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Day 8: 100 reasons

There’s more than 100 reasons why i love my baby…but here are 100 reasons why i love him. I love u pookie….missin u

****believes in god a lot****

1.) He loves me

2.) He cares for me

3.) He’s my superman

4.) He’s my life

5.) He’s always there

6.) He always makes me smile

7.) He’s perfect

8.) Never screws up

9.) yells at me 😛

10.) looks amazing

11.) argues with me[its really cute.his face is so SERIOUS LOL]

12.) feeds me with his hands

13.) so open with me

14.) trusts me

15.) he’s the only person who i trust 100%

16.) never lies to me

17.) does everything i want him to do for me

18.) fights for me

19.) hugs me

20.) kisses me

21.) tells me that he loves me

22.) protects me

23.) he’s my husband

24.) he’s my boyfriend

25.) he’s my best friend

26.) he’s my valentine

27.) my soulmate

28.) my lil baby

29.) acts like a kid

30.) sometimes says the stupidest things

31.) he’s forgiving

32.) he’s mature

33.) he’s also immature

34.) he can be and act like a smart adult

35.) makes good choices

36.) acts totally stupid

37.) i love his smile

38.) his ears

39.) his eyes

40.) he’s my heart

41.) he’s the reason why im here today

42.) he’s the reason why i am how i am today

43.) made me a better person

44.) held my hand and led me into a beautiful world

45.) closed my eyes and took all the pain away from me

46.) tells me that it’ll be okay even in the worst situations

47.) cries so easily

48.) cries when i cry

49.) laughs when i laugh

50.) if i were to jump off a bridge he would come too…even though he doesn’t know how to swim…stupid

51.) he would do anything i ask him to do

52.) the reason why i believe in true love is him

53.) taught me how to walk on the right path

54.) treats me like a child

55.) voice is amazingly soft and silky

56.) so romantic

57.) ignores everybody when im with him

58.) doesn’t answer his friend’s phone calls when im talking to him

59.) treats me like a queen

60.) gives me more than i need

61.) buys me random gifts…when i ask him not to lol 😛

62.) he’s my sunlight

63.) he’s my moonlight

64.) he’s the only hope i have

65.) never ever makes me cry

66.) he’s my dream boy

67.) he’s so obbsessed about me and i love it caz im so obbsessed about him lol yay obbsession!

68.) he doesn’t mind if i look like crap

69.) wakes up early in the morning during his winter break to come and drop me to school and spends about 30 mins with me

70.) always tries to act like he’s happy even when he’s not

71.) he is so jealous about me talking to any boy…SO cute! lol

72.) holds my hand so softly and calmly

73.) he always knows what to do

74.) he wears his socks half way on and half off

75.) never matches

76.) never talks to any girl except for the girls who he knows very well

77.) screws up my hair all the time

78.) he broke my clay house that i worked to hard on lol

79.) made me a rose and a monkey drawing

80.) he gave me the place of god in his heart

81.) he can be a pain in the butt(but i love it) i know i love u too baby

82.) got me a perfume bottle instead of deoderant that i told him to get me hahaahah gud times

83.) he helps out so many people

84.) thinks of everybody first and then about himself

85.) he looks like hiritk roshan(indian actor) lol

86.) he can be so clumsy

87.) HIS ROOM IS SO MESSSY!

88.) doesn’t have a clean closet

89.) throws everything all over the place in his room

90.) wears a black patka ever since i told him that i don’t like it when he wears colorful patkes. (patka=turban like thing for boys)

91.) never looks at any girl

92.) gave me the key to our house

93.) buys me the cutest necklaces

94.) an amazing essay writer

95.) HORRIBLE speller LOL

96.) he’s the other half of me

97.) we’re one soul….he’s 50% and im 50%….we make one person

98.) he has good taste in clothing

99.) he’s the reason why im writing this

100.) he’s my everything….without him, i would have never told you guys about these 100 reasons why i love him because, i’d be dead without him.

I love you pookie ji missin u a lot and these 100 reasons are nothing compared to how much love i have for you. Typing up 100 things is easy to do, but to show you how much i love you is the hardest thing that i will do soon…because, no matter how much i tell and show u that i love you soooooooo much….i’ll have more and more to tell u and to show u…..my love for you is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much. It’ll take me more than 10000000000 lifetimes to show you how much i love you. But for now, those 100 reasons should sum up half of my love. I love you baby…missin u tty soon hopefully

(Screen) Name: monaxoxo831

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The beating wasnt so bad…but his hand with her’s…was heartbreaking

