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Welcome to the Love Story Blog of Love-Sessions.

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DISILLUSIONMENT!

Posted on : 13-12-2010 | By : Love Story Writer ... | In : Long Distance Love, Romance Love Story

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You type a letter in great urgency. You pour all your thoughts, before you forget them. But then you linger just before clicking the “send” tab. After a moment of indecision, you decide that some thoughts are better left unsaid. You slowly “delete” the words, which you have typed painstakingly.
Ours was such a “love story” dear. A love letter never meant to be sent. A “love history” always cherished by the individuals but not shared as a couple.

I remember looking at you the first time. I gawked at your person, unable to tear my eyes away, unable to look at the ball coming my way. My first impression was that you looked like my cousin. My second thought was that, “Here comes another aggrieved soul! Another guy in search of his dreams!”
You looked young for you age. I thought that you were a first year student who wanted to play ball badminton. Or even an aspirant to settle down in a foreign country. My presumption turned out to be partly correct. You WERE trying to go abroad, but was not there seeking my help.

I was pleasantly surprised, when you asked me out. Even though I turned your offer down for two consecutive days, I was secretly happy as well as ashamed of the fact that I was happy because a guy like you asked me out! I waited eagerly for you turn up on the third day too, but you never showed up. It turned that you have left the town. I was disappointed.

After that, I should have left that episode to rest. I should never have answered your mail, nor have attended your phone call. There have been moments when I rewind to that moment of longing … that moment of hesitation before I pressed the “send” button, of my first e-mail. I wish that I suddenly came to my senses and pressed “discard” instead. It was not the first had I done that. but then as history would be I “fell” for you and there was no turning back.

Our “love” grew, nursed by distant phone calls and daily mails. Driven together by “providence”, we met soon and consummated our long awaited relationship. It was a simple date, filled with delicious explorations and pure fun. True that our “love making” happened in a romantic first class train coupe. But was it? We were never relaxed and it took long for the ice to break. Our long distance relationship had taken its toll on our emotions and much time was spent in constrained silence. In our hurry to experiment what we talked “on phone”, we forgot the fact that we had not developed enough confidence or trust. The “love making” was more about the past promises than it was about living for the moment. In the end, when it was time to part, something was sorely missed. All promises were vanquished.

I miss you a lot, these days. It is almost painful. It is even palpable to those around me. Ironically I never shared those words with you. Even, when we were together I was rarely “content”. Which led me to ask myself, Do I really miss “You”?

Or is it just the “feeling of love” that I miss? One would say that we were in love with an “ideal person” who was more “virtual” than “real”. Could it be because we filled up the silences with our own perception of the significant other? We never made any new memories together, even when there were opportunities.

Once you said that you did not recognize the person you “fell in love with”. You said you were afraid, that I will turn out to to be the cold person, who was sitting with you then. It is true dear, as I now realise that we never really knew each other.

This is like a love story where you know that the hero and heroine are going to separate in the end. Where people commit to love making, well aware of the “partition” looming ahead. Or was it the “end” being so near that inspired the couple in the first place?

Now my perception is clear. What I see are two losers, who were dying to get laid. Losers who wanted to have a “Safe” relationship. The “knowing” that the other will not let you down, whatever may you do/ demand. Today despite having realized each other’s dream, we still cannot let go of this “futile relationship”. It is more of a “drag” than an “inspiration”. Our love story is a lesson to me that sometimes:- at moments of great “consternation”, it is better to press “discard” rather than downloading a malware and upsetting your whole system. Or at least one should be grown-up enough to “Love and Let go”.

(Screen) Name: KeAtS

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