent 2 hrs together complaining n expecting from each other to turn things good as expected no one understood d other side problem. He dropped me at a place where my friend was waiting for me. I remember he addressed me ‘bhojh (burden) to which i almost cried as it hurted me so much. How can he say such a word to a person he love just bcoz he dropped me d other side of d road by bike when usually ppl cross it (whats a big deal?? i was new to d city anyways, u have to take care of me no matter what)
After he left I messaged him ‘love u, thanks for coming’ to which he replied ‘hmm’. (at least he replied this time ) for my 5 day stay in Delhi he fought a lot through messages day n night n i tried to calm him down but only my talks with my family can please him now I know this thing for sure..He asked me to take back all d gifts i gave him as they haunt him n make him sad n nostalgic(he cant throw them either bcoz of feelings attached with it).
He wants to start a new life n can’t stay in a limbo state anymore. i thought he will b strong after meeting me but he got more weak indeed.i returned back home n all this time in d journey he showed concern about my well being by asking me my whereabouts through messages. that was good n comforting as soon as i reached home he said ‘goodbye’ as he only was communicating with me all through d journey out of concern for me n need to stop all this now. he said he will not communicate with me n soon gave me ultimatum to talk in my family about him n if I won’t do now he will change everything even his no. n will leave no mode by which i can contact him. d whole week went like hell for me n I was helpless too as talking to 22 members of d family b4 cousin’s marriage was like banging head against wall in which i will b suffering ultimately like before.
Since that time I m not in touch with him..Everyday i wake up with his thought n sleep taking him in memory. Hoping things will turn good n he won’t get fixed with some1 else.
Expecting each message in my cell to b his but till now no news I have about him. don’t know y we r so attached to each other when we started facing all these problems right after 7 months of our relationship.ppl usually don’t like to hold such a short period journey with such heavy n big problems but i m sure something is there which is holding us together against the odds n that supreme power is LOVE!!!
(Screen) Name: myworld0606