Relationship Expert Alina responding to common Questions

Every month, Counselor Alina will give a quick, short answer to common questions asked and submitted to us here at Love-Sessions. Her answers can be read through our E-mail newsletters, or by going to the Alina Answers Page on our website here.

Valentine Special - This Months Two Questions:

Counselor Alina answers 2 Questions this Month:

Question: If you have been seeing someone for a long time and they still are not ready for a full on relationship, is it okay to wait or is it hopeless?

Answer: This is a good question that many people already have the answer to, but insist on making excuses for their partner. The truth is, if your lover really enjoys being with you that much and feels you truly are a catch, then he or she will not want to gamble all that by refusing to enter a full on serious relationship with you. After all, what is he or she waiting for? If he or she wants to be with you, then you will be together and no one will hesitate at the thought of being in a relationship with you- they will not want to risk losing you.
Note: If your lover shows signs of having commitment and intimacy issues that you believe goes deeper, then perhaps he or she should seek help for that, so that he/she can enjoy being in a healthy committed relationship with you. If your partner wants to be with you and make healthy changes, then he/she will do what it takes and will not make excuses.

Previously handled issues by Alina:

Question: Is there such thing as love at first sight?

Answer: When we think of “love at first sight”, we usually imagine seeing someone and instantly falling in love with them, knowing then and there that he or she is someone really special, and perhaps even “the one”. This is a beautiful thought and we all want to believe that love can be this miraculously and easily arranged, but it would be best to come down from your cloud just a tad and see things more realistically.

While there is such thing as feeling very drawn to someone at first sight, it certainly takes more than a glance or look, to fall in love and feel love for someone. Feeling real true love for someone you do not know is very unlikely, as it takes time for that kind of bond to grow.

However, all serious romantic relationships start with a mutual attraction between two people. So these attractions at first sight are important to get the ball rolling, just do not confuse your strong attraction for someone for love. Start with the attraction and take it from there.

Question: When should you break up with someone?

There is no standard answer to this question, because every person’s idea of what good reasons are for a break up differs. You need to ask yourself what your limits are when it comes to disappointments in a relationship. What are you willing to work on and for how long? What things are you not willing to forgive or stick around for?

The best way to determine whether you should break up with your partner or not, is if you no longer feel connected- regardless of the efforts being made or not made (on one or both your parts). If you no longer feel motivated to continue the relationship and work with your lover in taking the next steps, then this relationship is most likely no longer working for you. The sooner you figure this out and honestly communicate with your partner, the better.

Additional Notes: Emotional and physical abuse is something no one should accept in a relationship, and should leave right away and seek professional help, as well as support from friend and loved ones.

Question:

Is there hope for a relationship if one person wants to get married but the other one doesn’t?

Alina’s Answer:

Two people do not have to get married in order to show how much they mean to each other. However, depending on your beliefs and values, marriage can indeed be essential and necessary in expressing true love and commitment. There is hope for a relationship if both people involved love and respect each other enough to find a compromise they both feel good about. If your partner is not completely “against” marriage, then it should not be such a huge problem for him/her to compromise and get married so you can feel more secure in the love relationship between you. If marriage is something you really want, but it is not more important than being with your partner, then perhaps you might want to consider not getting married (it is all about setting priorities). However, if marriage is a “must” for you and is against your moral values not to get married, you will then have to review your relationship and see if it will really work for you in the long run. Again, there is hope if you both can work together, but if you two are on complete opposite sides and cannot compromise, it would be best to make some important decisions now, rather than get very disappointed later.

Previously handled issues by Alina:

Question:

Is it true that once a person cheats, that person is always a cheater and cannot be trusted again?

Alina’s Answer:

The experience of being cheated on is very painful and upsetting. However, if your partner cheats on you, it does not necessarily mean that he or she will always cheat on you from that point on. You should know your partner well enough, so his or her behavior after getting caught cheating will give you strong clues as to whether he/she will most likely cheat again. Pay attention to the effort being made on his or her part to make it up to you. If you still want to be in the relationship after being cheated on, the best thing to do is give yourself time to heal and get over it. You also need to give your partner time to prove to you that he or she can be trusted again, which will take a while since trust takes time to earn and even more time to re-earn. So no, once a cheater does not necessarily mean that a person will always be a cheater. People make mistakes sometimes and regret it and never do it again. Just keep an eye on it and listen to your instincts.

For a Personal and Detailed E-mail Session with Counselor Alina, please sign up here: RelationshipAdvice