I may be young, but I’m wiser than you may think. It may seem like I haven’t experienced anything but…I’m 14 and I’ve seen slot from the world. I guess that’s how I should start. Even tho thats not the beginning.

It all started near the end of middle school. My friends and I always eat lunch together through our shared interest of anime, manga, drawing, and cosplay. I remember them clearly, all the good times we had. One day, one of my friends brought another girl she knew to the table. She was solemn and a bit dark. She looked like she found it painful to smile. I wanted to fix that but, she wanted to fix me. At that time, I was hiding deep pains in my heart. But with the fun I was having I thought the scars would heal or be forgotten. Absentmindedly, I told her about them. She pledged her service to me, something I didn’t want. It actually surprised me. I thought no one would care like that in this world. I began to grow on her, not only to try and repay but to discover why she was so giving of her own freedom. …I thought I was in love with her. (Yes, I had felt love before. Crushes, with family, ect.) I told her I was in love with her so, we started to try to be a couple. I felt like I was lying to her. Like I was just holding her down. So it only lasted a few days before I told her I would rather be her sister than her lover. She said the same. It was a relief.

Now, I had a ‘best friend,’ if you would. She was modest, she loved acting and anything about england. She played the viola and worked her hardest. I had no talents but our friendship was based on the fact that our names were almost the same commonly. Around that time, I felt as if we weren’t really…cooperating well. I started to feel like a tool or a shadow more than a friend. A person to steal ideas from or get a quick tip from. Someone you could easily forget and throw away, which has happened more than once. So, to soften the blow of losing someone close, I started to cut off our friendship, bit by bit, slowly. Sadly, it couldn’t save me from what happened next.

I remember that night clearly. I had decided to host a sleepover so I invited my ‘best friend’ and my other friend over. ( She still considered me her best friend.) what happened that night hurt me. It was my house, my neighbor hood, and I do my best to be a good host. But they were to caught up in each other than they ignored me. I didn’t see it as much and passed it by but, in the back of my mind, it hurt me down to my heart. The next night, I was in a chatroom waiting for my ‘best friend’ to arrive when I fell asleep. Kinda cliche, huh? When I woke up, I read the conversation I had missed and learnt the truth. The two friends had started going out,andmy so-called ‘best friend’ didn’t have the decency to tell me at my house to my face but, to a total stranger over the Internet. That broke my heart and so, a long, painful battle began.

Different thoughts painted my head with one single question. Why? Why, why, why? Why did she trust someone she hardly knew than one she knew and saw face to face everyday. It didn’t make sense. It’s painful to try and explain in detail, and even if I did, you have a chance of not understanding no matter how smart or wise you are. But at the end of that battle, I was mentally broken. I no longer had friends. Everyone was either against me or had ignored everything passing it off as not their problem. Few people tried. And Maria was one of the few.

Before, my ‘best friend’ has introduced me to a chatroom fro roleplay. That was where I first met Maria. If ‘best friend’ is reading this I just want to say,’ Thank you and eat my sh*t.’ Maria had been one of the spectators of the battle and had acquired my number by ‘best friend.’ She was worried about me, for I had disappeared and ran away from the sourse of the pain, the Internet. I brushed her off and told her to go away because she didn’t care either. I thought to her, it was the same to the rest of them; a show that I had put on to watch. But she wouldn’t go. I turned away from her and everyone else.

However, maybe a week or so later, I came back. Someone hurt and with few to turn to, shouldn’t be alone. I knew that. So, I simply just took her as someone to talk to. I was caucious. I didn’t want to be hurt again. Not only that but this was a person I only knew from chat. Someone still connected to the enemy and might be just a spy. A week after I started talking to her tho, she started to tell me things. She told me she loved me. Believe me, I was thinking the same thing you are thinking right now probably. ‘ You don’t love me,’ I told her,’ You just want to…’ I didn’t really have anything to put in that line. She wasn’t a spy so, why was she here other than to be here? Protect? Help? I thought nothing of the sort and ignored her ‘feelings’. Besides, love after a love after a war? Doesn’t make sense, does it?

