The pain in his eyes as he gazed into mine made my heart throb so painfully in my chest, I couldn’t breathe. We were floating in a never ending abyss of colors and mist, a world where we could be together if only for a few moments. My arms were wrapped around his neck, his skin flushed and warm. His whole body was pressed into mine and I could feel the warmth of his body melting into mine. His arms were possessively and protectively encasing me to him and I had never felt so safe in my life. We gazed into each other’s eyes, his with pain and mine with regret.
His heart was throbbing in his chest; the vibrations went straight from his bare chest through to my own, where my heart throbbed back an equally painful tune. He knew I was going to be the one to break this moment, and both of us knew I never wanted to do it. But if neither of us did it, we would never separate, and sometimes, I thought that was the best thing in the world. I wondered what it would be like if we stayed in each other’s arms, where we belonged…..But we couldn’t do that. I couldn’t let him do that.
So I spoke. “I need to go. I –”
His arms tightened around me and he brought his head to the crook of my neck, his warm breath washing over my neck. Everything about this man was warm and hot, like a blazing fire only I was allowed to touch. His sweat soaked, black hair fell lightly into his face and gently framed his cheeks. I couldn’t see his eyes, but I knew exactly what color they would be, forever imprinted in my mind’s eye: an oceanic blue so deep and clear, bright yet dark, a woman could lose her soul in them. His skin was still slightly flushed, but he was naturally a little pale with a small tan coating his perfect body. He was taller then me, about four inches, eight at the most. He never failed to joke about the height, about how I fit him so perfect because I was so short compared to him.
I didn’t care how short I was, as long as his arms stayed wrapped around me and I never left his embrace. However, I needed to, and the big oaf was being rebellious. He was like that. Sometimes, playful yet loving when it was time to go. Like now, where I could feel a small smile tugging at his lips. Ah, those lips. They could do dangerous things to me. When he kissed me, it was like a fire had seared my lips and branded my heart. My blood felt like liquid fire, rushing and shifting beneath my skin until I couldn’t take it anymore.
It was then he would –Bad thoughts! Shouldn’t go there. I sighed then, remembering why I spoke in the first place. “I can’t leave if you don’t let me.”
Then I heard it, and my knees became wobbly, and ever so slightly, his arms tightened as if he knew the effect his voice would cause on me. “That is the point.”
I laid my head on his bare shoulder and closed my eyes. “Point or not, whether I want to leave or not, you know we have to….”
My voice caught, and as it did, his hands on my back moved in slow circles. His hands, oh so much larger then my own, caressed me gently and lovingly. Hands that could hurt or kill me were so soft and gentle, I thought he was rubbing my back with a feather. Then, he could be like this. Sweet and gentle, like I was made of glass. And sometimes, it was scary how inside my head he could get. He knew when I got wobbly kneed because of his voice, and there would a appear a boyishly wolf-like grin.
He knew when I was about to cry, when my heart felt battered and bruised, and he would wrap me in those strong arms and comfort me in a way no one else had the power to. When I was angry, a raging woman of fire, he would shelter me and his eyes would light up with a fire to equal mine and he would calm my rage until I was but a sputtering flame. When I was in deep pain, his heart would be in his eyes and he would whisper to me over and over he would protect me.
And when we were loving, joined together, as we were moments before, when things would crash into the sky, he would steadily look in my eyes and tell me he loved me. When I was happy or elated, his eyes would shine with happiness for me and he would get a grin that could melt even the coldest of hearts. Many poems could be written about this man, but nothing, no words, would ever do him justice. He’s much to perfect for that.
But perfection is not perfect without flaws. He’s a sweet talker, and can talk his way out of many things, even arguments. Sometimes, I think he could be a con artist. He does have a temper, and so do I. We butt heads, nostrils flaring and hearts protesting, but later, when everything is calm, there are no apologies. There is just me and him, our hearts, our souls, and that is enough. This man also has family issues. He’s scared of starting a family, of becoming a part of something, because his family meant pain and suffering. He knows nothing else.
We fight and sometimes, words are thrown and said that shouldn’t have been, but always, we return. Our souls cannot separate, and nor would we want to. There are troubles, but I love this man with everything I have. I only wish I could remember.
Remember. The thought of it wakes me from my thoughts and his deep blue eyes are staring into mine, his gaze knowing and understanding. His lithe fingers take a strand of my matted black hair and he brings it to his lips. Once my hair has received proper attention, he moves to kiss my beating heart, causing shivers and my heart to thump so harshly in my ribcage, it was almost painful. I feel his smile, and I know he felt it. My face flushes.
Even after so many of our meetings, of time spent, he still makes me blush heartily and over the small things. His lips ghost over my own, pulling me back once again. Then, there are those eyes again. We stare, enraptured.
“Don’t think, love. Let it be.” His eyes are pained again, and I hate myself for making that look appear. “We’ll find each other again.” His hand smooths over my hair to caress my cheek and jaw. “We always do.”
These are the words he speaks every time, and every time, tears pool in the corners of my eyes. I remember to miss him, I remember to love him, but I don’t remember him. It’s always like that. “But I’m so lonely. I want you to be there, to hold me, I –”
His lips soothingly connect with my own, and I feel my near hysteria calming instantly. My heart speeds up slightly, before his lips part from mine and our breaths mingle. “You think I’m not? I miss you every damn day, and it hurts, __________. So much, love. I don’t remember, but I want to, I need to. I will, and when I find you, I won’t ever let you go.”
His eyes are strong and burning as they gaze into my own set of hazel, and I blink back tears. His hands reach to cup my cheeks, ready to catch my tears. “……Will you catch me if I fall?”
An ongoing saying. I always ask him, and he always replies: “I would never let you fall in the first place.”
His mouth is in a thin line, and the mist starts to haze over us. There isn’t much time left. I never once look away from the eyes staring into my soul. “I love you, _______. I love you.”
I don’t need to hear him say it; his eyes are staring so intensely into my soul, I can’t move. There is only him, and as the haze completely engulfs us, I hear his last words: “I love you too, darling.”

And when I wake up in the morning, from a dream I can’t remember, I wonder why my heart is hurting and why there are tears running down my face. Instantly, the image of a face I’ve never seen filters through my mind before once again, everything is forgotten. I don’t know who this man is, and only recently have I remembered this one simple dream that haunts me. Our names aren’t said, as if canceled out, but my heart hears his perfectly as they whisper back and forth. And somewhere, out in this world, is a man who misses me when he wakes up in the morning, never knowing my face.
It is in these moments, when I KNOW, that the pain becomes the most unbearable. But it is also when his words whisper through my heart (“We’ll find each other again.”) and I love him all over again. Sometimes, I’m riddled with whether he exists or not, but my heart throbs and tears come to my eyes whenever I think like that. Whether he exists or he is a figment of my mind’s dreams, he has captured my heart, my soul. I wait for the day I won’t wake up alone, but will wake up to bright blue eyes and the man I forget to remember.

~This is copyrighted, because it is a dream I have had over and over and only recently remembered. I’m not sure how many people in soulmates, but this dream keeps me believing. So please, don’t take this and use it as your own. Something this important and precious belongs to me, and everything above is based on true events.~

(Screen) Name: Lost Soulmate