i was at school when i met teddy he is so cool and i like him so much he so totally my dream crush but i dont thik he likes me until he asked me to go to the prom with him im so in love…………

(Screen) Name: liana

This is an extreme May-December affair, playing in my thoughts. I am middle age and he is quarter of a century. I felt nothing when I saw this boy. Yes literally he is. But we are classmates in graduate school. As days went by, he is there in class but sometimes I even forget that he exists. Then something odd happened. I failed in one of this Math subjects. I felt the world falling in on me, as this means an extension of 6 months more and the comprehensive exams available year next yet. I am single and feeling alone in this big metropolis. I miss my only niece. The best times I had lately in my life is spending quality time with her, either at play, study, or simply going to the mall or park nearby, back home. While still absorbing the shock of failing, and trying to walk my way to the boarding house, my tears are beginning to fall and my vision blurred. Then I met him, this boy. Without asking anything he knew what I’m crying about and started consoling me. I didn’t hear anything he said, but instead asked him to have lunch with me. He refused and told me he failed too. Sensing that we are both in distress I did not insist and proceeded to go home. The next day, I attended class in a minor subject. My resolve then was to continue and do good with my other subjects. I saw this boy again, and after class asked me that we eat at a nearby mall. As I have other things in mind, I replied he has to wait until about 6:00 P.M.as I would still queue to pay for my credit card at the nearest bank. It was already past 6:00 P.M. when I finished my transaction and has all forgotten about his invitation. While waiting for a cab home, my mobile phone rang and saw his name and I was jolted upon remembering that I have a date with him. So I hurried up to meet him at an average diners place inside the mall. There, we began talking and sharing our plans. It was a good unloading session and I felt light. He asked for my YM addy and email ad. I still felt nothing for him except that I was able to unburden some of my thoughts regarding our office’s impractical way of putting me in a sort of exile by sending me to graduate school. Since then, I noticed he has changed. He would always take the time to go near me and every time I am online, he would just pop up and we begin to converse like we are long lost friends. I am beginning to appreciate his trend of thoughts and wondered how deceiving his looks and build can be. So young, his ideas and visions are so matured. I cannot imagine I am actually taking to a 25 years old! With body built that of a still going into a full matured male,he walks with a sure stance and gait like that of a person always in a hurry and wanted to waste no time. His hair locks are long flowing to his nape and curled at the end, they look like they need shampooing very badly. But it gives an aura of male magnetism, I am beginning to get attracted to him. I’m not sure if this is because I am feeling alone, but really his image is beginning to stick into my thoughts. Meanwhile, he maintained being friendly, and would even bring some drinks knowing that I am diabetic. At times he would volunteer to buy me lunch, as I am one who finds walking into the canteen an ordeal because it is hot walking on that asphalt road leading there and falling in line for food is a task. Our chatting has become regular and I’m really beginning to fell close and fall for him. He treated me like I’m the most beautiful creature that ever walked this earth and his patronizing me in his reports made me feel so uncomfortable, our classmates are beginning to tease him which he didn’t mind at all. I realized that I am beginning to feel as if he owns me. And it made me feel so ambivalent. As a woman, he acted like a love struck man and no full blooded woman can ever resist enjoying this kind of attention. On the other hand, I feel so guilty for feeling so, knowing that this would take me nowhere except being left dumped somewhere when the academic year is over. I am beginning to avoid him, and has since then never ever gone out dining or even taking some light snacks with him. I always find ways to avoid him and not even taking a look into his direction. But this didn’t work. The more I avoided him, the more he finds ways to get near. I am always uncomfortable when he is around but tried to act cool and collected even if I feel my heart is beating so fast. And all of this at 50 years old!!!? Until this writing he is still very much around. One time in his offline, he commented that he felt I am always on a detached mode. I find valid excuses like I’m busy doing my class reports, which are true. But the real truth is, I feel he is now beginning to read my mind and heart. And I feel he is playing with my emotions and I look so vulnerable. On the other hand, I can feel his masculinity. The man in a boy’s body wanting the essence of female energy in his life. I am really holding on to my wits. Which makes it doubly difficult because trying to hold back strong emotions can be heart wrenching and causes insomnia. But the feeling that I am 50 y.o. always prevails even if at the moment my heart is acting like it has just experience the pangs of being in love and being appreciated by the opposite sex. That is why I am calling this piece a clouded guilt trip. Yes I want him and I want to love him so badly. But he thought that I am old enough to be his mother is holding me back.Until now, I find comfort in staying away from him. But each moment is a torture thinking about him. I can only wish this is all over now and live a full normal life again.

(Screen) Name: merry_me88

First of all, I know this story is gonna be very long..but at least please try to read my story so you can get some ideas about soul mates and secret love. Enjoy reading!

I remember this guy back when we’re still in fourth grade let’s call him in the name of Mr.Genius (coz his very good in Math). So my story goes like this.

First day of school, I meet my old friends and some new classmates. Our class adviser decided to arrange our seats. He seats in front of me. We still don’t know each other that time.

