My Ex Fiancé and I Broke Up late 2012, he had Gotten abusive and I was shattered when we separated. I couldn’t imagine myself with another man after the pain I felt, So I stayed away from men In general. Throughout 2012 I was alone, Depressed and I felt like there was absolutely no hope for me.Towards end of 2013 my mom advised that I go live with my Brother for little while, so I can get out there, unwind and see other things and people.I took My Mother’s advise and went to my brothers place,but the only thing that changed was the environment, deep inside I still as lonely and hopeless as iwas when I was sby my mom’s house.
One morning I decided to go vist a friend of mine who doesn’t stay far from my brothers place,It was the 5th of January 2014, on my way there I met a lady who delayed me a little bit because she wanted help with something, anyway, I helped her then rushed to the taxi. While running so I can catch the last availale taxi, I could hear someone running behind me, as if chasing me, I ran faster, th person ran faster too, I decided to turn around , and when I did I saw this tall,(not too tall but taller than me),medium built guy,(he was the one unning after me), at that point I didn’t think much of him, or the situatin, so I kept running, and so did he, I turned again, looked at him laughed and kept running…he also continued.
I got to the taxi, asked to make sure its going to the right place ad I jumped in,after I sat down I looked to see what had happened to the guy chasing me, and there he was, at the door with his phone in his hand, still breathing heavily from the ‘chasing’, he said,”can I pease have your numbers?”,his voice did something to me, I don’t know how to explain it but something in me got softened and I took his phone and dialed my number, I didn’t even save my name.
A few minutes after I had gotten off the taxi and arrived at my Friend’s place , My phone rang,It was an unknown number. I picked up and from the other side a voice said :’hello , Its me, From Earlier,are there yet?”, it was that voice, it was him, my chaser.my stomach felt weird, I was overwhelmed with feelings I did not even understand, his voice made me feel relaxed, open, vulnerable (in a way I enjoyed), I had never felt like that before, it was all new and confusing but it felt AMAZING.
Anyway he introduced himself over the phone and dd too, we got to know each other, backgrounds, where I live, what he does and we just went on and on and on, we spoke until my battery ran out and he promised he would call again in the morning , which he did, and that was it : The beginning of endless phone conversations and texts.I had to go back home (to My mother’s place ,to a different province far away from him),I felt like iwas leaving something significant behind, like i was leaving behind a part of me, someone I had known my whole life,(even though we had only met once),But even when I was gone we kept in touch, we spoke everyday,We spoke about life, about Friends, we joked and laughed, we shared painful experiences from the past and cried too. He had become my friend, my comfort , my hope, and I fell in love with him, so deeply, I was in love with a man I had only met once.
A few weeks after I had been at home, we were getting closer each day, our conversations were more intimate, he was in love too,He was in love with me.
One Saturday morning he woke up and was going to see his friends ( he would fill me in,tell me what he’s up to, and I would do the same, it made me feel like I was there, it made me feel closer to him).That Saturday morning he called and told me he was going to see his friends, I was with my friends too, he spoke to my friends on the phone, they liked his voice as much as I did, they could feel his warmth too.Anyway, we spoke and he promised he would call again in the afternoon.
Afternoon came and he hadn’t called, I got worried because it was unlike him, if he said he’ll call, he would call. so I called him to check if everything is okay, his phone went straight to voucemail, it was off.That didn’t worry mw though, Ithought maybe his battery had died or there was no coverage where he was, Itried again minutes later, it was still off, I kept trying , ot was off,sunday morning, his phone was still off.
I got worried, left him texts and probably a hundred voicemails.
I kept trying on Monday morning and his phone was still off.I felt so helpless, so far , and frustrated, Untill Around 13:00 Pm that Monday, I sent him a texts and it went through, A few minutes ;later my phine rang and it was his number, I answered Picked up and from the other side a lady’s voice said ” hello, Joe (I changed names) was in a car accident On Friday, he is in hospital and heavily sedated, he will get back to you when he wakes up”.”Oh is he okay? ‘I asked and she said he was okay..I was so relieved to hear that he was okay that I didn’t even ask myself who that lady was.
5 to six minutes later The lady called me again and this is what she said ” Hey Listen, I went though his phone and I saw your Texts and calls,Joe Is my Boyfriend, and you should stay away From him, I am Pregnant with his child as we speak , he doesn’t know it yet but I am, so please Stop calling and texting him”.
