I’m fourteen years old and I fell in love with my classmate for the first time… I don’t know why but I did… My friends told me that he wasn’t that good. I know. They said he wasn’t nice but I said they were wrong… I saw everything in reverse, and told him I like him. I knew inside that he never reciprocated my love but I kept on insisting that there maybe a chance… In the end I broke my own heart. My friends told me to stop loving him and I always tell them “yeah I already forgot him… I already moved on…” it was painful because I can’t even tell how I felt… Time passed the feelings subsided… and my first love ended badly…
I was ready to love once again and I am already fifteen… but I can’t because I made a promise to myself I won’t love again until that person love me back and if someone fell for me and if he was my past I won’t go for it.. I was scared to fall again… I thought maybe if I keep everything to myself things will come my way…
I wasn’t your typical beautiful girl… I’m chubby but people keep on telling me “hey, why don’t you try reducing… we think you’re cute that way…” I want to try hard but I can’t even go on a diet… even so I was still happy with my life… I enjoy being with my friends and hanging out with them… I was happy to stay just the way I am… I love to give advice to my friends for their success in their relationships… I was considered a match maker… i know who will end up with who and i know what a guy likes and what a girl wants…
One day in December while we were eating at a fast food chain my friends asked me “Don’t you have someone you like? You can match us yet you can’t find someone good for you… we can help…”, “No Thanks. I’m fine this way…” we were interrupted when one of my friends, Jeremy said he was waiting for someone… his volleyball buddy… Mark… I know him I played with him once when I was in 6th grade… but I can’t remember much… except that I liked him before…
“Hey, Jeremy…” my thoughts were lost when he finally came in… He didn’t change… I asked myself “Can he still remember me?” I hoped not because that memory of him from my past was bad… I always bad-mouthed him saying his arrogant and full of himself… He looked at me and smiled “Hi, ******.” (It’s embarrassing to reveal myself…)I looked at him and smiled back… I looked away and started talking with my friends… He was leaving for practice and said would follow us later on…
We played in the arcade from noon till dawn… One by one each of our friends were leaving when he came it was only five of us left… Jeremy, her girlfriend Aiya, Aimee, Mark and me… It was still fun I got to know Mark more… We were going home and Mark told me he knew me… He has a brother which was my classmate… I went to their house sevral times since it was near our home…
He was older than me by two years but I didn’t care I was falling for him once again… I broke my promise to myself to be with him…yet I was scared to tell him how feel… I don’t want to break my new found friendship and I don’t want to repeat what happened in the past… I was scared once again…
I always hang out with my friends together with Mark… they always tease us for being like a couple… I felt happy inside yet I wasn’t able to tell him how I felt… I just realized I no longer have a place in his heart… I was losing him… He was growing distant…
One day, we went home early we were riding the train together he asked me… “What do you think about kate?” I just smiled and told him what I think Kate is mean and a boy machine… he just smiled at me and said goodbye… I didn’t know why he asked that but he told me before that his bestfriend Bryan was Kate’s ex… they were perfect together a playboy and a boy machine just pure luck!
The next day I realized he wasn’t looking nor talking to me anymore… He was ignoring me! It hurts to see the person you like ignoring you… weeks passed he also stopped going with us… I was feeling bad about myself… I asked myself “What did I do to recieve this?”… days went by he talks to my friends yet not to me… I was walking pass our class room when I saw him looking… I met his eyes and turned away… Rumours were spreading fast in our school… about break ups, crushes and the culutural festival… We were planning ahead… the campus was full of buzz…
At the cultural festival we planned a movie booth and I was one of the people selling tickets… I decided to try it as a way of talking, I approached him and said “Hey, care to buy one for our booth… please?” he looked at me and apologized “Sorry I have a match today maybe tommorow…” O was starting to walk away when I heard one of my friends voice “Mark! buy a ticket!come one…” I looked at his reaction and said “Yeah, sure…” I didn’t pay attention to it…
After the festival another rumour spread… “Kate used Mark to make Bryan jealous!” I was shocked and I didn’t know if it was true or not… My friend Aimee asked him “Is it true?” he avoided the question which means yes… I was at the back looking at him thinking “Do you love her that much?”…
One of my friend invited us to a networking company he wanted us to join… he was there, he was a member of the company… since there was no age limit… I thought maybe I should join since he was graduating and mayabe I can spend summer with him… I snuck out of the room wanting fresh air since I wasn’t interested at the topic of the speaker… I was about to leave the building for awhile when he walked by my side… I didn’t care… it was awkwardly silent…
