We always say what’s wrong with this world, but it’s not the world, it’s the people in it. We seem to hurt each other and disregard others feelings in a selfish and cold senseless way. About two years ago love came knocking at the door of my heart. I was still healing from a 4 year relationship that had left many scars. Unhealed from this scars I found refugee in this other persons heart, also causing it pain and mistreating it. At first I felt comfort, trust, and didn’t realize the hurt that I was causing my partner. I re-opened his old scars and our new relationship turned into something sour. We started hurting each other back and forth with words and bringing back ghost of past relationships. We both turned our relationship into insecurities and mistrust. We held on to each other for a whole year. Within that whole year I found myself pleasing and giving more than what I was received. I felt bad about my mistakes and what I had caused him so I put myself aside and put him first. January 2009 he moved away to an Puerto Rico where he always dreamed of making his life. I felt sad, torn, and incomplete. We decided to stay together and eventually plan on me moving over there. Our relationship was extremely rocky before he left, and there was no trust. I went and visited him 3 times out of my own pocket. I started realizing that my heart was becoming empty and I was very unhappy. I was giving myself unconditionally, and this man never gave anything in return but empty words and false promises. Still I was more in love than ever, and I couldn’t see past this dream world I had created in my own head. For Thanksgiving 2009 he had came down to visit his Mother and spend time with me. Still I felt last in his list. For those two weeks I pleased him in everything I could. Not one gesture of love or giving did he showed me. It was always about what he wanted and my feelings were never taken in consideration. I remember the only time he took me out was out to the Junk Yard to pull a part for a car he was fixing back home. Still I was blinded about this so called love he claimed to feel for me. We had talked about marriage, having kids, and he had told me he had purchased and engagement ring; which I never saw! I got pregnant and at first he didn’t believe me. Once accepted, he told me he didn’t want to be away from him while I was pregnant. 3 months passed and Valentines was coming up. I went to go visit him. I had never spent such 2 lonely weeks crying. The whole time I was over there, he acted like I didn’t exist. he had told me getting me pregnant was a mistake, and that the only reason he got me pregnant was because he thought I was going to leave him. Those words felt like someone stabbing me over and over again. On Valentines Day which was his day off, he received a call from his boss at 4am saying he had to come in to work and cover for someone else. He left at 4am and his store didn’t open until 11am. He left me alone in a room at the top of a mountain with only soda in the little fridge and a block of cheese; which was I really ate everyday of 8 hours I was alone until he got out of work. He came back around 10am. Didn’t even say Happy Valentines. I was so hurt by his actions, his coldness, and how he treated me that when I came back home I broke up the relationship. He didn’t want to admit any of his actions was wrong and didn’t have any emotions towards how I felt. I moved to TX to try to move on in my life. He had found out by his mother I was over there, called me and apologized for how he had treated me. He wanted me to forget everything and forgive him. He told me he would leave his job and everything he had, but that he didn’t want to loose me or the baby. I came back to Florida to only find out he wouldn’t come back and wanted me to more to where he was. I started thinking of the past 2 years, of how he treated me the two weeks I was there, of me being Cuban and living in Puerto Rico. I didn’t see myself sacrificing what I wanted for a man who couldn’t show me he loved me in any way. He broke up with me once I told him I wasn’t moving over with him because he said he was never coming back to Florida. I always felt like there was someone else but he wouldn’t have the guts to admit it. The first 5 months of my pregnancy I went through a depression. I couldn’t believe I was alone, and this man who I planned my life with and gave my heart too acted like I didn’t exist. I found a job around 6 months into my pregnancy and over did it working to buy everything my son needed before he was born. I used to come home with my feet so sore I had to stay seated in my car and wait to get some strenght to get off. It use to hurt to stand in the shower. But I bought my son everything, yes everything. I still don’t receive a call or even a how you feel from my ex. Last time we talked he blames everything on me and told me I ruined his life. That I chose to not be with him by not going to live with him. That I messed up his head and to leave him alone. I feel, well I can’t express how I feel. I’ve learned love is supposed to be unconditional, unspoken, experienced beyond words, caring, strong, forgiving, true, Love doesn’t come with buts or excuses. It doesn’t come with justifications and it doesn’t intentionally hurt ones heart or feelings. I’m still in love, very deeply in love. I gave everything I had in me and experienced the feeling of loving someone more than myself. But now, I feel complete. My son that grows inside my womb is precious to me, his a gift of love and rejoices my heart in happiness. I’ve experience love in two ways. The love of loving a man, and the love of loving the creation of a human life.

(Screen) Name: edelia1985

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