You see, if you had ever wanted to be in a relationship with me, you had to play a game. ‘The game’ as i called it, was probably just me looking for key traits of a person, feelings strong enough for me to believe, or maybe actions done out of emotion. I don’t know exactly but the point was to find someone I could trust with my life and my heart. Those who won the game, won my heart. Once you’ve met me, you start playing the game.

Maria and my friend had both practically flew through the game. However, it seemed like my friend either forced her way through or I just let her in. Maria, however, was different. She was gentle and she progressed so quickly and was so close that she was scaring me. She gave me words of comfort when horrible memories flooded my head. One day, she came to me crying. She had stood up to my ‘best friend’, was critized and left the chatroom. She had done it for me. Me. I, surely, throughout she was crazy but, I came closer to thinking,’ Maybe she really did love me.’ It would explain her sacrifices and her tenderness. Maria truly was one of a kind.

The best night of my life, She said I love you. I believed her. I truly believed her. She had won the game and it wasn’t long until I said,’ I love you too.’

It may seem very cliche, sappy, and dramatic but, these events actually happened.

There are problems tho… You see, I live four states away from Maria. Maria lives four states away from me. We’re both bi, we’re both 14, and we’ve never met. Our mothers both don’t approve. They would never say it of course. Her mother thinks it’s a phase; my mother says because of distance it’ll never work. I talk to Maria everyday. Virtually, we hug and kiss, we tell each other how much we love each other, we laugh and sing, we chase each others fears and wipe away the tears, virtually we’re together. But it cannot cease the longing to actually be with Maria. A warm body next to mine, a hand to hold. A moving, breathing face. I long to see her smile.

Maria and I have been together 3 months. I could careless what you adults think or say. These have been the happiest 3 months I’ve ever had. I hope to spend many, many more days just talking to Maria. I can’t wait to show her the things she has never seen. Snow, for one. Right now, I want, more than anything, to be with Maria. But the fates are cruel that way. I have to go to school and see ‘best friend’ everyday, but I get to come home to talk to my real best friend and my lover. Maria. Watashi wa anata o aishite, Maria. I’ll wait as long as it takes to be in your arms.

This is a sad story of heartache and revival, but it’s also a story that hasn’t ended yet.