Do you think that it’s okay for someone to be punished just because they love someone? Well my parents think that it is okay to punish someone just because they love somebody. Yesterday morning was another normal morning. Everything was going great until my dad saw me getting out of my husband’s car to go to my school. This is when things everything fell apart. As i was gettin out of the car, my dad drives by. I could see his eyes turn red with anger as he speeds his car away. I ran to school, and i asked my teacher if i could make a phone call to my mom and she said yes. I went to the main office and dialed his number instead of my moms’. When i called him, we made a plan that he is going to get a friend from college to sit with him in the car and pretened that he already has a girlfriend. Doing this, will make it look like i just got a ride from him…and that he’s not my boyfriend. Jasmine agreeed to help us so we decide on the following plan. When i go home and my parents ask me why i was with “that” boy, i will just tell them that i am friends with this girl that goes to my high school(who wud be jasmine) and “that” boy is her boyfriend. I wud also tell them that i missed my bus so jasmine and her boyfriend gave me a ride to school. That is what our plan was….although it turned out totally different when i got home. When i reached home, my parents weren’t home..thank goddness to that. Right then i called raj (gurwinder’s nickname..i only call him that) and we started talking until ravneet, my sister told me what my dad had told her about me. Ravneet had an early dissmissal from her school because of conferences. Ravneet told me that our dad said, that he’s going to beat the crap out of me and i will probably be sent to india forever. She also explained how my dad had seen me with raj in the past few days. I was in shock…and i was scared to know that the plan that we made wasn’t going to work. Too many questions raced through my mind at that time….i didn’t kno what to do…but to cry. I kept my feelings inside and i didn’t cry because raj and i had came up with a different plan. When my mom and dad reached home, my mom took me to her bedroom. She locked the door and slaped me so hard on my face. She said that i disrespected our religion and her trust. She kept on slapping me till my dad came into the room. He was furious with anger built up inside of him. He came up to me and slaped me. I faced him, asking him to just listen to me for one second so that i can explain to him what was really going on. But he didn’t listen to me…instead he pushed me onto the hard wooden floor and kicked me with his bulky shoes. I felt pain for the first few minutes, but he continued for about 10 minutes. He cursed at me….told me i was going to be sent to india forever. After a few minutes i just sat there on the floor, waiting to be hit again. I tried to defend myself by putting my two hands around my head….it didn’t work. After all i’am only 14. After my dad was done beating me, i got up and i told him that the only reason that i was in his car was because of jasmine, his girlfriend and my friend. I also told him that i missed my bus so i was walking and they asked me if i needed a ride and i said yes to them. I also told him that sometimes i didn’t get on the bus, instead i took rides from raj and his girlfriend. He said okay..lemme talk to his girlfriend. And so i called her on the number that raj gave to me. When i called, i was crying and i told her to talk to my dad. My dad started to talk to her…he asked her if whatever i told him was true. And obviously she was going to say, yes we do give her rides once in while and that raj is really my boyfriend, not manpreet’s. After my dad was done talking to jasmine, raj took the phone and started to talk to my dad. As soon as my dad heard his voice, he started to curse at him like crazy, half in our language and the other half in english. haha it was kinda funny now that it’s all over lol…im a retarted person…u’ll kno wat i mean as i write more entries. Anywaysz continuing on with my story…so after my dad was done talking to raj and jasmine, my mom took my dad downstairs. They both went downstairs and discussed how to solve this problem. After a few minutes my mom came upstairs and i told her that mom please believe me. She said that she only believes in half of my story and that she will believe me fullly once raj and his (fake) girlfriend comes to our house to show my parents that they really are girlfriend and boyfriend. So my mom called raj and told him that if you arent going to come to our house with ur girlfriend then we will think that manpreet truly is your girlfriend. So raj brought jasmine to our house after 1 and half hour. Right before raj and jasmine reached my house, my dad left to get my baby brother’s diapers. (lol so random…i kno). My mom and i went outside to talk to raj and jasmine. I really didn’t say anything, but raj did most of the talking. He explained how this girl (jasmine) is his girlfriend and not me. He also told her that they did give me rides to school but they wont any more. My mom said that it’s fine and she let it go. Thank god my dad wasn’t there…he’d probabaly slap him …and that would hurt me more than anything. Before jasmine and raj were about to leave i noticed that raj and jasmine were holding hands. They only did this to show my mom that they both were really girlfriend and boyfriend. Being kicked all over for 10 mins and crying for god knows how long, the thing that was most painfull was not any of the things that happened to me but instead was to see his hand with her hand…..even though it was just ment to be a way to convince mom..it still hurted me from deep within. My blood started to rush to my face, burning me from the inside. I wanted to go up to raj an force him to let go of her hand but i knew that he couldnt think of another girl as anything more than a sister. It still burned me from the inside to see him holding another girl’s hand, but i had to face the truth that he had to do it…..for the sake of our love.

