It was either the summer of 2006, or 2007. My old best friend Michelle and I used to spend every day together that summer. I would stay at her house for days, She would stay at mine for days. She soon introduced me to one of her best friends, Brandon. I soon remember that I had attended middle school with him, And me and him soon had little crushes on each other, and would spend a lot of summer evenings laying out in the grass relaxing. One day, Brandon let me know that one of his and Michelle’s friends was tagging along to hangout for a little while, And he only lived a few blocks away. I simply agreed not knowing or caring at the time who was tagging along, As long as I was with my best friend and Brandon, Who cares right? Soon, I glanced over, And that was the first time I saw tanner. When he approached us, Brandon and Michelle introduced him to me. ’’Eliz, This is my best friend, Tanner,’’ he said. I didn’t put much thought into it, waved, and said hello.
Tanner hanging out with Michelle, Brandon and I, Became an often thing. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was sitting on my old trampoline, And I had called Brandon, He had texted me, And asked for me to call him. So I did, And that’s when he told me he was moving to Pennsylvania. I remember being so sad, I called Michelle of course and told her the news. I was heartbroken. But I also had been texting Tanner, He had also found out the news, A different way. I could tell he was crushed by it too. Not to much time passed before he moved. Brandon and I kept in touch, But had broke up because he was moving away. In the back of my mind, There was tanner. We had always been texting, Talking, And I soon realized, I had a crush on him. Seeing as he was the first boy who had ever gave me butterflies and jitters like he did. Talking became a normal thing for us but in the beginning we couldn’t see each other, he was away in Florida visiting family.
I remember being so excited the night I knew he was returning from his trip, Because I knew it meant one thing – I could finally spend time alone with this boy who made me crazy. It was too good to be true – I was crazy about this boy who I had been talking to 24/7. He soon returned, And I was so excited to see him, I couldn’t sleep. And then soon, Hanging out together, Became a normal almost every day thing. I soon realized, I was beginning to love him. I thought to myself, ‘’Is this even possible?! I’m only 14…’’ Oh but it was, And I did love him. I knew I did the day I lost my virginity to him. Being together as much as we were, loving him as much as I did, made me think I was always going to be with him.
Things got bad soon after I began thinking that. His mom, AKA Hitler, And my dad who was a total doucher at the time(Okay so he really wasn’t, I was just mad), Had stepped in and basically ended our relationship for us. Soon, I also learned I was moving out of town with my family. I remember moving day like it was yesterday. I cried and cried, I wanted to stay with my friends, My family, And mostly, Because of Tanner. Seeing him at school during lunch for that 45 minutes was the highlight of every weekday. I lived for seeing him those days. I moved, And our relationship fell apart.
We began talking again in January of 2010, But that soon ended in a horrific car wreck I was in, To where I lost touch with him because I was in treatment, And working a lot after that. A few months later into the year, I had made a decision to move back to Littleton with my old friend Blair. And coincidentally, It was decently close to where Tanner had lived at the time. I had of course let him know I was moving back, And not often, But sometimes he would pick me up from a friends, And we would hangout and talk, But it wouldn’t last long, because of his work schedule. At the time, It was like hanging out with an old friend.
Hanging out with an ‘old friend’, Soon became much more then that. After a month or so of blowing Tanner off to hang out with my friends, I soon agreed to go out with him on Halloween, Of 2010. We went on a date, Which went great. Talking soon became a regular routine for us. Hanging out soon became regular also. He used to always come hang out at my ex – room mates apartment, Where I was residing at the time. One night, Tanner and I decided to slip away from the bull shit going on in the apartment, We went out on the balcony to chat and hangout. He soon after us getting out there, Told me, ‘’I like you.’’ Of course me being as I am, Jumped at it and asked him a million questions. (Which I realize now really wasn’t necessary.) Soon after that cute comment he made, We were inseparable just like the first time we had dated. For me, It was love at first sight. I was head over heels fast, I finally had Tanner.
Things moved quickly. Thanksgiving flew by, Then Christmas, And new Years, And very soon after new years, We found room mates, and immediately moved in together. Five months into living with those horrible room mates, We found our own little apartment, left the room mates and bullshit behind and signed a lease together. Now, I do not recommend that for every body, It was actually quite a stupid decision if you think about it. But stupid or not, It was the best decision I have ever made in my entire life. We are now engaged, and happier then ever. Now, We aren’t perfect, Just like we have never been perfect. But in my eyes, He is perfect, We are perfect. Every mistake he makes, every argument we have, every clumsy moment he has, brings him so much closer to perfection in my eyes. He was always meant for me, And I will always love him.