(Screen) Name: Storie

It was either the summer of 2006, or 2007. My old best friend Michelle and I used to spend every day together that summer. I would stay at her house for days, She would stay at mine for days. She soon introduced me to one of her best friends, Brandon. I soon remember that I had attended middle school with him, And me and him soon had little crushes on each other, and would spend a lot of summer evenings laying out in the grass relaxing. One day, Brandon let me know that one of his and Michelle’s friends was tagging along to hangout for a little while, And he only lived a few blocks away. I simply agreed not knowing or caring at the time who was tagging along, As long as I was with my best friend and Brandon, Who cares right? Soon, I glanced over, And that was the first time I saw tanner. When he approached us, Brandon and Michelle introduced him to me. ’’Eliz, This is my best friend, Tanner,’’ he said. I didn’t put much thought into it, waved, and said hello.
Tanner hanging out with Michelle, Brandon and I, Became an often thing. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was sitting on my old trampoline, And I had called Brandon, He had texted me, And asked for me to call him. So I did, And that’s when he told me he was moving to Pennsylvania. I remember being so sad, I called Michelle of course and told her the news. I was heartbroken. But I also had been texting Tanner, He had also found out the news, A different way. I could tell he was crushed by it too. Not to much time passed before he moved. Brandon and I kept in touch, But had broke up because he was moving away. In the back of my mind, There was tanner. We had always been texting, Talking, And I soon realized, I had a crush on him. Seeing as he was the first boy who had ever gave me butterflies and jitters like he did. Talking became a normal thing for us but in the beginning we couldn’t see each other, he was away in Florida visiting family.
I remember being so excited the night I knew he was returning from his trip, Because I knew it meant one thing – I could finally spend time alone with this boy who made me crazy. It was too good to be true – I was crazy about this boy who I had been talking to 24/7. He soon returned, And I was so excited to see him, I couldn’t sleep. And then soon, Hanging out together, Became a normal almost every day thing. I soon realized, I was beginning to love him. I thought to myself, ‘’Is this even possible?! I’m only 14…’’ Oh but it was, And I did love him. I knew I did the day I lost my virginity to him. Being together as much as we were, loving him as much as I did, made me think I was always going to be with him.
Things got bad soon after I began thinking that. His mom, AKA Hitler, And my dad who was a total doucher at the time(Okay so he really wasn’t, I was just mad), Had stepped in and basically ended our relationship for us. Soon, I also learned I was moving out of town with my family. I remember moving day like it was yesterday. I cried and cried, I wanted to stay with my friends, My family, And mostly, Because of Tanner. Seeing him at school during lunch for that 45 minutes was the highlight of every weekday. I lived for seeing him those days. I moved, And our relationship fell apart.
We began talking again in January of 2010, But that soon ended in a horrific car wreck I was in, To where I lost touch with him because I was in treatment, And working a lot after that. A few months later into the year, I had made a decision to move back to Littleton with my old friend Blair. And coincidentally, It was decently close to where Tanner had lived at the time. I had of course let him know I was moving back, And not often, But sometimes he would pick me up from a friends, And we would hangout and talk, But it wouldn’t last long, because of his work schedule. At the time, It was like hanging out with an old friend.
Hanging out with an ‘old friend’, Soon became much more then that. After a month or so of blowing Tanner off to hang out with my friends, I soon agreed to go out with him on Halloween, Of 2010. We went on a date, Which went great. Talking soon became a regular routine for us. Hanging out soon became regular also. He used to always come hang out at my ex – room mates apartment, Where I was residing at the time. One night, Tanner and I decided to slip away from the bull shit going on in the apartment, We went out on the balcony to chat and hangout. He soon after us getting out there, Told me, ‘’I like you.’’ Of course me being as I am, Jumped at it and asked him a million questions. (Which I realize now really wasn’t necessary.) Soon after that cute comment he made, We were inseparable just like the first time we had dated. For me, It was love at first sight. I was head over heels fast, I finally had Tanner.
Things moved quickly. Thanksgiving flew by, Then Christmas, And new Years, And very soon after new years, We found room mates, and immediately moved in together. Five months into living with those horrible room mates, We found our own little apartment, left the room mates and bullshit behind and signed a lease together. Now, I do not recommend that for every body, It was actually quite a stupid decision if you think about it. But stupid or not, It was the best decision I have ever made in my entire life. We are now engaged, and happier then ever. Now, We aren’t perfect, Just like we have never been perfect. But in my eyes, He is perfect, We are perfect. Every mistake he makes, every argument we have, every clumsy moment he has, brings him so much closer to perfection in my eyes. He was always meant for me, And I will always love him.

