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Why Many Marriages Don’t Work
The wedding day was like a dream come true. You and your new spouse officially started your life together and were very excited. The honeymoon was fun, sexy and filled with hope and promise for a bright, successful and romantic filled future. As time passed however, you find yourselves sitting on the couch hardly speaking, when you used to be able to talk for days. The sex exists, but is not as often or as hot. You argue over things that are both little and big and find yourselves feeling bothered, annoyed and jealous over things you never felt upset about before. Sound familiar? It should, because this is a pattern that is seen over and over again in marriages. With marriage having a reputation of being so wonderful and fulfilling, why is it that so many marriages fail to work?
By definition, marriage is the uniting between two people in a consensual relationship that is recognized by the law- and for many, by God as well. So the definition of marriage is simple and obvious enough, but what it really means to you is the real question here. When couples transition from a dating relationship into a marriage, things seem to change for some reason. It seems that we believe we own each other in some way and have the paper work to prove it. You find yourselves not doing the things you used to do before you got married such as going out with your friends, having some alone time and enjoying certain hobbies, all because you are married and are supposed to do everything together. Before you know it, jealousy and frustration start surfacing when one or both of you want to have some space to do some things on your own or with other people. Another common thing to happen in marriages is the friendship taking over, where you both love each other very much, but have become more best friends than passionate lovers- all because you live together and hold the documents of marriage.
So why does this all happen? Why is it that many marriages end up disappointing and not working out? Misinterpretation, illusions and incompatible views seem to be the answers.
Misinterpretation: Many seem to see marriage as a union in which both people have a hold on each other that strips away the other’s freedom. The truth is marriage does not mean the two of you are no longer free. You are still two individual people who choose to share your lives together. While certain changes will be made to adapt to the union you have formed, you both should still be free to be yourselves and fulfill your individual life callings and goals.
Illusions: A lot of us think of marrying the one we love and imagine a life filled with endless romance, passion and closeness that will automatically always be there. While the love and passion can always be there, it will not be automatic and this is an illusion we all have to forget about. A healthy marriage filled with love, passion and closeness is possible, but not without work. Falling in love in the beginning is always effortless, but the more time you spend together, the more effort it will take to make sure you keep the passion alive between you. This is not because people fall out of love over time, but because they spend every single day together, following certain routines, and if you do not make the time to break out of your routine to recapture the passion between you, you can drift apart.
Incompatible Views: This one may seem obvious, but a lot of people with incompatible views get married with hope that once they are married, things will get better. Nobody is exactly the same and that is not required in order to have a good relationship and marriage. However, having similar views and sharing a fair amount of things in common will definitely help you and your partner build a marriage on more solid ground. When two people have opposite views and beliefs, they often conflicts, making it is very difficult and challenging to reach fair compromises, so make sure you and your partner share similar view in life, as well as love and marriage.
As long as you keep these important points in minds and apply them in your life, you will be able to find a partner who truly suits you and can then go on to build the successful marriage you desire from there.