(Screen) Name: Elizabeth Anne

I met you at the beginning of the term, you helped me learn to play the clarinet. We were just friends, but I wanted more I decided to send you a text one day telling you how I felt, hoping you would feel the same way. He said:
“I like you too, but we must tell no one. I’m not yet allowed to date.” So, that’s our secret. We’re both so happy now, and we’re going strong.

(Screen) Name: Sara_Beara_Hunny

She listened to his heart softly as he kissed her head. She wondered if his love for her was true, Even though she already knew it. She knew he loved her with all his heart, as well as she did. She looked up at him as this was going through her head. She asked him, “Remember back in junior high when I had a hard core crush on you?” He laughed softly, “Yes I Do.” She laughed after him. “Yeah I think about it a lot and remember when I didn’t like you at all,” She said to him. “But now we’re in love baby!” He answered back. “Yes of course!” She shouted. She sat there wanting to go back, go back and see how life has changed since then. She wanted to go backwards and see how she got to where she is today, with him.

(Screen) Name: Twoo’Short (:

It was the summer before my freshman year in high school and all my friends and I could think about was parties and boys. We spend most of the summer out dancing and having fun, meeting tons of new people. I was in the middle of an on and off relationship that was mostly build up on drama. I knew I had to get away but I never knew how. That was until the ending of July, when I met him. Mike(let’s call him that) was a part of my brother’s soccer league and a close friend to my brother as well. To this day I dont remember seeing him much around the house though later he admitted he’d always sneak a peek at me when he came over.

One day, my brother’s soccer coach has a pool party at his house out in the country to celebrate the team’s season. At first, I was in the worst mood ever since I wanted to be with my friend’s, not at my brother’s party. At the party though, I found myself with one of my brother’s teammates, let’s call him Joe, that my close friend had wanted me to date. We flirted here and there and he asked me then if I wanted to go swim. I agreed and cam right back outside after changing into my bathing suit. That’s the first time I really noticed him. Mike was my height, built with nice, toned muscles and when he smiled, wow did it take make my heart skip beats! He was very handsome and through the whole party we never stopped talking.

Over the weeks, we talked online and soon started texting. He was the kind of person I could easily open up to and trusted instantly. We talked almost every day, but when school began we grew kind of distant. However, he one day surprised me out of the blue by walking me home. He ended up staying over at my house for hours talking with me and my grandparents which where over to visit during that time. We then spent almost every second together, including a memorable Halloween. We became best friends and were practically joined at the hip. He knew my deepest secrets and our bond only grew stronger when he finally opened up to me. My boyfriend though, wasn’t to happy about our frienship.

I never knew when we broke up or where together. My boyfriend, lets call him Ryan, woul break up with me for the dumbest reasons including for not calling him or not being able to see him even though he knew I wasnt allowed to date. By the end of November, we began to fight almost every day. I no longer felt the same feelings for him and I caught myself wishing I was with Mike more than with him. I’d lie to hangout with my friends just because all he ever wanted to do was fool around. The breaking point was when he lost his temper and almost hit me at school during our lunch period. He was angry for me not going along with what he wanted to do when all I wanted was to talk. I felt so much anger inside of me, so I grabbed my bag and left. I was done, but only for some time.

