One Flesh

This is my sad love story. It is raw, very honest and blunt. Many will be repelled by it and think I am a monster, a crazy man, but it is my true journey, a journey to become “one flesh” with one woman.

Life presents many obstacles in search of the true meaning to existence. As a philosopher, I have done nothing, intellectually, but wrestle with my search for truth and the truth of my own existence. This has underscored everything I have done in my life. The same is with my search for real love. And, likewise, as I wrestle with seeking truth to my existence, I have also relentlessly wrestled with love. What is it? How do I know when it is for real? What does it really feel like? Is it resistant to all sins? Does it truly forgive wrongdoing? Are there different aspects of it? Is it just emotion? Or, is it the actual meaning of life? I don’t know, but I want to know. One thing I do know, and this is the moral to this story: avoid lying as much as possible when trying to figure out your own heart. Lying can become very destructive and the loss from it unbearable. Mistakes are truly our greatest teachers. Lying creates false perception even though the journey’s intent is genuine.

This short story is about my most honest and genuine attempt to answer the former questions about love. I have yet to answer them, but the last heart I connected too has been the closest I have come, I truly believe this to be so. I cannot engage in conversation with anyone because it always seems to work against me. The truth of my thinking would push many away, especially a woman. I have yet to spill the truth of my heart out with anyone because the words never seem to come out right. When I do speak from my heart, whom ever is listening, wants to hear something else. So I have found it best to simply talk to myself, or write to myself. What I have to say must be said and heard, even if by strangers. I must reveal my deepest sentiments.

Love, for me, over the years, has generally been something I thought I had to comply with. Love was something that I must obey or do, or try to make work for the sake of something else. It has only been recently, through emotional trauma, that I am realizing what real love might be. First, love may be something I will not be able to control. Second, love may be something I must surrender to and not try to resist for reasons outside of my own heart. Third, love is something I must be totally honest with. And here it is:

Early on, I signed the paperwork that showed the world I was in a committed and correct union with a woman. In this course of life, the right thing to do was make this work and raise the child that she bore me. I never intended to have a child. Love and marriage for me at this time was something I HAD TO DO because it was the right thing to do. The world and all its eyes found favor in this union. But my heart did not. I felt it was only right before an unknown god to marry the woman I got pregnant. And so the years went by and I went through all the motions, yet my heart was still empty. Why? This was what God said is right, right? I began trying to fill that void by what the world deemed as despicable. I started sleeping around with other women because sex had been emotionless. It was only physical in nature, a pleasure. I knew it should be something else, but I never felt that. Why not? If my marriage was righteous before an eternal God, why did sex feel so empty? I deeply wanted to feel love when I had sex, and I hadn’t yet, otherwise I would never look for it. My greatest desire then was to find a woman I could make love too and at the same time look into her eyes, kiss her lips and feel whole. I wanted to feel at peace in my heart and not just pleasure. This became a part of the meaning of life for me. I wanted sex to be fulfilling and spiritual. I wanted to be inside of her, whoever she was, and the act to become deeply meaningful, as though we had become, “one flesh.” I wanted to connect my soul to another woman by feeling ultimate pleasure of the body and at the same time feeling ultimate happiness in my being, by simply looking into her eyes during love making and feel complete from it.

In my mind, as a philosopher, to truly find intellectual truth, I had to study many ways of thinking. I had to read all kinds of books. As it relates to religion, I had to study many faiths. I engaged in all this study to seek out the truth for my own mind. My body was no different. Likewise, how can I find true love if sex was only part of it. For me, to find real love meant I had to have sex with different women until that special connection happened. The world sees this as immoral and sick. But it was not. I was determined to find that woman. I had to. I must. My body easily found pleasure, but my heart found nothing. I was on a mission to find the woman to not only pleasure my body, but to secure my heart at the same time. What was it like to experience becoming “one flesh” as the Bible said? How will I know it if that happens? All my life, that one statement in the Bible haunted me. You shall become “one flesh.” I want to become one flesh with a woman, and I knew it was not just physical sex, it was deeper. I could never tell anyone about my efforts. I was married and I loved my wife very much, I was just not “in love” with her. I also had a public life to sustain and children to feed. To make such an effort known would label me as a sex addict, a pervert, or a freak. But I was not addicted to sex; I was addicted to finding a woman who fulfilled the sex act.

