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Infinite Phantom Love

Posted on : 18-09-2015 | By : admin | In : Internet Romance

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Approximately about 4 years ago, I fell deeply in love with a boy.

 

That boy has grown up, and so have I.

 

But he still drives me crazy everytime I think about him.

 

That guy was a popular person on the internet

He never even knew that I existed, and how much I fell in love with him at the first sight. That guy had perfect eyes, nose, jawline, lips, hair, height.. No matter how much I looked at him I just find him perfect… Maybe at the first sight I just fell for his looks, but that thing attracted me to get to know him. I knew I’d never ever get a chance to talk to him, I’ve tried multiple times but I kept on failing. So I picked up my phone and researched almost everything on the internet about him.. This was probably my best mistake or the best miracle that has ever happened to me that I came to know about him. His personality isn’t how he looks, infact, he is a sensitive person that strongly believes in love at first sight, and believes that the first love is the internal love and would only love the person that he finds her as his soulmate, a loving and caring person.., that not just only loves him for his perfect looks but loves him for HIM. When I found about that I went crazy about him, I totally got over obsessed so I tried searching about his likes and dislikes, his hobbies, what he prefers in a girl.. and they turned out to be at least 90% similar to me. I don’t know what kept on motivating me that one day we will definitely meet, and then we will live with each other for forever and always. I’ve dreamt a lot about him, and he coming in my dreams kissing me to sleep, telling me to have faith in my love… But the thing that I was feeling uneasy with was, he was 6 years older than me, I know age should never matter when it comes to true love but I felt he is probably more like an elder brother.. I somehow managed to overcome this feeling, but he lived far away in another country from me. And I can never imagine to reach there yet. Even knowing he doesn’t knows that I even exist I still had hope, we would definitely meet and our love would be internal, due to him telling me in my dreams to always have hope in love no matter what. I guess being too obsessed caused it that my own spirit was telling me to have hope no matter what in that guy’s form, and when I thought about that I started to get my hopes down from being by his side instead of hoping I’d be with him sometime in the future. Nevertheless, the only thing I started to feel was me being more obsessed with him, learning about his likes and dislikes even more, researching if he has/had a girlfriend.. And this just won’t end until even now.. That guy has grown up into an adult which sure looks will find his “true love” anytime soon, of course I might not be the only person that has felt this way but I extremely love him and want him at all costs, and wish to make him happy.. that just seems impossible for someone like me.. the only thing that surprises me is even he still haven’t found that person he wish to spend his whole life with and that he hadn’t dated for years. No matter if its day or night everything in my love is still the same for him, this just won’t change no matter how much I try because I’ve even tried to forget him for good because the reality is, he is never mine… I just wonder if he ever thinks if there’s a person that’s so obsessed with him and would love him no matter what it costs.. If I just had the luck to meet him our love would not be an endless phantom one-sided love that’s only held onto me… I’m so tired of keep on hoping he’ll ever be with me but its helpless, its sad that its not like how you think. I felt like sharing this because he was my first unsuccessful love.., that still haunts me telling “it” will be alive for all eternity.

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