As with Mike, I began to realize that I had developed strong feelings for him. I cared about him deeply and I admitted that I was attracted to him. But was he to me? A girl’s instinct always knows and even though I knew he liked me, we never said a word about it. Ryan was still trying to contact me, pleading to get back together but something inside of me said not to. But no matter what I told myself, I ended up going back to him for reasons unknown. I knew I didn’t have feelings for him as I used to and all i could think about was Mike. Days later, through the wonders of technology I found out that Mike confessed to one of his friends that he liked me. The encouragement I needed. We ended up confessing to each other how we felt but it didn’t change that I was still with Ryan.

I remember we were walking back from Carols, a burger joint by the highway, with my sister skating in the front of us. Mike has his arm around me and I had one arm around his waist. It was dark, and we walked quietly. A feeling in me somehow made me look up and I found myself kissing Mike. I instantly melted into him, but like any other bratty sister would do, my younger sister interrupted us. However, that small moment helped me realize that I needed to get out of the relationship I was in and broke up with Ryan days later. Mike knew I needed time before I could date again and he waited paitently. Ryan though, wouldn’t have that. One day after school, I found myself looking back as Ryan pushed Mike, trying to start a fight. Mike’s friends flooded in, holding Mike back while Mike and Ryan cursed at each other. I stayed in shock for a while but afterwards, Mike calmed down and took me into his arms as I cried and repedeatley apologized to him, even though it wasn’t my fault. After the incident however, things went back to normal and Ryan seldomley bugged me. By February, Mike had asked me out and everything was great. He was a sweetheart and a complete gentleman in every way. I don’t know what it was though, that drove me back to Ryan.

Maybe it was the fact that he didn’t seem to care anymore. I mean, I had given him a year of my life and he didnt care? For no real reason, I left Mike after only a month of being together to go back with Ryan. At first, I though we had a chance again but after a while I noticed how I just didn’t feel the same. I realized that what I had needed was closure from Ryam and quickly ended things with him. That didn’t mean however, that I went crawling back into Mike’s arms.

Even his friends told me that I had hurt him badly. They told me to stop playing games with him but they would never understand that that wasn’t my purpose at all. After a couple of days, we went back to being best friends and just that. Mike seemed fine but I knew he wasn’t. I don’t know how it happened and later learned where it came from but on a day in late March, as Mike was leaving my house, he grabbed me into his arms, kissed me gently and asked me to go back with him again. The words couldnt come out fast enough to say yes and after talking things out, we decided to not count the break up and continue on like nothing had ever happened. As charming as he was, he was also forgiving.

Now, we barley celebrated our one year anniversary. He took me out to dinner and we remeniced on our relationship. We’ve had our ups and downs through it all but we’ve made it through. We’ve both stayed faithful, have holded off hacing sex until marriage, and I can truly say I’m in love with him. As juniors in high school, many people say that we wont make it, eventually will break up and that we dont know what true love is. But the feelings I have can’t even be explained through words. When you know it’s right, it’s right and I know that the search for my prince charming is finally over. After all, he wouldn’t have proposed to me if he didn’t think so either(;

(Screen) Name: Alma A.

It was september 28 2010. the school year bearly started and i was in the same math class as this really cute guy named luis. when i saw him for the first time i thought he was the one for me. Ive tried to ask him out from the months of September to Febuary 11 but ive never built enough courage. On January 28 a chick named Kayly Dodson moved into my middle school. Turns out we had math, reading, and woodshop class together.Every day shed ask me who i liked. So on the 10 of Febuary i finaly cracked and told her i liked luis. That was a fatal mistake id never regret!!!!! because the next day they were officially a couple because i was them holding hands in the cafeteria(which was a friday). She ruined every thing. The worst thing of all was that on monday was valentines day. OMG!!! All i did during the weekend was cry and cry. My mom and friends say he was not worth crying for. Ill never forget my first heartbreak. When i was them holding hands in the cafeteria my heart stopped and at the same time it was broken into little pieces. Right now i hate both of them. But the bible specifically says we have to forgive our enemies. I thought she was my friend, but the truth was that she was only using me to meet guys and to get popular. If GOD deosnt want us together i understand. :”"”"”"”"”"( I swore if their still together by march 4 (my birthday) i was going to comit suicide.