The second day, the teacher told us to get 10 sheets of pad paper for our penmanship folder, then the guy seating in front of me offered to give me ten sheets of pad paper, he was kinda friendly to me, but I said no thanks coz I have my own. The next few days, he was friendly to me and we talked to each other, get to know more about each other, and I noticed that when I arrive at school he was there talking with his guy friends and when he saw me arrive, he suddenly will go to his seat. These time I was thinking that this Mr. Genius guy likes me because I saw some obvious signs where in a guy is doing when he likes a girl. But, that time I wasn’t that into things like crushes or simply boyfriends thingy. That time I already knew that Mr.Genius likes me, so I was thinking of a way so he would not like me anymore, then I start to be rude to him, and I start to avoid him. One time when we were having our Chinese calligraphy class, he’s jacket was placed at the back of his chair. Then suddenly I accidentally brushed my Chinese brush onto his jacket, leaving a big black mark on his jacket. I’m so shocked and don’t know what to do, because I know if he found out he’ll be mad at me. So I decided to just sit quietly and continue writing. Later he found out, then he asked me if I was the one who did that, I said it wasn’t me, because I was afraid to tell him. Then he got mad at me and told his friends about it. The first quarter has ended and the teacher again decided to change our seat plan, this time it was me who was seating in front of him. It was like every time if the teacher is going to change our seat plan, he is always near me. That time when I accidentally put Chinese ink into his jacket, from then on don’t talk to each other anymore, few weeks past, we began to develop shyness between the two of us. Every time I’m gonna pass near him, I noticed that he is trying to avoid me.

When we were in fifth grade, I don’t know what was happening to me, but soon I just realized that I have feelings for him (It’s just really weird), so that time I don’t know what I was doing, I black texted him, and in one of our text he asked me if I was interested in him and I said I was..(I don’t know what I’m doing that time, right know I’m thinking back that time were I confessed to him that I like him, It makes me feel that I’m totally a foolish girl.) But soon he knew that it was me and I was so ashamed, don’t know what to do because he is telling his friends that I confessed to him that I like him.

By the way, his friend’s brother and my brother know each other and they were both friends, so it means Mr.Genius Guy knows my brother and my brother knew everything that I was doing, and I felt very ashamed. I just wish I didn’t do that anymore.

When we were in sixth grade, Mr.Genius guy has a crush on a girl. Just so you know, Mr.Genius guy is a playboy.

This Mr.Genius guy has a friend, and his friend has a crush on my friend. His friend knew that I like Mr.Genius. So his friend told me that if I would agree to spy on my friend and he to will spy on Mr.Genius and tell me more about him. Then I agreed. He asked Mr.Genius if he is still interested in me, and Mr.Genius guy said that he has liked me back when we were still in fourth grade until now (sixth grade) (that time he likes a girl, me and genius guy are not classmates anymore in sixth grade.)

When there is a batch program or when I’m walking at the hallways or at the corridors, sometimes we cross pass each other and I saw that he stares at me and suddenly look back, he is totally shy too. We haven’t talk for almost 2 and a half yrs. already because we were not classmates. And it’s almost our graduation so I decided to ask him if I could have his graduation pic, he was really shy, and I notice him blushing, and he said yes.
I’m just wondering why is that, if he likes someone at the school, he asks the girl if she can be his girlfriend, but he has a crush on me too, but why is that he is too shy and doesn’t do the same thing to me like what he does to the other girls he like.

Now, that I’m a freshmen, sometimes we cross pass each other and sometimes he look at my eyes so deeply, like he wants to say something, we try to act normal to each other. Sometimes I realize that my fate is testing me, because often we saw each other in the same places. And until now I still has a crush on him, even though he has hurt me a lot of times, I keep on telling myself that I’m not gonna like this person anymore and I’m gonna forget him already, but this feeling I have for him still does not fade away and keeps coming back. I still have this one question on my mind..Does he still like me?

Feel free to post comments:)

