Everything seemed as usual. Didn’t know why still felt sleepy. I was felling lazy or I was too tired, i didn’t know. I felt hard even to open my eyes. i was quite sure i was going to miss my college. It started from six in the morning. I had to get up .
“What? “
Everything was different. It was not my room. I didn’t know where i was. I was alone and i could see the door closed. Had someone kidnapped me?
Suddenly the door opened . A woman in her fifties enters. I could say by her expression that she was happy to find me awake. I have never seen her in my life. She was increasing my horror. I had to ask her where i was.
Before i could ask her anything she shouted.
“kriti is awake”.
I didn’t know how she knew my name. Four-five people burst in. They were certainly not kidnappers but who could they be. They were frightening me without doing anything. I found my friend there, Sudhir in that crowd.. I was happy or was i relieved. I did not know, but i was certainly secured…………………..
Sudhir was my college friend, not from bachelors but from intermediate level. we both were biology students back then. We were good friends or I better say he was my best friend. We spoke for the first time when the teacher assigned us to the same group. I was not happy. I disliked people who were reserved. I felt bored. But eventually, he opened up. We made good friends. We used to go to movies and shopping. Life was much easier with him. Friends used to tease us saying we acted as friends but we were in love. Only Sudhir and I knew we were the best buddies but love was certainly not in the air. We were like family to each other and we both were happy to be friends, nothing more. After two years he started his MBBS and I changed my faculty to business.
We met fewer after that. He was busy with his studies; I was busy in my own life. When I was doing my graduates (bachelor), I fell in love with Ashish. Ashish was in my class and I really adored him. The best thing that I loved about him was he was intelligent. He was handsome and the most important thing he loved me too……………………………….
“Sudhir, where am i?”
Sudhir felt uncomfortable or it was that expression that I asked something that I should not have. He suddenly moved to my side and holding my hand asked, you are in the hospital dear.” “Everything is fine… You are back”. I could see tears in his eyes and he was making the scene more complicated…
“Hospital? Sudhir? What am I doing here? And who are all these people?” a small boy who looked like four to five years started to cry. Was I shouting too hard that the small boy was frightened, I didn’t know?
The boy started to cry louder
“Mommy, mommy” ……………………… why was he crying? And why is he calling me mummy?
“Help me god, where am i?” suddenly my parents burst in. My mom was half crying and half laughing. I shouted “whats the matter mom why are you crying?”……………………………….
“Would someone tell what the hell is going here?” I shouted….. “What am I doing here?”
Everyone kept silent except the small boy. Everyone was shocked. I heard the old women who came to the room first talk to Sudhir “she does not remember ….the head injury”
I found all the eyes fixed to me. The head injury??…. I felt something heavy in my head, I just put my right hand to my head and felt bandages around my forehead……………
“Mom, whats going on here and who are these people and why is that boy crying?”
My mom moved a little, I could clearly say from her expression that something had happened.
Mom, “ kriti, don’t you remember your accident. You had a car accident yesterday. The doctor said that the injury was serious You have just come to your sense…”
“I don’t know mom what you are talking, I just want to go home.” “please take me home”…..
She turned to Sudhir as if asking his permission. Sudhir asked in a low voice, “kriti, don’t you remember anything?”
Me, “ what anything?”… “ Sudhir, whats going on here, please.”
Sudhir turned out to others and asked them to move out of the room. The small boy was clinging in his hand, still crying…. My mom took the small boy out of the room. Sudhir shut the door and sat beside me. The room seemed spacious now.
Sudhir came to my side. “We were married six years ago and that boy who was just crying is our son.”
Everything was moving in my head. “ I don’t remember….. how could we marry and what about Ashish?”……………………
Where was Ashish?
He could not reply. He just stayed still. My mom entered the room and called sudhir for a moment. I didn’t hear what they talked, but I knew certainly that I was going mad..
My mom entered the room again, “let’s go home dear”. Finally someone spoke the exact words I wanted to hear. ….