So I slept around with different women, seeking my truth. After a short time, however, my interest in a particular woman would pass and we would both move on. No truth yet. No “one flesh.” But then, I met a young woman, Nikki. Nikki became the earthquake in my soul and I had to find a way to control it, but I did not know how. I wanted her to have my baby, literally. In all of my life, this was the first woman, ever, whom I actually wanted to create life with. I didn’t trust these emotions yet, however, because I had never experienced them. I never made this known to Nikki because I needed to know for sure if what I felt was real. Plus my marriage was in its 15th year. I was a public figure and the surface life dominated my intention and work ethic. I also needed proof that what I felt was genuine, real, forever. Maybe I was feeling something wrong or it was just temporary. So I simply pretended otherwise. I went though the motions again, as with the previous women, hoping for a revelation.

How would I know if this woman was the one? So, like before, we began a romantic relationship. Nikki was almost half my age, so the relationship attached some natural fears. These fears I made known through humor. What if I leave everything behind and Nikki falls in love with a young, handsome man? Is her interest in me for the sake of emotional security? Am I a rebound from her being hurt previously? How would I ever know if her love was real? Her words were not good enough. There had to be proof, a proof that was undeniable.

Our relationship prospered. I began feeling things I’d never felt before. I would always keep these feelings to myself because I feared that they might scare her away. We had wonderful times, going out, traveling, talking, etc. Even though we hid our romance, it felt so right. I loved holding and kissing her. It just felt right, comfortable. Nikki always wanted to be open about us, but my public life would condemn it. This was a huge struggle for us. But I still was insecure. I didn’t think the relationship was as good as I thought it was. I mean I was mentally prepared for it to end at any time, like the others. But it kept going.

Then it began going south. This was because I could not yet let go of my surface life. Yes I was in love with Nikki, and she was in love with me, but I would always play ignorant about our future because I feared the loss of all that I had achieved in my life. I needed much more. This being because I had finally found the woman I truly connected too while making love. I cannot erase this from my mind, ever. But the other fears created for me were anchors. The other fear was, is she connected also? Or is her love verbal? Yeah she said she was, that she loved me more than any thing. But as a philosopher, to me, they were words. I’ve always understood love to be like a fire. It purifies and burns at the same time. If Nikki truly loved me, as she said, would her love endure every obstacle? The term “better or for worse” comes to mind. Would her love overcome the worst? I had to know. Yes my emotions and love for her was very real, but at the same time I knew something was missing. I could feel it, deep in my heart. There needed to be great trauma or something that would put Nikki’s love to the test. I didn’t know what it was; I just needed to know before I gave up everything.

Now I had left my home once before, just to feel it out a bit. But there was something that kept holding me back from being with Nikki completely, what was it? Everything about her was perfect. Nikki had amazing eyes. She had an absolutely sexy body. She was intelligent, educated and compassionate. When I would put my mouth on her, time stopped. There was no greater pleasure. I loved to lay between her thighs and as I came inside of her, I’d look into her eyes and I was complete. Nothing was more amazing to me. I had found a sexual partner whom I truly loved. How did I know? Because I could look her into her eyes while making love and feel whole, safe and honest. She was the first, ever. I was dumbfounded. But I still had no conviction if her love for me was the same. And this haunted me, it scared me. How could I know for sure? Faith was not an option for me. I began trying to break away from her. Mostly because of the insecurities I had. I was not good enough for her. She would eventually leave me. I was of another generation and this may come to light for her at any time, motivating her to move on. She was half my age.

During our relationship I had lied to her about some things. I had told her that I was not having sex with my wife. And, I wasn’t regularly. My wife and I were like roommates, and it was actually a rare occasion. And when it happened, it was, again, just pleasure. Plus I used sex with my wife to affirm my love for Nikki. Sounds twisted? I know, but for me, I needed to know. In addition, I would also seek a connection like I did with Nikki, but to no avail. Also, I told Nikki I stayed upstairs in the spare room. And I did quite often, just not always. These were the two primary aspects of my surface life that I kept from her. And truth be told, I told many more lies to my wife and friends than I did to Nikki. With Nikki, it was primarily two simple lies. I did this to keep her in my life. Making love to her was so amazing, I needed to know deeper, that if she really loved me. So during this latter part of our romance, I spent most of my thinking trying to figure out what to do with my life. Should I be open with her to see if she loved me enough to forgive me? If she didn’t, then I would move on. Should I keep being selfish and keep lying until she finally had enough of the hiding? I didn’t know, I was trapped and it weighed heavy on my heart. I had let it get too complicated.