(Screen) Name: Elizabeth Anne

this is my love story, very hard to explain every detail of it and god knows i don’t know where to begin. I met my soon to be husband through his uncle in 2006 we started to talk over the phone at first i could not understand one word that Ali said we exchanged numbers and emails for it was easier for us to chat online due to the language barrier between the two of us. Me and Ali started sending each other emails telling each other about ourselves what we liked, what we didn’t, what we were looking for in this life. We were just friends getting to know each other but as time went on we started to fall in love with one another probably about a year after we had met Ali told me i love you me coming from a domestic violence marriage of 13 years and having to overcome severe complications I did not trust men at all and would not tell him i loved him and would not give my heart to him but over time as I got to know ali more i knew I was falling in love with the man behind the screen. Ali was different than most men I had met i did not have to worry about him running when I mentioned that i had three children, or worry about him raising a hand to me in anger. Well finally I swallowed my pride and told Ali what I wanted to say for too long that I loved him with all my heart and he was the one i wanted to spend the rest of my life with even though i had never met him face to face. I have never been on an airplane in my entire life scared to death of them Ali begged me to come from Michigan to Africa at first i was hesitant and then i said where am i going to find another man that loves me like this for me, so I bought a plan ticket from Michigan to Monrovia Liberia. It took me 28 hrs to get from Michigan to Liberia the scariest ride of all my life but I knew I had to do this because i loved this man with all my heart. When my plane reached Liberia for being a small airport i got detained inside for like an hour they would only let so many people exit the airport at one time finally when i was able to exit the airport my luggage was lost and Ali was no where in site freaking out thinking i just flew half way across the world to get stood up by a guy, and in a country i knew nothing about i was so nervous. Looking around not seeing anything familiar to me the picture Ali had sent me did not do this man justice for I finally found him racing around trying to find me he grabbed me and hugged me so tight. I thought at first there was no way on earth this man could love me, look at him and then look at me but, I was wrong he showed me that true love does not lay in beauty for it lays inside the heart. I spent 3 weeks in Liberia with him, we went to the clubs, went to restaurants and just had the most amazing time of our life and i knew this man was the one for me for all my life. I knew saying goodbye to him was going to be the hardest part i broke down in tears in the airport and the security guard looked at me and Ali and said okay time to go so we had to let each other go. I got back to Michigan but little did i know what i was prepared for next it would take three years for us to meet again, three years of no one believing our story, three years of the government working against us saying that our love was not deep or true but through it all the boundaries the time and the distance our love has stayed strong we keep each other strong there are times where we want to give up but we know that we cant because our hearts wont let us love another, our love is so deep and true it cannot be described in words. Finally it was time for me and him to meet again after three years of going through 50.00 dollars a day in calling cards and just chatting online I knew in just a few days I would see his face again this time we were meeting in his home country of Beirut Lebanon. It took me 13 hrs to get to Lebanon the most painful excruciating ride of my life because i was too anxious to see his face after three years. Once again my luggage was lost but that was not what was on my mind, my mind was only on one person Ali, looking around i finally spotted him with a bouquet of flowers in his hand he practically jumped over the gate to reach me as we rushed to each others arms, we did not let go of each other for at least 15 minutes cause we had not seen each other in so long. I would spend one month with him this time and here is where he asked me to marry him and be his wife on valentines day of this year we were engaged for long time but he wanted to do it the right way and we were at a club one night and he looked at me and told me in all my life, i have never met someone that loves me like you do, or that will do anything for me like you do, you have a big heart and you are a very giving person I know i probably don’t have the right to ask you this because of the distance that surrounds us but, i love you with all my heart and I just want to marry you and share my life with you. It did not take me one second or even a minute to reply to his answer cause I knew this man was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life and eternity with;. We had a small engagement party in Lebanon with his family, he took me all over in Lebanon from the clubs to the restaurants to showing me the history but I knew the hardest day was yet to come where i would have to leave his side once again but this time it was only that much worse because it broke my heart to leave his side. I am sharing our story for only a few reasons to prove to people that no matter what boundaries or obstacles people face that it is possible to find true love and your soul mate, not many people would probably be as crazy as me a single woman traveling alone into a country she knows nothing about just to meet the man she fell in love with over an internet screen. To be honest now me and Ali have to make our lives because the government Don’t believe that our love is true they think it is all just to evade immigration laws which is not true we love each other desperately and just want to find a way to be together. So now I am working two jobs plus he his working just so we can find a way to get up enough money so we can be together and start our lives together but, we know that Michigan or the USA will not be our answer for they will not allow him here because they think our love is false so now we are working on getting up enough money to move me and my children to where ever we know that we can be together and spend our lives together. This may seem like a far fetched story to a lot of you or maybe one you don’t believe but trust me this story is true and from my heart and I love this man with all my heart and he loves me just as much and we just want to be able to start our lives together

(Screen) Name: lakota197626

You type a letter in great urgency. You pour all your thoughts, before you forget them. But then you linger just before clicking the “send” tab. After a moment of indecision, you decide that some thoughts are better left unsaid. You slowly “delete” the words, which you have typed painstakingly.
Ours was such a “love story” dear. A love letter never meant to be sent. A “love history” always cherished by the individuals but not shared as a couple.