I couldn’t hold back the tears, I felt so betrayed, so cheated,I felt so broken as I put the phone down.I felt confused, why would he let me fall inn love with him then? why did he give me so much of his time if he ha someone else? I felt like such a fool for letting him in, for falling for him,i was in pain and I felt he owed me an explanation.
He woke up a few hours later and called me as soon as he got home, he wasn’t aware that his girlfriend had called me so he tried to explain his presence “I was involved in a….” before he could finish I jumped in, “car accident and you were in hospital?” I asked, ” yes how did you Know?” , he sounded surprised, “Pearl told me, You know pearl, Your girlfriend” I replied. He was speechless.
He had mentioned a girlfriend in passing before but From How things were going between me and him ,I had decided to assume that he had ended things with her.( That was stupid I know, But I was Intoxicated, I was in love).He Decided he would explain later , which I understood, he was still in pain.
later On he called and we spoke for a while, h explained, they were going Through stuff, she had hidden a child from him and he had just found out about the child, From what I understood, he wouldn’t have gone into the relationship if he knew she had a child , so he felt robbed.And he couldn’t just walk out now because of other emotional obligations he felt.He had tried breaking up with her,but each time felt forced back into the realationshp,( comfort maybe), I don’t know.
I didn’t know what to do, or how to feel, I was so confused , so broken , hurt.
I wanted to be there for him though, he was hurt and I wanted to know how he was recovering, so we kept in touch, I still loved him, I knew I still loved him.
He got better and we still kept in touch, But lady pearl would sometimes call me to tell me to back off, oh and she wasn’t really pregnant,she made that up to get me to back off.
Here’s the complicated part: I knew I loved this man, I accepted I could not have him, but I loved him anyway. We would talk every once in a while, he would remind me often that he loves me and I would do the same, I never saw him again and I had accepted that I was never going to see him again.
Each time we spoke, even if it was after a month or two, I would still feel his warmth, his voice still had the same effect on me and throughout 2015, we spoke ( Not very Often) But we spoke, I sill loved him, he still loved me but we had both accepted that we couldn’t be together.
In December 2015 I started dating a guy who lives in the same city as Joe ( Pure coincidence).Im back in his province now, I work this side), He is sweet and kind, he is focused and he pushes me to do better. We have been together now for just over 6 weeks ,not sure if we love each other or we just deeply care for each other, (we haven’t spoken about feelings yet), our relationship is …well… comfortable.
First Saturday of 2016 , me and my boyfriend were going out for drinks when I decided on the way to a pub in town that I was hungry and wanted to eat, We took a turn and went to one of my favorite restaurants in town. We get there , get parking space and head into the restaurant, It was around 19:00Pm and a little dark, just as we were about to go into the restaurant, I heard someone call my Name, the voice sounded familiar, I turned around and It was him, it was Joe. I couldn’t believe my eyes, I was in shock, all sorts of feeling, I was excited to see him but I was scared, he was with a girl, (his girlfriend , I assumed), I felt held back, I was with my boyfriend and couldn’t exactly run to Joe and give him a huge hug (and I wish I could),it was a Tricky situation , so I just said hi and headed straight to the bathroom, I was shaken, my feelings for him awakened, I had Goosebumps, I was crying and I didn’t even understand why.
I pulled myself together and went to eat with my boyfriend, He could see I was shaken and he wondered why, I am an honest person, so I told him the Joe story, though I left out a few details, Like my feelings for him.
We ate and went to the Pub, But all Night all I could think about was Joe. The following morning he sent me a text, His girlfriend was Angry, She made sense of the whole situation, remembered my name and all the drama it had once brought into their relationship and thought me and Joe had arranged to meet like that, We hadn’t, It was just a coincidence. A Freaky one (I Think), the day I first met Joe was the first Sunday Of 2014, This was the last hours of the first Saturday of the Year, It was 2 days before our 2nd year Meeting anniversary, we met again almost exactly 2 years later, ” That’s Crazy” we said , almost simultaneously On a phone call a few days after we bumped into each other..
And the Craziest part is that I still love Him, Probably more now than I did then. And according to him, he still loves me too, Even more now.
Am I crazy? Am I mad For still loving this man so much even though I know I Might Never Have Him?
Is this Normal???? I love him Whole heartedly, And I expect absolutely nothing from him In return, I just love him, And I cant seem To stop, No matter where I Go, or What I do.