(Screen) Name: monaxoxo831

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My Parents feel extremely guilty?

hmmm have you ever made your parents feel guilty? Well after the incident that i told you guys about in my last entry, my parents kept saying sorry to me. I don’t know if the sorry was for beating me up or if they’re saying that because, they know that i don’t truly love them? Sounds a little weird doesnt it? After Raj and Jasmine left that night…my dad came back. When he entered the house my mom told him everything that she and raj talked about. I was sitting on the sofa…with my eyes red and tired from crying, my messed up hair from the beating, and headaches everywhere in my head. When my dad saw me…he came upto me and held me in his arms. He told me that he is very sorry and that everything was just a misunderstanding. I told him that it’s fine…and if i was in your place, i would freak out too. (But ovbiously i wouldn’t hit my daughter like he did.) I was very angry at him about that, but i didn’t show it at all. In fact i kept on smiling infront of him and told him that it’s totally fine. I did this because this is what i thought was right. I should respect my parents as much as i could..(untill some kinda limit lol). But in our culture, it’s said that our parents are like god. For me..that’s not true. I see my god in my hubby, Raj. So everything was back to normal, of course now me and raj can’t meet anymore but we could talk all we want online or on the phone somtimes. K so yesterday was black friday so my parents left early in the morning to buy me a laptop (to make up for everything). It wasn’t going to get rid of the pain that i had in my body but watever. My parents bought me a sony laptop and said it was just for me but obviously it wasn’t just mine, i mean like everybody in the household could use it. So I quickly took the laptop out of the box and starting to play around with it. Later, my mom went to the store again and bought a router. It took me and raj about 1 and half days to figure out how to get internet on this laptop. haha..pretty pathetic? lol. It’s okay, it was my first time doing it and raj was just helping me out on the phone. He wasn’t physically there, which was kinda hard. Anyways, so we got the laptop to work and now it works perfectly fine. Anyways, that incident that happend didn’t really hurt our relationship at all. Actually, it made it much more stronger. The fact that i took a little bit of pain for our love, proved once again that our love is really true. I don’t know any guy who would take the responsitbility and the action to solve everything out like raj did. At one point i thought that this was going to be the end of our love…but it wasn’t…it was just a little test from god. It also made things much much better than before. Before this, my dad was extremely suspicious all the time about me. He didn’t trust me at all, and now he trusts me a lot more than before. My mom has always trusted me a little more than my dad but now they both trust me more than ever before. So i guess whatever god does…he does it for a reason..so just believe in him and never doubt him. He’ll always be there with you…and i already know that my god is with me because, my raj is with me…and forever will be.

(Screen) Name: monaxoxo831

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I miss him….