(Screen) Name: Hollywo0dPrinc3ss

To tell you my story I have to tell how emotionally well I was in middle school. You could’ve said I was foolish but now that I look back I just think I was very innocent. Listening to the same music and hearing the same dirty jokes and poisonous rumors as the rest of my class I thought I wasn’t really innocent but sometimes you never know what you have until you lose it.
I was in the library when I met a guy online and we talked about books and other things. I was interested in a lot of things and we had a really nice chat. But it was the library and the books eventually led me into another dimension and I forgot about him. Around two weeks later I meet him online, well…he tracks me down. He flatters me by telling me I’m the sweetest thing he ever met. He fed me line after line. He told me he would break up with his online girlfriend for me. Apparently they were about to get married (online) you can do that and he suddenly told her it was over. Oh! But of course I agreed because what other guy wanted anything to do with me? We got together and it was bliss and endless chats about what I was interested in. Then he surprised me. He asked me if I wanted to cyber and I balked. NO WAY. I told him. He pressed the issue though and started to type disgusting things. They filled the screen. They filled my LIFE. I thought this was my Prince who was only requesting a small privelage so I eventually gave in and we did it once. It was only two months later that I realized how precious my single bliss was but I decided to tough it out for him. Then someone told me he cheated on me. CHEATED?! How could he? I gave him my precious gift of innocence and I had been with him a way no one else had. Cruel! So cruel! I shouted at him (by this time we traded adresses and phone numbers) I sobbed softly and begged him not to go. I loved him, it was true. My love was real for me and I thought he felt what I felt. A light grew in my face and I floated on a cloud while at the same time the truth that he was scoundrel drifted in the back of my brain. At the end of the first year and more cybering and cheating on his part I was begging him to set me free. He had too much of my heart for me to force my will over his. I wanted to leave before he could get more ugly. Wait! Don’t go from this sad story so far, this is only the prologue. It’s a nice ending really.
Anyway, he abused me for 3 years because I let him before he broke my heart and threw me out. He broke up with me then told me he had fantasies of killing me then raping my corpse. The next week he asked me to go out with him again to be one with him. He was a monster and I told him so. Then he threatened to kill himself. I loved him still, reader. My love still saw that nice boy who would talk to me and respect me. Sobbing, I forwarded our chats to his Mom. The ones about suicide I made a point of re-sending. The day after taht he called me and told me I was heartless and told me to go to hell and that they might put him in a mental institution thanks to me. I told him I loved the boy who I met and he wasn’t it and reminded him who broke up with whom. He got angry and silent. The next week his friend tells me he heard my ex commit suicide. I scream and cry and remember the nice boy all over again because I’m very loyal so I call his house and ask his Mom how he died and his Mom says he didn’t die. She gets angry the more I tell her my story but not at me, at him.
Dear reader I felt like a hollow shell. A piece of floating garbage. Since he won’t ever come back into my story I’ll tell you what happened to that man. That boy in a man’s body. I saw that he had a web page up on facebook and youtube and what was scary was he had bought a webcam. He took pictures of his face but I know that that was not all he took pictures of, I know that he hasn’t stopped cybering since we broke up. I know that one day the cops will arrest him for corrupting a minor like he corrupted me. It was 10th grade that I was set free like a bird. So happy! and yet so bitter. When my guy friends talked to me I hated them if they looked like HIM that day. I hated them for using the word ‘literally’ like he did. I hated them when they looked too long at me. I hated them when they ignored me. I HATED them period. I told all my friends about the evils of men and stopped going on the computer. Whenever I did and whenever I accidentally went on a chat I got panic attacks because it reminded me of my time being in a cage. I hate hate hate cages. In History class I had surges of memory and my mind couldn’t concentrate on debates. My eyes, oh it was so sad, my eyes would empty of my innate spunkiness and they would resemble a cows. They were dumb and blank. I remember seeing them in a mirror. Then I began to want to kick people or randomly strike out. My anger was like a tumor. You could see the symptoms and it would have ruptured if I didn’t talk about it and take pills. I took passion flower. Little brown pills that calmed me down and help me process my emotions. My family moved into a little quiet home backed by woods and the sounds of birds. I would lie on my bed and listen to the free birds. I whispered to God one time while looking out the window, “I would like a little wind.” And a gust came and blew my hair back. I knew I could heal once I was in this place. I could grow. Oh. I could last in the silence. I meditated in my own way by reading and thinking, reading and thinking, reading and thinking. I realized my anger and I still had sexual thoughts and angry thoughts and bitter thoughts left over but I never once burdened anybody more than my counselor. Her, I only told her an outline of my stresses without letting her plumb the depths because she was innocent it showed in her eyes. And I learned that if you love someone you should never burden them. With my personality sucked out I sat on my quiet bus and savored the peace. The little kids were like bright birds flocking around me and telling me they liked me because I was kind. I never really wanted to hurt those kids I wanted to hurt that man but my hands couldn’t reach him so I projected my anger at people and objects. There were two other highschoolers on the bus. One asian kid a grade ahead and a tsunder indian wrapped in her native hujab and a grade lower. We would sit in a row with one seat to ourselves because it was so spacious and peaceful and just talk. Sam the asian got kids to believe his name was Franklin Benjamin the first couple weeks of school. He also forgot my name as well. It would annoy me so I would reply with bogus answers every time he asked. So annoying, always chattering nonsense. Ziba the indian was cool-headed and fun to talk to. I can only describe it as the type of fun I got when I read a good book. On and off the bus I went, tasting my freedom. Slowly I recovered. At school I was the same with my friends. I never let them in too deep and I show them a kind face because I love them. One day Sam picked up something on the bus and I was reading. He turned in his seat which was in front of mine and held up a dirty candy. “I’ll pay you three quarters to eat it.” Were we in kindergarten? No. So I nod my head and say “Gimme the money.” He hands it over and I stuff it in my pocket. Then I start to read my book. “You said you’d eat it!” He ejaculates. I smirk. “No, I just shook my head and demanded money.” His face contracted into an open faced pout. I could only stare. It was so honest and cute. Then I realized how ridiculous I sounded so I gave his money back and read my book. He was so annoying.My thoughts returned but I never stopped fighting. All throughout 10th grade I never stopped fighting. I was so thankful for a lot of thinks like my parents living together again and my being single. I loved it. God helped too. I read a lot of Proverbs and Ecclesiastes because it told me straight what I needed to do to improve.