I knew that I loved Nikki, more than any other adult, and I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. And I knew that I desired to create life with her, but I would never dare say so. I always spoke the opposite, to keep her off that trail, so to speak. But I also knew she said she loved me because of what she believed about me, which was that I did not sleep with my wife, nor did I have sex with my wife. This was my ultimate fear, that she would learn the truth and leave me. Could her love be strong enough to look past the deception? Could her love for me be strong enough to forgive me? I needed to know. If she understood that I lied to her to keep her in my life so that I could truly know if she loved me or not, would she accept that and hold me? Odds are probably not. So I held on as long as I could, while trying slowly to break away because I knew the blow would be to great for me to lose her.

During the last part of our relationship, Nikki and I had some rough spots. We became like typical human beings who could not handle their own business. We actually got to a point where we took charges out on each other. How did that happen? Is that love?

My wife knew about my interest and relationship with Nikki, just not the details. She had no idea how much I really wanted and loved Nikki. Well, one day my wife called Nikki on the phone. And all the truth came out to both women. Each explained everything to the other. Tragic to say the least. This was not in my plans and was the furthest thing I wanted to happen. But the ultimate truth was out. What should I do? Well, my deepest fears were correct. Nikki left me. She even said she didn’t love me anymore and that she actually hated me. My heart was crushed. I couldn’t blame her. It would do no good to try to explain to her what my whole ambition was. My mistake along the way was continuing the lie. Now I will always wonder if she would have stayed if I revealed to her the truth early on. I will never know.

This whole ordeal has torn my heart out. I truly thought I found my soul mate. I truly thought I had found the woman who would love me past my mistakes, past my circumstances, and she did for a long while, which I am grateful for. I should have been more honest up front. I should have tried harder at everything, but I kept my love for Nikki inside. I went about it all the wrong way. From this journey, I lost everything. I mean everything. How will I ever recover when I lost what I was looking for all my life? I don’t think I can start over anymore truthfully. I must accept my fate as who I am and continue to go through the motions as I have for so many years.

In the end, I lost my job, I lost some friends, I suffered embarrassment, we both got arrested, I attended several months of counseling, and we were both emotionally stressed. But it got to be too much when I ended up homeless, living on the floor of my office and eating out of cans. My income was limited because I had to keep paying my house bills, even though I was not living there. I had moved out months before to try and make it work with Nikki. But being without secure income from my primary job, I just could not make it work. I ended up homeless for almost three months, all because I could not bare to lose Nikki. But it all got the best of me in the end. I could no longer handle the emotional stress. I could not afford to move forward. So I moved back into my house and Nikki no longer communicates with me. Now, it’s only a matter of time, if not already, her heart will belong to another. I must now learn to settle with my lot.

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As for Nikki, I love her dearly, I always will, till I’m gone. I miss her terribly. I think of her every day and I still dream about her. I wonder what she is doing, who she is with, does she think of me, does she miss me, does she regret me? I even see her face in others. Making love to her and looking into her eyes haunts me. Even now, after Nikki and I have been through soo much, I would still run into her arms and surrender this day. I don’t think I will ever meet another woman where I would actually want to create life with her, ever. In fact, I know I wont. I truly believe that Nikki was the only one. I actually thought about getting her pregnant so often. I would never speak of this to her, but if I could, I would actually marry her by choice and freewill, not because I thought it was the right thing to do, but because I had become “one flesh” with her.