it’s been way too long……….too long. I haven’t met raj for about 10 days. I remember when i had to leave to go to india for a vaction/to study. On the way to the airport all i could feel was my tears falling down. My parents wanted me to study in india for a whole year. That meant that i wouldnt be able to see raj for a whole year. I was so far away from him yet sometimes i felt as if he was right there. When i got onto the plane all i cud wish for was a miracle that just took me away from everything and let me hold my raj. I took my seat on the plane and waited for it to take me so far away from him. I prayed and prayed for all this to be a dream. But no, it was reality. When i got off the plane at the airport in Delhi, i noticed that he wasnt here…besides me. That’s wen it hit me..that now im alone. I walked up to see my uncle waiting there for me along with my my moms uncle. They were so happy to see me and my family. I smiled and tried not to let out my tears. My uncle, Ranveer grabed my arm and held me in his arms. For a second, i just wanted to tell him everything about me and raj right there, so that i cud at least cry. He told me that i had grew so much. Last time he saw me was when i was 5 years old and now here i am infront of him as a 13 year old girl. We got into the car and started to head towards Punjab, my home. I asked them how long is it going to take? All they cud say was just go to sleep manpreet. Later i found out that it takes about 8-9 hours from Delhi to get to Punjab. Yea, a little overwhelming? First i had to leave raj in America all alone, second i had to sit thru 15 hrs. on the plane, and now 8 more hours to get home? lmao i was tired as hell but i didnt close my eyes throughout the whole journey. I wanted to call raj…tell him once more that i love him so much. When i reached punjab everybody just wanted to hug me and talk to me. I was quiet and i didn’t want to talk to anybody. Although i had to act as if i was having lots of fun. After a few days, i had to attend my uncle’s marriage(not ranveer, hes only 20). This uncle was also my mom’s brother but he was older than ranveer uncle. After the marriage, i had to go to school, like every other kid on earth. School was an interesting experience in india. Apparently they called 7th grade 7th class over there….lol. I had a tough time with everything. They made me make up every single work that i missed. I stayed up every nite filling out my notebooks with all the work i had missed since the begnning of the year. Sometimes i used to cry while doing my work, and i told everybody that i was jus worried about my study. At nite, when i was sleeping my aunt told me that i was talking in my sleep in english. She cudnt understand me..thx god or else she’d probably kno that i was talking about raj. On the outside, i was a jolly little 13 year old kid but from the inside, i was turning into somebody that i didn’t even recognize. I wasnt the same manpreet anymore. I didn’t cry….i didn’t sleep….i almost stopped eating. If anybody asked me if i had already eaten, i wud just say yea i did. But the truth was that i was hungry like crazy, but i wanted to be fed by raj. I wanted to eat,sleep, and have fun with him and nobody else. I hated everybody…i stopped going to school after 15 days. I just cudn’t take it anymore. I hated to sit along the window at nite and just stare at the pitch black night. I hated it when i cried and nobody was there to ask me if i was okay. Somtimes i asked god why does he do this to so many people? why is he doing it to me? I thought that he was punishing me but i soon realized that it was all a test from him. God wanted to know if we truly did love each other. He wanted to know if i would forget about raj and start to think of some other guy….he wanted to know if the love that i had and if the love that raj had was actuallly true. Some time in August, i sat in the room alone…looking at my aunt’s cell phone. I knew what i was doing and i knew if i had gotten caught i wudnt have any excuses of why i was talking to a boy. I reached for the phone, and hid inside the closet. It was a burning hot day and i was sweating in the closed closet. I dialed his number with excitement and fear. When he picked up, i heard his soft, smooth, and sweet voice. His voice healed that hole that was riped into my heart when i left him there. I cud tell that he had jus woken up when i heard his voice. He said hello over and over again and thats wen i noticed that i was crying…silently. He told me to talk and the silence between us told him that it was his manpreet. He knew it was me yet i hadnt even said a word to him. I didn’t say anything becaz i was afraid if he had moved on. I know, im stupid to think that way. I thought that raj wud have started to like some other girl after i left. It had been 5 months already now. I didn’t go to school but i started to eat, and sleep a little after i heard his voice. Towards the end of August, i called him again. This time i actually spoke to him for about 2 mins. At first he didn’t believe that it was me calling him. But later i told him that i was coming back from india in September. I heard his voice fill with joy and i had a real smile on my face after so long. After a few days, i was packing my suitcase. Everybody asked me to just stay but i cried and whined how the school isnt good for me and that im going to fail every class that i took. That was just an excuse to go back to india. It took me really long to convince my parents to let me come back to America. They spent a lot of money on me. They bought me my uniform, shoes, books, and they payed for the school fee. It was a lot of money that i had wasted but i knew that i cudnt live without raj. I just couldn’t take 6 more months of pain…it was too much. I sort of felt bad that i wasted their money so much but if i had stayed in india longer, i wud have wasted a lot more money…and i probably wudnt be alive. I was so happy to leave india. Everybody was sad but i was the jolly one out of everywun. I cried a little so that they don’t think im weird or something. Ranveer uncle, and my two aunts droped me off at the Delhi airport. I was sad to leave my real home, but the truth is that wherever my husband is, that is where my home is. My parents, sister, and brother had left a few months earlier than me. I stayed in india with my grandma, aunts, and uncles. In india everybody treats you like their child, so staying away from my parents wasn’t a big deal for me. I waited for my plane to be called so that i cud get on board and fly to America. When i heard my plane’s name, i felt so happy to know that i was going to be in my raj’s arms very soon. First of course i had to sit thru a 15 hour ride. lol…I reached america and my parents came to pick me up from the New York airport. This was the first time i had ever been on a plane by myself….it was kind of scary but i knew my raj was with me so i didn’t have to worry about anything. My mom hugged me and my dad did too. They said they missed me alot and that they are glad that i came back earlier. Even though they were the ones who fought me and tried to force me to stay in india.lol…parents…they so weird. I got into the car and i didn’t fall asleep thru the 15 hour plane ride or the 2 hour ride from the new york airport to philadelphia. When i reached home, my eyes were tired. I went to my room and saw the phone waiting for me. I grabed the phone and i didn’t have the energy to dial the numbers. I fell onto the bed and finally slept in peace after 6 months. Next morning i called raj asap. I heard his voice and he told me how he went through the same thing as i did. I couldn’t believe that he waited for me…for so long. I couldn’t believe that i waited for him for so long. I don’t anybody on earth who wud go through so much for their loved one. Those 6 months in india, were awful but that time proved to me that we were meant to be for each other. We started to meet again and things were back to normal. For the first few weeks, i had to change back to the real manpreet that i had forgotten about in the past 6 months. Soon things were perfectly good again. I guess God got his answers….and that answer was from me and raj. We proved to him that we together were….2 hearts but 1 soul. Those 6 months made us stronger. The fact that we waited for each for so long told us how much love we had and still have for each other. Today i sit here and im whinning about 10 days? ha funny. Because, i know if i could make it through 6 months of pain….i could definately wait for him for 10 days…..forget 10 days…i wud wait for him for the rest of my life if i had to..,..just because we’re not always together, doesn’t mean that we’re going to break and shatter into pieces. Somtimes you have to have hope….and when that hope is strong enough, you’ll know that you have something so special that nobody in the world has. That could be….your love or anything small. Hope is one thing that keeps us together. Trust is the biggest thing that makes our tiny strings of love stronger and stronger every and each second…..hope…. and trust……forever.