“Are you going to the prom?” I shook my head no. “Well I’m going with Lyla Steward.” “That’s nice.” I reply smiling. Sam makes a pained face. Lyla is like a Neurotic A-Type and she’s covered in 300 pounds of extra fat. “There’s not a lot of studs in 11th grade. How about you. Hey. Dano. What about Tristan?” Tristan in my grade is the creepy stalker type. Like HIM I suspected. “If you like the weird and boring.” I reply. “Wow. Ice Queen. Gabs’s an Ice Queen.” He called me Gabs. A contraction of my full name. I blush because I feel like that’s a compliment. I saw respect in his eyes. Oh, I craved respect…Nevermind what does he know. I read again. I make a point to ignore him a lot but we end up chatting. Silently. He starts reading life, the universe, and everything and since I have to read it for a book list I read it. He glances at me and something has begun. I don’t know what. He reads Douglas Adams (the author) then I read him and then he does and then I do. Finally we chat about him and the books and we sit close. I realize that people could misconstrue us for liking each other and since if we were Josh wouldn’t know he was getting a hollow horrid girl so I keep away. But the kids on the bus tease us especially the middle schoolers who secretly like Sam. How could they like that vain show pony? He had perfect hair and was obsessed over his teeth. Who would like that thing? Then Sam starts making jokes. “Yes! Gabs fell in love with me and I with her. Oh tell them honey, tell them about how we met.” I leap in. “Well He was Tall.” I glance at him nodding. “His hair was Dark. And..” I lean in. “He was ASIAN! OH! It was like a horror movie! but as you can see I got over his deformities.” I had nothing against asians except him because he was ridiculous and he was shocked and pouting and I couldn’t help it. I giggled lightly. Smiling like I hadn’t. Then I put my hands over my mouth and went back to reading but I’m sure my eyes had come back again and didn’t look dumb for that second. Another time I was telling him about how I hated a certain boy for ruining my one favorite book. “He scribbled all over every page for no reason. I cried. I hate him. And if you ever tell I’ll never speak to you again.” At the bus stop where we all (the whole school) at the end of the day I heard an “ahem” behind me. I turn and Sam is standing with the hated boy. “He want’s to tell you something.” Sam gestures to the hated boy. “I’m…soooory”. He sneers. Then something unexpectedly happens. Sam who happens to be a pacifist punches him in the stomach. “You have to mean it!” The mean guy sobers up “I’m sorry.” He says honestly. “Say for what.” Sam growls. “For ruining your book.” My walls come down or at least some. “Oh!” My eyes shine. “I forgive you.” I manage a smile. Sam grins and I still smile even though it’s Sam, or maybe because it’s Sam.We get onto the bus and I feel a lightness. I sit. Sam sits. “Thank You.” My voice is soft so he brings his ear closer. “Thank You.” He looks at me. I try to frown because I’m embarrassed. “Not that, it was um special.” I sit and we don’t talk.
Another time we’re on the bus and it’s Friday and we’re homebound. “Gabs.” Sam asks. “Should I cut my hair?” I look at him and I feel a devil on my shoulder. I pretend to muse seriously over the question then I nod gravely. “Yeah I think you should cut it all off.” I had a reputation of being honest and also his hair was slightly annoying. Not cute like he must think, I thought. I went home for the weekend and I got on the bus noticing a new kid out of the corner of my eye. Cute, I think. It’s not until we walk into school and I see Sam’s red shoes on the new kid. I look up. It IS SAM. And he, he’s. HIS hair! It’s cut with a little bit longer for bangs. His face is framed and his teeth flash against his hair. I realize then that Sam is handsome. I feel jolted and everyone at school is raving about the cut. The next week I hide from him I’m afraid to show my ugly face to him. Suddenly I want to be pretty but I don’t know how. I put my hair back one day and I go to school. On the bus Sam tries to talk to me but I duck my face and hurry in. My friends give me compliments on face that day though so I look in the mirror and I look changed. My face is soft and kind and my eyes are like brown shiny marbles. My dark hair frames my face and my clothes look comfortable. I talk a lot at the end of the day to Sam. Smiling at his attention I feel like he cant see my ugliness. Afterall I only did this not to burden him. Right? I believe that.
Then my mom and I see a great new house it’s beautiful and I immediately love it. There’s rooms for the three of us but I’ll have to…change buses. It doesn’t bother me but as the time winds down I open more like a flower. I have no idea why I’m so loved even though I’m so mean. I’m so taciturn but I feel my family and friends love and new friendships. One day I get off the bus and mom tells me “We move today!” I forgot. I turn around and wave at Sam desperate. Why? I feel so panicked. He doesn’t notice and the bus leaves. I know we have school together but I don’t feel so hot. We move and I go on a different bus. I don’t tell them until a week later Sam walks up to me in the hall. He’s about to ask me about it I know it! Sure it’s a little late in the game to notice but he did notice. He ponts and laughs, “Ha. Ha The bus missed your stop.” My face deadpans, IMMEDIATELY. I look at him then I push past. It was all in my head. It’s a pill but I swallow it. Four school days later he comes up to me. “So you’re not on the bus anymore.” I stare at him wondering whether I should help him out. I stare until he’s uncomfortable. “Yes,” I reply brusquely, “I moved.” He ducks his head and walks back to where he was standing. I am ANGRY! That’s it. NOT sad. I knew I was a hollow girl like the poem. I knew I never was a good conversationalist. I knew I wasn’t pretty. There are two weeks of 10th grade left and I utterly avoid him for a week. Yet whenever he glimpses me he gives me soft smiles. Maybe even shy. Don’t Do That. I want to tell him. It’s confusing me. I wonder where my bitterness went. Then it hits me it jerks me to a wall. Am I being, a jerk? I concede that Yes, I am. On Monday I ready myself. I look nice and presentable and I walk up to Sam. “I’m Sorry. I was angry at you so I ignored you.” Sam blinks, he is in his class room other people can hear us.”Why?” Sam asks. My hands shake but I clench them. “I was angry.” I grate out. “Yes but what for?” “You didn’t notice when I moved. Ziba noticed and the kids said hi to me. You didn’t though.” He looks a little afraid. Oh, my stomach is quaking. “I’m Sorry,” he says and then “Could it be, that you like me?” I bite my tongue because this is what I wanted all along. but I am still a hollow girl. I remember a girl from my chorus class who told me she liked him. She was very pretty and very good. It showed in her blue eyes. I remember how abused I was and how I learned to always treasure and never burden someone with dead weight. I was dead weight. Sam was a good guy and good guys require good girls. It’s like a match. “No, I never liked you that way.” I smile like he’s so silly. “But now that I’m not angry at you anymore I’ll tell you who likes you. She’s perfect.” “Who?” He believes I can’t lie. “Lindsey Cronelle.” His eyes shine like perfect black pearls. And I nod resolute in this. I walk away because it will sort itself out. 5 days later school ends and I watch Sam leave hand in hand with Lindsey. Since school is over I can say it now. I crouch and put my face in my hands. My eyes are streaming. My palms are wet. “I love you Sam!”
He left the next year and visits our school sometimes. It’s been a year now and I feel strong. So strong now that I can love the right way again. I’m going to move on but I will always treasure my 10th grade year. I feel like I want people to know what love really is. So now that he’ll never read this and I’ve changed every name but his and my nickname I feel like I can be free.

