Stay or go

[anjin]

I've been married for nearly 20 yrs. We were very close friends and dated for 6 yrs before deciding to marry but I know that I wasn't "head over heels" in love with her at the time...and I've recently found out that neither was she. Yet we've stayed married all these years, have 2 kids and are now in our mid 40's. Everyone thought we were the "perfect couple". Let me say that I've always been a conflicted person from the very beginning and never really knew how to face many truths about this relationship. Well.......four years ago, everything came crashing down.

I know I'm leaving myself open now to all sorts of things here but I have to admit I was not a very faithful husband. I failed 3 times, the worst of which happened 4 yrs ago. The other 2 times had no emotional attachments (were a one time thing) but the last one did. Each time it happened though, I felt tremendously guilty and I basically thought I could fix things. Each occurrence had about a 6 yr span in between and I never confronted or admitted anything the first 2 times. As I said the worst one was 4 yrs ago in which an emotional attachment did in fact begin. I knew that I couldn't go on this way. I ended it and came clean.

We've tried now for the last 4 yrs with counseling and effort on each of our parts to try and find what we really have. We do get along OK and have common interests (and most importantly the kids) but in the end, I have to admit that things still feel the same I'm not "in love". Neither is she. So I don't know what to do now. Is it right to stay for the kids? How important is being "in love"? I still have terrible guilt and frankly can't easily overcome what I've done in the past. I know that it's very difficult to give any advice on this and perhaps I'm not really expecting anything groundbreaking. Perhaps I write this down to find out if there are any others who are in this position. Lastly I'll conclude that I've really tried hard to find out who I am. I don't think about any of this lightly.

Stay or go? I don't know anymore.

[oceangirl4]

Sorry I don't have the greatest experience in relationships, but you said it yourself: you both are not in love. If you stay together for you children alone then what does that teach them? That you can settle to be in a relationship without love? Since you have been unfaithful before, it is likely it will happen again, and you will probably feel guilty again. You are lucky in the sense that you have mutual feelings about the relationship, and you can hopefully remain close friends if you choose to separate. Something may be waiting out there for you that could be everything you want and more, and you may be missing out. I hope that helps a bit. But I think with counseling you are on the right track, and personal counseling could help you get on the way to finding out who you are.

[lovelust]

If you think of leaving your family, I say it's not a good thing. Relationships always encounter trials and you and you partner should not give up on that because God wouldn't throw a stone that we can't catch. Only the both of you can make your relationship work. Problems makes a human grow and also relationships.

Enjoy, have fun, spice up a little or try new things. In this way you will enjoy your company and make you happy.
In the early phase of marriage, couples are deeply, madly in love to each other and when you grow old the intensity, the heat, the excitement is not anymore there. the only thing that old couples have is friendship and love. What's important is to be married to the person you are happy to be with / you love to have someone when you grow old. Happiness and compatibility is more important because love can be learned. This is not good to hear but this is what I've observed and heard from the old folks / couples I knew.

[barakatgirl]

barakatgirl2009ATYAHOODOTCOM
Compliment of the day,How are you today together with your business and your entire family? I guess that everything is ok with you.
As is my pleassure to contact you after viewing your profile today at (www.love-sessions.com) which really interest me in having communication with you
.
If you will have the desire with me so that we can get to know each other better and see what happened in future.
I will be very happy if you can write me through my email for easiest communication and to know all about each other,here is my email (barakatgirl2009@yahoo.com) i will be waiting to hearing from you as soon as you receive this mail. I wish you all the best for your day.Bye and take a good care of yourself,have a nice day.(Remember the distance,colour or age does not matter but love and understanding matters a lot in life)
yours new friend
barakat
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