The pain in his eyes as he gazed into mine made my heart throb so painfully in my chest, I couldn’t breathe. We were floating in a never ending abyss of colors and mist, a world where we could be together if only for a few moments. My arms were wrapped around his neck, his skin flushed and warm. His whole body was pressed into mine and I could feel the warmth of his body melting into mine. His arms were possessively and protectively encasing me to him and I had never felt so safe in my life. We gazed into each other’s eyes, his with pain and mine with regret.
His heart was throbbing in his chest; the vibrations went straight from his bare chest through to my own, where my heart throbbed back an equally painful tune. He knew I was going to be the one to break this moment, and both of us knew I never wanted to do it. But if neither of us did it, we would never separate, and sometimes, I thought that was the best thing in the world. I wondered what it would be like if we stayed in each other’s arms, where we belonged…..But we couldn’t do that. I couldn’t let him do that.
So I spoke. “I need to go. I –”
His arms tightened around me and he brought his head to the crook of my neck, his warm breath washing over my neck. Everything about this man was warm and hot, like a blazing fire only I was allowed to touch. His sweat soaked, black hair fell lightly into his face and gently framed his cheeks. I couldn’t see his eyes, but I knew exactly what color they would be, forever imprinted in my mind’s eye: an oceanic blue so deep and clear, bright yet dark, a woman could lose her soul in them. His skin was still slightly flushed, but he was naturally a little pale with a small tan coating his perfect body. He was taller then me, about four inches, eight at the most. He never failed to joke about the height, about how I fit him so perfect because I was so short compared to him.
I didn’t care how short I was, as long as his arms stayed wrapped around me and I never left his embrace. However, I needed to, and the big oaf was being rebellious. He was like that. Sometimes, playful yet loving when it was time to go. Like now, where I could feel a small smile tugging at his lips. Ah, those lips. They could do dangerous things to me. When he kissed me, it was like a fire had seared my lips and branded my heart. My blood felt like liquid fire, rushing and shifting beneath my skin until I couldn’t take it anymore.
It was then he would –Bad thoughts! Shouldn’t go there. I sighed then, remembering why I spoke in the first place. “I can’t leave if you don’t let me.”
Then I heard it, and my knees became wobbly, and ever so slightly, his arms tightened as if he knew the effect his voice would cause on me. “That is the point.”
I laid my head on his bare shoulder and closed my eyes. “Point or not, whether I want to leave or not, you know we have to….”
My voice caught, and as it did, his hands on my back moved in slow circles. His hands, oh so much larger then my own, caressed me gently and lovingly. Hands that could hurt or kill me were so soft and gentle, I thought he was rubbing my back with a feather. Then, he could be like this. Sweet and gentle, like I was made of glass. And sometimes, it was scary how inside my head he could get. He knew when I got wobbly kneed because of his voice, and there would a appear a boyishly wolf-like grin.
He knew when I was about to cry, when my heart felt battered and bruised, and he would wrap me in those strong arms and comfort me in a way no one else had the power to. When I was angry, a raging woman of fire, he would shelter me and his eyes would light up with a fire to equal mine and he would calm my rage until I was but a sputtering flame. When I was in deep pain, his heart would be in his eyes and he would whisper to me over and over he would protect me.
And when we were loving, joined together, as we were moments before, when things would crash into the sky, he would steadily look in my eyes and tell me he loved me. When I was happy or elated, his eyes would shine with happiness for me and he would get a grin that could melt even the coldest of hearts. Many poems could be written about this man, but nothing, no words, would ever do him justice. He’s much to perfect for that.
But perfection is not perfect without flaws. He’s a sweet talker, and can talk his way out of many things, even arguments. Sometimes, I think he could be a con artist. He does have a temper, and so do I. We butt heads, nostrils flaring and hearts protesting, but later, when everything is calm, there are no apologies. There is just me and him, our hearts, our souls, and that is enough. This man also has family issues. He’s scared of starting a family, of becoming a part of something, because his family meant pain and suffering. He knows nothing else.
We fight and sometimes, words are thrown and said that shouldn’t have been, but always, we return. Our souls cannot separate, and nor would we want to. There are troubles, but I love this man with everything I have. I only wish I could remember.
Remember. The thought of it wakes me from my thoughts and his deep blue eyes are staring into mine, his gaze knowing and understanding. His lithe fingers take a strand of my matted black hair and he brings it to his lips. Once my hair has received proper attention, he moves to kiss my beating heart, causing shivers and my heart to thump so harshly in my ribcage, it was almost painful. I feel his smile, and I know he felt it. My face flushes.
Even after so many of our meetings, of time spent, he still makes me blush heartily and over the small things. His lips ghost over my own, pulling me back once again. Then, there are those eyes again. We stare, enraptured.
“Don’t think, love. Let it be.” His eyes are pained again, and I hate myself for making that look appear. “We’ll find each other again.” His hand smooths over my hair to caress my cheek and jaw. “We always do.”
These are the words he speaks every time, and every time, tears pool in the corners of my eyes. I remember to miss him, I remember to love him, but I don’t remember him. It’s always like that. “But I’m so lonely. I want you to be there, to hold me, I –”
His lips soothingly connect with my own, and I feel my near hysteria calming instantly. My heart speeds up slightly, before his lips part from mine and our breaths mingle. “You think I’m not? I miss you every damn day, and it hurts, __________. So much, love. I don’t remember, but I want to, I need to. I will, and when I find you, I won’t ever let you go.”
His eyes are strong and burning as they gaze into my own set of hazel, and I blink back tears. His hands reach to cup my cheeks, ready to catch my tears. “……Will you catch me if I fall?”
An ongoing saying. I always ask him, and he always replies: “I would never let you fall in the first place.”
His mouth is in a thin line, and the mist starts to haze over us. There isn’t much time left. I never once look away from the eyes staring into my soul. “I love you, _______. I love you.”
I don’t need to hear him say it; his eyes are staring so intensely into my soul, I can’t move. There is only him, and as the haze completely engulfs us, I hear his last words: “I love you too, darling.”

