It is genuinely understood throughout the humanity that those whom you desire for sensual purposes are deemed important in our lives for two different reasons: One, for sex. If you’re lucky, you might not even have to pretend you like it every time. Second, to evolve into our spouses, and use that sex-thing that we learned in high school to actually procreate like it was intended. There comes a time when you meet someone who can give you both— sex and commitment— and that’s what every human’s life goal has yet become, the attainment of both. I have been lucky enough to experience this duo of traits in one certain individual. Yet I was mistaken, as the delusion of your first love is often commonly unnoticeable until months after the relationship’s ending.
This delusion will come upon everyone in life. It is unavoidable. The first kiss, the first time, the first everything. Your first love will stay with you for the rest of your existence as a small, comforting cubicle in the back of your brain. This cubicle is horridly messy, and a completely cluttered pandemonium. The shelves and drawers are chaotically stacked and jammed with files and folders of past times and warm moments that can’t possibly be forgotten. Back when the cubicle used to be neat and well kept, you were happy. You were in love. But this space hasn’t been touched in a long time, and the files’ texts are slowly fading away, getting more difficult to read with each passing visit. Though, nothing will be disposed. Each file and folder holds significant information that will be used to set a base and compare against the next few preceding relationships in your life. Soon you’ll stop comparing, but for now, you do. That’s normal.
Essentially, love is mesmerizing. Obsessive. Life-altering. Amazing. Painful. With love, you do not get out what you put in like they say about everything else. Love is math out of a one-hundred scale. If you put 70%, they’ll put 30%. If you put 20%, they’ll put 80%. The less you put in, the more they do, and vice versa. I’ve read somewhere that the ideal proportion is having both partners think that they are the 60% to the 40%, so that each is still putting in that much more effort than the other, but not feeling under appreciated by some unsurvivable cost.
Though love is the essential aspiration of all humankind whether we accept it or not, could it all just be a facade? Since the number of animals whom stay monogynous to their partners is slim, does love really exist? Or since humans are the most intelligent animals on the planet, is it some chemical combination in the brain whereas attraction + potential strong offspring-making genes + potential good parenting traits = love? Is love something to convince our coy race that life’s purpose is more then just to multiply versions of ourselves? That parents of children have a connection stronger than just wanting to produce strong and ample offspring who will flourish in the coming time without the aid of those who gave birth to them? That procreating has more of a purpose than just keeping our race alive? Or are humans just the only race who has the capacity to understand love and its complications? Is monogamy even real?
Believing monogamy isn’t real is a very, very, depressing ideology. It might not be real for all we know. The argument that “since animals rarely practice it, it mustn’t be real” is, in my opinion, invalid. The human brain surpasses that of an animal, so why would we think that something we do is wrong just because animals don’t partake in it? We are significantly more intelligent than every animal on earth, meaning our brains can reach new levels and understand higher concepts— maybe including monogamy. It makes sense, because those who fail in practicing monogamy, aka those who cheat, are nine times out of ten vapid and imbecilic.
Love is real depending on who you ask. Go ask a newly-wed couple—love is real. Go ask a 45 year old divorcee— love is not real, nor did it ever exist. Love is like the belief in God in a fucked up, much more complicated sense. But simply, this is it: those who choose to believe in it are generally happier and see more of a purpose in life. Those who don’t, well, don’t.
But love isn’t the only thing that makes people happy. Love is just a factor in the ideal of the perfectly happy human that our world has come to desire. One can be perfectly content and not be or never have been in love. Life has so much to offer, and just because love hasn’t come around yet for some person doesn’t mean they will never experience joviality. Love comes to all in forms we do not expect, and at stages in our lives in which we are not prepared for.
That being said, number one—love is real. Number two— monogamy is real, if you are smart and willing to partake. Number three— love is not a necessity for happiness, but will constitute it.
Understand that not everybody will believe in all three rules of love, and that’s okay. But make sure to figure out that about people you involve yourself in as quickly as you can, for if not, pain will come. And I won’t sugarcoat it—the pain of a heartbreak compares to no other kind of tolerable pain on this earth. Especially your first.