This isn’t so much a confession but a way to get something out. My love isn’t a secret but it hurts me and it also really scares me. My whole life I’ve been quick to loving people, but it seems that as soon as they get interested I move on to someone else. I’ve really just been looking for something I can control, something where my thoughts count and my decisions matter. I’m with this girl right now and she means everything to me, but I’m scared. I’ve tried running away from her, tried pushing her away but she just doesn’t give up and it makes me happy because I don’t want her to. That’s the thing with me, I get scared of losing people so I push them away. I haven’t seen a functional relationship in my life, so really.. what are the chances of me having one? Secondly, I’m a girl as well and just until recently I was still in the closet, still hiding from my own truth. In my family, in my community, same sex relationships have always looked down upon. So I always figured there must be something wrong with them. I’ve been in many relationships with guys and most of them were idiots, some were okay and very few were amazing, but none of them even start to compare to the relationship I have now. Not one. I don’t want to lose her, but I have no idea how I can get over my fear of commitment, my fear of loss or just my general fear of people and relationships. If anyone actually reads these things, please don’t judge me, but if you do have any advice whatsoever or maybe even a story of your own that you think would help me, that would be great. I guess that’s it for now though, I’m scared.
(Screen) Name: jgmilu06