minutes flew and nothing change it was getting awkward so I started a conversation… “Girl problems?” I said while taking a candy from my pocket… I passed him one and he replied while popping the candy in his mouth… “not really… I didn’t knew will go with James’s plan of the so called kiddnapping to go to a meeting…” I laughed and said “yeah I went with the plan…” he gazed at the night sky… “You like Kate do you?” he looked at me ad said once again “not really” I laughed “then you’re desperate?” I joked… “yeah since I don’t really like anyone that much…” I looked at the city light and sighed “are you cold?” I smiled and stated “nah, just thinking…” it was the truth… I was thinking yeah I shouldn’t get my hopes up… He doesn’t like me that way… I was interuppted by his question “Hey what do you think of me?” I hesitated a bit my heart was thumping madly I can’t tell him I like him I was scared… “You’re like a brother to me… but an immature and proud one…” I tried to cover up… “an immature and proud brother huh?” I stammered “o-of course! you’re older than me remember? hahaha!” another cover up… he fell silent and stared outside… “yeah, that’s it…” I was breaking I can’t keep up anymore so I lied “I’m feeling cold now so I think I should go inside first…” he nodded and continued to stare outside “If you’re having girl problems consult your little sister ‘kay?” I smiled an walked away… tears started to fall I wanted to tell him yet I chickened out once again…
A brother… who the hell am I kidding? I know it was more than that! I want to be the person who will stand by him… the normal happenings continued… he never talked to me at school and I was back to normal hanging out and became the match maker once again… It was the usual… as if that conversation never happened… I realized it was already time for graduation… he was leaving the volleyball team, the school and my life for good…
I missed my chance he graduated without even saying goodbye… he won’t reply to my text anymore I felt the distance of our friendship… my love was unrequited or should I say one sided… even though he changed school I didn’t forget about him I still love him… his brother told us Mark will visit us the next day… I was happy I was going to see him again…
The day came and he was there as promised he was with a girl… he called us one by one and stated that she was his girlfriend… It crushed me… i just smiled when he calld me and said “hey ****** this is Yui my girlfriend… Yui my so called little sister of the team ******…” I said hello and shook her hand… I lost for the second time… She was beautiful and mature… I lost bigtime… after that meeting he never came back to our school even for a single visit…
A year passed I was trying to forget about him… even though I can’t… I was recovering from the blow when I found out that it wasn’t the final blow… I was conetented to see him even once a year… but it was also taken from me… my parents finally decided to flew to spain (by the way I’m from the philippines…) after my graduation… I was never going to see him again… I was already left without chances… I was desperate to see him… his brther told me he was going to the graduation… I know that I don’t have anything to lose now… I was leaving being rejected is nothing to the pain of leaving him…
Graduation came fast… I accepted my diploma and was ready for drama when my friends came and hugged me… I was crying hard because I didn’t want leave them and also Mark… he approached me and smiled “I heard you’re leaving…” I nodded the smiled “don’t get sad when I’m not here anymore brother!” I wanted to talk to him in private and I decided to tell him… “let’s walk I want to tell you something before I leave…”
We walked together like before “you changed alot… you cut you’re hair short, you lost your old weight an you grew taller…” he said I just kept quiet… I kept on walking when he stopped… I was gathering my courage… “what’s the matter?” I faked a smile and said “nothing, let’s keep on walking!” I turned around and started to walk again he held my hand to stop me “I know you! you’re loud and you become quiet when there’s something up…” I tried to smile once again it was a success yet my tears won’t stop falling… “I-I…” he looked at me seriously and said “why? what happened?” I was lost I didn’t want to leave… I hugged him and said “I don’t want to leave! I can’t! I love you!” he just kept quiet and pat my head and said “I’m sorry…” I can’t blame him… I was too scared… I hugged him tight and said “Don’t say sorry… I knew this will happen I should have told you long ago… I was scared to lose you… I’m so sorry… I never looked at you a my brother! I’m so sorry for lying… I know that you only see e as your sister that’s why I don’t want to tell you!” everything was overflowing… the feeling that were left untouched for 3 years rose again… he just listened to me and finally “you’re wrong…” he said… “I didn’t saw you as a sister before it was you who told me to give up on you…” my eyes widened I asked myself “Does he mean he loved me before? Was I the only one who made thing worse?” He laughed and said “We both didn’t know…” I asked him “You loved me?” and he laughed once again and replied “No… It’s not that I loved you… because until now I love you…” I realized I was scared for nothing my feelings were reciprocated but I chose not to pursue him… I don’t want to hurt his girlfriend…
After knowing how he felt I had enough courage to leave the philippines… I went to spain and study medicine… I became a doctor and I went back to the philippines… I loved him, I love him, I still love him and I will always love him… The feelings that never wavered was always there… It never changed… I grew old only loving him… He married another girl and I married another man… but the feelings were worth keeping… He was my brother and I was his sister… and I love him…
It wasn’t a happy story yet it ended just great for me…
(Screen) Name: waiting girl