(Screen) Name: monaxoxo831

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12 days to go

u know wen a baby is born and how it needs its mother or else it will probably cry a lot? well raj is like this mother and im the baby…the only difference is that the baby will cry and i will die…..i need him so that i could survive. i need to be able to talk to him and spend time with him. hes everything to me. Raj is leaving to go to india for 3 weeks…hes leaving on december 26th i dont kno how im going to survive. but he has to go for a wedding and almost every year most indian familes try to go to india for a short visit. So since we are also indian, we try to go to india every year too. To us our family has a huge importance in our life. for me, my family starts and ends with raj..nobody else. 12 more days left till he’s going. It’s hard to even think about the time that he’s going to be gone for…..3 weeks…wow. It still hasnt hit me that Raj is leaving in 12 days….i guess my heart doesnt want to admit it. You know in life, people whine about so many things and yet we have so much…. we cry about a pimple on our face, or bad clothings but we never look at the things that we have. I thank god so many times a day for giving me a husband like Raj. I don’t want anything but him. Today my aunt in India passed away. She has a 4-5 month year old baby. Life is such a harsh place and yet, we think we have it the worst. Im so happy to have raj in my life….i can’t explain it more than i already have said. It’s just this feeling that you get when you know that wen u come home, you’ll have somebody waiting for u. It feels amazing to know that even if u screw up on everything, you’ll have someone by ur side….to comfort you….to love you unconditionaly. No matter how many times i make a mistake, he’ll always say it’s okay….I just can’t think about coming home and not having somebody to talk to for three whole weeks….my parents are busy with their life, my siblings r just young and stupid, and i….im jus always left alone, (till raj came into my life, obviously). I never got the love from my parents……It all started wen i was in 2nd grade. I was on stage, about to sing a song with my chorus group. My eyes searched for my parents so many times…but no….they werent there. Each time somebody would walk into the gym, i would expect it to be my parents or atleast one of them, but it would be some other kid’s parents. I performed and i was happy from the outside, but i was hurt from the inside. It sucks to wait there alone for your parents to come and pick you up. For one hour i stood outside waiting for them to come. After that show, they never ever came to any of my other shows. They wud drop me off and pick me up….that was my life. Every morning i would go to school with an empty stomache, i would take the bus on rainy stormy days and make my way through the crowd in the gym to get to my friends. At home, i would wash dishes and just do some work. In 3rd grade, i learned to do my own hair. In our religion, long uncut hair is very sacred so i decided to keep my hair long and uncut. You don’t have to keep your hair long and uncut, but it’s just something that some people choose to do. It’s a way of showing your religon’s pride. There are many stories behind this concept, maybe i will explain in another entry. Anyways so I started to braid my hair in one long ponytail and i went to my church during the summer for camp, each year. At this camp, we learned about our religon and our god. I started to learn many different types of things and i became more closer to god rather than fashion, which is what most girls choose to do. In 5th grade we moved to another part of the suburbs and then i met Raj in 7th grade. I still hung out with my friends, i had a normal life just like any other girl. Today, i wake up, braid my hair, get ready and take the bus and go to school and redo the whole cycle all over again. I still have friends, it’s just that i dont have any close friends and i like it this way. I already have raj so i don’t need someone else to be extra close to me. Well why did i tell u this? Because, i wanted you to know why i am how i am today. I’am mature because of my experiences. I’m not saying that im wise about everything, in fact i have many things to learn and many challenges ahead of me. From 2nd grade to 7th grade, i was always alone and my parents never really took care of me. They just fed me and they were usually nice to me. By 4th grade, i was independent…i always did my work and got over little stupid problems in life. Somtimes during 2-3rd grade, I wanted somebody to hold me in their arms and say it’s okay. And when i met raj, i knew that my somebody was him. So in the past two years, raj and i got to know each other very well. I started to talk to him everyday. When i come home i imed/call him and i still do. We talk to each other for the whole day. We talk from 3:30pm to whenever we want to go to sleep. Now, raj is like my drug. When you get addicted to a drug, it’s hard to let go of it. And when i think of the fact that he’s going to leave on the 26th for 3 weeks….it breaks my heart. It’s like taking a drug away from a person who is addicted to it. In my case, the drug is raj and im that addicted person. Now obviously, that person would probably slowly die without their drug. Just like that, when raj is going to be gone, my heart is going to have so many deep holes in it…….it’ll be so hard to heal them again…..u know, when u die once, it’s not so painfull, but when you die over and over again….it pains. Every night, i’ll pray to god to keep my husband safe. He’s going to be so far away…..more than 1,000 miles away. Every night, i’ll lay in bed and think of him….his sweet voice, beautiful eyes, and his gorgeous smile. I have everything that i need in life now. I never got the love of my parents, but i have my raj with me and that’s all i need to survive. Raj took the place of my mom,dad,sister,brother,cousin, everything and anything. He’s always there for me, as a friend, boyfriend,and an amazing husband. He filled that gap in my heart that was made when my parents stopped giving me attention. It’s just so hard to live away from him and meet him only 2 days a week. One day, i won’t have to live throught this pain. One day i’ll wake up besides him….one day i won’t have to die a thousand times….one day i won’t have to hide my love for him, we won’t have to meet secretly, we won’t have to lie for our true love, we’ll be free from that day and on…… and on that one day, i will be the most happiest girl on earth….i’ll miss u pookie…im gona miss u a lot

P.S. pookie is a name that we came up for each other..u’ll see it a lot.