Sudhir came into the room and said “Don’t worry kriti everythings going to be fine”
Was he giving me hope or was it for himself. I never knew.
The small boy entered into the room and said, “I want to go with mummy.” Sudhir exclaimed, “We will go to your grandmother’s home tomorrow.” I stared at them because I didn’t know how to react. The boy stared at me for a long time. I felt thrilled. My parents planned to take me home. They didn’t want to stress me.
In the car I asked my parents many things but they gave me the same answer every time. “We will talk about this after we reach home.”
Everything seemed as before. My room was changed to guest’s room. But I was happy to be back. I asked her many questions and found that I had a terrible accident. The doctors were suspicious that I would be suffering from memory loss. And that came true. I asked my mom what I have missed.. She told me I turned to thirty this winter.
I only remembered that I was still on my college and was trying for abroad for higher studies after that. I have lost eight years from my life. I wanted to close my eyes and wake up to find it was a bad dream……
I didn’t realize when I felt asleep. It must have been the medicines I suppose. When I woke up, I found Sudhir beside me. As I opened my eyes he asked, “How are you feeling?”
This was certainly not the dream I was sure now. I asked him how long I was asleep. He told me it’s six in the evening. I have been sleeping for a long time. He was very calm. I asked where I stand now. He started his story from our marriage to my profession and ended it on Ayush, my son as trying to keep the story shorter. But I needed the full story. He told me that Ayush turned to 5 last January.
I jumped out of the bed and pulled my t-shirt up. I wanted to check if I had any scars in my stomach. He laughed. There was a scar and sudhir said that it was the operation that was done almost five years back….. When I gave birth to ayush. This was certainly not a dream. But I definitely wanted it to be.
I really wanted to ask about Ashish. Ashish and I had decided to go abroad together and were planning to get married. I could not found any reasonable answers to marry sudhir. We were no more than friends then. We were close but I was in love with Ashish and Sudhir had a girlfriend too. He told me manytimes, that he was very serious with his relation and he would give up everything to be with her.
I asked, “ what about Ashish?”
Sudhir smiled a bit, “ you never wanted to hear his name and today you are asking me about him. Good heavens.”
He started, “ you broke up with him and we decided to get married, its simple.” I knew he was hiding many things. , but didn’t know why was he keeping them away from me.
I asked, “ we were friends till I remember, how come I ended marrying with you.”
He laughed, “ I am sorry to disappoint you if……”
“ no, I didn’t mean to say that.” I exclaimed.
I didn’t wanted to ask anything but I wanted every answers. Sudhir was not ready to give my answers……. But I waited patiently. I wanted to appear as calm as I could. My mom entered my room and Sudhir stood up. He asked for leave and promised to be back tomorrow to answer all my questions.
Things were getting more complicated and my queries were making the situation worse.
The morning was good. Things seemed to settle down a bit. I was eager to see Sudhir because he was the only one who would answer. Now and then, I kept thinking about the small boy Ayush who was said to be my son. I was having my breakfast in my room when he arrived. He entered the room.
Sudhir, “how are you feeling? And your head, do you feel any pain?”
I replied that I was much better now.
Slowly I gathered my courage and asked, “Sudhir, till I remember everything was going well between you and sital. You planned to get married with her. So what …..happened?”sudhir started, “ well everything was going well but we broke up. Or I better say she left me.”
I listened carefully. Sudhir said, “ well she left me because she found that I was not her type, I was too…………… .”
My memories went back to my past. I had met her couples of time and they seemed a perfect couple to me. She was beautiful. She was absolutely his type. If they would have married they would make a perfect couple. But what went wrong?
“ another guy?”
Sudhir exclaimed, “ ye……. Past memories are bitter.”
“ they are more bitter when they vanish.”
I was curious about Ashish. I started, “what about ashish?”
He stared for a long time and said, “ well you figured out that he didn’t deserve you. So you moved on.”