(Screen) Name: Gabrielle

I met this guy in my company and i had a great crush on him for almost a year,and then suddenly a surprise to myself i never knew that i would fall in love with him someday.A year passed and then he proposed me on the 17th Sept 08 and that’s the time he told me those three golden words that said,”I LOVE YOU”,and i was surprised and now that he and me are going to get married in the nearer future i am so happy and i hope we always stay like this forever.i love you a lot sweetheart, thank-you for being there for me when i need you,even knowing for the fact you at times don’t have the time.love you always and love you forever.

(Screen) Name: Jolana

Tonight When I Sleep

I. I’m staring at you from afar
Wondering how beautiful you are
Thinking where is my part
And how you stole my heart

II. It just turned out one day
Twisted happens to what I say
That if I don’t see your lore
I cannot breathe anymore

III. We are strangers when awake
But we are lovers in my dream
Sadly, but that is the reality
That you will be mine, in dreams only

IV. You are ignoring me, what can I say?
But believe me that is OK
Because later on you will love me deep
Tonight, when I sleep

V. It hurts me so, can’t understand
Why do you still hold his hand?
Even though you already know
That you are not the only one he love so

VI. Your eyes are weak, I know you cry
Of course, because of that stupid guy
You choose to stay with him
And live your life in dim

VII. If you only knew that you are the Queen
In my well imagined dream
You will choose to be with me
And leave him willingly

VIII. I cannot protect you in this dimension
So dream with me then I’ll fight away invasion
Here in me, your heart will be safely keep
Tonight, if we sleep

IX. I saw you all alone
Sadness on your face was shown
I gathered all the confidence that I hide
To have the guts to sit on your side

X. I saw a tear fell from your eye
So I handed you a tissue to make it dry
You smile at me, as sweet as strawberry cream
A smile which I only see in my dream

XI. Then we became real friends
More time together we spend
I was surprised when on my side you stand
And you slowly hold my hand

XII. I can’t believe what I just hold
The shape of your hand is here forever mold
We act intimate and fructose sweet
Even if I don’t sleep

XIII. I woke up one day I don’t see you anymore
So I find you with undying endeavor
I saw you on the corridor covered with screen
When I pull it over I saw you kissing him