I remember looking at you the first time. I gawked at your person, unable to tear my eyes away, unable to look at the ball coming my way. My first impression was that you looked like my cousin. My second thought was that, “Here comes another aggrieved soul! Another guy in search of his dreams!”
You looked young for you age. I thought that you were a first year student who wanted to play ball badminton. Or even an aspirant to settle down in a foreign country. My presumption turned out to be partly correct. You WERE trying to go abroad, but was not there seeking my help.

I was pleasantly surprised, when you asked me out. Even though I turned your offer down for two consecutive days, I was secretly happy as well as ashamed of the fact that I was happy because a guy like you asked me out! I waited eagerly for you turn up on the third day too, but you never showed up. It turned that you have left the town. I was disappointed.

After that, I should have left that episode to rest. I should never have answered your mail, nor have attended your phone call. There have been moments when I rewind to that moment of longing … that moment of hesitation before I pressed the “send” button, of my first e-mail. I wish that I suddenly came to my senses and pressed “discard” instead. It was not the first had I done that. but then as history would be I “fell” for you and there was no turning back.

Our “love” grew, nursed by distant phone calls and daily mails. Driven together by “providence”, we met soon and consummated our long awaited relationship. It was a simple date, filled with delicious explorations and pure fun. True that our “love making” happened in a romantic first class train coupe. But was it? We were never relaxed and it took long for the ice to break. Our long distance relationship had taken its toll on our emotions and much time was spent in constrained silence. In our hurry to experiment what we talked “on phone”, we forgot the fact that we had not developed enough confidence or trust. The “love making” was more about the past promises than it was about living for the moment. In the end, when it was time to part, something was sorely missed. All promises were vanquished.

I miss you a lot, these days. It is almost painful. It is even palpable to those around me. Ironically I never shared those words with you. Even, when we were together I was rarely “content”. Which led me to ask myself, Do I really miss “You”?

Or is it just the “feeling of love” that I miss? One would say that we were in love with an “ideal person” who was more “virtual” than “real”. Could it be because we filled up the silences with our own perception of the significant other? We never made any new memories together, even when there were opportunities.

Once you said that you did not recognize the person you “fell in love with”. You said you were afraid, that I will turn out to to be the cold person, who was sitting with you then. It is true dear, as I now realise that we never really knew each other.

This is like a love story where you know that the hero and heroine are going to separate in the end. Where people commit to love making, well aware of the “partition” looming ahead. Or was it the “end” being so near that inspired the couple in the first place?

Now my perception is clear. What I see are two losers, who were dying to get laid. Losers who wanted to have a “Safe” relationship. The “knowing” that the other will not let you down, whatever may you do/ demand. Today despite having realized each other’s dream, we still cannot let go of this “futile relationship”. It is more of a “drag” than an “inspiration”. Our love story is a lesson to me that sometimes:- at moments of great “consternation”, it is better to press “discard” rather than downloading a malware and upsetting your whole system. Or at least one should be grown-up enough to “Love and Let go”.

(Screen) Name: KeAtS

I feel a slight twinge of shame when saying it, but I met my current boyfriend and possibly last boyfriend on the popular networking site, Facebook.

It all started about a month before final exams, and I was procrastinating as usual on Facebook. Specifically, I was browsing through the popular YouTube make up artist: Michelle Phan’s Facebook fan page comments. While scrolling down, a face caught my eye. He was “cute” as you may describe it, so I decided to take a look at his comment. It stated something about Michelle never messaging him back and therefore she was mean. Being somewhat of a “troll” myself, I could tell this was an subtle and well played attempt at trolling, and that many would be “butthurt”; and many were. Feeling that it would be the most polite thing to do, I calmly commented how he was just joking, in a way, and that people should just stop overreacting.

He thanked me and added me shortly after. I wasn’t expecting that, as I thought the comment would just be a passing event, but after accepting the friend request, I messaged him with a “Hi ”. He was cute anyway.