(Screen) Name: smartbrat484

When I was 17 I worked in a hospital cafeteria, it was a pretty good place to work at. This really tall,dark and handsome guy who was about 6 months older than me started working there soon after I did. At first we didn’t like each other, he thought I was too annoying and I thought he was too full of himself. But working together a lot and sometimes not having anything better to do got us into talking and soon we were great friends.
I didn’t have a car, and since it turned out that where I lived was on his way, he started giving me rides home after work. And sometimes he would even come to my school and pick me up from there to go to work together. We never spent time outside of work though.
Later it became pretty apparent that he had a thing for me. When he wasn’t working he would come to see me anyways and bring me coffee or chocolate or something. He was the sweetest guy. So I started to fall for him, but was too stubborn to admit it. I come from a different culture and I know this may not sound good to some people, but where I come from you date a few months and get married. So if started dating an american guy who didn’t even go to church (thats a big thing for us too) then of course people would talk. And I stay clear of doing things that make people talk. So I did everything I could to fall out of love with Nick. But it just wouldn’t happen.
By then he had already told me how he felt and he knew my reasons for not going out with him so we just kept it that. But he always found every second we had together to just hold me and talk and sometimes we would just look at each other. I couldn’t not tell him how I felt. So I did. But I refused to date him.
One thing that made things harder for us was his mom. She also worked in the hospital where we worked but not in the cafeteria. So she knew who I was and what was going on. She also knew that I was a flirt before I fell in love with her son. And she did not believe that I had real feeling for him because I didn’t go out with him. She didn’t understand me like he did. So she gave him a hard time about it. She told him he wasn’t allowed to give me rides anymore but he didn’t tell me that at the time and continued doing it.
So there we were, almost done with high school, crazy in love but couldn’t do anything about it.
The saddest thing was that Nick was going away at the end of the summer to the air force. So we didn’t have much time left. We kept getting into fights but always ended up making up really soon after.
I just couldn’t handle him leaving soon and he kept asking me to at least go on a few dates with him before he leaves. so I did. We kept them secret though because my parents and his mom would not have been happy.
But his mom was pretty set on making me suffer so she convinced Nick that I was talking to half the guys in the hospital and that he is leaving and doesn’t need a girl like me so we weren’t talking for the remainder of the time we had left together. Of course I regretted wasting so much of it, but in the end it didn’t matter.
He left and I didn’t see him until he came to visit on christmas. He wouldn’t talk to me and it completely broke my heart. Apparently he was mad at me. When he went back I was very miserable so I called him and texted him, I can be very persistant, until he finally talked to me. So we got things cleared up and talked on the phone every night. He told me that he still kept my picture with him all the time and that all his friends there knew about me. He said he couldn’t forget me. So were both very happy.
Then one day when we were talking on the phone he said his mom was calling him and that he had to go. So we said our goodbyes then after about 30 minutes he texts me and says that we can’t continue talking. He did not tell me what his mom told him, and I know for a fact that whatever it was was a lie, but he believed her. So that ended things for us. Of course his mom was very nice to me and acted like nothing happened but I still even to this day do not like that lady.
I called Nick and left him a mean message because I was so mad and left things at that. Then after a few months passed he came to visit again. But I had absolutely no idea he was coming. I was on break and as I was walking to sit down to eat I saw him eating with his mom in the cafeteria. I could not believe it. He looked amazing and he looked straight at me. So I did the only reasonable thing I could do. I completely ignored him and walked right past.
Time passed and I missed him like crazy. I have no idea how he feels about me. I still have his number but I will not call him. I don’t know where he is at or what he is doing. But I do think about Nick a lot. Even though I’ve been in other relationships and have an amazing boyfriend I’m completely in love with right now.
I just can’t forget that dark, handsome, strong guy who was so sweet to me and loved me so much.

