Is your partner controlling? Is it
hard for you to understand the difference between caring and control, or are you
in denial because you love him or her? Control has nothing to do with love or
care, but has everything to do with lust for power, fears and insecurity. It is
common for controlling partners to claim that they behave that way because they
love you so much, but love is not about imprisoning your individualism.
Love is accepting you for who you are and giving the freedom you need to
grow as a person and accomplish your life goals.
Extreme
Jealousy is a big sign that a partner will probably become
controlling Jealousy is an expression of insecurity that your partner has in him
or herself and it has nothing to do with you personally. Unless you give your
lover good reason to feel jealous, there is no right reason for them to take
their insecurities out on you and you should talk to them about it early in the
relationship before it gets out of control.
Keeping
track of where you go and for how long is a sign of control. By
knowing where you go and dictating how long you can be out, your partner feels
relieved because they feel in power of the relationship. However, relationships
are not about having power or being in charge- it is about working together and
respecting each other.
If your partner tells
you what to wear or
constantly criticizes you for what you are wearing until you go
change, he or she is keeping you from expressing your personality and style,
which would be another sign of control. If this happens to you, it is important
that you talk to your partner and tell them that you feel good about the way you
dress and it is an expression of who you are- and you do not believe in changing
that and need them to accept you.
Telling
you who you can and cannot be friends with is not okay and it is a
decision you should be able to make yourself. Giving an opinion and telling you
what to do are two different things. Your lover has a right to their opinion and
suggestions, but cannot be the one to make choices for you, for it would be
robbing you of your personal rights.
The behavior of scrutinizing
everything you do and directing you on what you can
and cannot do is an obvious sign that your partner is controlling
you. He or she may claim they do this because they love you and are looking out
for you- but this is not the real reason. Telling you what to do all the time is
about fear. Your partner is afraid of not having full control over everything
that happens in their life, so they feel they are securing themselves from
unpredictability and unpleasant surprises by keeping close watch on you.
Is this
Familiar to You?
If you can relate to this
information and know that your partner is controlling you, do something about it
before it gets worse. No good comes out of staying in an unhealthy relationship
and nothing will improve by just doing nothing- it will not go away on its own.
If you need advice on how get the control back over your own life and getting
through to your controlling partner, our counselors are here to assist you with
expert advice on how to handle your situation. Click
here to start receiving advice.
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