And when I wake up in the morning, from a dream I can’t remember, I wonder why my heart is hurting and why there are tears running down my face. Instantly, the image of a face I’ve never seen filters through my mind before once again, everything is forgotten. I don’t know who this man is, and only recently have I remembered this one simple dream that haunts me. Our names aren’t said, as if canceled out, but my heart hears his perfectly as they whisper back and forth. And somewhere, out in this world, is a man who misses me when he wakes up in the morning, never knowing my face.
It is in these moments, when I KNOW, that the pain becomes the most unbearable. But it is also when his words whisper through my heart (“We’ll find each other again.”) and I love him all over again. Sometimes, I’m riddled with whether he exists or not, but my heart throbs and tears come to my eyes whenever I think like that. Whether he exists or he is a figment of my mind’s dreams, he has captured my heart, my soul. I wait for the day I won’t wake up alone, but will wake up to bright blue eyes and the man I forget to remember.

~This is copyrighted, because it is a dream I have had over and over and only recently remembered. I’m not sure how many people in soulmates, but this dream keeps me believing. So please, don’t take this and use it as your own. Something this important and precious belongs to me, and everything above is based on true events.~

(Screen) Name: Lost Soulmate

Reading the love stories from a younger generation,
I had to post this advise. Girls give the staight laced NERD a chance. You know the one guy who has a crush on you that you would “never” hangout with.
The one who ask you to homecoming every year.
He will be The one in 30 years you realize you should have married. It will be too late, and your life would have been a fairy tale had you not been so shallow. I am speaking from experience. I am friends w/ my nerd now and would marry him in a heartbeat.

(Screen) Name: shallowL

I, Brandon Hunter, take you Katherine Taylor, to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

A beautiful promise I gave to my wife and to God, but loving Katherine wasn’t my real intention.

The real reason why I married Katherine was all about business. When I learned that she is the only daughter of a family who owns a huge branch of auto shops, I know that I have to marry her to inherit that business. My life with Katherine was perfect, she’s crazy about me and I got the things I wanted. I am in love with my wife but my love for her was not enough to win against my selfish ambitions.

A year after, my wife gave birth to a baby girl; my father-in-law retired and handed the family business to me. Everything went according to plan. I was very proud of my self. The time when I finally got settled in my new position, I’ve become a very busy man. When I’m in work, I totally forget about my wife and daughter. I rarely have time for family, I didn’t even notice that my daughter was already walking and never noticed how tired my wife is in trying to hang on to me.

Our weak marriage was put to the test when Mia Richards came to my life; I met her during a convention in Vegas, she’s strikingly beautiful and we share the same interests.
Mia made me forget about Katherine’s existence, sometimes I would take a day off just to spend the whole day with her. Our love affair wasn’t hidden for too long, the people at the office started to talk until it finally reached to Katherine.

When she learned about it she was in rage. I’ve never seen Katherine so mad before, she slapped me so hard , took my car keys and scratched ugly lines allover my car but I did not dare stop her because I know that it was all my fault. She filed for divorce and we made an agreement that I could see our daughter on weekends.

The 5 years of marriage meant nothing to me, it was only a stepping stone but to Katherine it was a waste of everything.

My relationship with Mia was made public and most of the people, almost everyone hated me. Katherine was a good wife and she never forced me to do something, she doesn’t even demand anything from me but I cheated on her that was a great mistake. Her father was angry at me but we maintained our work relationship.
I didn’t contact Katherine after the divorce and I didn’t even bother seeing my daughter, I don’t want to cause anymore trouble and I’m not even emotionally attached to my daughter.