(Screen) Name: VintageGirlie

THESE FEELINGS CAN NEVER GO AWAY
By A. Melendez

The feelings I have for him. The way I think of him, the way I remember him, his soft sweet voice, that calls for me in the night. Those wonderful large sad eyes of his and the way they filled with tears when I was crying into his hands begging him not let me go again. The way his body felt against mines, the last time we laid down together, when his heart was touching my heart. Still hear it pounding, still can hear him say my name…over and over and over again. Or was it me…saying his name over and over and over again. These feelings of passion and want, so much want that I can’t bear. It feels like I want to “catch up” with the years that have past and separated us through circumstances.

Can this be what has made all the great star-crossed lovers stories of the past famous? The lovers that never got it quite right and were destined to be torn apart and separated.

Lovers like Romeo and Juliet, Heathcliff and Catherine, Yuri Zchivago and Lara? I’d like to think so; I’d like to glorify this “love” as something like that. But this is neither a movie nor a sad song. This is a crime to my heart…It’s a wound that does not go away. It sits in my heart and stays with me day and night.

Soulmates I have been told. What a laugh….soulmates? What am I learning now from this beautiful man….did I kill him in another lifetime? Were we gladiators fighting in a coliseum in Rome centuries ago and as he lay down I pierced his heart with my sword? Did I hold him captive in some dungeon every night and tortured him? Did I love him and leave him stranded somewhere with his heart pounding waiting for me to return? Did I run away and never come back into his arms again? Was that how it started?

Must have been a pain beyond your wildest imagination because surely now, I feel the consequences and the anguish returned to me. I have not stopped crying since I found him, I have not thought one second of a way to get him to “Come back to me”, his LOVE, the one he wanted before, the girl he longed for. I think I love him too much, if one can love someone that much. Maybe he is weak; maybe it’s too soon for him. All the excuses, and still, I lie alone in my bed, thinking of HIM and what went wrong…Fate, Destiny, Karma, Circumstances…all words

The story starts out innocently enough…July 13, 1977

A long time ago he felt this way about me. I was too young to know. Only a child myself, in many ways, just beginning to learn about the power that every young woman knows she has inside of her as she is turning into a woman. The sexual power a young beautiful girl has at the peak of her teen-age years can be very strong, especially to a young teen-age boy who was only too eager to be around her and love her.

He just happened to be there in July 1977 in a small deli near one of the favorite hang outs of all young people near the beach in Brooklyn, NY, I met him while my Cousin and I were buying our snacks in the morning and I heard her talking to someone at the counter as I bought my sweet peaches from the produce section. I heard her saying hello and that was when I heard a voice that must sound like what angel sounds when they talk.

At that time in my life, I took him for granted, another one of my sweet boyfriends who were in abundance in those early summers of my life in Brooklyn. A very handsome, strong, tall and sexy boy that I thought was a bit awkward but sweet, quiet but with a gentleness that you could also find in a good friend as well. My cousin introduced us as we walked together along the boardwalk. The same boardwalk that 33 years later, we would both find ourselves walking across, in a different season. This time there would be no bathing suits or shorts, no sunshine, no working on our tans and no anticipation for a “date” later on and no sitting by the water. This time, it would be cold and bitter but with a beautiful full moon out in the dark sky looking down on two beautiful sweet lovers of the past that Should Have Been.

What was I to know back then? How was I supposed to know…that this sweet and loving boy, now one of the most handsomest men I know, would end up back in my life and teaching me what the words “In Love” really means over 30 years and 30 summers later, in my “Golden Years”

I moved around quite a bit after I left him “standing at the beach”. I wanted to marry my first boyfriend ever. Only a short but brief marriage but always coming back to Brooklyn to see my family in between breaks from my young married life. Always, always, he was there. The sweet boy who was also my friend and playmate as I can remember. I never ever thought of him as anything more. We grew up alittle together. Shared some thoughts and good times. Always around, always someone I can speak to about my problems, but when I think about it now, I don’t think we ever really spoke about any problems, there were many more years ahead for those conversations.

As the years past, approaching my 50th year on this planet, I started to think more about my life and where it was going never to be fully satisfied with one job, place to live or man to love (it’s all a lot of oysters but no pearls). Its like the song from U2 – “I Still haven’t found what I’m Looking For.” Until one day – in September 2009…. My time for “Karmic debt repayment” began. It was to be the worst and the most wonderful time in my life…. my love, my wonderful, sweet and handsome love, was sent back to me, unknowingly, through sad news.

