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Surviving an affair Part 2 (for part 1 click here)

The Damage. After the affair has been tracked down and caught, and after you have gone through your shock, there will be a big mess that will have to be cleaned up. This will be no ordinary clean up. Betrayal tends to make an unbelievable mess that will take time to fix. You and your partner will be going through many arguments and conflicts that will lead you nowhere because none of you would be thinking rationally. The best thing to do when you find out that you have been cheated on is to talk to a relationship expert about it. Talking to a professional will help you calm down, get your feelings out guide you into understanding why and how the affair took place. A relationship expert will also assist you in finding ways to communicate with your partner about the matter so the two of you can decide how your relationship will get back on track or if the two of you should end the relationship. Always keep in mind that you are not alone and there are people who can help you through this. Do not go through it alone when you can get the advice and help you need.

Do not blame yourself. People who have suffered from an affair often blame themselves for it happening in the first place. Though it is understandable to blame yourself, it is the wrong place to start. It has done a lot of damage to your self-esteem, but that does not mean it is your fault. The best place to start is getting help and talking to your partner about it. It will be scary to touch the subject because you have gone through so much pain already, but you must set your fears aside and bring out the whole truth, before you dig yourselves deeper.

Why it happened. Just because there are reasons for an affair to happen, does not excuse the affair. The thing to remember is that the reason of your partner no longer being attracted to you is highly unlikely. Most of the time our partners decide to have affairs is because they either feel that something is missing from the relationship or they are dealing with their own low self-esteem and need a boost. It is always best to ask your partner about it though, instead of just assuming. As your partners explains his or her reasons, keep in mind that they should have talked to you instead of turning to someone else and let him or her know that. It is essential that you do not turn this around and hold yourself responsible.

Healing. The healing process does take time and effort, but it you will heal. The thing to figure out first is where you want this to go. Do you wish to work your relationship out or move on? Once you have that figured out you can then put in the effort to accomplish your goals. Whether you decide to stay together or start fresh on your own, it is advisable not to go through it alone. You need to be with your friends, family and talk to an expert whenever you can. This will keep you strong and encouraged about your decision so you do not give up, lose hope or put yourself down. As you heal, you will learn to trust again and have the relationship you need, want and deserve.

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