I kept listening. My eyes forced him to tell the whole story. “ you both were planning to go abroad but you found that he was flirting with a girl who happened to be his ex. You really tried to solve this problem but you ended in tears. You would hardly pick up your phone or contact any of your friends. I thought you needed to be alone but this was not the case. You told me afterwards that you had a wild fight with him. Things went a bit crazy. This guy was not your mr. perfect. I would call him mad. I even called him to know what was going wrong . but that bastard swore to me. I was even threatened not to speak on your behalf. The moment I told you, you were on fire. You called him and the never ending fighting started.”
He smiled, “ you know your anger, but that guy was pathetic. He called at your house and threatened you. He made your situation worse. But you were determined that time. You were ready to suffer but not ready to compromise. You hated that person. You told me that you are going to kill him. Well the good thing that happened was you got your visa and you went to do your masters ….. in scholarship. I adored you for your achievements , though your condition was critical but you never compromised with your studies. You were the bookworm from the very beginning and your books acted as your friends in your hard times. Then, you went away and we just used to talk fewer than ever. You and your friend shared a flat there and it was realy nice.”
The story was talking me along with it. I wanted to forget about Ashish. That topic of ashish was now closed never to be opened for the rest of my life.
I asked, “ where did I go and how do you know that my flat was nice?”
Sudhir gave a smile, “ you went to texas .well I happened to come there for my holidays….. it was a medical program and I was chosen so I went to participate. I stayed at your place for a week and we enjoyed a lot. Your friend had gone for a vacation with her boyfriend. And I cooked food for you.”
I smiled because I could not imagine what food he would have cooked, I knew well he was not a good cook.
“Continue please.”
Sudhir started again, “I was a broken glass with missing pieces and you matched well with me. I was happy to have found you. I was going through a tough time. I have just been broken down by Sital and you were there for me. your example, how you stood up, that gave me hope. Every time I was sad I remembered about you. You were my miss. Saver.”
I smiled. “well sudhir, I am happy to be called as miss. Saver.”
Sudhir laughed too and said in a soft voice, “Well I have talked with your senior and asked for your leave. They were not happy to hear that. You were one of the best employees they had…….”
His mobile phone rang… “Hello this is Dr. Sudhir speaking.”
The person said something from the other side and he said that he will be there shortly. He looked at me and I said, “Dr. Sudhir, what happened.” He smiled. He said that there was emergency and he had to go. I really wanted to hear the full story but the time was not in my hand.
Sudhir gave me my cellphone. He showed me his no. and asked to call if anything happens. The days past slowly. My mom told me about how I returned back after finishing my studies. She told me that she recommended many guys for marriage but I always said NO. it was one day, when I suddenly came home and told her that I wanted to get married with Sudhir. They were happy that I finally decided to settle down. They were happy with my decision but they were still not sure why I wanted to do so.
I was really desperate to know the truth. What was the reason behind the marriage?
Next day, Sudhir came and he was a bit tensed. He changed my bandage and I asked, “whats the matter Sudhir, everything alrite?”
Sudhir replied. “ yes everything is fine but there are some of my close relatives who would like to meet you or they want see how you are doing after the accident.”
I said in a loud voice, “ you are forgetting something Sudhir I don’t remember any of your relatives.”
“ I know that kriti, I am well aware of it.”
“ so. Sudhir what should I do?.”
Sudhir gazed at the wall for some time and said, “ they know about you, that wouldnt be a problem. They know, you don’t remember them. They just want to see you and Ayush wants to spend some time with you.”
Ayush was my son. Though I didn’t remember, I had some duties towards him.
“ ok sudhir, I am going to meet them but I cant assure you that i maynt get scared to meet strangers.”
Sudhir smile. He assured me it will be for couples for hour and he would drop me back home.
The moment I entered the house everyone came forward. Sudhir started introducing everyone: his father , mother, cousins, his father’s cousin ………………….
