Speechless
Posted on : 18-03-2009 | By : Love Story Writer ... | In : Romance Love Story, Secret Love
Tags: love, Speechless
0
It wasn’t something that i’m searching for, for all these years. i just couldn’t help myself for it . it was so fast that i don’t even notice how it occurs. i just too curious to know about some people, but then it turned up into something weird and i just don’t know how or what to say about it.
it was such a dilemma when i had a crush with this ‘handsome boy’. the very first time i saw him, i was just melting and i just can’t stop myself from staring at him, because i was paralysed for a few second (until my friend called up my name). then i started keeping my eyes on him,as he was such a heart-throb, and until later i know that he was a casanova also..how i wished he was mine..until one moment while i was chatting about with my girl friend,also my best friend, he bumped to me and interrupt our conversation. well, we’re just talking about glasses, but the voice and the glance in his eyes was really melting me down, and i was too excited to answer him, until my best friend start talking to him. it was like, ‘please, my gal, he is talking to ME!!’ but it wasn’t like what i want. i know i can speak to him, but i was too nerverse to say a word, until he left. (i was melting, remember?!) then i just can’t stop myself from telling the sparkling in my heart to my best friend. as i was about to say, her twin came up and say ‘he looks really like your ex-guy.’…and i was, ‘what? no, not that guy! not that handsome boy of mine!’- but it was. how i hate that! ho come i even have same taste with my girl friend? and she was just broke up with her guy! how come come a ‘best friend’ can simply have fun of that situation? even though it wasn’t the same guy whose her ex, but still i was considering about my girl’s feelings. it’s like stealing your best friend’s guy which make them broke up! i won’t do that! i’ll never do that in fact! that’s how it’s been secret from my girl for all these years..well, it’s just a crush anyway..
then i continuing missing him. a lot that i wished i could talk to my girl somehow. only then another things came up. i went to join a summer camp later, and my girl wasn’t there. it was such a hateful feelings when we’re surrounded by anonymous and place full of strangers. back in school, i was from a girl school, and i was a kind of anti-guy person, so when i turned up for the camp, it was a really messy and complicated situation for the first few weeks, really! (how i hate all guys there, before i get to know that there’re still nice guys out there.)but it doesn’t bother my feelings at all, as i thought my feelings is stronger for the ‘handsome boy’.i was only enjoy in marching practices, as i love marching a lot. so there was a squad leader for every squadron. and my squad leader was promoted to become the chief of all the leaders. and of course, all the squadron activities was strongly related to him. he was always there, and only Lord knows how much i hated him! i know that i’m always just an ordinary person,and he was such a king, leading every people. but how come he distracted me by doing all the mental abusing acts? may be people didn’t notice it, but i was too depressed with him. why must he always shouting at me,purposely bumped into me, imitating my acts, asking me stupid questions,but never want to ‘talk’ to me? it was like he’s just using me and i was the stupid. how i wished we’re never met! but then, still, he does something that makes me wonder-why? as i noticed, he was always glaring at me as i did something wrong. then he lend me his hand with the laundry, as he never get him self involved with others, and i’m still not sure about the ‘part-time’ care that he gave to me, whether it’s real or just pretending to. but the climax was when he was there, soothing me after a tragic-damn-cold-night,(i never want to mention about it forever) how i hated him, but still i thanked God because he was there and i just need him. until the camp was over and i left earlier, that’s how the feelings changed. i always teased by him in many ways, he always be around the group, and he’s always lead us, so when i was no longer around him, i felt this very strange, strong and complicated feelings on him. i was so distracted because i always missed his voice, his moves, his way of talking, moving, running, walking, eating and simply everything. until i fell sick and always calling up for him. i never thought it would be a difficult life for me then, wishing he will search for me later, but nothing happen. until i kept him as my only ‘hero’,(even though i still think that i still hated him). i never cares about the feelings until my other friends told me that it was a beautiful feelings called ‘love’.
after years of living without him, i feel more comfortable even though i never recognize my former self. when i continuing my studies, i think i’m a better person without him, and i’m still trying to forgive and forget him. until i met a new person.
almost the same starting, but this guy tend to talk to me. i never really noticed him at first, but i really enjoy plus curious, about the attention he gave to me. until he wished me for my birthday, only then i open my eyes to get to know about him better. it wasn’t any serious relationship, but he really makes up my day. i just love to be around him, until there was signals of unfulfilled desires and jealousy among the other girls, and also guys may be. that’s because he is such a juicy lollipop among the others! it’s no wonder why i became the centered for a past few times. i hate gossips, so i warned him to get ourself more careful in public. it’s not like i’m avoiding him, just i want to make sure there’s nothing negative perception in between us. so that’s how it may begin. because now, he’s no longer the same person who loves to greet me every time we met, no longer the person who enjoy talking to me, and there’s no longer a warm, comfortable conversation between us. am i the one to blame? am i too selfish to admit that i really like him? i’m not sure. after all these times, i just get myself busy to get rid of those memoirs, as it really hurt me so much. and i did it all alone, by myself. it’s really cold between us, no matter i tried to greet him, it wasn’t the same. i really feel that he’s avoiding me. i just have to make up my minds in forgetting him and all those goods and beautiful memories that he done to me, in a little bit more time. how i missed him very much.
now there’s hardly a conversation between us, i never know how could i tell him the truth. up untill now, i’m still speechless.
(Screen) Name: J.F. Timmy
Comments
Powered by Facebook Comments