From there, we started talking, first through Facebook messages and chat, then through msn. I actually used to have a bad habit of flirting with guys online, and at the time I also even had a boyfriend, though not a very good one. During those days that I would talk to this boy on msn, he was just another guy that I would flirt with, just another person to occupy my time. I also found out he was 5 years older than me, and at the age of 15, I wasn’t expecting anything to happen anyway. It was harmless and all in good fun, but from the way he talked to me, it seemed like he felt more, although I had no idea how that could cross his mind at such an early stage. One day, he asked me if we could talk on the phone. I felt reluctant, as I usually limit myself to online, but eventually I agreed and we talked.

That night we talked for approximately 5 hours, all the way into the morning. We joked, had deep conversations, and he voiced how he was attracted to me…*really* attracted to me. I was slightly taken aback, as I thought the way he talked to begin with was slightly, how may I put it, gay sounding, so I wasn’t too eager to reciprocate the feeling, but I was still happy to call him my good friend.

A few weeks passed, and the exams were over with, and my current boyfriend was going back to Hong Kong for the summer. The guy that I was talking to online and now on the phone for hours convinced me to break up with my boyfriend, so I did. It actually lifted a great weight off my shoulders, and I appreciated the phone guy, who we shall call “David”, that much more.

Time went on, and eventually, I grew more and more attracted to him, up to the point where I really liked him, but I wasn’t sure where it would go. We shared everything with each other, our family stories, friend stories, secrets, tears, laughter, and happiness. That month, I was to go on a 10 day trip to Italy with my school choir; I waited all afternoon before the plane ride at the airport for him to call. He called while we were boarding the plane, and while we were talking, he shyly said,

“Hey…hey…you’re cute. Hey…hey….you’re beautiful. Hey…hey…… I love you.”

I got tears in my eyes and replied,

“I love you too…I’m going to miss you so much.”

“I’m going to miss you a lot too my princess. Don’t worry though, I’ll find a way to call you, to get to you. Anything for my princess.”

My heart felt so conflicted, both swelling with love, while also prickled with sadness to think that I wouldn’t be able to talk to my David for 10 days…

The next morning, while sleeping in my Italian room with my roommate, the phone rang. I was still asleep, so my roommate picked up, and after realizing who it was, woke me up to give me the phone.

I muttered a groggy, “Hello?”

“Hunnie!”

“Bearbear!” (My nickname for him hehe)

“Aw babe, did I wake you up from sleeping? Do you want to go back to sleep for a bit?”

“No, no, no. It’s almost time to wake up anyway, and I want to talk to you.”

He asked me to be his girlfriend that day, June 26th, 2010. I found it silly that he even had to ask, because he already knew I loved him and would be more than happy to be his girlfriend! Silly bear.

Anyway, that entire trip, all I could think of was him. All my shopping was for souvenirs to send to him (he lives 3 hours away by plane), and he would call me every night, no matter how expensive the rate was. That trip, even though we were further apart, it was the distance that actually strengthened our relationship even more.

After returning from Italy, we had our ups and downs, but they were always resolved, and they added to the strength of our connection and love for each other. I ended up telling my older and younger sister, and my best friend, all of whom disapproved heartily, but I didn’t let them affect what we were. The past month or two have been hard though, because I have been with either my sisters or with my best friend on vacation, on and off for a week at a time, so I have not had enough time or privacy to talk to David.

Currently, I am visiting my older sister in the States with my younger sister, and it is simply too risky to talk to my bearbear on the phone, so I have to rely on online means again. He’s going to come to where I live soon, possibly in September or October. I am so excited for that day, when we can embrace and kiss and feel our bodies finally with each other. We have already planned out how it will work. I will go to the airport to go see him, and I’ll run towards him, he’ll pick me up and spin me around while hugging me. It’s going to be picture perfect.

I think of him every moment I wake, and every second I sleep. My thoughts aren’t childish romance dreams,nor are they sexual fantasies. I simply think of him and me lying on the couch together, watching T.V, or just enjoying each other’s company. No awkwardness, no anxiety, just contentedness; peace. I’m waiting for the day when that may come true. For now, I’m happy with our unconventional love, with our destiny to be together. The Princess will forever be with her Bearbear.

(Screen) Name: Unconventionally in love