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Few Words left unsaid !

Posted on : 15-09-2018 | By : admin | In : Lost and Love

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So today, after having some beer, it reminded me of my lost love who came into my life to teach the biggest lesson of my life but that love never became mine. I have opened up my laptop so that i could share this feeling which i have since a lot of time and is troubling me lot to have a normal happy life.

 

I went to Australia for my master after completing my graduation from India. I belong from a commerce background and so as guided by consultant, I took Masters in accounting and International finance in a prestigious University of Melbourne. Australia, a country i always wanted to live in. But when I landed on my land of my dream country and at one of the most liveable city of world, Melbourne, i was so happy.

But I had to go through i a lot of hurdles and i believe luck wasn’t on my favour so I had to come back to India after 5 months of hustle and struggles.  Meanwhile when i was breaking down from inside in that beautiful city, I met a girl. A girl who was from my own country, India and had come in the same batch, same Uni but in different course.

I lived in a 8 room house for students , out of which we 3 were Indians and rest were from different countries. I became friends with the other 2 Indians that lived in my house. We became good friends in the beginning but had issues later on. Its a different story.

Let me come back to how i met that girl. We 3 friends went out to one of our friends birthday party who had invited us at his place. He lived two streets back from where we lived with 6-7 more students and they all were from India. So that’s how I met that girl. We got to know each other on that day. After that we friends started going to that house because we 3 found more Indian friends over there and that’s how it goes in Australia.

 

And there she comes into my life. We became friends as we started meeting more because our visit to that house had become more regularly as there were 3 more girls in that house. But I dont know, out of all other girls she was the best. When I got to know about her personality( about what a person she is), i started feeling for her. But i neglected that feeling because my main purpose was to concentrate on settling down in that country. We all had a busy life over there.

We became good friends and the more i got to know her, the more respect and love came into me for her. I have some of the best moments of my life with her as a friend. When I was breaking down in that city, she gave happiness and positiveness whenever she was around. It was always a good feeling to be with her. But then i got to know that she had someone else in her life. He was my batchmate, one of our friends. He was not from the guys who lived in that house, neither in ours. Not much people knew about that boy, even majority of our batchmates did not knew him as he wasn’t a regular guy in the Uni. But he was the boy whom she loved.

I didn’t have any problem with that because i never realised that i was falling for her. We were friends and i was completely fine with that. I was busy solving problems that were coming in between me and my dream I had of settling down in Melbourne.

But unfortunately, I had to come back to India. In my last few days, I had done cut-off with all of my friends because i did not wanted to share with everyone that i was going back to India. Only 2 persons knew that i was going back. The one was my friend who saw me going through a lot and that going back is the only option left for me and the other one was her. I told her on my own that i was going back because somewhere deep inside i wanted her to be in touch with me after this. We came close.

 

Before coming back. We both went out for dinner. It was definitely the best night of my life. I cannot forget that night.

We were in touch for few months after i came back to India. I was really sad and talking to her was the only happiness i found. I used to call her but knew that she would be busy in her life. Every student is, in Australia as they have to study and work together. Whenever she would find time, she didn’t miss to call me. Meanwhile, I realised that feeling had increased a lot. I couldn’t resist to tell her. So, finally I told her everything. I told her that i don’t want to loose a friend like you but yeah i feel for you. I didn’t expected her to leave that boy for me. I was fine if we remain friends and I can live with one-sided love.

Her response was in such a manner that showed me that she cares for me and wanted to see me happy. We both continued talking but now we both had opened up with each other.We both cared for each other feelings and now it was more natural. We both did not want to hurt each other. She told me that she loves that boy and i was fine. But what kills me is, I know they both don’t have future and she will get hurt. As far as i have heard about her family from herself only, her father is a strict man. And he would never accept a Pakistani muslim boy. Very few cases of Indian and Pakistani marriages are there.

 

Now its been 7 months since she has stopped talking to me. She said that it would be better if we both stop talking to each other. Good for our future because she can’t be mine. Whenever anything bad happens to her, she believes that it’s happening to her because she is doing wrong to me. And there she goes, blocking me from everywhere. I tried reaching out to her but she never responded. I still don’t have any idea, what made her took this step. Was it my fault or what ?

I just wanted her to be there. Did not expected her to love me back, just wanted her to be my friend when i have been so broken.

 

But in these 7 months, I have realised that the fault was in me.I was never of her kind. I was an alcoholic.I have started using drugs after I came back to India because I have been through a lot. I miss her and will always miss her because she has given me the best lesson of my life. I can’t explain what kind of person i was before I met her but now i feel that she came for some reason. To give me biggest lesson my life. And also i don’t have any idea how this bad guilt feeling would go out of me. There are a lot a questions in my minds, a lot of words, I wanted to tell her when she was going out of my life, but remained inside me. I CAN SURVIVE WITH IT AND WITHOUT HER.

 

 

 

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