XIV. You show me rejection instead of explanation
And asked me to go away because I cause you distraction
How I wish that what I saw will not retain
But when I looked back, you are kissing him again

XV. My heart is broken into tiny pieces
And putting them back for me is senseless
Because it won’t function anymore
I’ll just leave it scattered on the floor

XVI. I regret knowing you when I am awake
Because the real you is just a bunch of fake
I’d rather be with you when my conscious is sweep
Tonight, when I sleep…

(Screen) Name: Niko

The first time I had a crush on somebody is when i was 7 years old. because my siblings and my cousins are all girls, i think i become so attarcted to cute boys but at the same time, i am also too shy to talk to boys too. so you can tell, since 7 until now, i have crush on gazillion of guys. however, when I turned 13, i went to a bording school. there, i met this one guy. he was so cute with his charming smile, fair skin, smart brain, but most importantly he was very pious. this guy don’t talk to girls much including me. but i always eyeing him. his personality attract me the most. at the hostel, i always talked about him until all my friends can detect the HUGE crush i kept for him. yeah, sometimes he annoyed me by refusing to talked to girls except for important matter. during 5 years of being in boarding school, i have to admit… he was not my only crush. but, the other crush seem to come and go and none can really attract me except for him. i don’t know why i kept thinking about him on those days until i figured out i truly have fall for him. he was my first love! my friends really did a great job on trying to hook us up which mada me happy but so shy and finally turns to shame. the guy tried to avoid me. its not like i tried to catch him, except for the gossip my frinds made. his act really hurt me. i wonder, why can’t he just act normal??? i not an ugly witch who tried to cast a spell on the guy she likes. i would never chase after guy although i like them so badly. so i repeat, IT HURT A LOT! after i finally end my high school, i thought i would never see him again. it does hurt too,because everyday my eyes will fix on him and watch every steps he takes, but not being able to see him again is nothing compare to the scars he made on me before. so i would prefer not to see him. however, we met again in college but he won’t be long there. he will continue his studies in medicine in egypt. i think my first love isn’t as wonderful as the other but thinking of him always made me feel ease. he never knew he had left a deep scars on my heart and he had become a part of my history but i still can’t stop thinking about him. hopefully, i’ll find someone better than him who would always notice how i feel, what i think and what i want. hope you’ll find someone! best of luck my ex-love….

(Screen) Name: nicky

I was married for 14 years and finally realised the marriage was loveless. We seperated and I started going out again, I was 33. One drunken evening whilst dancing in a club a man grabbed my bottom. I got chatting with him and discovered he was 8 years my junior! I arranged to meet him the following week after exchanging many texts. The problem was that i couldnt remember what he looked like, i walked passed him 4-5 times and then phoned him and asked where he was. He told me he was infront of the hot nuts machine! I met him and thought that he is not my type at all.
But we chatted and continued to meet as friends regularly. However much to my suprise he had already got a girlfriend although they were going through lots of problems. After a period of flirting and chatting he was really getting under my skin.
He left her and then made a move on me, we lasted for approximately 6 weeks and then he decided to go back to her (after persuasion from his family). Over the next few years we would meet for one night and share a loving kiss (however often wanting more but resisting). After that it would be months before we met again. This continued over a period of 6 years.
During this time he was still with his girlfriend (now fiance) and I also had a fiance. But we continued to meet. He was due to get married in February and I was due in August. I was shocked and hurt when i found out he was getting married. I spoke to him and he said that it was expected of him and that he would just have to live with it. I told him that I could not see him again once he was married and he agreed. As a result of him saying he had to ‘live with his decision’, it actually made me stop and think about my own relationship. I was telling Chris he was a fool for marrying her and yet I was being hypocritical. I broke off my engagement.
Chris and I continued to chat and he asked me to help him break off the wedding. I agreed and said I would talk to his mum. He comes from a large irish family and family are very important to him. However about a month before the wedding he told me not to talk to his mum and I respected his decision. I went to the church that day and saw him on his wedding day. That day I decided to move on from Chris.
I saw him about 4 weeks later and got really upset, I was shocked at my feelings, I didnt think I would feel like that and found it hard talking to him. That night we ended up kissing once more. I spoke to a friend about him and said I didnt know how I felt and what I wanted from him. We continued to meet on occasions and then started taking the dogs out together. He told me how his relationship was and I listened. We both wanted each other but resisted once again.
We met one night when his wife was away and we spent the night together, this was the first time in 6 years. It was at this time he realised that it was now or never. He promptly left his wife and started seeing me shortly after.
That was 6 months ago………… I woke up this morning with a big pair of eyes staring at me saying morning princess and telling me how much he loves me and what a wonderful feeling that was. We both agree that if we had stayed together originally that the relationship probably wouldn’t have worked as our relationship would of been built on lust. Instead after 6.5 years we have built a solid foundation of friendship and love. We have a fantastic relationship full of love and laughter. We both now agree that there was always something there but we weren’t sure what it was. We now both know. They say the best things come to those who wait………….It did for us.
I Love You Chris x

