There are things we want to know about in our romantic relationships- and then there are things we don't want to know. We may think and believe that we want to know anything and everything about our partner, but the truth is- we are not ready and willing to accept the reality of lust, love and relationships- because if we were, we would not get so upset over so many things.
Understanding the reality of love and relationships is the key that will help you achieve the true happiness that you claim you want to have in your life. So what is the reality when it comes to love and relationships?
Yes, that's right- love is free. Until you accept this reality, you will never be happy. As soon as a relationship involves one or two people trying to change each other and control certain things, it is no longer free and love without freedom cannot really be defined as true love. You have heard it all before and have probably even said it yourself that love should be unconditional. You may have even told someone that you love them unconditionally, or have been told that you are love unconditionally. Why then do we put so many conditions in our romantic love relationships? As a society, we are taught that love is pure, loyal, faithful, passionate and unconditional, yet most of us rarely apply those things in the long run of a relationship. We say love is all those things because that is what we want love to be like for us. These qualities in a love relationship make us feel safe, secure and special and everyone wants to feel this way. However, what we often to do not take the time realize and care about is the fact that we are always focus on how we can achieve all this unconditional love from someone, rather than how we can achieve at giving it. It is only natural though, which also means one thing: the person you truly love unconditionally in a romantic relationship is yourself !
As selfish as it may sound, it is true. When you are out looking for a perfect partner, you are looking for someone who will treat “you” right, who will love “you”, be faithful to “you”, feel most attracted to “you”, as well as someone who will accept “you” just the way “you” are. We are al looking out for ourselves, looking for a relationship we will feel be a healthy and worthy investment that will result in us getting what we want. In return, we will of course love our partners back (and genuinely), but not for free. Love is not something we just give out like charity. Our love is precious and must be earned. We have to feel convinced that someone is worth our time, and worth sharing our emotional and physical being with. We are constantly observing our partners behaviors and trying to calculate whether they are meeting up to “our expectations”- and if they are not, we try to find ways to alter our relationship until it feels like a perfect fit.
Honestly, there is no perfect fit. You cannot custom make a relationship to fit your needs and desires only. This is because a relationship involves two people, two individuals. It may seem obvious and cliché to mention that it takes compromise in order to make a relationship work, but it is still very necessary to say. You must remind yourself over and over again that true love is about working together and accepting your partner who he/she really is- not accepting him/her as the person you custom designed (or wish you could custom design anyway). Again, this may sound like common sense, and it is, but most us are not applying that, for if we were, we would be enjoying true relationship bliss.
So, how can you truly be happy and feel secure in a relationship? By accepting reality and choosing the truth over lies. You may claim you want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth (so help you), but in a way, you want to be lied to. As crazy as it sounds, we all want to live some sort of illusion. We need that fluffy soft love cloud called” illusion” to land on so we can feel special and avoid pain, because let’s face it- certain truths do hurt and stab us in our emotional hearts.
The good news is you don’t have to want to be lied to anymore! You can be strong and brave enough to take in the whole truth and reality of life and still be happy, satisfied and completely confident about yourself while in a relationship with someone.
The following are some truths you would normally want to be lied to over or in denial about, but can now understand and accept:
• Your partner will not change! Yes, people do evolve and do make certain changes (or adaptations) in time, but there are also certain personality traits that a person will always carry. If you really want to be with someone, you have to accept right from the start that they are who they are. Entering a relationship with the hope and goal to change your partner in some way will only end in disappointment for you, not to mention your partner will eventually resent you for trying to change him/her- and will probably rebel too- or leave eventually.
• Being in Love does not Equal blind! When two people fall in love, all they want to do is be with each other all the time. However, it is important to understand that just because you and your partner may be in love, it does not mean one or both of you will not still find other people attractive. This is normal and natural, but does not mean that you are all of a sudden less attractive to your partner. Love and casual attraction are very different and you should not feel threatened by this (unless your partner crossed the line in any way). So just enjoy being in love and building a life with your love and do not obsess about who he or she may find attractive. This will only turn you into a jealous person ad will also influence your partner to walk on eggshells around you and even lie.
• Your partner is still an Individual! Though you may be a “couple”, you are still two separate people. And while you both may share most things in common, there will still certain interests and hobbies your partner will have and want to enjoy on his/her own- and this is not something you should feel worried about or offended by. Doing things separately from time to time and fulfilling your individual goals is healthy and should be supported in a relationship. So do not expect to be attached at the hip all the time- let your partner practice and enjoy their individuality too!
As you can see, these are very logical and seemingly easy tips to follow but without the occasional reminder, we can all find ourselves having relationship trouble over these little logical things. So just give yourself a reminder once in a while and remember to acknowledge the truth of your relationship, rather than lie to yourself about how you wish things could be or how you think they should be.
Aritcle by Relationship Expert Alina. For advice on love or any other personal issue, please click here for instant advice.