My parents would call telling me what a terrible father I am and suggested that I should be fair to Katherine in doing my part as a parent – I gave in and did what they told me to do, I thought that maybe parenting would change something or maybe nothing at all.

I talked to Katherine about it, she hesitated at first but I convinced her to give me a chance, I know she doesn’t trust me but Lauren is my daughter too. She gave me 3 days to spend time with our daughter. I thought that my daughter hated me but her approach was far different from what I had expected, she was very happy to see me and at that moment I was moved. “In case you didn’t know, you’re daughter is already four years old” Katherine gave me Lauren’s bag and a long “to do” list. She was right, I didn’t know anything about my daughter the only thing I know is her name. I realized how much I’ve missed in life, I really am a terrible father and I should try hard to make it up to Lauren.

Lauren has the face of an angel, she’s smart, polite and very well behaved compared to the other kids – I am very proud of her and thankful that she’s nothing like me. We bought new toys and lots of candies; I really made sure that she’s having fun. Lauren taught me how to pray and told me how important it is, I was very amazed how easy she can find happiness in little things. After praying, I read to her the story books we just bought until she fell asleep. Tears fell down my cheeks as I was watching her, “I’m very sorry” I said it silently. I blamed myself for ruining her chance of growing up in a complete family. My daughter taught me a lot of things that changed my life and brought me an indescribable joy that I believe, only a father can feel.

I would call everyday to check up on Lauren and we would share stories about how our day went – I’ve become pretty attached to my daughter. Mia and I quarreled about Lauren, it was very clear that she was jealous of my daughter – it was insane. We settled our first fight about it but the second fight was the last draw. She made me choose between me and my daughter, it didn’t take me more than 10 seconds to answer – I chose my daughter. No man in his right mind would give his daughter up for a lover. I didn’t feel hurt when Mia left, actually I felt free. I realized that love never existed between us – it was only infatuation.

I told Katherine about the break up and she laughed at me because I made it sound like a successful plan. Katherine finally warmed up to me and accepted my apology. She noticed how much I changed and my efforts in trying to make it up to them. I admit that I have cheated on her but she’s the only woman that I have ever loved. I took Katherine and Lauren to a vacation and we bonded like a complete and loving family. Lauren was very happy because she felt complete, it touched my heart and I realized that everything’s never too late; Katherine and I have divorced but that’s only in the papers. We made a vow of togetherness for the rest of our lives and as long as we are both alive, there’s no such thing as a divorce. I had a heart to heart talk with Katherine and I told her about the plans I have for us if she’ll give me another chance — and she did.

I married Katherine again and I said the wedding vows sincerely.

“Katherine, I thank you and especially God for giving me a second chance at happiness and for believing in me. I come today to give you my love, to give you my heart and my hope for our future together. I promise to bring you joy, to be at home with your spirit and to learn to love you more each day, through all the days of our lives.”

Even though I did a lot of things that complicated my life, I didn’t regret doing them because it changed me into a better person.

I can say that it was a lesson well learned.

(Screen) Name: Story teller 777

I dated this boy for about a year, and i was all into the partying and drinking faze. and i ended up meeting this guy at my friends bdy party. i never tho anything of it cuz my bestfriend will kinda liked him and he liked her for awhile, but we started to hangout and i started to like him but i still had a bf. and then my bestfriend kinda, she got mad and said she liked him and loved him for like a year. which wasnt true. Then i kissed me while me and my bf were on a break. and i told my bestfriend. and then me and my bf got back together and i ended up talking to this guy a few months later. and my bf started to hate me for talking to him so he cut me out of his life but never broke up with me. so i hung out with this guy one day in the summer. and we kissed and stuff. and the next day i broke up with my bf. we didnt talk forever and i cried my heart out cuz i did that. yea i liked the guy but i had a bf and i loved him just was confused. and then the guy said he loved me and i believed him since he tried for half a year, and so i started to date him, after 2 weeks he broke up with me cuz he wasnt ready. and then i was hurt for a month and was in the hospital and shit, then me and my bf got back togetehr cuz he forgave me, and i realized i did love him just i was young and lost. i wasnt ready to grow up so fast like he wanted to. i never partied and never was experienced. but i cant talk to that guy anymore. he tries to talk to me but i cant. and he wants to be friends but i wont. i jsut hope everything in the future works out. im done hurting and getin hurt by people. i never knew 16 was so hard.

(Screen) Name: star-xo