(Screen) Name: monaxoxo831

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Day 1: I’m already lost

i dont know what to do…i dont know where to go…i just dont know what to say…all i do now is cry….every time i try to cry and let out my feelings someone comes into my room. How sad is this…i cant even cry about my love….you have any idea how much this hurts? after he left…i jus stayed on the computer….and i tried to distract myself from crying by downloading bunch of songs. Every time i would try to laugh…i would end up with tears. I don’t have anyone besides me….i feel like a piece of trash just left behind. I called raj wen he was on the way to the airport…..and i was just talking to him until my mom came upstairs and told me tht she heard me talking to a boy…i didnt know what to do…..my heartbeat just stopped instantly…..i had to tell her the truth so i told her that it was raj….that boy tht gave me rides to school with his girlfriend jasmine. I told my mom a lie that jasmine(his gf) called me to ask if i can check for her if raj’s flight is delayed or not. She asked me why cudn’t she check for herself? I told her that her internet isn’t working and thats why she called me…..she looked me in the eyes and said i lost every single bit of trust that i had for u. I had tears in my eyes….first i had to deal with the fact that raj is going to be in india for 3 weeks….and now this??? My mom and dad talked to me for a while telling me that they have no trust for me. They asked me so many questions about raj and his gf (who is fake obivouslyy). But…they ignored it and told me that this was my last and final warning from them. I guess when raj comes back…we won’t talk on the phone at all…for a while….I don’t know why god did this….i guess it was because i hurt raj today(there’s always a reason behind everything). I wasn’t myself for the past few weeks…and today i got into a little fight with him. I didn’t give him enough time to talk to me….i just felt horrible…i wanted to go hide somewhere and cry….and i didnt know if talking to raj was such a gud idea caz i was crying and still am crying becaz of him. I need him so bad….you know…But…they ignored and told me that this was my last and final warning from them. I guess when raj comes back…we won’t talk on the phone at all…for a while….when you guys read this or any blog….u might say “thats really sad” or “that sucks i feel so bad”….but its much more than that. When i write this….i cry my eyes out…..i dont have my love….i dont have what i need to survive…..what do i do? you tell me? im so lost….my head hurts..my ears want to hear his sweet calming voice….my eyes long for his face…..my heart burns…. it hurts its like getting shot over and over again but ur still alive…yet you’re dying from the inside….maybe whatever i write doesn’t make any difference for you guys……maybe im useless….maybe i need to die….i love you raj….and i promised u i wont do anything dum….but if my body kills me from the inside, then its not my fault..im sorry if i ever hurt u pookie…..i really love you baby…come back please….just come back and hold me in ur arms….wipe away my tears..and just tell me that its gona be okay…just come back…..i need u…i miss u yaar…come bak please …please…

(Screen) Name: monaxoxo831

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Day 3: I love You Raj

If you take a fish out of water, it won’t survive

If you take away air from a human, he/she won’t survive

If you don’t put gas in cars, they won’t work

If you take away sunlight from the world, then we’d all die

If you take away pages from a book, it won’t be a book

Just like those things, if you take away raj from mona, she won’t be mona….she’d die.

Life isn’t all that simple when you don’t have what you need… to survive.

When your loved one isn’t with you, you’re still alive but your dead at the same time.

Life and Death don’t go together so well huh?

Well everyday i live through that….my soul fights over life and death at the same time.

It doesn’t know where to go…i promised him i won’t do anything bad but why do i still try to think of ways to free myself from this life…from this pain.

Saying things and understanding them has a huge difference.

When you say, i love you- you think of care, and happy times together….

Yet you don’t know that it means much more than that. I love you means to spend your life with that one special person, to go throught the bad times and the good times together, to help each other out no matter what the situation is. But so many people don’t understand it, yet they say it all the time…..what kinda world to we live in???

My heart aches when i think about how far away he is from me.

I just talked to him about an hour ago….he was sleepy so i let him go….hes jus so cute.

I made him smile and told him to go to sleep…he layed in bed and fell asleep after i hung up…his voice seemed like he was tired…his voice calmly healed my heart…and slowly it began to feel like there was never a wound in it….as soon as i hung up it began again….the pain..the wounds in my heart started to come back… You know how u feel when u have butterflies caz you know you’re making a big step or doing something so amazing and your so nervous that u feel like you wana throw up…imagine feeling like that 24/7. Every second i keep opening up my yahoo messenger and check to see if he’s online…when i don’t see him there i feel as if hes just invisible and he’s joking with me so i hope to receive a msg from him…but i get nothing… it hurts when everyday you wake to expect something so precious to happen to you but then you end up crying all alone. Everyday i sit in my bed reading old emails on our account…..i laugh and then i cry. I read his emails that he sent me when i was in india for 6 months…and i ask myself how hard would that have been for him? In india, you have so many people to talk to…your whole family is there…you go to places and your mind if sort of distracted from what you really need….but here….u sit here and write stupid emails when you know that he’s not going to reply back anytime soon. Stupid love….if you have anybody who u love more than anything…go and spend your time with them…you don’t know how precious something is untill u loose it or untill your really far away from it. That person, doesn’t have to be your boyfriend….it cud be anybody and anything. Love is god…and God is love….nothing in this world is stronger than the power of love. Many people don’t even believe in god or love…and that’s totally against what i think but it’s who you are. One day, when those people find something so close to themselves…they’ll pray to god for that thing/person and that’s when they’ll realize that love is god…and god is love…..