It was on September 22nd to be exact; that I found out a former boyfriend of mines had passed. He was the love of my teen-age years and I was devastated to learn that he had died at such an early age. It was such heartache to hear this and I cried so much for my friend. I should of known that these tears were but an omen, a prelude of what was to come in the next months
.
“…Hello Its Me, I’ve thought about us for a long, long time…”

What is it about speaking with someone that you have not spoken with in years that makes you nervous? I mean, what do you say to them??? Hello, how are you? Glad to hear your voice again? What’s going on? When he called me and I heard his voice, it was like hearing from a ghost, someone who was in the past, still frozen in time….It was very strange to me to hear this man again, this man who I knew from when he was a boy, someone who was just another boyfriend on the beach, a friend of the family, this man, that I had some of my earliest sexual experiences with, this man who is now, older, speaking to me from across the miles and who would eventually bring me to my knees for the true love that I started to feel for the first time in my small, chaotic, , miserable little life.

It Should Have Been Me.

That is all I could think about after this. Back into my life, wow, how could I even think that this guy would love me again? Should I play my cards right and sit and wait. My friend…Baby, come back to me, I would ask, beg, then we finally met in Brooklyn – January 2010. It was to be the happiest time in my life. It was also to be the beginning of a love affair that was so worth waiting for, the arguments we would have, sometimes not talking to each other for weeks, then months. It was the worst time in my life if I can remember now, my bloodshot eyes, missing him not calling me. I used to call him and leave a message for him to call me, silence, all the while from him. Death to me.

One time, he was ill, and I flew into LA to see him. I had to be careful and waited until I knew that I was to be the last of visitors. I stayed at a nearby hotel. I was so worried. He had a problem with his throat, he had some virus that stopped him from working for a while. I went to see him and he looked so tired and sad, but when he saw me come to him, he had that sweet smile on him again.

We were together for a few years until I fell ill. It was my daughter who told him that I was in the hospital. He came to see me and I was so embarrassed that he saw me that way. I did not even want him to come all that way. But I guess when you are in this much love with an old friend, distance is nothing. We came a long way from 1977 – it was no bother.

My love, who I never married, my lover, who I never gave a son to, my long lost love who was brought to me by Fate to love again, thank God, all I can say, Thank God that my Love was brought to light to see that this was all good, and worth it.

He comes by to see me, his Leyna as he always called me, every year now. Slowly as he walks towards me, he sits at the bench that faces me. Its been over 30 years since they laid me down to rest, as if I could ever rest, and when I see him, I still get that whistful feeling, like I did in life when I knew he was going to call me, or that one time when he visited me in my hotel room in Brooklyn years ago for the reunion. Still with that handsome face, sad eyes and sweet smile. He walks slower towards me. Once, I saw him weep into his hands. He wept so much that I thought he felt me sitting beside him. My sweet man, so happy to see him but wish he would not make that long pilgrimage to see me because it was so far for him to travel. Wonderful man, now a grandfather, loyal friend, my only love, who as I lay here, year after year, winter and coldness, the heat and the darkness, I still love….these feelings that can never go away, even in death.

To My Soulmate Elio- Winter, 2010
Chandler AZ

(Screen) Name: Amy

We’ve known each other since we were young. We were said to be family friends. We see each other during family gatherings and other parties. Years passed, we grew up as teens and we became lovers. I was in junior high school then and he just entered college. He lives miles away from where I am. He used to drive 9 hours from his hometown just to see me for a day or two.

Nobody knew about us except his relatives and my sisters. I used to deny our relationship because my parents doesn’t want him to be my boyfriend even though we’re said to have this “family connection” since their family was known to be boastful and arrogant.

