She is everything, everything that I’m wanting…
I’ve just known a girl in my class this school year, it’s been 8 months I have a huge crush (I should better say that it’s an infatuation or obsession but I don’t really know where I am at between crush, infatuation and love, it might go further than a crush but it won’t go further than an obsession for sure., I have a huge crush on her. She is a smart girl, very very smart; she is so mature, awesome and funny. And her personality is definitely the greatest thing of her.
When I see her, I see perfection; I don’t know, but people always consider the person they love as “perfect” so this is normal even though no one is perfect. I can’t even find her flaws, it’s too hard too find them! She is flawless!
She is intellectual, clever. She knows about almost everything and is absolutely knowledgeable. When I have questions about such topics, the only person I come asking for helps is her, only her. Because I know she will give me very informative answers. She is always right.
I love her smile a lot. I love when she smiles to me, it just makes me feel better. Oh god, I just want to see her smile! And her laugh too!
maybe others consider her as “normal-looking” or whatever I don’t care, but for me, she is gorgeous and adorable. Her adorableness has given me several heart attacks! I just want to hug her, but I can’t. I’m only a newbie and I don’t know her well, plus, I’m too shy and introverted, I’m painfully shy and have no friends. That’s why I have no friends to share my feelings with except anonymous people on the Internet. It’s sad, but true.
She helped me during my hard time, during my depression when I was down at my worst mood, when I had no purpose to live and when I had suicidal thoughts. She has helped me a lot.
She is the best student of the class, people keep surrounding her, because of her awesomeness, funniness and flawlessness. Yes, she is so great. She is too awesome to be loved, contrary to me.
I say silly things all the time, I’m stupid. Sometimes I say stupid things on social networks, she often gets irritable and harsh to reply to my words. I can feel her irritation towards silliness and stupidity through her words on the screen, I can feel them, they hurt me a little inside, but they cannot prevent from loving her. She means so much to me.

Then… The day I blogged about “My first crush” on the Internet and she was a member of my blog…

Oh you don’t know. I wrote it with whatever I could imagine. I exaggerated it a little about her personality but it was my feelings’ fault, not me. They made me go so hyper! I even told on the note that I wanted to talk to her face to face about this silly crush! God I must have been crazy!
And she read it. I didn’t notice that she was a member of my blog. She read it and the next day, she asked me about on Facebook that note if it was about her or not. I was terrified, I shook like crazy and I almost couldn’t reply to her message. I was so scared; I wasn’t careful for what I blogged! And this was when the mess began…
In fact, a trusted friend of mine in class told me that my crush read the note. I had to thank her for announcing me that, and she helped me to deal with this kind of situation too. I tried to calm down and answered my crush awkwardly and recklessly. I was so stressed, didn’t expect that would come! I answered her with 6 lines due to nervousness and anxiety. 27 minutes later, she responded me with TEN LONG PARAGRAPHS! Oh her words were about punch in my face, but they were very convincing and persuasive. She said she wasn’t planning to like anyone.
I read her entire message, my heart turned upside down and I felt like it wanted to come out off my chest. I was terrified and replied her with 7 lines. I was so speechless, and felt ashamed for what I had done. I shouldn’t have written that note, no I shouldn’t have written it, no…
She told me she tried not to sound harsh, but I still felt the persuasion through her words. They hurt, they were knives which stabbed in my heart. It hurt, I hurt.
We ended the conversation. I didn’t know what to reply next so I stopped. The next hours, I felt extremely silly, guilty and ashamed. I had thought of stop liking her. But I knew I couldn’t…

Time has passed. It’s still normal between me and her. We are still friends but not so close but we talk a lot on the Internet.
She has said many things that hurt me, and because of those things, I have thought of deleting her from and forgetting her. But I know it’s impossible. You can never forget someone who means a lot to you, no never. But I still love her. My love for her never changes, I would do anything for her, I love her so much. But she will never feel the same. Crush hurts, infatuation hurts and love hurts. And I’m tired of loving someone I can never have.
But wait, I still have an enormous crush on her, even an infatuation and obsession. I can’t stop thinking of her. I desperately need her… I don’t care if I’m her type or not, but I still admire her. It’s been 8 months and it will keep going on. My first crush, my first love, the first feelings I have when I truly like someone.

(Screen) Name: A Writer