Last year, in April 2017. I meet a guy, at Gym.
At first sight, I feel head over my heals. But I thought it was just a crush, as he was really good looking. 
I was 20 year’s old nd new to the place. He was 28 year’s old, one of the partners of the gym nd my trainer as well. He was kind, traditional, generous, smart, intelligent and had good sense of humour. 
Like other trainer’s, I never once felt uneasy or uncomfortable with him in 10 months.It tooked me 7 months to knew his name. I use to be calm, nd sweet. My every day was fun because of him, he was very motivational. Slowly I started feeling these mutual vibes. 
But I never been in a relationship so I hold on myself back nd just thought he will. Sometimes he even did, but I never got them as a sign, I  use to make fun off him and played hard to get. It tooked me 7 months to knew his name.
Then I was preparing myself to confess him in December, nd Boom I  got an foot injury in gym, nd got to leave. 
He did texted me few times, but I didn’t wanted to confess him, over phone. 
So, I used to turn him down. 
On 5 Jan 2018 when I got back, I heard he was getting married. My heart just was so empty at that particular moment, I just didn’t stop crying for days. That day I realised he meant more than just a crush, I was in love.

I told myself maybe he was never their in this. 
But after 2 days, we both were alone in the gym.  he asked me, have you ever been in a relationship. I got shocked…. Why is he asking now!!? . 
I rudly said, it’s none of ur business now. He was intimidated by my statement so he told me about his upcoming marriage. 
I congratulate him. but his face, was really upset. He said it’s not a big deal, sometimes we need to do it for family. Still I had no guts to say it. But I realised he’s not happy with this marriage. 
I got his invitation, days nd nights were hopeless by crying. I was broken into pieces. So after getting some energy, nd guts.  
4 day’s before his marriage, I wrote him a confession letter about my love, with his weeding gift. 
It was just a confession, I never hoped for an answer. I was leaving the gym after that, never wanted to see him. 
As I got a text from him, the same day in afternoon, as he was shocked about the whole thing. 
I didn’t replied, I thought it’s gone, nothing can happen now, maybe I’ll will forget him slowly. 
But I was disturbed, hooping and praying his call will come, nd he will break his marriage. 

But nothing happened. After 2 day’s of his marriage, he texted me, nd said I want to meet you dear, can we please talk. 

I didn’t wanted to first, nd then one of my best friend who was aware of my situation, told me just go nd talk to him once. You will feel better, u need to talk. 

I said okay, I was hoping him to tell me that now I’m sorry nd nothing can happen. 

But as I knew our feelings were mutual, he Confessed about his love for me,  nd I just melted after, listening to those words. 

He told me how, this marriage is just for sake of his family, nd he couldn’t turnaround because he already did few times before. He always  wanted to tell me but, he is really bad at expression, so he couldn’t. 
it was his work place, nd didn’t want me to feel uncomfortable with him. 
He said, he is not happy with the marriage at all, so I thought maybe he will try to come out of this. 

Now as, I was hoping for him to comeback, so we started texting everyday. We started meeting each other. 
The love was even getting more nd more, but he never tried to took any advantage, never talked vulgar. 
I never felt with him, that he is using me. 
I still never do. But den my friends said, ur being a slut what r u doing!!?? 
He is married. He’s playing…!! 

In anger I told him to tell his wife everything…. Then he said, I can but trust me, nothing will happen. My parents will never accept you, neither they will get me a divorce (nd by the way he really love his family a lot). 
They will make me understand, to cope, or just tell me stop meeting u in every single manner. 

I asked him, what about us. I love you, nd I need to be with you. He tells me he also do.

But he can’t do anything, because he can’t damage his family respect. 

But he will be, with me. Until I got settled or married. 

I was completely heart broken, I made him understand not to lie to his wife, and family.

He tells me, he do love’s to spend at least sometime with me. 

For me on other hand it’s unacceptable to share him with anyone else.
I want my future with this guy, whom I love with every single ounce of my being.  I told him what we are doing  is wrong. 

he said I will never force you do anything wrong, further it’s ur wish. 

My friends tell me he’s using me. And he doesn’t have any guts to face the situation.

But whenever I look at his face…… Their is nothing more than love. 
When I’m with him, it feels everything is right, but when I’m not everything’s wrong. 

He told me he is not happy in this marriage, and can spend some time with me. 
He told me he doesn’t care, weather his, wife knows or not. 

I on other hand, can’t live without seeing him. I do love, but I can’t compromise. 

I’m getting hopeless and helpless now. 
I’m tried to make him understand every way, but I’ve loosed my hope with him. 
He has accepted his marriage. 

Nd now I’ve stopped talking, to him. And I’m not meeting him, cause this is not going anywhere. 
But I miss him so so so much. 

When I told him, I can’t do this, he said okay. He never texted me back. I knew he never will. 

After some days, I texted him in anger. You say, you love but you will never fight for me, therefore you were always a player and you were using me. 

But he again corrected and said…. He does, and he will always love me. 

My life have never been this miserable ever. 
Sometimes I do want to go back to him without any expections like he wants. 

But I know it will never satisfy me….!!? 

What’s right and what’s worng…!?? 

Please tell me, if you think he must be trying to bait(or use) me….!??