Everything started with just a joke — with some sort of teasing; a few sweet messages, a few calls and a few “getting-to-know-each-other” sessions. We even never had a serious date with just the two of us unless we celebrated our second year anniversary as boyfriend-girlfriend. Despite all the rumors and the walls between us, we still find ways to see each other even just for a night. He often visit me once a month. He rides a bus during the day just to see me that night, and goes home at sunrise. We used to sneak out just to ease the feeling of missing each other so much.

After four years of having a serious and intimate relationship at a very young age, I became pregnant. My parents and his parents never knew about it not until I was carrying the baby for four months already. We couldn’t hide it for too long because my tummy is growing bigger and bigger and I could not continue my studies. And so, we decided to let them know as soon as possible.

I rode a bus from my place to where he works. His parents met us there. We talked and decided to let my parents know with their presence. But everything turned out very different. His aunt called my father and told him about it. My father told my mom and together, they went to the place where we stayed. His parents went home and left us. When my parents arrived, I was so scared. I didn’t know what to do. I heard my father’s footsteps and I was surprised that my mom came rushing and hit me with her fist. That was hard that I thought I was gonna lose my child. She hit my tummy and my father held her hands telling her to stop for they can do nothing but to accept what happened. I really can’t understand how I felt that time. I was looking for my partner but he wasn’t there. He left me. He didn’t even go out of his room to check me out and protect me. I was looking for someone to be my side, and nobody’s there. I really wished I’d die that day. I cried so hard until the sun’s up.

I lived with my partner away from our parents during my pregnancy. I should be happy but it was totally the opposite of what I hoped to be. I caught him cheating on me. I felt so down to the point that I always call my best friends just to have an outlet.

A few months after, I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. I thought it would be the start of our “happy ever after” but it turned out to be the start of our “bitter days.” I was sent home — very far away from him. He only touched his son for two weeks. We weren’t able to spend our Christmas together, and New Year and Valentine’s Day. We saw each other again during our son’s baptism. That was the first time he saw his child after birth.

Without me knowing, he was very hurt and became very ill. He became too thin and he diverted his attention to lots of work and a few dolls (girls). I asked myself, ‘How could I survive this kind of relationship?’ I decided not to ask him about it but I let him feel that I know something. Months passed and everything went out right. But it didn’t stayed that long. Maybe because of my trauma of him having third party, I want our communication to be very constant. I call at least twice a week and i send him SMS very often. It seems like he doesn’t want what I’m doing. I can’t understand. Our bond starts to loosen and time came that I’ve heard a lot of issues about him. It even came to the point that he denied what I saw.

I felt betrayed. It’s like I was the only one loving.

I found a way to ease the pain. My best friends and my son were my only outlets. I go out frequently with them and I hang out with my classmates everywhere. Time came that I felt numb for everything. I get used of hearing negative things. I was tired of all the issues. I don’t listen to his lame excuses. I didn’t isolate myself. We broke up. I was deeply hurt yet I have moved on.

Two years after, I found someone. I like him and I love him. He’s married with three kids and on his annulment process. He promised me to wait for three years and within that, we’ll be legally together and we’ll build a family of our own.

We’re together for almost a year now and I feel so lucky that still, I found someone like him. Though he has kids on his first marriage, he was like the answers to my prayers. I prayed for someone who can understand me — someone who knows what I’m going through; someone who can relate and someone who can love me like I wanted to.

Now, we were still waiting for his annulment and has planned to settle with my child and his children after his legal separation with his wife, in God’s time.