And then came Ayush running. He clung to me. I didn’t know how to react so I stared at Sudhir. Sudhir understood, he picked the boy up to his arms. Ayush was happy to see me but I was scared. I should not do anything that may create a negative impact on the child. His relatives didn’t ask me anything. I thought it was the clear instruction from Sudhir. I had my lunch there and Sudhir’s mom wanted me to have dinner too. I could not say no.
The relatives left and after the dinner, Sudhir and Ayush sat with me. Ayush was busy with his toys. Now and then he would show me his toys. Ayush got up and said, “ mommy , I am feeling sleepy, I want to sleep.”
Sudhir came forward and took him to the bedroom. I followed them because I had nothing to do. It was raining outside. And the temperature was pleasant. Ayush laid down and said, “ mommy come.”
I did what I was asked to. He hugged me and hid his face in my chest. The next moment Sudhir sang a soft song and after a while Ayush was fast asleep. I saw my pictures on the wall. One was my wedding photo and the next was with Ayush. I slowly rose from the bed and approached the wall where the photos were hung. I touched them as if I could remember those moments but nothing happened. Sudhir stood beside me. He touched the photo too and in a deep voice said, “ I miss my wife.”
I could not comment, I just kept quite. I reminded that he promised to drop me back home. His expressions faded away. It was raining hard and he suggested that it would be better if I stayed for the night. He would sleep in the guest room and I could sleep with ayush. I really wanted to say no but when I saw Ayush’s face, I couldnot. There was something pulling me towards him. I said ok.
We moved to the TV room and started to talk, he showed me my wedding photographs and others of different occasions. I had to ask him why I suddenly decided to marry him.
“Sudhir, why did we marry……?”
In his calm voice he replied, “ …..eventhough we were friends? Is that your question.”
“ ummmm yeh.”
“ well kriti, after I returned back from your place I found that I kept missing you. You have occupied the missing space in my life and I was recovering. You were my best friend and you were always there for me. After you returned we met frequently. You told me that your mom wanted you to settle down but you didn’t want to trust anyone. Your breakup with Ashish led you to the conclusion that boys are never to be trusted. One day you called me and asked me to come in the café ,we usually went in our college days.at that time I had already finished my studies and I had a job in the hospital. When I met you you asked me to marry you. It was a kind of shocking. You said that you wanted your own life your own way and I was the only person it would be possible with. You were not in love with me but still you asked for marriage.”
“ so Sudhir, what did you do?”
“ I thought for a while and said yes. The reason behind my yes was you were my best friend. You were always there for me. When I was in need, you the only one for me. You completed the hollow place in my heart , not as a lover but as my friend. It was enough for me. After sital it was hard for me to fall for any girls. I loved you as a friend and both wanted a companion. A friend would be the perfect one. We never realized what we were doing. After our marriage though we shared a common room but we stayed as friends and it was a relief to both of us. But slowly I found that I was falling for you in more that one way. And you figured that too. Its hard not to fall in love when you spend most of your time with the same person.”
I smiled. I knew now what had happened. Suddenly ayush started to cry. We both rushed in the room. He clung to me and said. “ mommy , mommy please don’t leave me again. I am scared.”
I could not reply but I holded him and assured him that I would never leave him again. I laid down with Ayush. Ayush sobbed for a while and felt asleep. Sudhir kept standing watching both of us. I could clearly see tears in his eyes. I knew why there were tears. I could feel his pain. Not because I was his wife now but because I was his best friend.
“sudhir, I can share the pillow with you,”
He kept quiet or he didn’t understand. He smiled and laid down beside me. He hugged me and started to cry. I didn’t ask why he was crying. He hid his face in my chest. I asked, “ do you feel better?”
He nodded. He told me that he was afraid to lose me. It felt to him that after the accident I might never return but was happy to have found me again. I didn’t know if I could remember what I have forgotten but I promised to myself that I would create new and happy memories for Sudhir and Ayush. I lay awake for a while. My bestfriend was my husband now and I had a son. What more could I ask with god! I closed my eyes with the hope that everything will be better tomorrow……………………….
(Screen) Name: isha k.c.
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