I have many more things to learn in life….i have many things to understand….but for now all i kno is that i love you raj and i hope when u read this….you’ll understand what i was trying to say….i miss u pookie ji come home soon…my arms will always be open for u and my heart….is always with u ….gud night my superman muwhaaaaz i love you tons and i miss u like crazy….i’ll always be waiting for u….and it doesn’t matter how far we are…im always gona love u in fact i will have even more love for u…my love for u increases 1000000000000000000000X every and each second that i live….and every second that i breathe…i love u…and always will

(Screen) Name: monaxoxo831

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Day 4: Sun or Moon?

During the day, i breathe many times, i cry many times, and my heart well…my heart beats all the time…not so that i can live…but so that it can say your name and tell youh how much i love you. I love you soooooo much raj…soooooo much….So today i watched an indian tv serial called Pyar Ka Bandhan. In that story, there’s a mother who raises her 4 children all by herself. That mother is very poor but she has this courage that keeps her going…and that is the love of her 4 children….after a few days she finds out that she has blood cancer…..she thinks about what to tell her kids….what to do with them….how will they grow up alone? But she doesn’t tell them anything and she even spends her money for her children’s wants and needs, instead of going to the doctors to get medicine for herself…That is TRUE LOVE…..In love, the happiness of the other person/whoever you love is essential to your own…I stopped watching it but i started to think about it….It’s just amazing what love can do….that mother had a choice….A.) to take care of her children or B.) Send them to some orphanage and live her own life….stress free……Love is everywhere…it’s always around you because god is everywhere…and god is love…love is god. Anywaysz today i talked to my raj ji and it felt good to talk to him after a while…Everytime i talk to him my heart skips a beat…it feels happy….its like this feeling that you get when you know you have something so special that nobody else in the world has…..its jus simply amazing….His voice just calms me down from all the stress…and my tears just fade away…..and before i know it…..a smile falls across my face. You know it’s really funny when you ask people, what do u picture when you think of love? Many people would answer it by saying “a couple” but it doesn’t always have to be a couple…Love can be anything…it can be your dad, who u love a lot….you kids, your anything,….thats the beauty of love… But the most difficult part in love is TRUST & HOPE….two main big things….if you don’t understand those two things….you won’t have true love…..When you love somebody, you shoulld trust them with all your heart….When you have your ups and downs, you and your loved one should hope…..you shoud hope together….you should help out that special person…..you should trust and hope, as one person. When raj and I started to date….I lied to him many times, I don’t know why i did that but i did. I was a different person back then. But when i did lie to him…he knew about it. He taught me to trust and to have hope. Today, i don’t ever lie to him..and when i mean NEVER i mean NEVER. It’s pretty hard to believe isn’t it? I know, some of you guys are probably like…she’s just making it up…or she has to lie to him at least once..but no…i don’t. Every time i do something bad or something that i shouldn’t have done, i tell him. Raj is the reason why i am who i am today. He’s the reason why i have a gud heart..because if he wasnt here…i’d probably be like any other typical punjabi girl. I would be so changed that if i was to go back to how i was before, you wouldn’t even recongize me. Today I am so proud to say that I am Manpreet Kaur, wife of Gurwinder Singh. My Raj is the most loving, cutest, big hearted person that i have ever known in my life. Without you pookie, i’d be a piece of trash that would lay on the floor and be stepped on all the time. Sometimes i ask myself, “do i wana be his sun or his moon”?? If i am his sun, then i would light up his life everyday with happiness but if i was his moon, then i would help him out and shine on him during his darkest hours, when he would need a friend. Confusing? I don’t know if i want to be his sun or moon, but i sure will be his wife, his everythiing whenever he needs me. If he needs me to be and act like his sister, i will do that, if he needs me to act and be his mom then i will do that too…i will be everything and anything for you raj…you’re my life and when u need a sun i will be your sun and when you need a moon, i will be there for you i love u raj….i miss u a lot …and like every other day, i’ll be waiting for you mwuhaaaaaa i love u….