(Screen) Name: mustNOTbeNAMED

When I was in middle school, I always tried to give dating a chance. I was only 14 at the time, so
of course I was a bit experienced and naive. My cousin Kristina who was also my age seemed to
be more into serious relationships then I had ever been. She kissed boys in the halls while I just pushed my boyfriend away childishly, as if he was my best friend. My mother knew Kristina was older mentally than physically, while I was still into cartoons and wanting to hang out with friends. I remember seeing Kristina lose her first love, which seemed unbearable. She cried for a long time, i myself could feel her heartache. I never wanted to go what she went through, and i always heard my mom say, ” I’ll never have to worry about Alyssa, shes always mean to them boys.”
So after the weeks i seen my cousin cry over how tragic it was to lose her first love, vowed and said,” That will never be me.”
High school soon came at an instant, I was a freshman at North County. My classes were all far away in different halls, there was no group to follow anymore. I remember walking into my first class, it was foundations of art. The smell of paint stung my nose, giving me a small headache. My teacher was a tall skinny woman, thick rimmed glasses, olive green pants, and freckles the covered her nose. Ms. Gshweng was her name. I had gotten to pick my own seat. Which was quite difficult since this was my very first class as a highschooler. One table full of preps, another with immature freshman who I didn’t want to get involved with, then the table with one friend i knew. His name was John, in my middle school last year. I was completely overwhelmed that I had someone to talk to. There were two other boys at the table, and with out me knowing, one of these boys would change my life dramatically. John introduced me to a boy who sat accrossed from him, his name was Charles but everyone called him Bunky.
I sat beside him and smiled, ” Hey I’m Alyssa, im a freshman here.” Bunky gave me a warm smile, ” Hey I’m a senior here.” Knowing he was a Senior made me a little nervous, he was two years older then me. I never was use to talking to teens older then me, so i figured I’d have to make an adjustment. Months had went by, and the more i talked to him the more i grew fonder. I’d always take his house keys so that he would have to find me near the buses at the end of the day, because i felt the need to see him again. We became close, so close. We talked online, in class, in the halls. Occasionally he’d walk me to class. He was my best friend and the only thing i could talk about with my friends.
Then the dreaded ending of the semester came, where we would switch to our new classes. He went to photography as well as I. But on different times. It killed me not being able to see him as much as i did. Art class kept us together, talking. I realized, i was in love with him, his walk, that crooked smile of his when he told me the ridiculous stories of things he had done in the past. Never have i had such strong feelings. Then in April came the school year was reaching it’s end, which meant not even being able to glimpse at Bunky in the halls. I cringed at the thought.
One night i went online, since Bunky had told me he added me on myspace. I got a message saying that he liked me, and that he thought he was below my standards since i was so beautiful. I felt butterflies in my stomach as i read each sentence. After that day, i asked him if he’d date me and he said yes with no hesitations.
We dated for a year, I fell head over heels in love with that boy. He was everything i ever hoped for. Everything i ever needed, or so i thought. Clearly do i remember a month after our year anniversary, he all together stopped talking to me as much, no phone calls every night at 9:30 to tell me goodnight, or the sweet kisses he would give me on my forehead. The things about me on his myspace were deleted. I felt my heart begin to beat faster as i thought of reasons of why he would leave me. I gave him everything i had. My love for him was unconditional, I’d miss everyday he was away. I swore up and down that he was god sent, my gift from heaven.
Sometimes i felt like i was over reacting but the signs were so clear. I just didn’t want to believe it. Denial was my greatest downfall. My friend angel and her boyfriend Danny were worried since i was spending most of my time indoors locking myself in my room, so they took me out to get a pedicure. Bunky somewhat off my mind, i kept looking at my cellphone waiting for his text. Something he hadn’t sent me for 3 days. Nor did i speak to him for 3 days. Which got me worried. Then my phone vibrated. I felt my heart leap as i grabbed the phone from the end table in the nail salon. It was from Bunky! But when i opened the text, my excitement faded. My heart fell all the way to the pit of my stomach. The text had said, ” I don’t want to be in a relationship anymore.”
At that moment i felt truly alone. Tears fell like bullets, my stomach tied into a knot. I cradled my head in my hands. I left the salon and went to the bathroom, Angel and Danny followed. Then i had passed out on the floor because of stress.
My life became my worst nightmare. I lost my first love, something i vowed i would never go through. But it hit me like lightning, he was gone i would never see him again. For he didn’t want to. I was mad at him. But now that i look back, i wish i could thank him. For giving the best year of my life. He shown me what true love is, without him i never would have felt it. I miss him dearly, sometimes i think of that day i met him in class, i still walk by that class today. I just smile. He’ll always have a special place in my heart. And he will always be known as my first love.

(Screen) Name: AlyssaKarn