(Screen) Name: Jojo

It wasn’t something that i’m searching for, for all these years. i just couldn’t help myself for it . it was so fast that i don’t even notice how it occurs. i just too curious to know about some people, but then it turned up into something weird and i just don’t know how or what to say about it.

it was such a dilemma when i had a crush with this ‘handsome boy’. the very first time i saw him, i was just melting and i just can’t stop myself from staring at him, because i was paralysed for a few second (until my friend called up my name). then i started keeping my eyes on him,as he was such a heart-throb, and until later i know that he was a casanova also..how i wished he was mine..until one moment while i was chatting about with my girl friend,also my best friend, he bumped to me and interrupt our conversation. well, we’re just talking about glasses, but the voice and the glance in his eyes was really melting me down, and i was too excited to answer him, until my best friend start talking to him. it was like, ‘please, my gal, he is talking to ME!!’ but it wasn’t like what i want. i know i can speak to him, but i was too nerverse to say a word, until he left. (i was melting, remember?!) then i just can’t stop myself from telling the sparkling in my heart to my best friend. as i was about to say, her twin came up and say ‘he looks really like your ex-guy.’…and i was, ‘what? no, not that guy! not that handsome boy of mine!’- but it was. how i hate that! ho come i even have same taste with my girl friend? and she was just broke up with her guy! how come come a ‘best friend’ can simply have fun of that situation? even though it wasn’t the same guy whose her ex, but still i was considering about my girl’s feelings. it’s like stealing your best friend’s guy which make them broke up! i won’t do that! i’ll never do that in fact! that’s how it’s been secret from my girl for all these years..well, it’s just a crush anyway..

then i continuing missing him. a lot that i wished i could talk to my girl somehow. only then another things came up. i went to join a summer camp later, and my girl wasn’t there. it was such a hateful feelings when we’re surrounded by anonymous and place full of strangers. back in school, i was from a girl school, and i was a kind of anti-guy person, so when i turned up for the camp, it was a really messy and complicated situation for the first few weeks, really! (how i hate all guys there, before i get to know that there’re still nice guys out there.)but it doesn’t bother my feelings at all, as i thought my feelings is stronger for the ‘handsome boy’.i was only enjoy in marching practices, as i love marching a lot. so there was a squad leader for every squadron. and my squad leader was promoted to become the chief of all the leaders. and of course, all the squadron activities was strongly related to him. he was always there, and only Lord knows how much i hated him! i know that i’m always just an ordinary person,and he was such a king, leading every people. but how come he distracted me by doing all the mental abusing acts? may be people didn’t notice it, but i was too depressed with him. why must he always shouting at me,purposely bumped into me, imitating my acts, asking me stupid questions,but never want to ‘talk’ to me? it was like he’s just using me and i was the stupid. how i wished we’re never met! but then, still, he does something that makes me wonder-why? as i noticed, he was always glaring at me as i did something wrong. then he lend me his hand with the laundry, as he never get him self involved with others, and i’m still not sure about the ‘part-time’ care that he gave to me, whether it’s real or just pretending to. but the climax was when he was there, soothing me after a tragic-damn-cold-night,(i never want to mention about it forever) how i hated him, but still i thanked God because he was there and i just need him. until the camp was over and i left earlier, that’s how the feelings changed. i always teased by him in many ways, he always be around the group, and he’s always lead us, so when i was no longer around him, i felt this very strange, strong and complicated feelings on him. i was so distracted because i always missed his voice, his moves, his way of talking, moving, running, walking, eating and simply everything. until i fell sick and always calling up for him. i never thought it would be a difficult life for me then, wishing he will search for me later, but nothing happen. until i kept him as my only ‘hero’,(even though i still think that i still hated him). i never cares about the feelings until my other friends told me that it was a beautiful feelings called ‘love’.

after years of living without him, i feel more comfortable even though i never recognize my former self. when i continuing my studies, i think i’m a better person without him, and i’m still trying to forgive and forget him. until i met a new person.

almost the same starting, but this guy tend to talk to me. i never really noticed him at first, but i really enjoy plus curious, about the attention he gave to me. until he wished me for my birthday, only then i open my eyes to get to know about him better. it wasn’t any serious relationship, but he really makes up my day. i just love to be around him, until there was signals of unfulfilled desires and jealousy among the other girls, and also guys may be. that’s because he is such a juicy lollipop among the others! it’s no wonder why i became the centered for a past few times. i hate gossips, so i warned him to get ourself more careful in public. it’s not like i’m avoiding him, just i want to make sure there’s nothing negative perception in between us. so that’s how it may begin. because now, he’s no longer the same person who loves to greet me every time we met, no longer the person who enjoy talking to me, and there’s no longer a warm, comfortable conversation between us. am i the one to blame? am i too selfish to admit that i really like him? i’m not sure. after all these times, i just get myself busy to get rid of those memoirs, as it really hurt me so much. and i did it all alone, by myself. it’s really cold between us, no matter i tried to greet him, it wasn’t the same. i really feel that he’s avoiding me. i just have to make up my minds in forgetting him and all those goods and beautiful memories that he done to me, in a little bit more time. how i missed him very much.

now there’s hardly a conversation between us, i never know how could i tell him the truth. up untill now, i’m still speechless.