(Screen) Name: monaxoxo831

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Day 7: Happy New Year

You know how weird it is to take advice from a 12 year old…..but it’s shocking that an older person/friend of mine wouldn’t understand my feelings as much as that 12 year old did. Yesterday was new years eve so i decided to go with my sister to her friend’s new years party(it was at her house) My sister’s friend’s name is Tyler. She’s a nice girl…very young but mature. She lives about 5 minutes away from our house, we used to spend the whole summer over their house and their pool. My sister, Ravneet and I have many good memories with Tyler and her family. That night we just talked in her basement about my love story. There was another girl, whose name is Lyn, and she’s chinese. Lyn is also a friend of Tyler. So it was me, my sister, Tyler, and Lyn. All of them were about 3-4 years younger than me. Within 5 minutes of knowing lyn, i told her everything about my life. I didn’t even know that girl, yet i spilled out my whole love story to her. I told her what happend when my parents beated me….when i got caught talking to raj…everything….how we met…u name it….It’s so weird how i didn’t even know the girl and i just told her everything. The most shocking and interesting thing was that she understood me and she even tried to give me advice…It was simply amazing….IF i were to tell my friend(s) they would just laugh and make fun of me. They wouldn’t undestand me at all….they wouldn’t believe me and yet this 12 year old girl…..understood me and she was so serious when i was talking to her. You know, age doesn’t have anything to do with how mature a person is. I was 12 when raj told me that he wanted to marry me….and i took it seriously too..why? because, i understood…i wasn’t exactly ready for that step but i understood. If anybody told you that he/she is gona marry you and you’re only 12 at that time…how would you react? You’d probably laugh at that person and go like are u out of your mind? but some people understand it….and i was one of them. I’m not saying im the most wise and mature 14 year old you’ll ever meet on earth…but im saying that to understand what marriage is…was a wise and mature thing to do. And not every time you should be that person to say yes to somebody if they ask you “will u marry me”, especailly when you’re only 12 years old. But if you know that…that person will keep you happy and will stay with you, and will be responsible for you and if you know that person will take care of you…then why not? Raj and I talked about it a lot…we made sure that we knew what we were getting into. First we had to state the facts. 1st was that i was from a different caste than him…2nd he’s older than me, but slowly..those things started to fade away and all we could think about was that…we love each other for gods sake. Who cares where your from…or what caste you’re from??? All these things….weren’t decided by god…these rules and these castes were all made up because of a single stupid human being. Why should we follow someone else’s rules?? Isn’t life about finding your way….to learn how to walk on your own? Age and caste are the last things that i would ever think about, especailly since i found my true love. IF i knew that we werent gona last for even a few minutes….i would never had said yes. Anywho today we’re here as true lovers and we support any true love couple out there. No matter how hard it gets, God will always open up another door for you. Happy New Year baby…missin u tons hope to talk to you soon..i love you. And Happy New Year to everybody out there who reads my stupid boring blogs lol..My husband and I wish you all a great year, make mistakes but not the ones that you’ll regret but the ones that you will learn from & become a better person. Happy New Year, i love you raj….wish you were here…love u.

(Screen) Name: monaxoxo831

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The road that we chose :)

In our religion, it’s an omen to sneeze before you start a new task. It doesn’t matter if the task is small or big. When i started to type my first entry, my husband sneezed. lol =] It’s also forbidden to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Our parents choose the person who we will spend the rest of our lives with…these are the rules that i have to live with. I truly love my religion and so does gurwinder(my husband). It teaches us many important values that we use in our daily lives. Our religion teaches us many things including that we should respect elders, believe in one god, and never hurt anyone. Today i am 14 years old and my husband is 19. Shocking? yea…if i was in your place i would be shocked too. In fact we live in the USA, and i wasn’t forced to be married at such a young age; this is what i chose…this is what i wanted. On August 11th,2009 gurwinder put sindoor(vermilion) on my forehead. This is supposed to be done on the day of our marriage, in my religion. It’s a very important ritual. When he did that, i was considered and still am considered his wife and forever will be. We made this choice after 2 years of getting to know each other. Gurwinder asked me for my e-mail address on July 4th, 2007…2 years ago and that’s how everything began (click on The Begginning… to get the details of our begining). No one in my life knows that we really are husband and wife except for my younger sister, Ravneet(shes 11 today), who will play a very important role in our life. Every morning gurwinder picks me up and drops me at school. This way we get to meet for about 40 minutes everyday in the morning. My parents think that i take the bus everyday, but i don’t. I only take the bus sometimes; most of the days i go with gurwinder. We have to meet secretly everyday of our lives. I used to love summer until i started to date gurwinder. I hate summer now because, i never get to meet gurwinder in summer. It’s way too hard to get out of the house and meet him without letting anybody notice…it gets way too risky. Once Gurwinder gets a degree in Comptuer Science and Accounting, he will come to my house and ask for my hand from my parents. Most likely, we are going to have to run away…but let’s hope for the best. If i ever get caught with gurwinder or if my parents find out that i have a boyfriend (for us we are husband and wife..but u get the picture) i will be sent to india forever. And i know for sure that i will end up doing something stupid if i can’t hear his voice or meet him….who am i kidding, i would die….

(Screen) Name: monaxoxo831

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