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I got a new job, after a day or two i noticed this girl out of the corner of my eye. I didn’t look, i could tell just from my peripheral vision that she was cute- i like to think of myself as a professional despite my age so i didn’t particularly want to meet anyone at work. It was few days after i started i guess when she talked to me during lunch, she asked if i went to iowa middle school- i said yes. I think that was the first time i really got to examine her. We were about 12-15 ft from each other when she asked me that, if i remember correctly she even remembered my name. I couldn’t remember her at all, i asked her name and she said laken- a name i had never even heard before. I asked her if she went there as well and she said yes, that we were in a few grades together. After that, there were a few occasions were she would visit my work area to give me something or just to talk about something random for a moment- it was around this time i realized that she might like me. Let me explain a few things to readers, i am 21 and a virgin. I was expelled in the 8th grade for willful disobedience and spent a year in isolation on the internet at home, and i was sent to Texas in the middle of nowhere for 2 years and a few months. I never got a chance to have a real girlfriend, or develop any relationship or emotional bonds with anyone outside my family. As such, i am extremely dense when it comes to women- and i hardly realize it when they make advances on me. Back to my story, i sat with her at lunch a few times after a week or so. We talked a lot, she told me things in the middle of the lunchroom with people at tables nearby that i would only tell my closest friends. She told me how her dad died when she was 14, how she sung to him during his last few days. How her mother was a whore (not literally) and how she stole 5 grand from her right before she tried to buy her first car. How she did crystal meth and took a handful of (i dont remember) pills while drinking and overdosed. How she had pretty much been on her own since her dad died, all of this she told me during our second or third actual conversation during lunch. At some point, i started spending more time outside in the lawn/garden center during breaks and lunch. I would sit on the patio furniture and read or just think. I remember her asking me where i was going, and i told her- so she came out there with me for about two weeks. Every break, and during lunch. We talked about a lot, how one of her step-dads had called her fat and would punch her in the stomach after she ate to make her puke, and that she developed a condition that made her do that for months and years afterwards. I cant think of anything else at the moment, a lot of random things- good and bad. I eventually let her know i was a virgin. She had been talking about her first relationship, and we ended up talking about sex or something related- and i said “i wouldn’t know” and she asked me if i was a virgin and i said yep. I cant remember her reaction exactly, but it wasnt too bad. She told me she had only had sex once, to be honest i didn’t believe her, if you saw her you would know why- i know i shouldn’t judge based on looks or body but i thought she must be a saint of she only had sex once and was as attractive as she was. At the end of the first week i got her number, i had my phone turned off before that and had basically gotten it back just to get her number. I texted her the next night right before work, she responded immediately and seemed pretty enthusiastic. The texting and everything went well for about a week, and we hung out outside as well. I realized recently that i may have spotted my mistake. I remember texting her “sweet dreams” one night at midnight while i was at work and she was off. We had been talking during my first break and before work as well. After that, things got noticebly sluggish compared to before. She didn’t text back the way she did before. When i came back from my off days she didn’t meet me outside, and avoided me altogether. I let it slide and didn’t say anything. Next day, i asked what was wrong. She claimed nothing, said she had alot going on at home. I asked her to meet me outside, that i wanted to talk- she agreed. She didnt come. I went to her area after lunch, and asked her out. ” lets make a date” were my exact idiotic words. Her response was ” i would, but my health isnt great right now” . She had told me alot about her cists and how she had some form of bronchitis before. She said she had a panic attack and her lungs collapsed the other night, the night i texted her “sweet dreams”. Anyway, i told her i liked her. She asked what i meant and i said ” do i really have to spell it out?” And she said no. Im an idiot, i know. Well things continued to go downhill, or go back to normal i should say. She treated me like any other co-worker. It was so painful words cant describe it. I started hanging out with an older guy at work, about 30. He was smart, cool, and we had alot of similar interests such as metal music and anime. He was the one who pointed out to me that i loved her after i told him how i felt and thought about her. She sat with us every day after i started hanging out with him, guess she just didnt want to sit with me alone. Meh. Anyway i started joining him at the gym to get away from her since she liked sitting with us at lunch. She quit a few weeks after that, works as a waitress at a casino. She visits us still, coming up there at night after she gets off work in her skimpy outfit. She liked some stuff on my facebook one day after i hadnt been on it in like two weeks so i decided to return the favor and like some of her stuff. I noticed at the bottom it said “in a relationship since (two weeks before i started my job and met her)” and i cant help but feel played with. Well, thanks fo reading- i know my grammer is atrocious but thats what happens when you’ve been expelled for six years. Any input on what i should do now would be greatly appreciated. Do i confess the next time she visits my work? Avoid her entirely? Or what?