(Screen) Name: J.F. Timmy

Two years ago,I thought my bestfriend is the one I love most. I even confessed to him so many times. And every time I confess my feelings toward him, he just felt annoyed. He just laughs and treats me like a little sister. Well, I couldn’t blame him. He got hurt from the women he loved. Now he just doesn’t know what love really means. Back to my story, Benjie did gave me the shocks of every high schoolgirls would have. I am one of the campus playgirls. I go in an dout of any relationship that won’t even last for a month. Then, I would leave them hanging asking themselves, “What did I do?”
That’s how I throw myself out of despair. My first boyfriend met an accident after that. While he’s out of the country, I was with other guys. Though we lasted for more than a year, I just treated him as my best friend. He feels it and he keeps on asking me why. I just smile at him. He knows why. He knows who I love really. Then, he said he would be leaving the country again to study. I wasn’t surprised, wasn’t shocked. I wasn’t even sad about it. But when he was on the plane, something in my heart really pounded. Then, he called before the plane got off. He said that after that call, he was setting me free. He couldn’t handle me because I can’t tame myself. I”m in lone with another and he can’t take it because he can’t change it. He cried while he was singing to me the last song he’ll ever dedicate to me…Iris.
Months after that, he was drunk with his cousin. He was completely drunk but he still wanted to drive their motorcycle. He drove fast over the slippery road. Then a car just hit them. I received his mother’s call, about him being comatosed in the hospital for three days and that he didn’t make it, on the day of my graduation. I was crying that day, not because I would be apart from my friends but because I lost someone who let feel I’m wanted and loved. Since then, I really never got involved with men. But as for my bestfriend, he wasn’t about to give up and let him be the center of my sadness. He can’t take my confessions so he gave my number to his other friend. That’s when I got to know someone named Benjie. He never lied to me about his life because we thought we wouldn’t really have the chance of seeing each other because we’re just textmates. That’s where we went wrong. I was sent to another school where I didn’t expect to be adjacent to their school. And since he only take me as a challenge, he courted me. First, when we haven’t seen each other yet. And then he courted me again personally. I promised myself then that I wouldn’t fall for anyone. Not to someone like him who hates his family and have too many girlfriends. I sometimes even catch him having drinking sessions with his classmates. I even caught him smoking. Somehow, I felt like being challenged too. He wasn’t like my first boyfriend. He was altogether different. He’s the rebel. I gave him my “yes” when my other bestfriend was getting all cranky because of my dilemma with depression with what happened to my first bf. He was like catching me in the time I felt killing myself. And I thought, I missed playing with guys. Until I came back with my old habit of dating other guys and letting them court in front of him. He would never say he’s jealous. And I know that because he has other girls while it’s still us. One time, I was dating this guy inside our campus. I was also texting the other that was courting me by that day. So I never noticed where he was pulling me to. I just noticed that we were on the 4th floor of one of the buildings . And it was getting dark. I have to go home but he insisted. He told me stay with him for awhile. I thought I will loose something precious in his hands by that time. I was afraid because I was the manipulator but back there, there’s nothing I could do. He was taller than me. And he’s a really big guy. When something knocked me back into my senses, I pushed him back and managed to runaway. Mark, the other guy who was courting me, was waiting for me. I never managed to tell him what happened to me. I was thinking of my real boyfriend whom I was expecting to be like that but never touched me roughly. The next day, I just can’t help myself revealing to him what happened. I never expected myself to cry in his arms. He even got mad and almost tore down the chair we were sitting on. It was then I felt he cared for me. And then, after that, I was having doubts if I should be serious about our relationship with him. Time passed and still I can’t decide to myself. Then I had a medical examination. I have odd feelings about my body. I hardly get enough sleep. And I always tire myself too much that maybe to some extent, my body got exhausted. The doctor told me that there could be a risk of me having only a short lifespan by then. He said some years perhaps. I was more than afraid. I’m only seventeen. I haven’t enjoyed life, I haven’t got any kids. And I’m going to die after graduation? My world shattered and I told Benjie about that. I was surprised when he embraced me tightly. I told myself that maybe he was just trying to comfort me. That he just cares that a lot. Then I felt his tears on my shoulder, I also started to cry. He told me that he’ll change. That he would make me happy and forget about it. For the first time, I believed him. The doctor prescribed me some medicine that could help me cure the disease. While taking the medicines, Benjie gave his full attention to me. He cut off his other relationships and so his friends too that influences him about his habits. Little by little, he did changed. And so did I.I got cured, but I’m still keeping myself safe because of other risks. Now that he’s beside me, nothing could go wrong. I have my rebel by my side now, and the only thing he’s crazy about is me as I am to him…

Name (use screen name if you don’t want your real name published): jhian